As we know that Astarion is not used to this kind of treatment or care. For 200 years he used his body to lure people for his master. And was treated poorly on top of that. This is something he isnât used to.
Small physical touch
A simple squeeze of the arm, putting a hand over his, Astarion craves for it.
Theyâre so simple, yet, holds so much meaning.
Such pure and innocent intentions behind them. Intimate, not sexually. Just so much emotion and such a strong connection from a simple touch.
He likes it.
Even a simple, quick or a lingering kiss is just so nice. Astarion has kissed, slept, and held many, but not like this. Itâs quite exciting.
The feeling of his belovedâs finger softly running through his hair got a sigh of content out of Astarion. His eyes fluttered closed. The way the their fingers goes through his curls, barely scratching his scalp. It was peaceful.
This was peaceful.
âStar.â They whispered. Astarion opened his eyes. He sat up from laying on their lap, facing his partner. A shaky breath aired out as his eyes shut as they placed their hands on his cheeks, brushing along his jawline. No words were exchanged. None had to.
Their feelings, thoughts, and love for each other were so loud despite not one opened oneâs mouth.
No words could describe how much they cared for another.
Astarion grew to return such acts with the intention and his feelings being present. It was difficult at first. It wasâŚodd for him. It was either awkward in his mind, or the spiral to disgust and the feeling of tainted leaking through the cracks of his heart and mind, perhaps his soul at well.
But the reassurance ďżźfrom his lover always pulled him back.
Nicknames
The nickname given to him? Star. It was definitely a shock to him hearing that as his nickname. He canât help but be a little flustered.
He loves it. Astarion would live for it. Astarion loved it even more once he figured out the reason why his lover calls him Star.
Of course, he calls his dear, love, treasure, other sweet pet names, but the one his love gave him doesnât seem to be defeated.
The night was chilling as the stars twinkled, dancing in the moonlight. Astarion sat on a big rock with his lover. Their gaze focused on the balls of light in the dark sky. Astarionâs was locked onto them.
âDo tell, my dear. Why âStarâ as my nickname?â He would be lying if he said he wasnât curious. Their eyes meets his, a small, gentle smile appearing on their face.
âYour name has star in it. A-s-t-a-r-i-o-n. Stars twinkle, theyâre beautiful , like you.â Astarion let out a huff. Perhaps a small scoff.
âWell, I am beautiful.â A charming smile plastered over his face. His lover laughed, placing a hand over his as they leaned forward.
âYouâre my star.â They whispered, pressing a soft kiss on his cheek. Astarion paused, processing their words and the simple touches.
âYou really are full of surprises.â Astarion whispered.
âTheir Star.â He thought. It brought swirls of warmth inside his chest
Astarionâs love for the pet name Star becomes addictive. He gets slightly annoyed and disappointed when his partner doesnât call him Star.
Hell, his treasure could even make him beg to be called Star if they wanted to.
It honestly irritates him how much he enjoys the silly little pet name. They really donât hold much value or worth anythingâŚor is that him and enslavement to Casador for centuries?
Nether the less, his love is here to show him what real is. What true love really is.
Perhaps the pet name is a spark of light for him.
His comfort (loverâs scent and warmth)
Nothing is more precious than holding someone with such passion. True passion.
Astarion struggled most on this. Surprising as it is, but the comfort involves holding someone. Being so close to their body with trust, letting your guard down,
But getting comfortable with having comfort is the most troublesome.
The fear of it being taken away becomes dread.
His nightmares are over, but they still plague his mind, making it hard to break through and open up. After a while, he did. He regrets not being able to break through before.
Whether it was a nightmare, or the utter crave of affection and his comfort, he always gets it. Astarion creeps into the tent, sliding an arm under his loveâs, wrapped around their waist and pulling them close.
He presses his face into their neck, taking a slow and small sniff. Just smelling their scent, not just their blood, brought so much warmth and comfort. The warmth, the feeling of their body made all his stress move away. Astarion smiled to himself, pressing a lingering kiss on his loverâs shoulder, before whispering:
âWherever you go, wherever you are..â Astarion paused, hesitant to continue as the fear and feeling of disgust creeps back in. Trying to pull him back to what he knows. Yet he fights it. The arm around their waist caused a small squeeze as he took a shaky breath before continuing.
âIs forever my home.â He whispered, forcing them out and choking over his words out.
âYou are my true home.â
Maybe, just maybe, the fight for something new is worth it.
I love the way Larian narrates mental health and healing from trauma.
I used to work in Clinical Mental Health Counseling and I saw a LOT of individuals of all ages come in with absolutely horrible trauma that was so unfathomable it felt surreal even hearing the things they went through. Sometimes people learned how to look at their scars, acknowledge them, and move on with their lives. Other times, they did their best but those scars would always be the first thing they saw in the morning and the last things they saw before bed.
Watching the way Larian narrates trauma, especially the way it was written for Astarion, hits home in a way that is almost indescribable after seeing how it manifests in real life. What I can say is that watching the Epilogue for Spawn Astarion made me misty eyed. Not because he got a "happy ending" or me as the player gets to experience it but because there is a single line he says that just encompasses how beautiful and messy the healing process can be: that the last 6 months together has been more meaningful that the last 200 wretched years of his life.
When he says it and goes into detail, we know he's not completely past the visible and invisible scars that he's been left with but in the last 6 months, he's started his journey of healing finding a new normal. For the rest of his existence he won't always have good days when he's able to smile nor days he won't fall back into old habits but what we can glean from this is the following: he's given value and meaning to this new life he's been given and will eventually be able to live his new normal on his own or with whomever he fell in love with, scars and all.
I used to really love the first romance scene with Astarion (and I still do) but it hits so much harder after you know why he's doing it. That he's purposefully seducing you for protection and blood, that he's forcing himself to sleep with you, and this is a mask he's wearing.
