Out of Your Orbit @127h - Tumblr Blog

happy belated anniversary

Quarantine Diaries Day: 4

hello, is anyone out there? does anyone care?

uH, hi, tumblr, haven’t used you in a while. I’ve been stuck in my room while I wait for my test results, and it’s been hard. I haven’t fully lost my mind, but the breakdown I had on Day 3 could have said otherwise. wanna know what I’m up to? nothing. I’ve literally just laid in bed watching parks and rec or community. honestly, parks and rec has kept me pretty sane, and it makes me laugh. I haven’t laughed in a while. I laugh with my friends, but that’s because I’m intoxicated. I haven’t cleaned my room in months. I haven’t showered in a couple of days. I’m bed ridden. wanna know what I really miss? cooking and baking. I haven’t done that for my own pleasure in months. I can’t do that now since I’m potentially positive. my heart hurts, reader. I hung out with my friends last Saturday, but I haven’t talked to them. I basically cut them off. I’ve contemplated suicide for a few months now. I always think about it, and joke about it, but I actually wrote my letter a couple times. things got really dark, and I couldn’t get out of my head. I was stuck. I actually tried a few weeks ago, but managed to talk myself down. I tried doing it one night after hanging out with my friends. everything was blurry. it was hard. I felt alone. no one knows about this, and nobody knew about what was going on because I looked fine, right? I was happy, out, and about with my friends, right? nobody asked how I was doing. how do you tell someone, “hey, I tried to kill myself last night, but I obviously didn’t because I’m still here, so how are you?” anyways, I talked to my dad last night about some of the things going on. it hurt telling him I didn’t want to live anymore. hearing him cry, and not getting to hug him hurt so much. I didn’t go into much detail because I couldn’t hurt him anymore. my mom wants me to see a therapist, but I can’t afford to do that to them right now. I’ll deal with it alone like I have been. the only reason I don’t do it is because of the two people who love me unconditionally. I can’t hurt them like that, but it’s so hard. I don’t want to do anything, I don’t want to work, I don’t want to finish school. I have zero motivation. I’m mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted. I’m broken. I’m alone. I’m tired...

127h

I have a knot in my throat, and I can’t breathe properly.. is this a symptom? am I finally going to die?

najd-social-club

me: *crying*

demon under my bed: "again???????????????"

neckxd33p

Kinda horny, kinda sad, kinda tired

fluffgawd

I just want him to let me rub his head while he lays on my titties.

laskawie-deactivated20200518

unreadable

allman-vibe-deactivated20170703

little-lovely-sub

Masturbation tip:

Use my mouth.

understands

swqadie

Every one: You have to make time for yourself! me: *stays up until 1 am every night crying* Me time 😍💆

my fucking hooray for today:

ate two meals today instead of my usual one. I ate half of one, and threw up the other one, but baby steps.. right?

Quarantine Diaries Day: 4

hello, is anyone out there? does anyone care?

uH, hi, tumblr, haven’t used you in a while. I’ve been stuck in my room while I wait for my test results, and it’s been hard. I haven’t fully lost my mind, but the breakdown I had on Day 3 could have said otherwise. wanna know what I’m up to? nothing. I’ve literally just laid in bed watching parks and rec or community. honestly, parks and rec has kept me pretty sane, and it makes me laugh. I haven’t laughed in a while. I laugh with my friends, but that’s because I’m intoxicated. I haven’t cleaned my room in months. I haven’t showered in a couple of days. I’m bed ridden. wanna know what I really miss? cooking and baking. I haven’t done that for my own pleasure in months. I can’t do that now since I’m potentially positive. my heart hurts, reader. I hung out with my friends last Saturday, but I haven’t talked to them. I basically cut them off. I’ve contemplated suicide for a few months now. I always think about it, and joke about it, but I actually wrote my letter a couple times. things got really dark, and I couldn’t get out of my head. I was stuck. I actually tried a few weeks ago, but managed to talk myself down. I tried doing it one night after hanging out with my friends. everything was blurry. it was hard. I felt alone. no one knows about this, and nobody knew about what was going on because I looked fine, right? I was happy, out, and about with my friends, right? nobody asked how I was doing. how do you tell someone, “hey, I tried to kill myself last night, but I obviously didn’t because I’m still here, so how are you?” anyways, I talked to my dad last night about some of the things going on. it hurt telling him I didn’t want to live anymore. hearing him cry, and not getting to hug him hurt so much. I didn’t go into much detail because I couldn’t hurt him anymore. my mom wants me to see a therapist, but I can’t afford to do that to them right now. I’ll deal with it alone like I have been. the only reason I don’t do it is because of the two people who love me unconditionally. I can’t hurt them like that, but it’s so hard. I don’t want to do anything, I don’t want to work, I don’t want to finish school. I have zero motivation. I’m mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted. I’m broken. I’m alone. I’m tired...

#tw: suicide #x