There was a funny thing about water and oil. [...]
He should have been less surprised than he was once the door opened and Jiyeon almost immediately turned away after making some off-handed comment about the brownies. He took off his shoes and set them by the door before closing the door behind him almost soundlessly. Not sure where he should be, he took a seat on the couch, still pressing the plastic container to his chest. Clark stared at his socks as soon as she started venting, and he didn’t make any attempt to try and cut her off as she spoke. All he did was give a few nods every couple of seconds to show that he was still listening and was trying to understand her point of view to the best of his ability.
He looked up and over to the kitchen at her once her voice cracked. He told himself to walk over and give her some sort of physical affection to show that he cared and was sorry-- a hug, a pat on the back. He wasn’t sure why, but he was (perhaps unnecessarily) scared to approach her, so he stayed still and seated, his eyebrows furrowing in worry in response to her emotions.
Once she seemed like she had finished speaking, he looked around the living area for a box of tissues, finding one without much difficulty. Clark plucked a few tissues from the container and stood up with a deep sigh, less a sound of exertion and more of a sign that he was ready to respond. He walked over to where Jiyeon was and ducked his head down a bit to try and see if tears were still falling, firstly. He wasn’t sure, but he held his handful of tissues out to her anyways, mumbling something along the lines of “here, your face is all wet” before setting the treats on the counter in front of her. With another sigh, he rested his hands on the countertop in front of him, a bit of his tongue sticking out of his mouth as he searched for words. Nothing he could say or do would be as eloquent as what Jiyeon had just said. He wasn’t going to try to do any of that.
“I’m really sorry,” he started. “I was mean. You’re right. I don’t want to excuse my behavior from that night, but... I did want to just focus on my own feelings. All I thought was that I wanted to be alone. I don’t know if you could have sensed this, too, but I felt so sorry for turning you away and kicking you out like that. It hurt me to see that you were hurting, and I realized quickly enough that I was wrong to get mad at you and take my confused emotions out on you because I didn’t know how else to express myself. I belatedly realized that I hurt you, a few minutes after I closed the door. I felt like running down the hall and going down the elevator to try and catch you but my body moved for me or, rather, it didn’t move. I just... without thinking, I grabbed a wine bottle and went into my room.” He rubbed the nape of his neck and took another deep breath before continuing. “I... I’ve been a shitty friend. That’s saying the least of it. I try not to swear often, but I think it’s justifiable here,” he laughed lightly. “My stupid attempt to forget that night didn’t work out all that well, which I realized when I woke up in the morning. I was worried about you for the past few days, too, but I thought not to answer your texts or call because... I don’t know. I can’t give a good reason why. It’s probably because I’m selfish and mean, like you said. No matter how hard I try to actively combat those traits, it must be in my nature to think about me and not others. I’ve gone on living for so long like that, either consciously or not, so it’d only make sense.” Clark sighed, tapping the lid of the plastic container in front of them as he searched in his mind and in his heart for anything else he wanted to say to her.
“Thank you for protecting me. I hadn’t said that, yet.” The intonation of his voice and the words he chose as well as the lateness of this revelation sounded very, very bad. “Sorry,” he said again, almost reflexively now. “I’m sorry that all I’ve done so far is betray your trust and treat you badly and think of myself. I’m always trying to protect myself against something. I think now I realize I don’t really need to have my walls up around you. I’ve been so bad to you, you must not think very well of me anymore, but in my mind, you’re still one of my good friends, even if you don’t see me like that.” He’d finished for now. The weight was lifted off his shoulders. He felt like he’d just wrung a towel multiple times until it was bone dry. It took another minute to realize there were tears in his eyes now, too, which he wiped away with his sleeve. Clark didn’t know why he was crying now, but he didn’t think he should stop it.
