don't touch me.

i wasn't born good.

[009b8a-archive]

moving this blog over to my hoarded url graveyard. if you wanted to keep following for more traumatized content, click here.

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

just want to share some thoughts about finding peace.

as someone with a lot of trauma in my childhood i have spent so long and so much grief wishing i could go back and time and save that little kid, because that kid so desperately needed saving, but i’ve always thought it’s too late, bc it all already happened, and no one saved her, so she’ll never be saved and she’ll never be okay,

and i’ve spent the second half of my life mourning the first half.

but my therapist recently made me realize, that little kid is still inside me. i was her, and in a lot of ways i still am her, because i still carry her pain. it’s not too late. she needed an adult to listen to her, and i am that adult. i’m listening. i can tell her that none of it was her fault, and she can believe me, and i can believe me.

she’ll be okay, because i’ll make sure of it, and then I’ll be okay. you can be okay. if you find yourself carrying a lot of hurt, and blaming yourself, or anyone, think of the child who went through that. because no matter what you think of yourself, you know a child didn’t deserve that. and it’s time an adult told them so.

[jehovahhthickness]

[sleepnoises]

[niceaf]

Elise // The greeting committee

[i-am-a-fish]

hey you know that thing you did a long time ago that makes you sad when you think about it? don’t let it bother you anymore. the fact that thinking about it makes you sad means that you’ve grown as a person since then

[blck-xcvi]

[mmuehoul-blog]

Happiness is surely coming.

[butthorn]

[quietvoiced]

Abusers are really good at is making you feel like your anger is worse than their abuse.

[closet-keys]

This is so important. Many survivors have spent months or years not being allowed to express anger or being made to feel ashamed for experiencing anger. 

So if you know a survivor, and you tell them that they “can’t” or “shouldn’t” be angry, that will almost certainly be triggering, and it’s really cruel. 

Telling survivors that they need to “get past” their anger or to “be the bigger person” or “holding onto anger is like holding onto a hot coal” or “anger is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die” or that “healing is only possible with forgiveness” or that “forgiveness will set you free,” or that “being angry means the abuser still has control,” or that experiencing anger makes the survivor as bad as the abuser, or whatever else– that’s culturally imposed abuse apologism and if you want to be an ally, you need to unlearn resorting to those platitudes when trying to comfort survivors. 

It’s okay to experience anger. It’s literally the natural reaction to boundary violation, and when someone’s boundaries have been repeatedly violated and broken down for years, it’s important for a person’s health to be able to experience and express that anger. It honestly really is. 

[tullipsink]

it’s 3am and i swear i loved you

[bakwaaas]

You gotta understand that some people never really grow. They never learn their lesson. They never recognise their mistakes, they never acknowledge their faults, they never admit they were in the wrong. You will never receive an apology from them, and you will never see their behaviour change.

[real-pcys-deactivated20190118]

hot take: moms need to learn how to listen to and comfort their daughters without making everything about their own traumas

[real-pcys-deactivated20190118]

a classic example

daughter: hey this thing you do bothers me very much and i wish you wouldn’t do it

mom: well my parents abused me and im not even as bad as they were and i had to sit through it so you gotta sit through whatever i do to you too

[daeranilen]

a common variant

mom: well i’m having a really hard time right now and you know that i’m doing my best and that i didn’t mean to hurt you ergo you are in fact the asshole for asking me to consider your feelings and change my behavior during this hard hard time i’m having

[thetrekkiehasthephonebox]

least favorite

mom: fine. you’re right and i’m wrong and i’m a horrible person. there. are you happy now?

see also

mom: you can’t be mad at me. you’re not allowed to be mad at me. i can’t stand it.

[star-anise]

Yeah this is just straight-up emotional abuse. It’s not uncommon for moms to confuse “emotional closeness” with demanding their children caretake for them emotionally, or just having no boundaries. And “have you considered that you are in fact the abusive one” is bog-standard DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender).

Women also make the mistake that because we are frequent targets for abuse, we cannot be abusive ourselves. WOMEN CERTAINLY CAN BE ABUSIVE, especially towards children society has historically said we ought to have the power of life and death over, and who tradition says should be 100% subservient to us.

[jentehj]

[quietvoiced]

[cndycrtz-deactivated20191201]

sometimes i just want to hear that i’m loved