It's a sexy scene and really feeds into the vampy (pun intended) jump-your-bones version of him you get at the start of the game. The whole thing starts out with him being so confident and suave, saying that he's wanted you ever since he set eyes on you and how you want to be known and tasted. It's like everyone's perfect vampire romance novel.
He's laying out the bait that's worked thousands of times over and luring you in. And you can just get right to the kissing if you want.
But, you can also stop and ask him, "And what do you want?"
And for just a moment the mask drops. This is not the same cocky seductive face we've had up until now. This is vulnerability showing. When has anyone asked him what he wants? When has anyone cared? Does he even know the answer to that question?
So he pivots. The mask snaps back into place immediately. He turns back into the master seducer and feeds you a line about shared ecstasy to get you back on track.
And then comes what is, to me, the pivotal moment. He asks you "That's what you want, isn't it? To lose yourself in me?"
Looking at his body language he seems unsure at first, maybe questioning his previous tactics. Then he slightly cowers back, lowering himself as he asks the question. The total opposite of his confidence from earlier where he's standing with his arms out wide.
He's not sure what you want anymore. You're not playing by the rules he knows. Why haven't you taken the bait yet? Why haven't you thrown yourself at him?
And when you finally Nod in agreement, confirming you're here for sex?
This. This is the face he gives you. He just looks so damn sad. To me, it hearkens back to "Of course it'll turn me into a monster. What else did I expect?"
Whatever momentary blip made him question why you're there with him, he's just been reassured about both of your roles in this situation.
He sounds so quietly resigned when he answers: "I thought so."
And then the scene transitions into the actual act. I do like to think Astarion enjoyed himself as I'm sure the PC did, but it's hard for me to watch this scene now that I know his story and history without being uncomfortable.
Just that line "lose yourself in me" is so difficult to hear. Because on paper it's so sensual. Who wouldn't want a lover to feel that way about them? But knowing the context of what Astarion expects and believes in this moment is just... oof.
And to me, this is what makes this scene brilliant. The writing, voice acting, and the mocap/animation are all just SO GOOD. It's so delicately done and Astarion the character is so good at playing a role that you can completely gloss over the deeper stuff. But once the mask is eventually stripped away you can't help but see what was there the whole time.
And as we've established, being seen is a whole aspect of Astarion's romance arc.
I originally romanced Astarion for the same reasons I'm sure most did: he's a hot, sexy vampire elf (i.e. everything that's on the surface). But, I keep coming back to him over and over again for the person I know is waiting for me underneath the mask.
summary: Tav shifts to adjust herself on the polished wood, the stone wall cool on her back even through the fabric of her tunic, a stark contrast to the heat she can feel thrumming through her entire body.
Astarion's gaze is fierce and unbroken as he rakes his eyes across the curves of her body - the hunger for her is evident in more ways than one, and she can feel it almost crackle between them like electricity.
Gods, what has he done to her to render her so senseless?
pairing: Astarion/f!Reader | Astarion/f!Tav
rating: 18+ MDNI
status: 6/10
tags/warnings: blood drinking, explicit sexual content, porn with plot, drunk sex, smut, toxic coping mechanisms, depictions of violence/abuse, hurt/comfort, mild angst, frenemies to lovers,
word count: 2.7k
spoiler warning: full story will contain spoilers for all 3 acts of the game.
a/n: chapters will be posted individually. crossposted from AO3.
links to other chapters: [ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ] [ 4 ] [ 5 ] [ 6 ]
The next morning when Tav wakes, she finds that her entire body feels heavy. It requires a great effort just to sit up, and even then she still feels so exhausted.
There is a dull ache on the side of her neck, and when she reaches up to investigate, her fingers brush delicately over the puncture marks in her neck from -
Oh.
The events of the prior evening suddenly come flooding back to her, and she scrambles to remember everything that had happened. The pain, the pleasure, all of it. Astarion had bitten her at her behest, yes, but things had gotten out of hand, and he'd almost - although unintentionally - drained every drop of her blood. She glances around at the familiar walls of her own tent and realizes that Astarion must have brought her back after she lost consciousness.
He could have left her, but he hadn't. Itâs a surprisingly touching gesture.
There's a bottled potion left to her bedroll - this, too, must be Astarion's doing. Tav uncorks the bottle and drinks the bitter liquid, ignoring its revolting flavor as she finds the strength returning to her limbs.
When she finally crawls out of bed and dresses for the day, she makes sure to cover her neck so no one will ask any prying questions. She's already lost enough of her dignity.
Gale is the first to greet her.
âA late riser, I see,â he says, almost a little too judgmentally. He presses a plate of lukewarm food and a mug of what looks to be an herbal tea into her hands. âNot quite as nourishing as the comforts back home, but such is the nature of life in the wilds. I hope you'll find it palatable nonetheless.â
Tav thanks him and sits in front of the dwindling fire to eat her breakfast. Shadowheart sits across from her, her expression that of profound concern as she gives Tav a once-over.
âYou look pale. Are you ill?â
âAhh...â Tav hesitates and stalls for time by shoveling a few bites of food into her mouth. Her eyes glance about the camp for Astarion, and she finds him at last, watching her from outside his tent, peering curiously at her from behind the pages of whatever book he's been reading.
He looks troubled. Is he worried that she will expose his secret?
âJust a long night,â Tav finally says half-truthfully, trying to seem nonchalant. âStill having a hard time adjusting to sleeping on the ground and all. But I'm fine, I promise.â
Astarion goes back to reading his book.
--------
The next several days pass without much incident. After dealing with a goblin ambush, the party is welcomed into the druid grove and learns about the druid Halsin, who's said to have gone missing while on a nearby expedition.
The party has agreed to find him in the hopes that he might be able to help mediate the situation between the tieflings and the other druids who are seeking refuge there as well.
