a log of the days @04292016-blog - Tumblr Blog

This is your reminder today (I forgot to post yesterday, sorry) #spreadlove #spreadpositivity #letsstartamovement #bethechange #makeadifference #yourreminderoftheday #misterrogers

#spreadlove #spreadpositivity #letsstartamovement #bethechange #makeadifference #yourreminderoftheday #misterrogers

Read this on an article regarding suicide after the discovery of zombie boy found dead in his home. I really wish that people took suicide more seriously and stop the stigma. Talk about it, reach out, acknowledge it. Mental health is a serious and a real issue.

Finally got some glasses that don’t sit on my nose and give me a headache. Fucking in love with these @warbyparker

⭐️this is going to be a long post⭐️ a year ago today i made one of the biggest changes of my life. i took out the most toxic thing i’ve ever brought into my life and took the biggest risk and leap of fate ever. those closest to me know the story and the situation that i’m referring to - but when i did this i had no plan of action whatsoever. luckily i had help from someone that i no longer associate with and things fell in to some sort of place, even though that wasn’t ideal. anyways, i’m going to cut to the chase and get to the real point here. it’s crazy how much i’ve battled, overcame and accomplished in a year. how much i’ve changed and grown into a much stronger person that i already was a year back. i like to think i’m a better person now from then, but i’ll never stop trying to be better than i can be. thank you to everyone (and you know exactly who you are) that stuck by my side while that toxic person was in my life. and for helping me get through that and everything after. you are who i refer to as my family. and i will always love you all and hold you close at heart no matter where and how far away i am from you all ♥️

my heart is aching right now. i can’t even find the words to describe how i feel. i knew exactly what happened when i got the text saying you died. you’ve dealt with more than i could imagine anyone baring. you’ve held on for so long. i thought you were one of the strongest people i knew with everything you’ve been through with the loss of your mom and brother. watching you from back when i met you in rebels to the life that you had made for yourself today was amazing. the first thing i thought about when i found out was that you were my first kiss at one of the bridgeview dances. i’ll never forget it... right before the lights turned on, against the mats placed on the wall. with courtney and everyone watching because they condoned the whole thing. i’m so fucking upset. i know we hadn’t talked in a while, but i know you had so many people who loved and cared about you and would have helped you and been there. but to an extent i understand. i hope you’ve found your peace with rob and your mom. you will be so missed and you are so loved. rest in peace you beautiful soul ♥️

@odesza last night at #uicpavilion #chicago #nofilter

#chicago #uicpavilion #nofilter

a few people think that i should put you down because of your “quality of life” but i don’t think it’s time. your vision varies from day to day. you’ve been a little more active than you used to be since i switched your food to something different than what abbott eats. you’re 13 years old but you’re still chugging along. i’m not in denial. i know in my heart you still want to be here and it’s not time for you to go. and i’m crying writing this because it’s not time for me either. this post is really personal and emotional. but your health could be so much worse for 13 years old. you have cloudy eyes and you can still see. you have 2 non cancerous tumors and you can still function. the only time you’re ever in pain is when another dog jumps on you because you have arthritis. you still belong here. my gut and my heart always tells me when something doesn’t belong or when something’s not right, and it’s not telling me it’s time to let you go yet.

day 1 - august 29th (4 months);

this is your surprise. I was in the shower and all day I have been thinking. and I thought how badly I wanted to talk to you. and how bad it’s going to suck to not talk to you. especially when I want to share things with you and tell you things. so I wondered what I could do to help cope. and then I thought of a journal. and I do best at typing because I hate physically writing. so I thought of this. so I can just send you the link. and you could read at will. and when you’re done, I’ll delete it. and know one knows about this except me and eventually you.

I also thought that it might also prove. prove that you could trust me. I need to do something to gain that back. I’m sorry.

anyways. here was my day today. I woke up. I thought of you. I texted you. a lot. you know what happened then. I went to work and throughout the day I got sicker. I feel horrible. I can’t even sleep on NyQuil because I’m so congested. I thought about you so much today. I zoned out a lot. I also thought about how when you were showing me the texts between you, Justin and Whitney, I was not once mentioned 🙁 I wondered why. I wondered how we would be come Anthony green day. I wondered how we would be the days after. I wonder what our future holds together. I never thought out life together would turn out this way.

being at the manager meeting made me hate the company all over again. I felt more miserable and depressed the longer I sat there. I don’t want to be a manager. I just wanted some extra money, as an associate. I have a job interview this week. Thursday at Citibank as a lead teller in Orland by the mall. my plan is that if I find a job, I will give amy 2 weeks and then step down. I don’t want this. I also don’t want to do this alone. maybe that’s the part that’s supposed to make us stronger. I wish I knew.

if we make it through this, we need to make a lot of changes. both of us. I’m scared.

I love you by the way, chewy had switched from peeling to pooping in the kitchen. I’d take that over pee.

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a log of the days