AERIA GLORIS @04-15-97 - Tumblr Blog

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I wanna fuck efran, not out of spite, but because i’m bored. it would entertain me, but i don’t want a 1 night stand. I want to make a connection with the person i become intimate with. The summer is here and the nights are warm, ready for laying together. the night sky is a bed. it’s nice to be consumed by darkness.

the dreams; they aren’t just in the other world, they are the other world. falling into heaven.

this person that i would like to pursue, i will prepare myself for. i have to get into better shape. i will do my stretches and become more flexible in the right places for certain positions. eat better food. i will start to visit his work more often, hopefully getting the opportunity to strike up a conversation, but i’m not sure what i would talk about. i feel so boring and bland. i hardly know myself or my interests anymore.i am interested in lots of things that he is like guns, farming etc. i like animals just not indoor pets. he’s a drinker, and i’m not really into that, but i bet i could get him so drunk he would fuck me. i don’t want any of my senses to be blunted when i’m with you. i want to completely feel you, consciencely and coherently experience you. The very essence of you, riveted to the core and fibers of your being. yes, i must have something intense and i will not settle for less. i don’t want a sloppy drunk fuck. i want someone who is eager to enjoy me. my insides, squishing himself around the thick jellies.

ugh i’m so bored. i keep going through the same collection of boys in my head. the ones i deem fuckable. and the pickins are slim. by that i mean it, would be difficult to get laid because i hardly have anything to talk about with these guys. i want to share my summer nights with somebody i will enjoy being with. someone to do all the things i love with. going to history museums, fucking outside, and when the firework holiday starts is my favorite part.

meolog

meditations on impermanence surprised by a sudden rainfall

timeaway

I hope someday the timing is right

asking-jude

Sometimes someone isn’t ready to see the bright side. Sometimes they need to sit with the shadow first. So be a friend and sit with them. Make the darkness beautiful.

Victoria Erickson (via asking-jude)

asking-jude

I am not looking to escape my darkness, I’m learning to love myself there.

Rune Lazuli (via asking-jude)

novice-heartbreaker-deactivated

lazyyogi

Maybe you are being taken advantage of, maybe the activity you are engaged in is tedious, maybe someone close to you is dishonest, irritating, or unconscious, but all this is irrelevant. Whether your thoughts and emotions about this situation are justified or not makes no difference. The fact is that you are resisting what is. You are making the present moment into an enemy. You are creating unhappiness, conflict between the inner and the outer. Your unhappiness is polluting not only your own inner being and those around you but also the collective human psyche of which you are an inseparable part. The pollution of the planet is only an outward reflection of an inner psychic pollution: millions of unconscious individuals not taking responsibility for their inner space. Either stop doing what you are doing, speak to the person concerned and express fully what you feel, or drop the negativity that your mind has created around the situation and that serves no purpose whatsoever except to strengthen a false sense of self. Recognizing its futility is important. Negativity is never the optimum way of dealing with any situation. In fact, in most cases it keeps you stuck in it, blocking real change. Anything that is done with negative energy will become contaminated by it and in time give rise to more pain, more unhappiness. Furthermore, any negative inner state is contagious: Unhappiness spreads more easily than a physical disease. Through the law of resonance, it triggers and feeds latent negativity in others, unless they are immune — that is, highly conscious.

Eckhart Tolle (via lazyyogi)

lavieciel

I write because I don’t know what I think until I read what I say.

Flannery O'Connor (via lavieciel)

thequotejournals

Because the world is so full of death and horror, I try again and again to console my heart and pick the flowers that grow in the midst of hell.

Hermann Hesse, Narcissus and Goldmund (via thequotejournals)

Now this is how I'm going to really positively influence you all. Not only am I going to show you how to single out the specific traits you're looking for in a person you'd consider friendship with, I'm going to show you how to identify the type of person you're looking TO AVOID in a relationship. First, I'll address this picture I've provided. This is a personals ad from my local springfield craigslist. If you are a man who is doing this or anything like this, I urge you to STOP right now. I have seen this man posting this for a couple of months and he has changed his ad and removed some thing's to make it shorter. Originally, this man had posted that he was looking for women who like to be belittled, talked down to, and abused. News flash: nobody likes getting abused!!!! This man is blatantly saying that he wants to harm someone, yet this is legal??? If there is a woman who is being abused, it's not because she likes it and it's not with her permission. If a woman is being abused, it's against her will, she is being oppressed, or held back my something. She's not looking for another low life piece of scum to drag her down more. That's why this man changed his post, he was probably not getting any replies because he's an abusive psycho and nobody wants to be with that. He changed his post from making it clear that he's intending on finding a battered woman and abusing her more, to making it very vague on what he intends to do with you. He asks for habits and symptoms of a hurt person who needs healing, and if a hurt person comes across this, they might mistake it for someone who can help them. Do you see why this is wrong? If you're going to be my friend then you have to. This is a prime example of the types of LOSERS in life that you want to avoid because they will only bring you down.

