Birdland

The old beat of the heart I used to hold. Time has passed and I can't feel you anymore.

[1678broadway]

A letter Home

My Love,

My best and closest friend

I worry everyday about you

And your feelings

I hate seeing you sad

I hate to know you feel bad about life

You will get better

You will be happy

And you will find love

But all in yourself

I am not what you need

And I know that now

But I will always be around

To give you a hug when you feel down

My special little bird

You are always in my thoughts

Always on my mind

You will find your peace

But only inside yourself

I love the way you smile

And you will be happy

All you have to do is try

[1678broadway]

Sunday, May 10th, 2020 (12:34am)

Heaven is not real. There is no place called home.

Home is in nobody’s arms.

I wish I could believe in something like love again.

I change from one feeling to the next,

Like a sea under a storm.

Maybe I am the one who is unstable.

The love I felt was too real and it burned me.

If heaven were real then it would be in a pair of caring arms.

All I ever wanted was someone to try and understand me.

Not try to change me.

Look at me and love who I am.

They lied when the told me about heaven in church.

The was a place where I felt at home.

When everything was better.

When certain words hadn’t been said.

Back when the illusion of a love supreme was still in my soul.

[1678broadway]

Mr. Doubt

The one lone voice.

I hear only one such voice distinctly

Some days there are many voices

Some mean and some nice.

But that one is the strongest of all.

Mr. Doubt

You frighten the hell out me.

You have a loud and stern voice

Your dark eyes, I can see them when I can’t sleep.

You are the reason for my anxiety.

One day I wish to wake up alone again and figure out that all this is over.

The doubt is confusion.

The way I feel could be a mistake

Am I slowly drowning?

And if I am, can I save myself?

Have I gone too far?

Mr. Doubt, please stop yelling at me.

Please be clearer.

What is slowly happening to me?

[beatness-poetry]

Sausalito Trash Prayer by Lew Welch

Sausalito,        Little Willow, Perfect Beach by the last Bay in the world,       None more beautiful,

Today we kneel at thy feet       And curse the men who have misused you.

[jazz-improvisation]

Chet Baker and French girlfriend Lili, Copenhagen,

Denmark, December 1955.

Photo: Lennart Steen

[jazzplusplus]

Down Beat du 6 août 1959 - Duke Ellington

[1678broadway]

Ocean

How does it feel

To be lost?

What do you feel when you’re there?

I miss the fact that I used to love you

I still do

But I miss the feeling

Where has it all gone?

Your way has left me hanging

Left me for dead

There is a method to my madness

But none to yours

Please leave me be

Please leave me alone

I wish I could go home and be there to stay

She shall never be around

And I accept it

I wish someone would save me

I need an escape

I want to feel well

I can’t do it

Help me

Bird you are killing me

[1678broadway]

Lucky Number 23

If I could, I would find a way

My luck ran out on you a long,

long time ago.

We used to laugh

Now we can only cry

If only time could explain why?

Why everything is this way?

Why can’t I find the feeling?

I don’t feel excited to see you

I miss the feeling

But it has walked off

It rode into the sun with you

If life is like Jazz

Then love is not.

It used to be,

Or so I thought.

If you hold your heart in your hand

You will gain only pain.

Because no one wants to hear you, and comprehend

Lucky number 23

I wish it would have all turned out differently

But you used to say that this is the only way.

What starts out wrong, never ends OK.