After another afternoon of travel, Tav and her companions stumble into the ruins of the blighted village, which is practically crawling with goblins and other ilk. By nightfall, nothing but corpses remain, and the group gathers to rest in one of the more structurally sound buildings on the edge of the village.
Presently, Tav lays awake in her bedroll, restless and unable to sleep. Only a few feet away, Gale, Shadowheart, Wyll, and Lae'zel are all fast asleep, the sound of their snoring drifting through the small room.
Astarion, aloof as ever, is nowhere to be found. They've barely said a word to one another after that first night, and it's been bothering her tremendously. He'd told everyone about his... condition shortly after their evening in the woods, and they'd all been surprisingly accepting, considering they'd just been told they'd been traveling with a vampire.
Tav doesn't know what secrets the rest of them must be hiding to be so cavalier about it all, but at least it didn't cause too much of a commotion. She has a mind to go and find Astarion when he suddenly appears at the bottom of the stairs that lead to the second floor, slipping outside through the back entrance.
Not one to miss the opportunity, Tav rises and shoves on her boots before following him into the cool, crisp evening air.
âAstarion,â she calls out to him, jogging over to join him on the dirt path. He waits for her, brow lifted curiously.
âDon't worry,â he says dramatically, âI'm not doing anything nefarious. You can go back to sleep.â
He's being more frigid than usual, and Tav considers walking away, but this can't continue on for any longer. The friction between them has become almost unbearable.
âI didn't suggest you were,â she says. âCan I walk with you? There's something I'd like to discuss.â
Astarion nods curtly and starts off down the path. Tav follows him, and in the minutes that pass an awkward silence hangs over them as she considers how to broach the subject at hand.
âSo,â Astarion says casually. âYou want to talk.â He continues his leisurely pace, his posture slouched and indifferent.
âYes,â Tav replies. âI know things between us have been strained lately, since... well, you know.â She sounds sheepish, hesitant. Before she continues, she clears her throat to diffuse the tension.
âI just wanted to clear the air. We still need each other while we have these parasites to deal with, after all.â
Astarion quirks a brow at her and cocks his head to the side.
âWonderful. I see you haven't completely lost your wits,â Astarion says sourly. It's clear that something is bothering him. âBut that makes it such a shame that you can't be honest with me about how you really feel.â
Tav halts in her tracks, taken aback by the sudden accusation.
âWhat do you mean?â she asks.
âDon't be coy, dear,â Astarion replies coolly. âIt's obvious, isnât it? You're afraid of me.â
âI - I'm not afraid,â Tav says vehemently. She turns to look at him, but his expression remains impassive. He's serious.
She scoffs incredulously. âI'm here, aren't I? I would be much safer in my bedroll if I truly thought that you would harm me.â
Again, she almost adds, but thinks better of it.Â
Astarion clicks his tongue. âThat's all well and good,â he says with a dismissive flick of his wrist, âbut that doesn't explain the way you've been avoiding me in camp. Stupidity and bravery are two sides of the same coin, after all.â
Tav's eyes widen at the incrimination, and she averts her gaze. She has no answer for him.
âOh yes,â Astarion jeers, âI've noticed how closely you sit next to Wyll and Gale around the fire. If one didn't know any better, one might assume you were nurturing your affection for them. But we both know that isn't the case, now, is it?â
Of course it isn't. The first night after Astarion had fed on her, Tav had been unable to calm her nerves as the sun set and bathed their camp in darkness. After Gale had lit the fire, she had cozied up to him on his log, pretending that she was merely cold. When Gale had retired for the evening, Tav had slept fitfully in her own tent, her mind plagued by anxieties she couldn't seem to shake.
Despite the fact that nothing had happened - nor had Astarion said or done anything untoward her since - it gave Tav a pathetic sense of comfort to continue her nightly ritual. When Wyll had joined their party after they reached the druid grove, Tav had unabashedly sat with him as well.
She can picture what Astarion would have to say about it all, the voice in her head taunting her mercilessly. âYour stalwart protector. How very droll.â
But of course Astarion had noticed. It had probably been obvious to him what she was doing, even if she had been acting subconsciously. The guilt rises in Tav's throat like bile, and she feels suddenly ill.
âI... I'm sorry,â she apologizes weakly. âI didn't realize. I was... anxious, I think, more than anything.â Tav bites her lip but still refuses to look at him, instead keeping her eyes on the path ahead of them as they wander through the village.
âNo need to apologize,â Astarion remarks with a shrug. âI am aware of what I am and all the implications that come with it. I'm sure they all had their reservations about me when they learned the truth.â
Tav steels her nerves for long enough to sneak a quick glance at him, and something in her chest tightens at the way his eyes darken and his lips curl back in a wry smile that betrays the thoughts behind his carefully crafted mask.
She hadn't meant to upset him, never considered that it would bother him so much. She doesn't even know why it bothers her so much either, aside from the fact that she doesn't want to cause anyone undue harm if she can help it.
âIf it's any consolation,â she says earnestly, âI meant it when I said it wasn't your fault. When you were feeding on me, it was easy to let my mind slip away, and it felt...â
Astarion is watching her with rapt attention now, his curiosity getting the better of him.
âTell me,â he implores her to continue. âWhat was it like?âÂ
Truth be told, he's wanted to know what it felt like, to be feasted upon in such a manner. In the 200 years since his turning, he's long since forgotten the sensation, nor had he much time to consider it while choking down the congealed blood of so many putrid rats, courtesy of Cazador.
Presently, Tav's cheeks grow hot under his scrutiny as she considers the question.
âIt was like nothing else I've ever felt,â she admits. âThe closer I was to death, the more I felt alive. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it.â
Astarion hums thoughtfully, his voice husky. âReally? You enjoyed it that much? And here I thought you were merely being generous by letting me have my fill of you.âÂ
He smiles slyly at her, clearly delighted by her admission and the way she shifts awkwardly beneath his gaze.
