for my candour

This tumblr is a time capsule for my musings and an unpredictable amalgamation of all the things that fascinate me.

[18thvariation]

2022 annual review

What can I say... except that I’m feeling defeated amidst the storm of eugenic gaslighting and COVID minimization constantly swirling around us. It is a dark time to be in public health, but it’s even more devastating when your own field turns against its own alleged values. To those still holding the line and speaking our truths, I echo your defiance.

I’ll continue to show up day after day and do my best.

Notable Happenings

Long-awaited reunion with Quag - skating in North Van

Monkeypox vaccine campaign

J+K wedding in Tofino (Wickaninnish Beach)

Expanding my teaching practice :) 

Camping with Lady @ Sproat Lake

Norcal trip: Monterey, Big Sur, Napa/Sonoma, San Francisco

Highlights: McWay sunset, Monterey Bay Aquarium, Asian Art Museum, Legion of Honor

Influenza vaccination campaign

Adopting Goose! (@thecutestgoose)

Books that influenced me:

What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma (Foo, Stephanie)

Caste: The Origins of Our Discontent (Wilkerson, Isabel)

Border and Rule: Global Migration, Capitalism, and the Rise of Racist Nationalism (Walia, Harsha)

All the Living and the Dead: From Embalmers to Executioners, an Exploration of the People Who Have Made Death Their Life's Work (Campbell, Hayley)

All That Moves Us: A Pediatric Neurosurgeon, His Young Patients, and Their Stories of Grace and Resilience (Wellons, Jay)

The Inevitable: Dispatches on the Right to Die (Engelhart, Katie)

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes & Other Lessons from the Crematory (Doughty, Caitlin)

Invisible Child: Poverty, Survival & Hope in an American City (Elliot, Andrea)

On Fire: The Burning Case for a Green New Deal (Klein, Naomi)

Braiding Sweetgrass: Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowkedge, and the Teachings of Plants (Kimmerer, Robin Wall)

No Is Not Enough: Resisting Trump’s Shock Politics and Winning the World We Need (Klein, Naomi)

The Emergency: A Year of Healing and Heartbreak in a Chicago ER (Fisher, Thomas)

Dear Life: A Doctor’s Story of Love and Loss (Clarke, Rachel)

The Vaccine Race: Science, Politics, and the Human Costs of Defeating Disease (Wadman, Meredith)

The Facemaker: One Surgeon's Battle to Mend the Disfigured Soldiers of World War I (Fitzharris, Lindsey)

A Good Time to be Born: How Science and Public Health Gave Children a Future (Klass, Perri)

The Magical Language of Others (Koh, E.J.)

Chinatown Pretty: Fashion and Wisdom from Chinatown’s Most Stylish Seniors (Lo, Andria)

Favourite Movies/TV series

SPY x FAMILY

Crash Landing on You

Twenty-Five Twenty-One

Hospital Playlist

The Farewell

Favourite foodie experiences

Brasserie Coquette (Kitsilano)

Sushi Time (Kerrisdale)

MELLO (Kerrisdale)

Esteban (Monterey, CA)

Palette Tea House (San Francisco, CA)

California Fish Market (San Francisco, CA)

[18thvariation]

My audio companions

Medicine, Health

Death Panel ☆

White Coat, Black Art (CBC) ☆

Maintenance Phase

America Dissected ☆

Sawbones: A Marital Tour of Misguided Medicine

The Dose (CBC)

Bodies

Body Stuff with Dr. Jen Gunter

DDx (ended) ☆

This Podcast Will Kill You

CMAJ Podcasts

Dr. Death (ended)

News, Politics, Long-form investigative journalism

CANADALAND ☆

Citations Needed ☆

OPPO/The Backbench ☆

COMMONS

Gaslit Nation ☆

Reveal ☆

Front Burner (CBC)

On the Media

This is Vancolour

Thunder Bay (ended) ☆

The White Saviors (ended)

Believed (NPR) (ended)

The Catch and Kill Podcast with Ronan Farrow (ended)

Science, Social Science, Humanities, Human Interest

Crackdown ☆

Terrible, Thanks for Asking ☆

You’re Wrong About ☆

If Books Could Kill ☆

Ologies ☆

Rough Translation

Code Switch

Factually! with Adam Conover

American Hysteria

The Story Collider

We Are Childfree (ended)

The Dropout (ended) ☆

Undiscovered (ended) ☆

Appearances (ended) 

Technology & Design

99% Invisible ☆

Reply All ☆

Rabbit Hole

Teach Musically’s Podcast

History

The Secret Life of Canada (CBC)

Telling Our Twisted Histories (CBC) (ended)

[18thvariation]

2021 annual review

... what an absolutely wild year.

