Summary- JJ McCarthy is a star. When his rookie year was cut short he spent a lot of time at home. the home he made with his girlfriend, his home. the injury came with a lot of emotional baggage. a lot of fighting. neither of them could take it anymore. y/n left the house, but JJ stayed. and the one thing she forgot to take, was her memory.
Note- i love these lil frat boys. this is influenced by house again by hudson westbrook bc i love angst (if we don’t know this by now)
well this Kitchen used to be a dance hall
music on and the lights off
The house was quiet, cold. JJ opened the door, hobbling in with his boot on his foot. frustration fuming through his head, another injury? what is wrong with me. why can’t I be what everyone thought I was going to be.
he hated a quiet house. it never used to be quiet. it was so empty, so lonely. the silence echoed through the walls. this was supposed to be his sanctuary, his home. but it was just a house. all the home left the day she walked out. The day he didn’t walk out with her. He couldn’t do the silence. A sigh left his lips as he tossed his duffle bag to the ground, walking over to the speaker that sat in the living room. He never knew that the shuffle button on his playlist would set him back six months of healing.
his back hit the couch right as the first note of their song played through the speaker, his breath stopped, his heart froze. her memory floated through the room, something shifted in JJ as he rested on the couch letting the lyrics fall into his very being.
his first week home was blissful, the ACL tear ruining his rookie year, but why did all that matter when he had the greatest girlfriend right by his side? he layed on the couch, ice to his leg, wrapped in a blanket all cozy. the soft music of there song floated through the living room as y/n came dancing into the living room. she came with a beautiful plate of pancakes and a cup of hot tea. she sang the song beautifully as she twirled into the room, sitting the plate and cup on the coffee table.
“Hello my JJ” she said, “how are you feeling?” JJ smiled bright, sitting up, being mindful of his injuries. “i’m feeling a bit better, thank you princess” he kissed her head as she sat next to him “anything for you Jay” she said gently, humming their song as he ate his pancakes. he felt perfect, he had everything he wanted right here. maybe it was all going to be okay.
new day through the window
bringing out the blue in your eyes
four boots by the front door
but two ain’t there anymore
he noticed everything that was missing. Only his sneakers sat by the door, only his jacket hung on the wall. the bathroom sink counter was empty all except hand soap and one tooth brush. he sat alone on a couch that was meant for two, the walls were empty, pictures of the two of them replaced by empty space and sadness.
he stood with hesitation, a few deep breaths helped him gather his thoughts as he walked into his bedroom. black out curtains replaced the natural lighting she loved, the bed was unmade, empty. there was nothing in here for him. how was he supposed to rest here alone, he couldn’t even sleep with his head on such a cold loveless pillow.
and now, it’s just four empty walls
where i lay my head and get no rest at all
the porch swing don’t swing
and now, it’s just wood on concrete
and numbers on a mailbox on used to be street
Y/n sat gracefully on the porch swing, there rottweiler indie ran through the yard chasing the football JJ threw across the yard. He makes his way to the porch swing, setting his crutches down against the fence, sitting next to his girl. Indie jumps up the stairs and launches herself into the laps of the two, somehow still careful of JJs leg, y/n laughs at her dog with a big grin, JJ groans “you are NOT a lap dog indie” he pushes her gently, but indie just lays her head in y/ns lap, JJ getting her hind end.
y/n giggles, laying her head on his shoulder, he places a kiss to her head, it really was the little moments that made the two the strongest. y/n took care of him, she made his house a home. she did all she could to make him feel warm and welcome in the home they had together. but the older they got, the less little moments they had. the less time they had for there little family.
JJ started to get better, he started to get restless. all he wanted was football. y/ns perfect family time was JJs nightmare. JJ wanted to be out on the field, he started moving before he was ready. y/n begged him to stay out, to heal, she begged for her little moments. the moments y/n sat on the porch tossing balls for indie, JJ sat upstairs watching film, stretching his legs, lifting weights. he’d be up before breakfast, go to bed after y/n did, she barely saw him and they lived in the same house.
he never noticed how much he was putting a strain on his relationship, he only noticed how much closer he got to football. when june came around, JJ sat with y/n in a doctors office, he was antsy, he was nervous. y/n knew how big a day this was for him, she sat excited as ever next to him. everything would go back to normal after JJ was ready for football. “Mr. McCarthy?” the nurse called, he stood quickly and rushed in with y/n on his tail. the doctor sat with them, JJ grabbed y/ns hand for support and tapped his foot impatiently.
“I took a look at your charts, it looks like you’re good to go back to practice” It was blissful, JJ was happy. but it didn’t go back to normal. He stayed out even later for practice, left even earlier. Then the fights started,
i guess you or i should’ve left when you did
the house you made a home
JJ sat alone in this house more times than he could count, trying to figure out why the hell he didn’t realize he was taking her for granted sooner. there was no dog to lay with him when he felt sad, no girl to hold when he didn’t want to be alone. he missed the loud barks of his dog, who left with the home that y/n took. he was so angry, with himself for hurting his girl. he was selfish. this was the girl he wanted to marry, and she was gone. All he heard when the house was quiet was the echos of y/n begging him to see her, but he didn’t listen. all he hears is the last conversation they had, the goodbye, the barking of their dog wanting to toss a ball. he heard her everywhere.