âDarling, you're more depraved than I gave you credit for.â
Tav cannot recall the last time she felt so flustered; between Astarion's not-so-subtle teasing and the truth she has been hiding even from herself, she fears she might disintegrate on the spot.
It would be the most merciful thing that could happen to her, really.
âDon't say it like that!â she bemoans, hiding her face in her hands. âYou make it sound like I got off on it or something - which I most certainly did not,â she adds emphatically.
The amusement on Astarion's face suggests that he absolutely does not believe her.
âLook,â Tav says in a desperate attempt to save face, âall I'm saying is that I enjoyed it, and I'm sorry for being so weird about it. And if you wanted to, I thought that maybe... we could start over and try again. You can feed on me tonight, if you would like.â
Tav's offer is an unexpected surprise, but not an unpleasant one. He isnât sure if sheâs doing it because she wants to, or if she thinks it will remedy their situation, but he isnât about to question her motivations.
âDarling,â Astarion practically purrs, âI thought you would never ask.â
--------
Astarion leads Tav into the remains of what appears to have once been someone's home, bits of destroyed furniture and other debris strewn about the floor in various heaps of disarray. A few silvery shafts of moonlight that filter in through several holes in the roof are the only source of light, bathing the place in an ethereal glow.
There is a desk in the far corner of the room, littered with papers and vials of ink; with a broad swipe of his arm, Astarion casts it all aside carelessly, and the vials shatter into a thousand tiny shards of glass that glitter like gems in the dappled moonlight.
Whether he is impatient or simply eager to have her again, Tav cannot say for certain.
However, when he lifts her effortlessly by the legs and pushes her back onto the desk before settling himself between her open thighs, Tav decides it doesn't matter. Just the thought of him piercing her throat again has her on edge, and the close proximity of his body against her own is almost too much for her to bear. His familiar citrusy scent envelopes her, and to her surprise it actually makes her feel strangely safe.
Tav shifts to adjust herself on the polished wood, the stone wall cool on her back even through the fabric of her tunic, a stark contrast to the heat she can feel thrumming through her entire body. Astarion's gaze is fierce and unbroken as he rakes his eyes across the curves of her body - the hunger for her is evident in more ways than one, and she can feel it almost crackle between them like electricity.
Gods, what has he done to her to render her so senseless?
He's gorgeous, yes, there isn't a single doubt about it, but there's something about the way he teases and openly flirts with her that she's grown to enjoy regardless of his sincerity. She begrudgingly admits that she's missed it these past few days.
But in this moment, none of that matters.
Tav meets his eyes and finds herself dizzy with anticipation, and her mouth falls open slightly. For a moment she thinks he might kiss her, his lips torturously close, but before she can close the distance Astarion nestles his face in the crook of her neck where her blood runs hot just beneath her flushed skin.
He unlaces the front of Tav's tunic with deft, expert fingers, just enough to allow him better access to her throat. He braces his hand on her thigh, steadying himself as he indulges in her warmth.
Tav almost whimpers with need, absentmindedly wrapping her calves around Astarion's legs and fisting her fingers in his tunic to pull him closer. A low, pleased noise rumbles in the back of his throat and he slides a hand under her tunic, digging his fingers into the bare skin at the small of her back and crushing her against him.Â
âMy, my... you're awfully eager this time, aren't you?â he muses playfully, the tips of his fangs grazing over her skin. The sensation is enough to make Tav's head spin.
Tav merely nods in ascent, connecting with his mind via their tadpoles when she finds the words too difficult to speak.
âYes... Yes, please bite me, Astarion. I want this.â
âNormally I would caution you to exercise patience,â he murmurs into her neck, âbut I am finding it exceptionally difficult to resist you.â
At last, he grants her wish and bites down on her neck, her blood as sweet as he remembers it. He drinks greedily, his tongue lapping at the punctures to encourage her blood to keep flowing.
Tav mewls pleasurably beneath him, her grip on him firm, a gesture that only encourages Astarion to continue to drink deeply from her veins. He will never tire of her blood, he thinks, not when it does such wonderful things to his body.Â
When he feels Tav going slack beneath him, Astarion pulls his mouth away from her, gathering the blood left on his lips with a quick pass of his tongue so as not to waste a single drop. Even in her disheveled state, Tav looks absolutely splendid, her shirt open just enough for him to admire the swell of her breasts, and the delicious curve of her hips.
Tav pants lightly, her eyes half-lidded and dark with what Astarion can only attribute to some sense of satisfactory arousal, and he can't stop himself from wondering what the rest of her might taste like.
But there will be time to explore those possibilities later. As she is now, he knows she won't have the strength to fully enjoy anything further than this.
âSatisfied, my dear?â he asks her, offering a hand and helping her back onto her feet. She smooths her clothing back into place and laces her tunic back up with unsteady hands, a soft smile on her face.
âOh, yes,â she says breathlessly, turning to face him. âBut not as much as you, I should suspect.â
Astarion can't help but laugh. âCertainly not, love. Certainly not.â
Here is how to get astarion approval so high he will proposition you before the tieflings party. No evil choices, just some chaos. The score you want is 40.
Not all of these are necessary btw, if you di all of this you'll get over 40. Avoid what sounds too evil and check that you're getting up to 40. Also remember that for the party romance you actually only need 20.
