I may have made a mistake.
As ridiculous as that sounds- me, Mayhem, the greatest villain of all time, making a mistake. Impossible!
⊠Okay, maybe Iâm not the greatest villain of all time. Yet. I mean⊠technically before today no one even knew I existed. But that all changed! My deeds of spreading chaos and panic have finally been noticed! ⊠unfortunately, in the wrong way.
On the bright side, I have my very own arch-nemesis! Finally, an equal! Our battles will be legendary!!!
⊠To be honest I hope I donât have to fight this guy again. I never realized how much it hurt. The bloody bastard called me a murderer! I wasnât trying to kill those plants! I just wanted to slowly flood the area around a college apartment so that the residents would get their shoes and- heaven forbid! their socks wet every time they entered and exited the building.
Truly, an ingenious evil plot, yes? It took me 5 weeks to come up with that grand scheme. Ah journal, youâre the only one who understands me.
Alas, it appears green capes are not as stealthy as one would think. I mean come on! I was in the bushes, just say that counts and continue on your way! You didnât have to call for help. I wasnât even finished my dastardly plot! At least let me finish before you get the freaking local vigilante to beat me up.
Jokes on him, I made a very quick strategic withdrawal! After all, I am the fastest runner in my gym class. Shoot, why did I write that, it could be traced to my secret identity! Curse you in-erasable ink pen! Ah well, itâs not like anyone other than me is going to read you, journal, so it doesnât really matter.
Hmmm⊠in-erasable ink pen⊠Aha! My next ingenious plot has come to me! Not even my mysterious new arch-nemesis (who refused to introduce himself- pah, chivalry is dead!) will be able to stop me!
I have discovered a core fact of life.
Come on, I didnât even finish graffiting my logo onto the wall of that dorm complex! At least let me finish my artistic masterpiece! Stupid vigilante. I thought having an arch-nemesis would fun, but nooooooo. Banter and monologues? Nope. âWhy are you doing this?â? Nope. âWho are you?â? Nope on either end. He still hasnât introduced himself! Just shows up, dark cape flutter all the warning I get, and BAM! Thank goodness I have a mask, or I would have ended up with more than just a black eye.
Alas, my injuries have hindered my plans for now. Iâm taking a break to recover.
On the bright side, my roommate has offered to teach me self defence. Apparently coming home with a black eye means I got into a fight with some upperclassmen, and I need to know how to defend myself. Please, Iâve been avoided and ignored my whole life. I know a thing or two about fighting.
That was a lie. I know nothing. Thank goodness my roommate knows self-defence and is sweet enough to teach me. I might not survive the next vigilante encounter without him.
Speaking of which, thatâs him calling now. I really need a secret lair or something.
P.S. Iâve never introduced you to my roommate, journal. His name is Kyle. Heâs cool.
Haha! Screw you, nemesis! Bet you werenât expecting me to block your punch this time!
To be fair, I have a sizable bruise on my arm now. Oh well, better the arm than the beautiful face. Good thing that jerk from Biology picked on me today in front of Kyle; gives me an alibi in case anyone witnessed my grand victory!
Well, okay, it was more the vigilante tried to get a swing on me as I stood on the roof of the gym contemplating my next scheme and I blocked him before mocking him on my victory and booking it. Hey, once is a block, twice is lucky, three times would be another punch to the face. I canât have this jerk (who still refuses to say his vigilante name! Iâm starting to wonder if he just doesnât have one because he couldnât think of anything) ruining my beautiful physique.
Unlike the surprised jerkface of a vigilante, my roommate is awesome. Heâs like a sidekick or something; heâs proud of how fast I learned. In fact, I get to move on from blocking to more advanced techniques, and Kyle might even start teaching me how to kick and punch back! I canât wait to see the look on the bloody idiotâs face when I pay him back for that cheap shot!
P.S. Iâm taking a break from huge dastardly plots and moving on to revenge against my nemesis. Granted, Iâm still going to perform villainous deeds (like stealing all the pens around the school and drawing mustaches on every picture of all the stupid bullies and stuck-up jerks), but nothing too spectacular. I want to lure that vigilante into a false sense of security before I unleash my master plan (whatever that will eventually be).
Tomorrow I shall rain down death from above.
Some absolute jerk kicked my roommate. It was probably that bloody vigilante; Iâm coming for you: I know who you truly are, you scumbag!
Thatâs a lie, the bloody jerk still wonât tell me his name. Iâm not asking for your secret identity, I need something to call you other than insults (although insults are fine by me if you insist).
