150cmwrites

"There is a girl who still writes you; she doesn’t know how not to." find me on my main @loveonrainydays

[150cmwrites]

why does it feel so good to be in love with something so untamed? we both knew this was wrong when we walked into it. but being scared and running away doesn't always go hand in hand. i was scared of losing you and you said not having me was something you couldn't even imagine. the fear drove me towards you, it pulled us closer day by day until there was no other way than forward. i kept looking back but everywhere i looked i saw you and i forgot what life was before i met you. what was my phone if not sweet messages awaiting to be unwrapped? where did i keep my hand if not wrapped in yours? then, to whom am i singing to if not to sing you to sleep? you're lips always graced the truth with lies and we both believed them. you know, the diary i kept in my drawer still screams your name but the words are empty but still, somehow, i can't stop writing.

fear || 150cmwrites

[ninasdrafts]

“I find pieces of you in every corner of this city. In every building, in every patch of green on the sidewalk, in every secret place we’ve made our own. There are ghosts of our laughter in small cafés, remnants of our stories whispered on the wind on abandoned playgrounds, hidden away in concrete, in sand, in empty coffee cups. We found peace in the small moments, in the little things, like watching the sun vanish behind the rooftops at the end of a long day, sharing our secrets as if we had to. As if we needed to. It gave us space, and freedom, and happiness. And even though this city keeps reminding me of you in ways that are both beautiful and painful, I am grateful for it. Because this city holds all my memories of us like a diary, like a photo album, and sometimes I can’t help flicking through the pages, even though the sharp edges leave me with cuts on the tips of my fingers. Sometimes remembering hurts but I found that choosing to forget hurts more.”

— this city / n.j.

[ninasdrafts]

“Like pebbles that are shaped by the constant kiss of the sea, time wore us out and smoothed our edges, allowing us to grow into different people. Sometimes things just work a lot better the second time around. Sometimes people need their space to evolve, to become who they are meant to me. And eventually, everything will fall into place, even if it’s years down the road.”

—

[150cmwrites]

i am dying to make things work between the two of us. my hands used to blame you for not reaching out. you used to hide yours behind your back or your pockets. sometimes you'd reach out for the tissues behind me. or the snacks on my left side. i always wished your hand would accidently bump in to my shoulder or that your fingers would reach for my palm. i kept on wishing. your lips were covered in honey and sprinkles. i used to accuse you of lying. now i am begging for you to stand still and let me hold you between arms. my lips are calling out your name, asking for you to stay. my eyes are yelling at the distance, the miles between us. stay. just for a while longer. our fingertips are rebelling each other and no matter how hard i reach forward i cannot feel your skin. i can only feel the void and the ache in my heart. no matter how far i reach out there is only empty space left. it's taking up miles and miles like a never ending river and all i am asking is to feel you warmth, even if it's just one last time.

stay || 150cmwrites

[devilskissgoodnight]

Cause girls only say “hate you” to the boys they love, but In this very moment I cling my fists and pray for it not to be true. Just this once I want to hate you, without having to love you all the same. Cause to you it’s simple, I love you. To me on the other hand, it’s not quite so. I love you, and somewhere deep down you love me too, but I wish you would love me different. I need you to love me different, or not at all. Where to you, it is enough that I love you, to you it is as simple as that.

Past lovers ruined love. (via devilskissgoodnight)

[inkskinned]

but you see her on instagram and it was never really said that you guys aren’t friends but one day she stopped answering and you stopped texting and it’s not like the wound is a cavern but it is a diagram of what if in red letters. you want to tell her nice lipstick that’s a good color but the last time you spoke it was stilted and awkward 

how do you say goodbye, you know? it’s not an unfriend and block kind of situation. but you watch the people you once loved go on and have a life and you’re outside of it. and it’s bittersweet because of course it’s okay that you’re both thriving. but she used to be who you’d call if you needed to cry. she used to be who’d you’d be binge watching the new series with. you used to be hers, in a way, even if that way wasn’t permanent. and now she’s someone else and so are you and your friendship is clicking heart shapes next to pictures where she smiles next to people you’ve never met. you know where her birthmark is. she knows where you’ve buried your dead.

the poets and the singers and the authors write about romantic love when it ends. but nobody tells you how to get over a friend.

[150cmwrites]

he found happiness in someone other than me, but why can't i?

[poetryisanemotioninwords]

Everyone is looking at you looking at him. Everyone can tell. He can tell. So you spend most of your time not looking at him. The wallpaper, the floor, there are cracks in the ceiling. Someone has left a can of iced tea in the corner, it is half-empty I mean half-full. There are four light bulbs in the standing lamp, there is a fan. You are counting things to keep from looking at him. Five chairs, two laptops, someone’s umbrella, a hat. People are talking so you look at their faces. This is a good trick. They will think you are listening to them and not thinking about him. Now he is talking. So you look away. The cracks in the ceiling are in the shape of a whale or maybe an elephant with a fat trunk. If he ever falls in love with you, you will lie on your backs in a field somewhere and look up at the sky and he will say, Baby, look at that silly cloud, it is a whale! and you will say, Baby, that is an elephant with a fat trunk, and you will argue for a bit but he will love you anyway. He is asking a question now and no one has answered it yet. So you lower your eyes from the plaster and say, The twenty-first, I think, and he smiles and says, Oh, cool, and you smile back, and you cannot stop your smiling, oh, you cannot stop your smile.