- When Lae'zel is in the cage, talk to her before releasing her and ask her to say "please"
- Attacking the thieves at the ruined temple
- When Shadowheart mention needing a cure (at camp) make sure to choose the option about being cautious
- When you meet with Zevlor, refuse to help saying you have your own problems. (you can help anyway, don't worry)
- When Lae'zel meets the tiefling and ask him to bow, go along with her at least once, then you can stop her and apologise to the poor man
- When you meet Wyll, you can talk with the guy training the children. Tell the children that they will all die
- After saving Arabella, tell the druid woman that you just wanted to see what would happen
- When you meet Auntie Ethel at the refugees' camp, let her fuss over you and then tell her about the tadpoles
- You know the kid with the magic ring trick? Pocket that ring
- When you meet the two siblings mourning their dying brother, Astarion will approve of you send them to face the owlbear (but I never choose this, because it makes me sad). But I think the big approval comes in the dialogue just next, where you can say that using the tadpole seems like a great idea
- At the blighted village, when the goblin spots you, you will get approval if you attack them back
- Say boooo to Volo
- Open the door where the sexy moans are happening
- At the entrance of the goblin camp, if you can, thow shit at the guard
- There's a goblin that will ask you to kneel and kiss his foot. Uno reverse it, and intimidate him
- Let the cleric at the goblin whip you
- After you free the owlbear, pet them at camp
- Get the necromancy of thay, and the amethyst that fits in it and give it to Astarion
- Recruit Karlach with him in the party
- Killing the monster Hunter will also shoot up your approval of TEN POINTS. I usually never kill him, but if you're close to the party and you really want to get to 40, this is also an option
- When you meet Raphael, agree with Astarion that you should not trust him
- If you decide to do auntie ethel too, make sure to convince her to free Maryna and get the deal at the same time
Now, I think the majority of approval will come with how you talk with him at camp.
- Go along with his dialogue about killing you if there's any tentacle showing. Just play along, don't shut him down
- Go along with the "whose blood would you drink" dialogue. Your answer doesn't really matter as long as you don't shut him down
- When he bites you, of course, offer to give him your blood
- During the mirror dialogue (sometimes it happens pre-sleeping together) you can insult him a bit (you're not aging gracefully), but at the second reply reassure him. The last reply is fine for all the lines and they seem to all get approval, as long as you don't just leave.
In general this is usually all I need to get to 40, which is pretty high. In my last playthrough I managed to also get to 40 without doing many of these.
But as I said, you only need 20. Just remember that he likes being petty and asserting dominance over others, he loves the tadpole, he is cautious, he's a little silly and chaotic, he's selfish, he likes joking and talking so don't shut him down.
Just remember that he's much more explicit about sex being an exchange if you get the proposition before the party, and you end up missing the scene of the party. Up to you! If you see that he's at 40 he will proposition the moment you talk to him, so if you accidentally got his approval too high and want to see both scenes you can technically kill the goblin leaders and free halsin, talk to him, then when you sleep you get directly to the party where you will have the party scene too.
Hold on, there is something I thought about. When Astarion approached Tav with "all his favourite lines" of flattery, leading to fake confessing his love to them, I was genuinely hurt to see that he would play with Tav's feelings like that, just for the sake of entertainment.
But now that their relationship progressed and Astarion actually confessed that he developed feelings for Tav, but still claims to not know how he would define their relationship, I get the feeling that he made the choice to fake confess beforehand for another reason than entertainment or seduction altogether. Hear me out.
When I get a scene with Astarion, I always reload a thousand times to try out all the routes and see all his reactions, so what I'm about to break down will be no less than heartbreaking.
Why does Astarion fake confess his love to Tav?
First let's take a look at what Astarion has to say. He starts the conversation with a clear goal in mind: he wants to seduce us again and he says so right away. He continues with very openly displaying his skills at charming people with honeyed words, seemingly enjoying himself while doing so. But what we have to keep in mind is that he's done that thousands and thousands of times already. I think it's safe to assume that he's perfected this mask of a smug, flirtatious man enjoying all this debauchery.Â
But after giving us one suggestive line after another, he does something that does not match the tone of the conversation so far: his fake love confession. I mean, just look at him.Â
He goes from completely exaggerated facial expressions and gestures:Â
When I'm with you, I feel practically alive, yet I crave only to die again with you.
To this:
I love you
We get a closeup of his face and see that he gets serious all of a sudden despite the fact that the conversation has been all fun and flirty just a moment ago. He draws his brows together, tells Tav "I love you" and then just looks at us with this serious and almost sad expression. Completely different from before when he was just toying around.Â
And yes, I just said he's very practiced in playing pretend, but just the difference between shallow and cheesy lines about craving to die together and their perfect body whispering temptation in contrast to a simple "I love you" and then on top of that the difference on how he conveys it - for me it just doesn't fit together, this isnât Astarion pretending. And furthermore he gains nothing from adding this confession. The flirty lines would have been enough to seduce Tav once again and therefore ensure their attachment to him, so that his protection is granted. And that is all he wants, at least in the beginning.Â
But then, why would he voice this fake confession in the first place? And that's where my theory sets in. I don't think he would risk the trouble of getting more feelings involved than necessary in his "nice simple plan" - seducing Tav, sleeping with them, manipulating their feelings. For doing so, he simply wouldn't need a love confession.Â
With saying "How about I say those little words. Everyone's favourite" he already suggests that he's said them to a lot of people already. And this surely is a way to charm and seduce people very fast, but with Tav he doesn't need to rush. They're tied together for an indefinite amount of time, he doesn't need to seduce them in a matter of hours or days before serving them to his master. And he's already seduced Tav successfully before, so my guess is this:
My explanation for the fake confession
The real confession scene, where he admits to having started to genuinely feel something for Tav, came a bit out of nowhere for me. (And don't get me started with our options to react to his real confession. I talked about that here.) I donât think he would just willingly tell Tav that he's grown fond of them, when a few nights before he threw the fake confession their way without giving a damn about Tav's feelings - that just felt very out of character for him in my opinion.Â
But what if he started to fall in love with Tav even before the fake confession? Think about it, he has slept with Tav once - successfully seduced - so all he has to do is sustain this kind of relationship. Saying all his favourite lines at Tav and trying to get them to sleep with each other for a second time would have been just that - sustaining the relationship at present. But then he says "I love you". And I say he does so purposefully. It's a test. Having someone like you enough to sleep with you is one thing. Having deep and complex feelings like love involved is something else entirely. So he tests the waters with this confession. He hides behind all of these flirtatious lines and places the confession at their end to throw a veil over its real meaning.Â
It may be a lie either way - saying it just for entertainment or saying it to see if Tav is open for deeper feelings - but I think he exaggerates on purpose to trigger a reaction that speaks for itself. Does Tav care about these words? Is Tav hurt to see that Astarion is apparently willing to play with their feelings like this? Or do they not care about such vanities?Â
I want to emphasise the fact that Astarion hasn't had the luxury to allow himself anything resembling these kinds of feelings for at least two centuries. Naturally, he would not just come around and open up his heart to Tav when all he's done until then was charming them just for his plan. He would want to reassure himself that this wouldn't turn against him if he dares to show such great vulnerability in front of anyone. He says it himself when he properly confesses that it is intimidating for him to make decisions on his own again. And confessing his feelings is exactly one of those intimidating decisions. Â
Interpreting Astarion's reaction
To back up my take I want to take a closer look at Astarion's reaction when we reject him after the fake confession. After he laughs the confession off in one way or the other, he insists on having sex with you again. Here he sticks to exaggerated facial expressions and gestures, just like before with his honeyed words.