I went from seeing one other person during the early months of the pandemic to suddenly interacting with 1000-6000 people daily as they filed through the mass vaccination clinics. The juxtaposition was breathtaking. So was the wide variation in human behaviour exhibited as people emerged from their varying degrees of isolation and showed up at the clinics.

The early months were full of growing pains, as we faced a chaotic rollout, ever-changing eligibility, unpredictable schedules & staffing. I was beyond grateful to receive my first dose of the Pfizer mRNA vaccine, and I could not stop smiling as I saw the look of pure relief on other healthcare workers’ faces as they filed through Blusson in their scrubs and clogs. Of course, it wasn’t all rosy. I faced my fair share of racist remarks, desperate pleas from stressed and/or terrified healthcare colleagues, and verbal aggression from clients who chose to inflict violence. The summer months (and the Delta variant) brought a new wave of challenges as we endured clinician burnout, the heat dome, vaccine supply issues, medical misinformation, unpredictable pop-up clinics, and youth immunizations. In the colder months, we settled into a weird liminal space, with a tenuous acceptance of masks and QR codes as long as the capitalist machine could continue unabated. Did we dare dream about a holiday season that approximated the before-times? We all know how that ended. Omicron. Mass illness. Hospitalizations. The breathtaking booster rollout.

I won’t rehash the trauma and burnout here. It has been (and continues to be) a great honour to be involved with the vaccine campaign to protect public health. The COVID-19 experience has undoubtedly reaffirmed my dedication to the service of others, but also continually forces me to confront the chasm between evidence-based science and the attempts to manufacture reality. It is painful to see my field slandered, misunderstood, and misrepresented so hatefully. It is even more painful to see it being commandeered by armchair Twitter epidemiologists and MD/MPH/PhD/MBA grifters who should be ashamed of the classist, ableist, and frankly eugenic rhetoric they are pushing.

Notable Happenings:

Welcomed Momo (American eskie/Japanese spitz puppy) into our lives

Animal Crossing New Horizons ♥ 

Spent hundreds of hours with VCH colleagues having no clue what they look like without their masks

Working and volunteering @ the COVID-19 vaccine clinics

Blusson, Sunset, Vancouver Community College, KPU, Cambie, Kerrisdale, Minoru,  Vancouver Convention Centre, Richmond Night Market, River Rock, Italian Cultural Centre, Langara, SFU Downtown

Vaccine cards!

Settling into our new condo in Kitsilano! (Needed a home office due to WFH)

Cousins reunion at Brix :)

Guilt-laden birthday trip to Whistler (and an amazing massage @ Vida Spa)

Housewarming plans ruined by COVID, no surprise there

Working @ the UBC COVID-19 testing site during the Omicron wave

Books that influenced me:

The Perfect Predator (Steffanie Strathdee)

Neglected No More: The Urgent Need to Improve the Lives of Canada’s Elders in the Wake of a Pandemic (Andre Picard)

Dark Money (Jane Mayer)

Catch and Kill (Ronan Farrow)

The Sum of Us (Heather McGhee)

Stamped from the Beginning (Ibram X Kendi)

“Indian” in the Cabinet: Speaking Truth to Power (Jody Wilson-Raybould)

Seeing Ghosts (Kat Chow)

Resistance is Futile: The Life and Death and Life of Julie Lalonde (Julie Lalonde)

Between Two Kingdoms: A Memoir of a Life Interrupted (Suleika Jaouad)

Crying in H Mart (Michelle Zauner)

You’ll Never Believe What Happened to Lacey: Crazy Stories about Racism (Amber Ruffin)

