#chez barder

[-burn-book]

I think Chez is really full of himself for no reason. Maybe he was hot shit back in Hogwarts, but he's nothing anymore.

Very nice, dollface, but you forgot to sign off. I'll do it for you, hm? "Sincerely, Nobody gives a shit." Fits, doesn't it?

xoxo

Claret.

[-burn-book]

Chez Barder

Could have a separate book all to himself, love.

xoxo

Claret.

[-burn-book]

Chez, Kingston, and Markus all act like they own the school. Do you think they deserve to walk around with that type of ego?

Let's do this step by step, because glory, these dishes aren't all equally expellerific.

Firstly that halfbaked megayawn, Kingston. I bet the lads over at Durmstang are well glad he decided to sashay over here, but I'm not. Do you think he deserves to walk around at all? If it were up to me, I'd have him boxed up and shipped to Brunei.

Next is that three snores and a half grumpy fella', Markus. If anything describes him perfectly, sweets, it's: sea cucumber.

1) Resembles a gargantuan turd.

2) Breathes through its anus.

He doesn't really deserve anything. That's why the poor baby hasn't gotten laid yet. 

As for Chez ala Chez, regardless of whether or not he deserves that big, fluffy head of his, he's been walking around like that since day one. If people have a problem with it, they can boo-hoo all the way back to diaper days and try to sort it out.

xoxo

Claret. 

[-burn-book]

What do you think of the Chez/Nathan fight?

I'm surprised it hasn't transcended into the physical level of a fight, since I'd have slapped Chez ala Chez silly if he said anything about me on a PSA, under a jinx or no. 

All that being said, I don't really know who's being the bigger bitch in this, dollface, but I do know who's doing a better job at not caring.

Word 'round the stairways is that while poor Chez turned to his booze-happy buddy, Abendroth, to drown his sorrows with - not explicitly saying so, mind - Nathan was concurrently hugging our own lovely Pet. 

Whatever this antiexpellerific mess is, I hope they fix it soon.

xoxo

Claret. 

[-burn-book]

Guess who's back on the Quidditch team? How's that for a cover story?

You're back? Well colour me seven shades of expellerifically ecstatic. That's the best news I've heard in too long, dollface. It's about time they shuffled their arses off the mad bezoomy train and onto the sane platform again. 

Welcome back, lovely. It's wonderful having our Captain back.

xoxo

Claret. 

[-burn-book]

Who in your opinion are the top three most popular students and why?

Eh? Who gives a flying fuck about being popular?

Ah, well. Guess you're just bloody pathetic.

Lacey's out for the eve' bein' all Brady Bunch with the fam', so you get me instead. Yay. 

Lacey's obviously the most popular person on campus. All these fucking letters, mate. S'obviously because she scores high in all categories. Brains, looks, social skills. 

That twat, Barder. He's helluva lot more popular than one would think a vain bastard would be. He's a cool guy though, so I guess that makes sense. 

Don't fucking know. I want to stick Barclay and Moley in here together so they can fight over the place. More entertaining than Brisbane's pissin' lectures, I'll give you that.

Cyanide.

[-burn-book]

Chez/Claret friendship or Bradley/Claret friendship?

Okay, this is a toughie. Claret loves them both a whole lot, and it's like you're asking me if I love Batman or Ironman more. (Please don't do that to me, I will cut all your fucking children. Kay, love you.)  Good thing I'm not close friends with either of them (lone wolf, y'see) otherwise this would be fucking hard for me, too. Now to go all devil's advocate on this shit.

Chez and Claret are like brother and sister. They even refer to each other that way. He's really terrified of her, too. So, I'd say they're like Johnny and Sue Storm. Chez is Johnny; talented, flambouyant, vain, and cocky - and he'll occasionally get in over his head with his competitiveness and need to strut his stuff. Whereas Claret is more grounded, level-headed and they both know she wears the pants int his friendship. They entertain each other, and look out for each other. (Except Claret does it indiscriminately of gender. It's okay, kids. It's not Barder's fault he's afraid of girls). Also you'd need to understand that Hall is apparently also his friend, so I guess he couldn't go all Me Tarzan, You Dead on her. That being said, Johnny would do pretty much anything for Sue. I'm rambling here, look at their faces instead.

Aren't they adorable? Awe - I think I have a cavity now, fuck it.

Moving onward. Sir Bradley James Harris, and Claret. Ha, okay, so it's obvious why they'd be friends. Same house, both charming pricks, both have great hair, both are close (whether in a positive or negative way) to Guac and Chez. The reasons go on for miles. Their friendship was fairly unproblematic until Bradley's flavour of the week (and literally just a week, fuck) Eleanor Jane Hall decided that starting fights with your boyfriend's friends is a wise idea. Okay, this is Petra's job, so I'm not going to go too deep into it, but no. Just never do that. If you were my girlfriend, that would turn me off so fast, which is a shame because you're pretty gorgeous. It seems Bradley didn't let the word poison going 'round about Clary affect his opinion on her, which is noble and charming. Great props to you. I think they're great friends. Now, look at their faces as well.

But let's face it kids. Even if I did decide on the curly monster of epic adorableness, Chez would pop up and axe me worse than Deadpool would. Not a nice death, not a nice death at all. 

So, I guess that decides it.

The winner of this round is 

Br-

Guess not, Chez wins. 

May the force be with you.

Scott C.

[-burn-book]

Preferably a gold or black frame. Bronze doesn't match well with the room. Name engraving? No, no, not necessary. I mean if you insist.. make sure it's spelled right. Chez O. Barder would be nice. Maybe a crown next to it? Or maybe just the crown.. you know what? Surprise me.

I'll make sure it's all perfect, babes. Like you would ever expect otherwise.

xoxo

Claret.