Now, as much as I relish standing around and saying all my favourite lines at you, Iâd much rather we got to experience each othersâ full portfolio of talents once again.
But if Tav then turns him down with saying âI donât think I really want thisâ, this is his immediate reaction:
Well, well, excuse me while I die of a broken heart.
He takes a few seconds to process what Tav said, and then instantly responds with another exaggeration accompanied by fitting gesticulation, ending with a fake smile. After that he just looks at Tav for another few seconds and his demeanor changes again:
In all honesty, it's a shame. That time was special to me. I've gotten on my back ten thousand times or more, and forgotten half of them.Â
He loses his fake smile, averts his gaze and starts fumbling with his hands nervously. He can't hide his disappointment, but he tries to keep his face neutral - even if it doesn't work all too well. He tells us we were special before giving us a scrunched fake smile once again. It's really hard to watchâŚ
But you⌠you I'll remember.Â
For usually being rather quick to react and respond, we can see how difficult it is for him to react to Tav in this case.
Have a fine evening, dear.Â
He pauses yet again, lifts his gaze to the sky and just looks so lost. Mere moments ago he was flirting and laughing, and now he seems so utterly desperate. And then, he can't even keep up his attempts of masking his sadness when his expression slips in the end and his face scrunches painfully for just a second before the whole scene ends. This really broke my heart.
Conclusion
This is definitely not the reaction of someone who was turned down for just another round of sex - even if this meant that Astarion's plan of assuring his safety didn't work out. Because then he could have just tried to get Tav to change their mind with another one of his favourite lines. Or he would have at least reacted like he does when you tell him to stay at the camp ("Oh darling, I'm hurt" which he obviously isn't). But he doesn't.Â
Because this is the reaction of someone who dared to get his hopes up. Someone who thought that maybe, just maybe, these unwanted, complicated feelings for Tav which had slowly crept up, nullifying his nice simple plan, could genuinely lead to a relationship he didn't know he needed so desperately. Someone who is so devastated by a rejection at this point, that he doesn't even question it. He just accepts that Tav isn't interested in sleeping with him, let alone having feelings beyond sexual desire. It's just as it always has been. It's not as if Astarion remembers anyone caring about him, so why should it be different this timeâŚÂ
And that's why I think this whole fake love confession was a way for Astarion to veil his growing feelings for Tav under the pretence of flirting, and had the purpose to find out if he could more or less safely confess his true feelings to Tav.Â
Gods, this is so heartbreaking. I need to pat Astarion's fluffy head in my dreams as a redemption.Â
can I request some cute fluff with Astarion - I think something cute would be tavâs never worn a dress and they put one on and Astarion is just mindblow by how good they look? đĽş
maybe he can do some chivalrous acts as well~
She Looks Breathtaking
pairing : astarion x (fem) reader
summary : astarion has never seen you in a dress, you havenât been in one since you were taken from baldur's gate. you both find it hard to hide your excitement.
warnings : none :)
authors note: I hope you like this anon! (first, i finally played baldur's gate. second, i'm going to try and pump out the requests that I haven't gotten to.)
âOh! Look how pretty this is!âÂ
You turn your head to look towards Karlachâs booming voice, much too loud for the small space you were in. She held up a dress, something you hadnât thought about wearing in months. You hadnât had any important events to attend.
Walking over to her side, you take the fabric between your fingers. âItâs beautiful..â
âYou should get it. I think youâd look great, and I bet Astarion would like it too.â She nudged at your side, teasing. Your face flushed, and you ran your fingers along the hem of the dress, avoiding Karlachs gaze. She likes to poke fun at the obvious crush you had developed on Astarion, and everytime she did you regretted telling her more and more.Â
Eventually, you find a small paper attached to the fabric showing the price of the dress, eyes widening at the disgustingly low price.Â
âWhen would I even get a chance to wear it? It would go to waste, just weigh my bag down.â Karlach huffs, taking the price tag and reading it for herself.
âAre you kidding me? Even if you donât wear it, youâd be a fool to ignore this price. Maybe you will attend some noble party when we get to Baldur's Gate!â She was way too excited but her energy almost made you agree with her, the dress was so cheap even if it went unworn for a long time. And you hadnât worn one in..you couldnât even remember.