When I was young I fantasized about all the people I would meet and all the wonderful, intimate memories I would make with them. I dreamed of always putting all my effort into every relationship that I have. Now I am a young married woman with my entire life ahead of me. I haven’t even started meeting all these fantastic people, but I am ready to start. I want to meet people that are smart and intriguing. I am very picky when it comes to people I like. I'm high maintenance and I have high standards.

I can tell you what I don’t like: the psycho people on craigslist

deeplovephotography

tarantule

vanillaa-sunshine

❁❁ tropical blog, following back everyone ❁❁

sheisrecovering

I need someone I'm attracted to. I need someone I can actually talk to about the way I'm feeling without zakk trying to kiss or have sex with me. My problem is that I never want to kiss or have sex with him but he's stuck living in my place. Even if I kicked him out if have to take care of myself. I hate this situation it just drains everything out of me. I have no motivation. There's not even anybody on this earth that knows I exist so of course nobody cares about me and it's all zakks fault because he's a psycho obsessed with me. I appreciate that he takes care of me, but that doesn't mean I want to have sex with him. If sex and a romantic relationship is what you're expecting in return from you doing things for me, then we're done no problem and you should leave. I've been letting his bum ass stay with me-for free the entire time we've been together first off. If it weren't for him, I would've had money saved back and my life together. I just want out. He's a waste of time and money. I never want to have sex again or even hang out or look at him. I don't care. I want my own place where he's not going to be so I don't have to keep looking at him. He's in the other room and I'm FUXKING sick of never having any alone time to myself. The only reason I don't like myself, is because I ruined myself for his dumb ass. I hurt myself by being with him, by letting him drag me back. I don't know what to do. I don't want to hang out with him nor do I really enjoy it. He's extremely boring and never has any thing interesting or really entertaining to do or talk about. He's boring and bland bleh. He's not someone I want to be married to. I'd like him to be in my life forever, but not as my husband. I'm not physically attracted to him and I never was. This isn't working. I want to be in my own company alone. Id rather be alone than with him if he's going to try to control who I have relationships with. He has no control over me. He's already ruined my FUXKING life and he's bumming OFFF me by living at my place for free. Even if I wanted a relationship, I can't bring anyone over because he's living here. But I guess ruining any chances I ever had of being happy just isn't enough for him. He's just too much of a dumb ass to get a second job or something. He's probably wasting his time because he probably thinks I actually like him ughhh. I just need to take control now. I don't want to be physical ever again. I'm done feeling sorry for your helpless pathetic little boy because it's gotten me nowhere but in a deeper hole. I appreciate that you've saved me. You're the only person who's saved me before. Not even my mother has done what you've done. zakk has helped me more than anyone and I really appreciate it, but just because he helps me does not give him the right to control who I have relationships with and how. Only I can determine what I do with my body. My body my rules. It's hard to be friends. Let's just establish something. I don't want to be friends or even be in a relationship with you, but I need to because I have no one else to help me and you're the only decent person around here. No I'm not attracted to you. So we are going to look past our differences and make the best of our situation like two mature adults. Let's help each other realize our goals and help each other establish plans to get out of this situation faster than you arguing with me like an immature little kid working against us by holding us back and making this whole thing take longer. I want to get away from you as soon as possible that way I can actually start living my own life the way I've always wanted to before we got married and stop wasting time. And I want you to stop doing all the things your doing because you think it's going to make me like you more or want to stay with you. There's nothing in the world that can change the way I feel about you. I feel about you know the same way I always have since we met. A cute smart immature little boy who is growing and learning every day. I'm lonely and you are holding me back from finding my real true love. The person that satisfies me.zakk would be perfect if he just had completely different looks and was what I'm attracted to. The person I sacrifice my life to be with is definitely going to be way better than zakk. If I spent my life like this I might as well kill myself. I can't waste my time being married to someone who make me want to kill myself. I want to spend my time with someone who makes me feel alive and makes me want to love because I'm worth it and I deserve it. I'm young smart beautiful talented fun and funny.

#journal #vent #rant #diary