On other news, I got into a fight with that scumbag yesterday. I actually beat him up!
Thatâs another lie, I only got one kick in. But itâs something!
Journal, analysis. I made my roommate laugh today and I got this weird feeling. It looked like the light was hitting his face just right and it lit up like the sun and I felt this mushy happy feeling? Like everything was fine and I didnât need to be a villain anymore?
Just so you know, Iâm not giving up villainy. Mayhem means too much to me.
But just⊠do I⊠like Kyle? Like⊠like like? Is that even okay?
Itâs like⊠the opposite feeling of when I look at that bloody vigilanteâs masked face. Itâs really confusing.
(All you can make out are tear stains and messy, confused scribbles.)
Something⊠weird happened tonight.
I was trying to sort of my feelings for my roommate on the roof of the college (in full Mayhem gear of course- a. I have a reputation to uphold, b. if any staff caught me on the roof at night, it would not end well, and c. the cape is a nice blanket for comfort or when it gets cold.). I was totally mature and logically sorting through my feelings.
Journal, by now you should know when I was lying. I was sobbing my eyes out in confusion.
But right in the middle of my lost breakdown, I hear a thump behind me. it was the vigilante. Didnât say anything, just stared at me. I, um⊠might have had tears running out from under my mask. Iâm not the cleanest crier. I know, I know, shocking. My, not perfect. Impossible.
But when I saw my nemesis, I thought⊠âThis is it. The vigilante has me. Iâm through. Goodbye college. Goodbye Kyle; guess I wonât need to sort out my feelings because Iâm never going to see you again anyway.â
I just⊠gave up. I know, not my proudest moment. But it was not the best timing. I just couldnât deal with it at the time. I sat on the edge of that roof, turned my back to my nemesis, and gave up. Waited for the smackdown followed by jail or expulsion or something.
Instead, the vigilante sat next to me.
Boom. Universe exploded. Mind freaked. Impossible.
Iâm telling you, not a lie this time. My arch-nemesis sat next to me, and we talked. I donât believe it either, and it just happened two hours ago. I got to get the conversation we had down on paper, or Iâll go crazy. I have it memorized: itâs been repeating in my head over and over again. (M = Me/Mayhem, N = Nemesis). Also, this is all in sobs and awkward silences.
N: âHey⊠are you okay?â
M: âWho wants to know.â
N: (Awkward pause) âUm, me?â
M: âYou never introduced yourself. I donât even know your name, why should I trust this isnât a trap?â
N: âWell- I mean- I mean youâre- I canât just tell you my secret identity!â
M: âNo, I mean anything to call you by! Mayhem isnât my real name, but you still call me that! What the heck should I call you?!?â
N: âOh- um, I donât really have a name- I wasnât really expecting that question- I wasnât really expecting any of this.â
M: âHow am I supposed to be the worldâs greatest villain with a no name, no face arch-nemesis?â
N: âThe worldâs greatest- weâre in college! I donât think the people down the street have heard of you or me.â
M: âSo Iâm beaten by nobody, or rather, anyone. Fantastic to lighten my mood, thanks.â
N: âI donât even know what Iâm doing here.â
M: âNeither do I. Canât I mope in piece without a beatdown?â
N: âWell excuse me, I just heard crying and thought it was⊠doesnât matter. I just wanted to help.â
M: âSays the guy that gave me a black eye first time we met.â
N: âHey! a) that wasnât the first time we met; you ran away the first type, and b) you were defacing school property.â
M: âI wasnât running, it was a strategic withdrawal! And you could have at least let me finish the logo of my artistic masterpiece.â
N: âI did go back and feel bad. I may have overreacted. I thought you were a threat.
M: âAs you should, Nemesis.â
M: âIf youâre not going to come up with a vigilante name, Iâm going to come up with one for you.â
N: (Clearing throat to change the subject) âSo what are you doing up here?â
N: âSays the local villain. What are you planning?â
M: âNothing. Iâm just⊠thinkingâŠâ
M: âSomething I donât want to talk about to someone who beats me up every week.â
N: â... Iâm sorry.â
N: âIâm sorry. I just⊠I took up vigilantism in college because I wanted to protect those who are beaten up, physically, mentally, verbally, emotionally⊠someone close to me went through some tough times, and I always wanted to help but didnât think I was doing enough. I decided to beat up the threats before they could inflict damage, and I thought you were one of them.â
M: âIâve been in some tough times too. Mayhem is a safety blanket, an outlet. Spreading chaos is my way of fighting back, of being heard. Nemesis is your outlet.â
N: âIâm sorry for beating you up. To be fair, you didnât make it easy.â
M: âYou were being a grumpy, quiet douche. You deserved that kick to the nards.â
N: âYeah, well, I returned the favour the next week.â
M: âI know. It hurt. A lot.â
(We actually laughed together. It was a bit strained, and I blame my emotionality, but we laughed.)