Favourite Movies/TV series

Don’t Look Up

Jojo Rabbit

Hometown Chachacha

Squid Game

Bo Burnam: Inside

Breaking Boundaries: The Science of our Planet

Sailor Moon Eternal

Favourite foodie experiences

Nana’s Green Tea (Kerrisdale)

Sweet Barrel Creamery (Kitsilano)

Gateau de Henry (Kitsilano)

Salty Sugar Patisserie (Kitsilano)

Anh and Chi (Mount Pleasant)

Mello (Chinatown)

[18thvariation]

2020 semi-annual review (part 2)

I usually try to summarize my learnings in some meaningful way, but I think the heaviness and complexities of the themes make them difficult to condense. I will however say that 2020 marked a massive expansion and evolution of my leftist education and worldview. I hope that compassion, moral clarity, and righteous anger will continue to propel me forward.

Notable Happenings (Jul-Dec)

Continued teaching virtual piano lessons & theory

Finished my MPH program! First person in the fam with a masters degree! :D

Returned to practicing piano and violin on a daily basis

Spent a very chilly birthday outdoors with my besties...

Zoom graduation (...no comment)

Ran a physically distanced flu clinic in a literal ballroom

Picked up my beautiful digital piano ♥

Completed my amigurumi advent calendar

Zoom Holidays, a very poor approximation/facsimile of the real deal

Books that influenced me:

The Skin We’re In (Desmond Cole)

Just Mercy (Bryan Stevenson)

Seven Fallen Feathers (Tanya Talaga)

Hiding in Plain Sight (Sarah Kendzior)

Separated: Inside an American Tragedy (Jacob Soboroff)

You Look like a Thing and I Love You (Janelle Shane)

Favourite Documentaries & Movies

The Devil We Know (Netflix)

A Life on Our Planet (Netflix)

Favourite Anime/Manga/animated movies (because it’s not all gloom and doom)

Honey and Clover (I & II)

Cardcaptor Sakura: Clear Card (sequel)

Anohana: The Flower We Saw That Day

The Way of the House Husband

Kakushigoto

The Cat Returns

Ride Your Wave

Cardcaptor Sakura Movie 2: The Sealed Card

Aggretsuko Season 3

[lunaebun]

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(via uttsukushi)

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2020 semi-annual review (part 1)

I lost track of time several months ago and I’m pretty sure I’ll be disoriented forever. 

Notable Happenings (Jan-Jun)

Semester #4 of #publichealth, featuring SAS, regression, and healthcare priority setting (hi UBC!)

Semester #5 of #publichealth - writing a thesis during a global pandemic

Unknowingly had my last day of grad school classes without saying a proper goodbye to the cohort

Participated in the GVRD Homeless Count

Moved my piano studio online due to COVID-19

Perfected my rosemary focaccia and experimenting with desserts!

Animal Crossing Pocket Camp ♥

Became REALLL tired of Zoom meetings

Spent far too many hours staring at screens

Periodically descended into the depths of despair

Books that influenced me:

Fighting for Space (Travis Lupick)

Chasing The Scream (Johann Hari)

Know My Name (Chanel Miller)

The Shock Doctrine (Naomi Klein)

Good and Mad (Rebecca Traister)

Our Revolution: A Future to Believe In (Bernie Sanders)

Spillover: Animal Infections and the Next Human Pandemic (David Quammen)

Your Heart Is the Size of Your Fist: A Doctor Reflects on Ten Years at a Refugee Clinic (Martina Scholtens)

Favourite Documentaries & Movies

Parasite

Favourite TV Series/Specials (all conveniently on Netflix)

Cardcaptor Sakura (rewatch!!)

Explained

Unbelievable

The Trials of Gabriel Fernandez

Becoming

[kinoraisins]

New OP dress ish preeeetehhh <3

[18thvariation]

2019 Semi-annual Review (part 2)

Climate change isn’t an “issue” to add to the list of things to worry about... It is a civilizational wake-up call. A powerful message - spoken in the language of fires, floods, droughts, and extinctions - telling us that we need an entirely new economic model and a new way of sharing this planet. Naomi Klein

Notable Happenings (Jul-Dec)