You thought about it for a moment before moving for your coin pouch, pouring the amount into your hand and handing the coins to the trader. They slip out of your hand much faster than you'd care to admit, hiding your excitement from Karlach proving to be a challenge. âDonât say a word to anyone, Karlach, I mean it.â
âFine. But I better get to see you in it, at least try it on for me when we get back to camp!â You shake your head, amused by Karlachs childish antics, but you yourself canât help but feel a little bit excited by the idea of dressing up.Â
When you returned to camp that night you had forgotten about the dress in your bag, slipping your mind amidst the constant thought of being attacked or having to talk your way out of a hostile situation.Â
So when Karlach came bouncing over to your side, your tent tucked away in a corner secluded from most of your party to keep your privacy, you could only give her a confused look. She seemed so excited and you had no idea why, and she was beginning to return the confusion.
âYou gonna put on the dress or just make me stand here?â Oh! You let your bag fall to the ground, crouching down to rummage through its contents, searching for the dress.Â
When you found it you laid it over your bag, standing back up to remove the leather from your body. You could hear Karlachs giggles as you shimmied out of your much too tight leather pants, only to have to pull the dress over your body right after.
Your hair was up, but you untied it and allowed your hair to fall over your shoulders. When you turned back to her, she stared at you with awe. âWoah..â
âWhat?âÂ
âYou look..nice.â You giggled, which made her laugh along with you, both of you unaware of the approaching footsteps. His eyes trace along your figure, and he allows himself a moment of greediness to take in the full effect you have. You seem so happy, a smile appearing on his cheeks as he watches you smile gleefully and so..so..carefree. You're finally allowing yourself to have fun, and not worrying about protecting everyone else around you. And Gods.. youâre breathtaking.Â
He would never admit to a living soul, or a non-living one for that matter, but he had been infatuated with you since the moment you asked him to join your party. You made him weak, and with his newfound freedom he wasnât sure what the correct way to deal with it was. Obviously he could use his charm to lure you into his bedroll, but he wanted more, he wanted to be the reason you felt giddy enough to show your teeth with a smile. He wanted to be the reason you laughed, and fooled around, the reason you felt safe enough to have fun.Â
He takes a deep breath in, to regain his confidence and charm, and he proceeds towards the two of you. Â
Until his voice filled your ears and caused your eyes to shoot in his direction, âWell well..donât you look nice.âÂ
âAstarion!â He approached the two of you slowly, staring at you and paying no mind to Karlachâs presence.Â
âIâm gonna leave you two alone..â Karlach let out an awkward chuckle, making eye contact with you with wiggly eyebrows before sneaking away.
You look back towards Astarion, who is unable to make eye contact with you as his eyes roam along your body, preoccupied. You're certain he doesn't even realise Karlach has left from beside the two of you.
âWhere did you get this pretty thing?â He looks back up to meet your eyes, smirk big enough to show his fangs which sends a nervous shiver through your body. A tingle in your neck reminds you of the favour you allowed him. Your arms cross against your chest, suddenly more nervous in his presence than ever before.Â
âJust something I picked up from a merchant..âÂ
âIn all the time Iâve traveled by your side , Iâve never seen you look so.. elegant.âÂ
âWow thanks..â You roll your eyes with a snort, crossing your arms tighter across your chest.
âNow câmon darling..you know I mean you no disrespect. Only pointing out the obvious. May I?â At first you're unsure what heâs even asking permission for, but when you see his hands reaching out to touch you, you give him a nod.Â
He doesnât hesitate, hands finding your hips. âSeeâŚusually youâre wearing that menacing leather, always so serious.â Your face scrunches up at his words, youâve never thought your armour to be very menacing nor did you believe you were âalways seriousâ. Only when the situation called for it.Â
The heat of his skin can be felt even through the fabric. His thin fingers squeeze into the plush of your hips, then run along your waist, feeling the fabric between his fingers. âBut right now, in this dress, with your hair undone,â He brings his hand up to run his fingers through your hairs, âYou look so free. Youâre beautiful darling..so beautiful.âÂ
You feel your face relax, and it only softens more when Astarions eyes meet yours once more and his pupils are blown . The softest smile blossoms on his face, which turns out to be contagious cause not soon after a cheek burning smile is on your face. Face hot as you look into his eyes, his hands still on your waist, thumbs massaging your skin through your dress.Â
âI should take it off, I donât want to get it dirty.âÂ
âCould you humor me?â
âHumor you? How so, Astarion?âÂ
âKeep it on, just for an hour. Itâs been a long time since I spent an evening with a woman as beautiful as you..âÂ
Hell Bent quotes that haunt me day and night and make me go batshit insane crawling up the walls
"I have appetites." Had those words excited her when they should have only made her afraid?
Comfort was the drug she hadn't understood until it was too late and she was hooked on cups of tea and book-lined shelves.
"He was trying to reach you."
Come on along. Come on along. Let me take you by the hand.
The house had opened to her because he was waiting.
Forgive yourself for assuming the world isn't full of beasts at the door.
Pamela Dawes, who had no idea what it meant to hurt so much to live you might wake up one morning ready to die. And Alex was glad of that. People shouldn't have to march through the world fighting all the time.
"I have been crying out to you from the start."
But enough people had abandoned them both. She wasn't going to be the next.
"You found me once, Stern. You'll find me again."
Was that why she couldn't turn her back on the golden boy of Lethe? Because he couldn't let go of a lost cause? Because he'd thought she was worth saving?
"I just had to put his damsel in distress. Of course he came running."
It wasn't that she had changed or that his vision had sharpened. He was just less afraid of her beauty now.
"I'm bound to you, Stern. To the woman who brought me out of hell. I will serve you 'til the end of my days."
He had lost track of who was Dante, Virgil, Beatrice. Was he Orpheus or Eurydice?
"A predilection for first editions and women who like to lecture me about myself?"