N: âSo, know that we know each other a little better, do you want to talk about why youâre here? Would you rather fight to blow off some steam?â
M: âNah, I donât feel like fighting. I just feel... confused and lost.â
M: âAgh, itâs stupid.â
N: âWeâre literally two guys in capes talking on the roof of a college try me.â
M: âI think I⊠like my roommate.â
N: âWell, positive social interaction is very difficult, especially for villains-â
M: âI mean like like.â
N: âOh. Like⊠love?â
M: âCrush! Itâs a simple crush!â
N: âI can see your blush under your mask.â
M: âThis is ridiculous, talking to my arch-nemesis about love.â
M: âI donât even know if he likes guys, not even talking about if he likes me!â
And then I kid you not journal, Nemesis starts giving me relationship advice. How to realize if itâs a crush or love, how to confess, dating, the works. I mean, we hated each otherâs guts yesterday. And now heâs just a normal guy. Helping me. My arch-nemesis is helping me!
I have no idea if I can trust him or not. For all I know he could be setting me up.
On the bright side, Iâve sorted through my feelings about Kyle. On the dark side, I have no idea how to feel about Nemesis. Are we enemies? Do we become friends? I have no idea whatâs going to happen.
So Iâm getting an idea of whatâs happening. Honestly, I like it.
Wake up, Kyle teaches me self-defence/hangout, classes, Mayhem vs. Nemesis, hanging with Kyle/homework, talking with Nemesis at night about school and love and stuff, sleep, repeat.
Iâm getting close to confessing to Kyle. And Iâm gaining a friendship with Nemesis.
I know, impossible. Lies. Jokes.
Nope. Itâs the truth. Cool, huh journal.
Seriously, how can a villain and his arch-nemesis be⊠friends?!? I canât even believe Iâm writing this down. I mean, how can I spectacularly beat up my nemesis (translation: he kicks my ass) when I feel bad about it?
Though, full disclosure, he deserved that punch to the gut two days ago. He was being a bloody jerk again, stopping my glorious new plan. I finally, FINALLY come up with a devilish new plan after weeks, and he dashes it off into rubble in two minutes.
Also, he gloated in front of some students watching our glorious battle. Thatâs my thing, back off!
Oh! I have glorious news~! Kyle agreed to go with me on a date!!!
Well, itâs not a date date.
⊠Itâs not a date at all, actually.
But he agreed to go to the movies with me, something Nemesis advised me was a staple of âfirst dateâ locations! Haha! Success!
No, we werenât planning this movie night for weeks.   ⊠  It was since we saw the trailer a couple months ago.
But that doesnât matter! Weâre going to sushi afterward, so there! That wasnât in our original plan! This is going to be awesome.
P.S. I was too delirious on ...love⊠to write a new entry, so think of this as an edit update. I just got back from my date. Journal, it was so incredible Iâm speechless. And you know how impossible that is. And sure, Kyle doesnât see it as more than friendship, but I am so excited to spill the tea to Nemesis! ⊠once I calm down from this unfamiliar rush of positive emotions.
P.P.S. Holy hell I am not dishing this to Nemesis. Iâd never hear the end of it.
A storm is coming. Iâve finally done it. Once an impossible dream, now a reality.
No, I havenât confessed to Kyle. Yet.
Iâm talking about my other grand goal. My master plan, my finally grand master plan, my ultimate vision, the absolute annihilation of my arch-nemesis. Yes, I know Nemesis and I are technically friends now. Look, itâs complicated.
I will defeat him in a final battle of epic proportions so huge, he will never be a threat again! Pound him into dust, crush him like the speck of mud that he is under my gloriously fashionable shoe! He will be so soundly defeated, Iâll invite him to Taco Tuesday with me and Kyle and force him to pay the tab because heâll forever be in my debt! hahaha, Ahahahhahahha, AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!
⊠Donât look at me like that, journal. Iâm a broke-ass college student, let me have my traditions. I already get enough judgement, I donât need yours too.
