I get through the day by telling myself that healed scars are better than open wounds.
There is a fire inside me I hope never goes out, because I want it to burn everything to ash. I want to swallow the whole world into darkness. I want quiet, peaceful nights in the safety of my shadow.
You will learn to touch me gently, and call it holy communion. Because you see, I am the woman lion and I will eat you alive.
Medusa is my mother. I was born cut from the strength of her love for the sky, a gauzy cloth full of endless blue silk and deep red sunsets. I was born to inherit her tender, delicate madness.
There is blood drenching my thighs, soft and wet in the low light. Whatever bleeds within my chest begs soft cotton, anything to stop the flow for just a moment.
After some time living like this, my chest becomes full of its soft, stained whiteness. It fills my throat and prevents me from speaking, or singing, or breathing. I forget what it is to laugh. I am too busy bleeding to think of anything else.
The light brightens, something consuming and unbearable approaches cloaked in pale skin and light eyes, blue eyes like the threat of storm clouds cupping the sea. Luminescent and horrific. Brighter by the minute.
The last thing I see before I close my eyes is a grinning mouth full of sharp teeth.
I was so soft and wet in the low light with you. So vulnerable. So easy to use. The world brightens unbearably again. My chest rises gently, safe in my own bed, her comforting warmth beside me fast asleep. Yet I can still feel pale hands on my body. Pale hands on my body. Pale hands on my–
I stop breathing for a second, chest still and silent. Whatever bleeds within me begs attention, a scream or a shriek, loud and dark in the bright. A desperate plea for recognition.
Please, know me well enough to find me. I cannot see for the blinding light that keeps me here.
You were so soft and wet.
My wet thighs are stained red, isn’t it just gruesome? The extent of my pain? I feel it in a distant way, detached from everything that I am.
This is the shit I scribble at three in the afternoon. I started taking sleeping pills because of you. I stopped myself two nights in, and told myself I needed to sleep by myself if I was ever going to heal.
I sleep soundly at night until nightmares overtake me. You finding me, you inside me, you knowing my heart or my soul. These things are mine and they belong to me.
I do not wish for you to know who I have become, or who I am growing into, however strange or lopsided I might be. I am proud of myself.
There is no place for you here.
This thing you are should terrify you.
I never knew you could be so cruel, but I am the woman lion and I will tear your bones from your flesh, one by one. Every bleached, marrow-less bone of your body.
I am the woman lion, and I will eat you alive.
A woman’s strength is her righteous fury, and god help anyone who gets in her way, because she’s going to take the whole damn world for herself,
and there’s not a single thing you can do about it.
–WOMAN LION: The Careful Evolution Of Girl Once Broken
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