abjectionly starving

[03830859]

introduction

sw: 57.2 kg | 126 lbs gw [I]: 50 kg | 110 lbs gw [II]: 45 kg | 99 lbs gw [III]: 40 kg | 88 lbs ugw: 35 kg | 77 lbs

[03830859]

i really want, need, to die right now. i don’t deserve to live at all. i want to die. i want to die. i want to die. i want to die. i want to die. i’m praying to everything holy to kill me. just kill me. i want to die. i want to die. i want to die. i want to die. i want to die. i want to die. i want to die. i want to die.

[03830859]

i got a stomach bug, and while everyone was worried about me, i couldn't be happier.

[03830859]

introduction

sw: 57.2 kg | 126 lbs gw [I]: 50 kg | 110 lbs gw [II]: 45 kg | 99 lbs gw [III]: 40 kg | 88 lbs ugw: 35 kg | 77 lbs

[03830859]

this is so embarrassing... i haven't reached my first gw yet.. omg just kill me please

[03830859]

when's it gonna be my turn? don't forget me.

when's it gonna be my turn? don't forget me.

when's it gonna be my turn? don't forget me.

when's it gonna be my turn? don't forget me.

[03830859]

my constant longing towards death is like a flower in my heart. i long, and long, and long and long for the sweet nectar of death. the scent of death, the flower constantly blooming in my heart, clouds my brain and creates a garden of noise.

[03830859]

i've been in a losing, gaining, losing, gaining cycle and i'm literally going to kill my self <3

[03830859]

and when i die, at least my remains would achieve my goals.

[03830859]

mentally, i'm shaking hands with death but physically i'm present; "alive".

[03830859]

"you're as comforting as the ocean and yet as mysterious as its depths."

[03830859]

to feel life i need to feel death but to feel death is to not be alive.

[03830859]

feeling alone in a crowded room, as if everyone is aware of my presence but cowardly distancing their selves to gossip.

[03830859]

i feel like joining the stars. i'm burning so intensely from within that i can feel death is a step away. a supernova waiting to quietly occur.

[03830859]

i'm losing weight steadily now, and i'm so happy about it. really close to my first gw. but i want to reach it before the end of this month and head towards my next gw.

[03830859]

visual representation of me being whisked away in the urge to be skinny, petite and small.

[03830859]

the urge to simply not exist is so strong that it translates into existing while taking up the least space.

[03830859]

i love rain— heavy and relentless. a downpour that drowns every molecule in a thunderous roar and a foggy haze. it has the ability to be so peaceful yet destructive, personally, helping me drown out my thoughts and endless existential longing. the raindrops that gently cascade on my skin are a welcoming sensation as they blend seamlessly with my chilled, forgotten body. they provide me with a sense of belonging as they surround me with cold touches yet warm embraces.

i'm so lucky that i got to experience that today as it represented the turbulent storm within my brain. walking through that seemingly deadly rain pour gave me reassurance that i am alive.