Just as I have so brilliantly planned before, I shall use this false sense of calm to utterly destroy Nemesis. Iâll bait him to into final fight on the roof where we usually meet, and defend and attack him flawlessly with the skills Kyle has taught me. Iâll go easy on him, luring him into a second false sense of victory, playing a draw, when Iâll unleash my true strength that will leave him helpless before me! Finally, all your mysteries will be mine! You will sing for me your symphony of tears! YOU WILL BEG FOR MY MERCY, AND I WILL SIMPLY REPLY âthen beg.â TOMORROW IS THE DAY NEMESIS ENDS, AND MAYHEM REINS SUPREME!
(Throughout the tear stains, rips, and ink blots, all you can make out is â....onononononono....Iâve made...mistake.âŠ.impossibleâŠ.canât bâŠ.abeningâŠ. NemesisâŠ... fightâŠ.. IâŠd...onâtâŠ... KyleâŠ..He must hate meâŠ..Do I hate him?â)
(There doesnât appear to be a signature this time.)
Itâs been about a week since my last entry, although you might not remember it, journal. I might have ripped out a few pages. Well, maybe a bit more than a few. Sorry, journal. Things were... stressful. At least nine survived, eleven if you count the two blurry tear-stained ones. And some of the core ones too. Not that many embarrassing ones either. Theyâre where they belong. Burning in hell.
Ahem. I went through my old entries. I realized how dumb I was. Looking back now⊠I can laugh. Impossible, considering the amount of stuff that went down. When I said a storm was coming, I didnât know how much I meant it.
I should probably explain, journal, since all those entries were lost to the winds of time.
I challenged Nemesis to a final duel like I planned. We fought, it was this big climactic battle with a lot of insults, monologues, and cliques, but not that much actual contact. Everything was going well until the surprise weakness switch moment. I underestimated Nemesisâ awareness, my own newfound strength, and how difficult it is to fight in a cape when tired.
Needless to say, things went south. I almost fell off the roof. Everything went to emotion hell. Then I actually fell off the roof.
I wanted to surprise him by grabbing him and swing him to his knees. That was the plan.
The plan did not account for the fact that I am very light. And that capes are actually pretty easy to trip on.
Case in point, I swing too hard, tripped, and fell off the roof.
Granted, itâs not a high roof. I wasnât dumb enough to battle on the highest room of the dorms. But it stilled mightâve hurt. (And when I eventually did fall, it did, in fact, hurt, but it was more emotionally than physically.)
However, I didnât fall until later, so something must have stopped me. That âsomethingâ being Nemesis.
You know the picture; me, in my villain costume, green cape, mask, hanging on the edge of the roof with Nemesis, in his dark hoodie and vigilante getup, clutching my arm for dear life, trying to keep me from falling. And of course, at that moment, both our masks (and in Nemesisâ case, his hood as well) slip off. Hey, we were fighting, and then suddenly it was quick adrenaline action, and gravity and physics exist, plus wind, and the universe was screwing with us- it doesnât matter if it seems impossible; it happened, okay!
So, um, yeah. Nemesis is Kyle. My roommate, my⊠love⊠is also my arch-nemesis. The guy Iâve been fighting, the person Iâve kicked in the nards, punched in the gut⊠The guy who punched me in the face and gave me love advice on how to, well, date him.
It was a shock for me. And it was a shock for him too.
It wasnât that he dropped me, I kinda let go, it was just⊠a mess.
I didnât even feel the pain from the ground. I just bolted. And cried. I thought he must hate me. I didnât know if I should hate him. We didnât speak, and avoided our dorm apartment except for silent sleep.
It took a while, but we processed everything. We figured our feelings about the whole⊠situation. We talked it out. And itâs⊠okay. Weâre⊠okay.
Itâs funny; Kyle took up the Nemesis persona as the local vigilante to protect me. He wanted to beat up any bullies or threats before they could pick on me. Turns out Kyleâs had a crush on me since forever. So when he saw MayhemâŠ
Kyle didnât know that I had my own way to cope. My own persona to feel safer, more powerful, like I was making an impact, being heard. Mayhem was my crutch. Kyle understands that. Nemesis was his crutch when he felt he couldnât do anything for me.
So. All that time I thought I was spending between Kyle and Nemesis (and you, journal), and it was just Kyle all along.
The irony is that Kyle was not only teaching me how to beat him up, but how to love him.
Oh yeah, we laughed at our obliviousness. Love, fighting, itâs all the same in a way. We might still continue our routine; itâs fun, itâs familiar, and weâve started our own sort of fan-base here in the college. Iâm pretty sure one of the art majors is doing a comic.
Well, I have to go. Donât want to be late for my second and first official date with Kyle.
After all, whatâs better than dating your best friend?
Dating your arch-Nemesis.