these days all i hear is an echo
of you sayin baby don’t go
if you, came back you’d be surprised
you wouldn’t even recognize this place
It had been small, something random to set off the fighting. neither of them could pin point why they fought, but they did. it could’ve been a simple request to help with the dishes, a request for take out, or maybe what movie they were to watch. it didn’t matter, the fights were bigger than whatever started them. “are you even sure why we’re fighting at this point JJ?” y/ns voice was quiet, the room was tense. JJ stood in the kitchen leaning against the counter as y/n sat in the living room with her knees to her chest. he thought for a moment, rolling his eyes “i don’t know y/n. i just know i’m tired of it” he spat “we fight like this once a day and you won’t tell me what’s been up with you” y/n stood so quick, startling indie who sat next to her on the couch “no. no we arnt doing this blaming thing” she shook her head, “it’s been weeks since we’ve talked JJ. it’s a simple hi, how was your day, then your gone again. it’s like football is the most important thing in your life” tears streamed her face, but she never raised her voice.
“Football is the most important thing in my life” he yelled. he wasn’t thinking when he yelled it, it hit y/n like a knife to the chest “wait,” he already knew the damage he had done before he had done it. y/n stood for a moment, stunned. she had spent the last week crying herself to sleep and JJ never noticed. she felt invisible, that no amount of words she screamed at him would fix them. “okay” was all she said as she called for indie “wait y/n-“ he reached for her, but she slipped past him as fast as the words slipped from his mouth “you know that’s not what i meant,” she shook her head as she packed a bag.
JJ watched as she packed his home away, as she grabbed indies leash and food. he didn’t know how to stop it, he didn’t want to beg, or to scream, he just wanted to take back everything hurtful he’s ever said. “you don’t have to leave,” he almost whispered, just wanting to hug her. she choked on all her sobs, dropping her stuff at the front door “you don’t see me JJ, you havnt seen me in months. i’m here to make sure you’ve taken your medicine, to make sure you’ve done your stretches, to hand you breakfast, lunch, and dinner. but you see the meals, you see the medicine, but you don’t see me. you don’t see her,” she points to indie who sat pretty by her leg, y/n wiped her eyes as she watched tears stream down JJs face. “your better now, you have football back. you have all you need” she said, anger and sadness pouring through her soul.
“goodbye JJ” and then she was gone. his dog was gone, his home was gone. and he didn’t chase her. but every moment moving forward he’d regret not chasing her that night. he should’ve chased her that night
'Cause now it's just four empty walls
Where I'll lay my head and get no rest at all
The porch swing don't swing, the doorbell don't ring
And now it's just wood on concrete
And numbers on a mailbox on Used To Be Street
I guess you were right, I should have left when you did
The house you made a home is now just a house again
y/ns gut wrenched at the news on her TV. JJ McCarthy injured again. she sat on her moms couch with indie, watching the latest on NFL redzone. she was terrified for him, she knew how much he must have been beating himself up. She worried he didn’t have anyone to take care of him, but quickly remembered that wasn’t all she was good for. she hated to admit it, but she missed him. it took everything in her heart not to run to him the second she felt he needed her
none of it mattered because he didn’t chase her.
JJ knew he was stupid, he knew not to drive in his boot, he knew not to show up to her parents house. but there he was, sitting in his car watching his dog bark at the door. He took a deep breath and hobbled his way to the front door, tears dried to his face as he watched indie sir pretty at the door. his finger pressed the doorknob and he stepped back.
the door swings open in shock as JJ is met with y/ns sister. “JJ?” she whispers, as to not alarm y/n. jj smiles “hey, i need to see y/n” his foot throbbed in pain but he ignored it, anticipation to see his girl setting in. “why?” y/ns sister whispers, knowing the two were meant for eachother they both just needed to man up. “i messed up” is all he said as y/n came up from behind her sister. “J.” she said, almost as a statement, breathing heavy as her sister stepped away. indie ran up and jumped on him, somehow being mindful of his leg
y/n looked down at his foot “you shouldn’t be on it this soon after the injury” she said. his little physical therapist, how he missed everything about her. he smiled hopefully “you knew about the injury?” she scoffed “of course i did JJ, i still support you.” she said, leaning against the doorway. “are you only here because you miss being taken care of?” she was blunt, he saw her hands shake as she talked. “i’m here because it took me losing you and football to realize when i lost football the first time i still had everything i could ever want. now that i lost both, i have nothing. i’d rather have you than no football than football and no you” he explained, indie sitting at his side listening to him talk. “our house is no home without you in it princess” he says honestly, tears welling in his eyes.
y/n sighed “i regret a lot of what i did then” she says, walking to sit on the steps, jj following in suit, indie close after. “but i have never once regret you” she admits, looking into his tear stained eyes. “i should’ve acted so different princess, i should’ve done so much better but i can’t change what i did. i can only fix it by doing better in the future, please come home with me, i miss your soft breathing in the bed and i miss your humming while we made breakfast together, i miss us” more tears fell, and y/n smiled as his cries for her. she nods her head
“okay” she says, grabbing his hand gently, he squeezed back like he’d never let go. “i want to go home” she agrees, he stands, helping her up, and holds her face in his hands, he pulls her close and the world stops when there lips meet. all was okay again
But now it's just four empty walls
Where I'll lay my head and get no rest at all
The porch swing don't swing, the doorbell don't ring
And now it's just wood on concrete
Numbers on a mailbox on Used To Be Street
I guess you were right, I should have left when you did
The house you made a home is now just a house again
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