The Old Guard: Yusuf Al-Kaysani x Niccolò di Genova
This man is more to me than you can dream. He is the moon when I am trapped in darkness and warmth when Iâm shivering cold and his kiss still thrills me even after a millennial. His heart overflows with a kindness this world is not worthy of, I love this man beyond measure and reason. He is not my boyfriend. He is more.
If anyone was interested, this is what Five screams to Reginald in episode 4. I havenât watched the rest so I donât know if itâs explained later, still, there you go.
Source: five years of studying Ancient Greek (rip me).
(Accents are most likely wrong, for the correct version look up the opening line of the Odyssey.)
EDIT: there is a translation in the next episode, and itâs less literal but more elegant.
What is he? Your boyfriend? Youâre a child. An infant. Your mocking is thus infantile. Heâs not my boyfriend. This man is more to me than you can dream. Heâs the moon when Iâm lost in darkness and warmth when I shiver in cold. And his kiss still thrills me, even after a millennia. His heart overflows with the kindness of which this world is not worthy of.
Reblogging this again to include some snippets from My Favorite part VI just to add to the feelsâŚ
The remainder of his grace faded away. He felt the first pangs of hunger and thirst, the pain of strained muscles and aching joints. He had to fight on, but some days he couldnât handle it. The hollow, empty feeling of a graceless body left him completely hopeless. Â The only person he could turn to was Dean, but the apocalypse had made him callous, uncaring. Once, Dean would have taken him out for a drink, or tried to make him laugh with some pop culture reference Cas wouldnât understand. But when those words came out of Deanâs mouth, thatâs when he knew everything had changed: âNobody cares that youâre broken, Cas.â
âââââ
âCas is still here, you can still-â
âI donât even know who that is anymore,â Dean cuts you off, âand itâs my fault. Â He spiraled out of control, fell into a fucking k-hole and I wasnât there to pull him out. Â He needed me and I didnât do a goddamn thing!â
[[Sometimes characters that you write stick with you and continue haunt you, and endverse!cas is one of those characters for me. I know I didnât invent him, but I put a lot into his development for this fic so he holds a very special place in my heart.]]
But it was amazing! đĽşđđ The sadness, loneliness and hopelessness.. Exactly what I was going for. Thank you for sharing this! Youâre a very talented writer! đđđđ¤
I feel like Madame Tracy, who shared a body (and thoughts??) with Aziraphale for a hot second, would absolutely have picked up Aziraphaleâs very obvious head-over-heels adoration of Crowley. So naturally, hereâs my 2,000 word fic about her cluing in an oblivious angel to his own feelings.Â
Denial
Inhabiting a new body was usually quite a lengthy process, and that wasnât even including the paperwork. There was actually a very good reason why celestial beings didnât just slip into human skins whenever they felt like it - beyond the moral quandary, of course. Much in the same way that no two humans are exactly alike, neither are angels. A human must try on shoes for size, and so must an angel, well - try on bodies, that is.
As the apocalypse was imminent, Aziraphale did not have the luxury of choice.
So Aziraphale had taken what he could find, and what heâd found was Madame Tracy.
If Aziraphaleâs old body could be likened to a six thousand year old comfortably broken in, yet remarkably cared for pair of loafers, Madame Tracyâs was a pair of stiletto heels, fresh out of the box and half a size too small.
Not that Aziraphale wasnât grateful. Really, he considered himself fortunate to have found a body that could accommodate him at all. It justâŚreally wasnât very comfortable.
Itâs not a walk in the park for me either. I appreciate the metaphor though. The heels, I mean. Terribly uncomfortable, breaking in a new pair.
The voice was high and saccharine and seemed to echo around the space of his head. Or rather, he amended, within her head. He was, after all, the intruder here.
I appreciate that acknowledgment, Mr. Aziraphale, Madame Tracy sniffed.
I do apologize, Aziraphale thought, consciously shaping his wandering thoughts into words. Iâm afraid sharing a body is very much a new experience for me.
Youâre not alone there, love.
No, I suppose not, Aziraphale said. And when he smiled, it was Madame Tracyâs red painted lips which parted.
Now, what exactly is it that weâve got to do?
First of all, get through that gate, Aziraphale thought, squeezing the brakes as Madame Tracyâs scooter sputtered to a stop.
Before them, the Tadfield Air Base loomed.
The man out frontâs got a gun.
So he does.
As Aziraphale struggled to park the scooter - hindered by Madame Tracyâs attempts to commandeer her hands to help - he noticed that it was quite a large gun, at that.
By the time the scooter was settled, the soldier stood before the gate, gun cradled against his front.
Mr. Shadwell marched up, brandishing a grimy finger.
Oh dear, thought Madame Tracy.
âYou see this finger Laddie? This finger could send you to your maker.â
Good God, the man is going to get himself shot.
Yes, Madame Tracy agreed. Please do something.
Aziraphale stepped in front of Shadwell, waving Madame Tracyâs purple gloves through the air.
âIt really is vitally important that we speak to whoever is in charge-â he started.
From their lips, Madame Tracyâs voice interrupted, âHeâs telling the truth, Iâd know if he wasnât.â
Lord, Aziraphale thought, save me from the whims of foolish mortals.
Madame Tracyâs annoyance flared hot and bright in their shared headspace.
Aziraphale flared his own annoyance right back and took control of their mouth.
â-would you please stop interrupting? Iâm trying-â
Madame Tracy took it back.
â-yeah I just thought Iâd put in a good word for-â
âI understand, but-â
âWill you please be quiet?â The guard ordered, impatient and confused. âBoth of you?â
Well now youâve done it, Madame Tracy tutted.
Iâve done it?!
âI mean, Maâam,â the soldier continued, licking his lips, âI must respectfully ask you to-â
He was interrupted by blaring music.
A bebop, Aziraphale thought, and twisted round, heart in his throat.
Pardon? A what?
A car roared round the bend.
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