Untitled

[zuanshideshijie]

I forgot to do my journal yesterday bc I fell asleep while meditating.

Anyways, yesterday was a good day! I went back to the mall and bought more clothes from EarthBound (I’ll post those pics). And afterwards, I went to the movies all by myself. I went to see The Unbreakable Boy.

Afterwards, I drove home with the windows down and blasting Alina Baraz (courtesy of Kiarah inspiring me). I got home, danced a little bit, watched an episode of shameless. Mapped and mopped the floor using the Shark aka Clean Latifah…And then Carm was calling me and it was time to come back to reality that they’d be home soon lol.

I also invited Kiarah to go to the movies with me Friday before or after our ramen date. 💕

The day carried on as normal and I didn’t forget to meditate after I showered and did my Duolingo…..and while I meditated and did my 21 deep breaths….i fell asleep lol

And here we are to today…..(see next post)

[zuanshideshijie]

Day 2 meditation and day review

Today was eventful! This morning I used my Rupi Kaur journaling book to start my journaling journey. Today’s journaling was about trauma. It was a bit freeing.

Then I went to the mall, got some stuffs, then ate McDonald’s 🥲 I have a PT test in 2 days…..

Talked to my mom the whole time I was at the mall and eating my food.

Went to CVS, got my meds.

Then back home I went. Today was day 2 of family walking. It’s been a bit warmer (50-60s), but once everyone is home, it’s cooled down a bit. But we still trekked on a bit.

Made dinner for everyone (I didn’t eat….ive had enough calories. Did I mention I ate leftover pizza for breakfast 🥴) and lunch for me and Carm tomorrow (thanks HelloFresh) and then I did some work email stuffs.

Showered while Carm put baby to bed….sent the lawyer a few emails. She was snotty, I handled it professionally AND THEN I MEDITATED. It was so nice. 10mins of learning how to meditate is sooooo good for me. Soon I’ll just actually be meditating and not learning how. But even learning how is meditating so :)

I think I’m seeing progress…..it’s teensy tiny, but it’s there. I look forward to meditating. I really really want to keep it up. Along w my journal writing and journal typing lol.

And so I don’t forget…..I wanna remember these annoying emails….

[zuanshideshijie]

Meditate

I meditated for the first time in weeks….months even.

I went outside in 40degree weather and sat still for about 8mins. Listening to a man I’ve never met before guide me in my breathing. I used a “forest floor” soundscape and it was beautiful.

I closed my eyes and listened to the wind dancing through the trees and the birds gossiping to each other, all while doing 21 deep breaths. Oh, it was beautiful. It felt almost like it was an exceptionally cold morning and I was already in Hawaii. I could even ALMOST forget that it was so cold outside.

I look forward to meditating more often. That was an amazing rekindling of my meditation journey.

Now if I could just rekindle my love of yoga…

[zuanshideshijie]

24 Feb 2025 1541

Today is my first day off after my Chinese class…

I woke up when Carmen woke up, but I stayed laying down next to Monty.

Eventually I decided to go ahead and change his diaper and get up to get him some clothes to put on. I put them on him and I continued to relax.

Carm was loading up her car with things and Angel came upstairs and was supposed to get Monty and bring him downstairs. However, Monty was dancing to Gracie’s Corner The Birthday Song and it was one of those mornings where being interrupted was no bueno. So I told Angel I’d bring Monty down.

Once they all left, I turned all of the lights off and got back in bed. Called Carm, and read horoscope and natal chart information. When she finally got into work after dropping both kids off, I went to sleep. From about 8am to 1230pm. I was impressed.

I got up, checked my email, did a few email-y things. Then I ate a bowl of rice and watched an episode of shameless. Carm called around 2ish, and since my episode was over, I talked to her while tidying up the kitchen a little bit.

I was going to to tidy our room, and I decided against it. I’m back laying on the bed, with the windows open a bit-letting th stagnant air out and the fresh air in. And suddenly I’m sleepy again.

[zuanshideshijie]

I feel like everybody has their own problems. So why would I burden someone to hear mine?

[zuanshideshijie]

今天是有一点儿难受的天。 因为今天是蒙特在他幼儿园最后的天。。所以今天早上我花了很长时间哭的。 我要很想他的照顾人。。。他们很热情，感想他们真爱我老二。。。我对他们很习惯

[zuanshideshijie]

As sad as this instance was, where I thought I might die from skin cancer-going to make a drs appt, don’t worry….this was disgustingly pleasing and beautiful.

How I captured my sadness in a paper napkin that I stored in my car from the local coffee shop.

Despite how serious my fear was and still is-I took this picture. And I think somehow this can be inspiring. Idk how. Could be wishful thinking, but I’m striving to find the beauty in anything. Find it in the weird. The bad. The ugly. The seemingly irrelevant.

This was that.

I call it paper sadness.