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@-burn-book
Breaking SPACE NEWS!! Telescope Herschel captures pictures of the gorgeous spiral galaxy, Andromeda! Please take some time to admire this before I take it home to frame and show to Guac. ~
Poppy Trinket: The luckiest child alive?
Debatable, methinks, considering she was birthed by the kraken - also known as MIldred Trinket, whose own husband ran away from her. Not that I blame him, dollfaces. However, the yikes unsav mumsy can be quoted to have said that millions of teenage witches are jealous of Poppy.
Why? Because a high school band I personally find beyond expellerific despite their inactivity as of late has decided they really like Poppy. Their duty as good citizens to make sure her life isn't too miz, perhaps?
Sorry to deflate that float of insanity you're sailing on, Millie-dread, but though they rightly should be, Wand Erection is not known by millions of teenagers, let alone all the students on campus.
I will say the child is fairly lucky though - after all, despite her mad antiexpellerific parents, she has Chez ala Chez and Natebear charmed, Bradleydoll surely soon, and I don't believe anyone has tried to kidnap her yet. I'm absolutely sure the totes adorbs Princess is there for her, too.
Three cheers and the best of luck to the four of them protecting her, she'll need it.
xoxo
Claret.
Friendly reminder, dollfaces!
Before you pull a hasty aw-hell-no and ask your roomie to vacate the premises for your naughty naughty endeavours, you should remember that you are indeed wizardfolk and can soundproof your bedroom.
Stay saucy, and remember that better safe than sorry. (Unless you want to offer Poppy Trinket more playmates, then by all mean, angels).
xoxo
Claret.
Dear folks whose names no one will remember for more than two minutes: Hello haters. Damn, ya'll mad. Sincerely, a lad whose name people chime daily.
I think Chez is really full of himself for no reason. Maybe he was hot shit back in Hogwarts, but he's nothing anymore.
Very nice, dollface, but you forgot to sign off. I'll do it for you, hm? "Sincerely, Nobody gives a shit." Fits, doesn't it?
xoxo
Claret.
Anonymous blithered and moaned like a little bitch: Rank all the first year team members in order of how much you like them.
You mean to say in order of how much they don't fucking irritate me, but I'll dabble.
I hate Tango the absolute most. Why the fuck is he on this team?
Then I guess I like Catherine second least because why are you stealing fun away from the kids? Is this something to fall back on when the national team, inevitably, kicks you out or an outlet to bang Zach Berryboy?
Stanton, please get that fucking stick out of your ass so I can replace it with a chainsaw.
Who the fuck is Arielle Moore?
I'll tell you who, probably someone as irrelevant as Alexandria Collins.
The phrase When Pigs Fly has never take a more literal meaning than it has with Quinn Delmar.
Hattie might be like, twelve, but at least she has a decent head on her shoulders. If only she was equally decent at Quidditch, then she'd be perfect.
I don't know who the fuck Chez Barder is, but everyone else seems to like him, including Elora Xanthe, and she is perf. - For a fucking Quidditch player, anyway.
Who doesn't like Olivia Wren? All the awards.
And the Captain is the best, because he isn't even fucking here so no bloody Quidditch.
I hate fucking Quidditch, thanks.
- Just me, Gold.
All the beauxbatons Grads
I've only met Quinnluv, and he was dead nett, but I wouldn't be surprised if the rest of them redefine four snores and seven years of total idiocy.
xoxo
Claret.
All the Hogwarts Grads
Only a handful of people who graduated from dear old Hogs are worth mentioning, and none of those are antiexpellerific enough to burn.
xoxo
Claret.
P.S. How does Lumaira not know who the Head Boy was? Petrify-totally-shocking. Did she really go to our school?
All the Durmstrang Grads
There's no need to burn them, sweets. The fact they graduated from that rat-pit is embarrassing enough, don't you think? The only decent thing that's ever happened to these poor loves is getting rid of Tangela and Veselov, and even that can't save their school from being utter rot.
xoxo
Claret.
Fashion Spotlight: Hot or Not. [Lukas Clarion]
I love hats, they are always handy especially when you're having a bad hair day. Which, in Gorillaboy's case, is every day. Therefore it comes as no surprise to us that he has the largest hat collection on campus.
Otherwise, he keeps it classy with blazers and leather jackets which accentuate his broad shoulders and add onto that 'bad boy' persona he has clearly invented for himself. I don't believe anyone fell for it except Queen, but I am sure even dimwits like him will eventually catch on.
He has pretty good physique, so there is little that wouldn't work on him - though I recall this paisley pistachio sweater he wore in fourth year that I hope he sent to the furnace because it was beyond revolting. It is not surprising he is in good shape since he used to be quite the Quidditch player.
I came in here with every intention of ripping him apart, but fashion does not lie.
Verdict: Lukas Clarion passes as positive for all the tests - or more specifically, STD (STI) tests.
Read More
Anonymous asked: Who is the first year captain?
Not Chez Barder, that's for fucking sure.
I fucking hate Quidditch thanks.
- Just me, Gold.
Harriet Perkins
The only boy who's ever loved her is Nathan, and even he thinks she doesn't have a snatch, loves. Poor Hattie treated like a twelve year old when she's just reached adulthood. (Supposedly - according to her birth certificate). As snarky as she is short, Hattie Perkins certainly has ample bite and the wit to carry it along. It's too bad people see her and think "jailbait."
xoxo
Claret.
May I have a change of partners?
Uh, no.
xoxo
Claret.
Salut, saucy minxes.
The time has come for me to impose on your totes half-baked lives by telling you what you're going to do. As you know, we just arrived at the University, and we're all catching up, getting to know people - dish and dash, you know. Most of you have been having mad unsav conversations about what you're studying. Talking about school at school? How very inspired. Since you're all been snores for far too long, I've decided to lend in a helping hand. With the help of a dishy angel, I've put together a list of pairs. In the course of the next two weeks, you should spend as much time as you possibly can with your designated dish, and at the end of these two weeks, you should sent in five facts about your partner. It can't be stupid shit like "Has red hair" but has to have depth. Think of it as a game of playing Sherlock, and trying to uncover everything you can about your suspect. Fun, right?
Well then, let the games begin.
Alyssa Johnson - Stella Lumaira.
Annabelle Smith - Emily Jung.
Arielle Moore - Colette Pallamoley.
Bradley James Harris - Zachary Berryman Jr.
Catherine Jeann - McKenna Emlaer.
Celia Higgs - Leonard Harvey.
Chez Barder - Elora Xanthe.
Coraline Maddox - Sybilla Hunt.
Duke Tojours - Stanton Griswold.
Eloise Clarion - Genevieve Sparrow.
Emil Garaboncias - Richard Danger.
Guactholomew Pallamoley - Quinn Delmar.
Harriet Perkins - Anora Karimov.
Hope Newton - Kingston Tangorra.
Kelsey-Naomi Minson - Levi Sharpe.
Lance Clarion - Philippa Clarion.
Libby Connors - Tobias Flannagan.
Lukas Clarion - Brandubh Thorne
Olivia Wren - Nathan Barclay.
Petra Vonnegut - Flynn Bueller.
Storm Wisdom - Vidagail Hathaway.
Vasyl Flemming - Mildred Trinket.
These were chosen based on multiple factors, most totes random, and others completely devious. I don't believe anyone's been missed, but if they have drop a note and we'll sort you out real quick.
xoxo
Claret.
Spotlight Player: Every Tuesday.
Pick any University, League, or National team quidditch player to be featured for this week's spotlight.
If they're gonna' play the fucking game, they might as well be publicly embarrassed.
I fucking hate Quidditch, thanks.
- Just me, Gold.