On The Discomfort Of Being In The Same Room As The Boy You Like, Sarah Kay (via poetryisanemotioninwords)

[flusteredkeith]

Tonight, I raised my hand to my face to brush away an untamed curl of hair, and when it slid past my nose, it smelled suddenly of you. Not your cologne, or the soap you use, not shampoo or aftershave. That skinsmell I find tucked into your neckplace—that late afternoon nap’s shadow that rises and falls, rises and falls against my sheets, leaving traces of you in every pillowcase. I held very still and closed my eyes, trying to keep whatever particles of you I managed to steal, until even my inhale meant losing you. So then I didn’t breathe at all, just held my hand against my cheek, and for a moment, felt that it was you.

Sarah Kay, No Matter the Wreckage (excerpt from “India Trio”)

[150cmwrites]

you. i am constantly thinking about you. your hair after a hot shower, your eyes after a good laugh, the red puffy eyes after a long cry. the sweat soaked black shirt. food stuffed cheeks and oil covered lips. the warmth of your fingers wrapped around my arm. skin. so much skin but not enough time. the movie theater, you next to me. the poker cards on the kitchen table. it's all you. i am constantly thinking about you. the phone call after the 10 hour flight. messages back and forth. your name. the hours between us. i am constantly thinking. the missed calls and unread messages. the 'i miss you's, the sudden change, the great unknown. you. i am constantly thinking about you.

you || 150cmwrites

[150cmwrites]

these days i cannot find the courage to message you. your voice is a little colder than before and a bitter aftertaste lingers in the air after you cut the call. i have learned to embrace the cold with layering more. my skin used to be warm before you touched it. you told me, that i kept you warm. i have always been more of a summer girl, i liked the warmth of the sun kissed beach. that evening, we were at your place when i asked you, if you would like to dance under the sun with me. you told me, you didn't like how hot it gets when the sun hits your skin. you told me, you preferred the winter, because it kept your body cooler

unfinished #5 || 150cmwrites

[150cmwrites]

you sent me a snap of your late night with the boys. a snap that you sent everyone else and nothing else for hours. i ask you what you're doing. i didn't hear from you for the next day. then you open my message before bed to say you're logging off. i know i'm obsessed, i used to judge you for it, now i can only hate myself for it. so i wrote you a poem of the things i wanted to tell you to keep myself from thinking about you. how ironic is that? i learned now that it doesn't matter when i open your snaps, it doesn't matter because you won't notice. you'll only look for me when you're lonely

things i'll never tell you || 150cmwrites

[life-of-el-blog]

“…and I hope that one day you love someone the way that I loved you. Because the way that I loved you was no ordinary feeling. It taught me that no job, no grade, no holiday and no material object is half as important as the people you love and how you love them. I never knew you could make homes out of people until I found myself homesick whenever I spent time away from you. I’d never been afraid of loving someone until I spent hours lying beside you and your voice became my favourite sound. I never really liked music until I found you in the words of what then became my favourite songs. I always thought books exaggerated love stories, until it was only you and I that existed when you kissed me under the summer sky in Venice as the warm rain caught my (freshly washed!!) hair. I never cared much for poetry until you left and poems became the only places I found you. I never knew I loved writing so much until the only way to keep myself from falling to pieces without you was to pour those pieces of myself on to the pages of my diary. I never knew feeling a love so deeply was even possible, but I know now never to expect anything less. And I’m so glad you taught me what love is supposed to feel like. I just hope that one day you fall in love so much so that you learn too what I have learned from you.”

— an excerpt from a letter I wont send to him

[donnatarrt-deactivated20200603]

“He was pointing at the moon, but I was looking at his hand.”

— Richard Siken, Anyway (via birdonahotdog)

[etoile-filantes]

And every day, I write back to the letters you never wrote.

@etoile-filantes (via etoile-filantes)

[150cmwrites]

so you asked me why i stopped answering your calls? because i started liking you and i know i shouldn't. and you keep calling me and being sweet to me whenever you feel like it and then suddenly you stop replying to my messages and you stop calling and stop saying sweet things and i tell you i miss you and i regret it because i don't wanna lead you on but i miss you so so much and you don't open the message until a day later and i regret ever sending it. i regret letting you know how i feel because i'm scared once you know you'll leave me because then you won't be afraid of losing me. so i decide to stop taking your calls but then you don't call for days and i'm scared you never will so i pray that you'll call and when you do i answer and forget that i wasn't supposed to. so i stopped messaging you, hoping that you'd ask me why but you never did.

why i stopped answering your calls || 150cmwrites

[150cmwrites]

i'm a mess because of you. every message you leave unread makes me wonder if you're ignoring me on purpose and every message you leave on read makes me think of excuses for you. every phone call you cut unexpectedly leaves me wondering if i'll ever hear from you again and i'm sick and tired of wondering where you are at any given second because i don't trust you or us and i don't think i ever will because you've given me no reason to. i don't wanna sit and wait for your responses or wait for you to call me because you think it's funny that i'm scared of losing you and you think i'll always be here. is this relationship even real if it's always on your terms? i've wasted 4 months thinking and crying and waiting for you to tell me that you've come back. that the past months were just a nightmare and you're still the same you and your heart is still mine but it's time for me to let go because after you changed, our relationship changed too and we can never get it back to how it was

unfinished #4 || 150cmwrites