Thailey’s performance of Matilda~ 

STI/HIV World Congress

Weekend @ Scandinave Spa with the cousins

Hiking: Big Cedar & Kennedy Falls

Continuing on with the BC ECHO on Substance Use project

Semester #3 of #publichealth, which induced near-constant anxiety about the climate emergency and the multitude of environmental threats we face

International climate strike

Dr. Ken Benson Memorial scholarship :)

Discovered /r/WitchesVsPatriarchy

Turned 28... yikes

Visited the RAPS cat sanctuary in Richmond

Meeting doggos & puppers for adoption (Butter, Cream, Wangzi, Milktea)

Holidays with Lady and 点点 ♥

Reuniting with Cheryl & Alicia

Poco Holiday Reunion (with Bambi and Snow)

Cousin Christmas shenanigans... and that amazing Instagram post

Countdown with Lady!

Creeping on Luna the kitty

Favourite Documentaries

Dancing with Birds

Broken (Netflix)

Favourite TV Series/Specials

BoJack Horseman Season 6 ♥

Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj

Diagnosis

Aggretsuko Season 2

Jane the Virgin Season 5

John Mulaney and the Sack Lunch Bunch ♥

Ronny Chieng: Asian Comedian Destroys America

Foodie Experiences

Bistro Sakana (Yaletown)

Angus T (Yaletown)

Shiro Japanese (Fairview)

[18thvariation]

An updated, massive list of podcasts that I find delightful

News, Politics, Long-form investigative journalism

The Daily ☆

Today, Explained

CANADALAND ☆

OPPO

COMMONS

Thunder Bay (ended) ☆

The House from CBC Radio

Front Burner from CBC Radio

Gaslit Nation ☆

Intercepted ☆

Citations Needed

The Ezra Klein Show

On the Media

Reveal ☆

Believed (NPR)

SOLD! (CBC) (ended)

Somebody from iHeartRadio (ended)

There Goes The Neighbourhood (ended)

Science, Social Science, Humanities, Human Interest

Crackdown ☆

Terrible, Thanks for Asking ☆

The Dropout (ended) ☆

Ologies ☆

Undiscovered (ended) ☆

Rough Translation ☆

Codeswitch

Radiolab

Intelligence Squared

Medicine, Health

White Coat, Black Art ☆

DDx (ended) ☆

This Podcast Will Kill You

Explore the Space

Primary Care RAP

CMAJ Podcasts

The American Health Podcast

5 Percent and Falling

PATIENT (ended)

PCSS Podcast

The Medical Mind (APA)

Technology & Design

99% Invisible ☆

Reply All ☆

Future Perfect

Rabbit Hole

History

Throughline

The Secret Life of Canada

[18thvariation]

2019 Semi-annual Review (part 1)

Notable Happenings (Jan-Jun)

Semester #2 of public health, featuring the Canadian health care system, public policy in health systems, public health specializations, and qualitative research methods

President’s Dream Colloquium on HIV/AIDS

CGSHE Seminar Series

Crochet party

Co-op Reunions x2

Moved into our first condo!!

Civil ceremony/"wedding” brunch

Special lecture by Steffanie Strathdee - The Perfect Predator

BCCSU 1st Annual Conference: Coming Together

Started my practicum at the BC Centre on Substance Use!

Spoken Word performance: Shane Koyczan

Yuki x Andy’s wedding and the biotech reunion

Kelly’s bridesmaids trip: Tigh-Na-Mara Seaside Spa Resort

Kathy and Daniel’s convocation

Blasted through a summer intersession course on Program Planning & Evaluation

First time doing balayage & shellac

Janes Corbett Community Health Practice Award :)

Kelly x Rollie’s wedding

Favourite Documentaries

Knock down the House

Burning Desire: The Seduction of Smoking

Our Planet ♥

Merchants of Doubt

Favourite TV Series/Specials

Tidying Up with Marie Kondo

Foodie Experiences

Mr. Red Cafe (Hastings-Sunrise)

Gabriel’s Cafe (Nanaimo, BC)

[larutkow-blog]

We need a witness to our lives. There’s a billion people on the planet… I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things… all of it, all of the time, every day. You’re saying ‘Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness’.

(via larutkow) 

[18thvariation]

then and now (10 year challenge)

I started my tumblr way back in 2009 during my first year of university. Nine years later, I am back at university to pursue my masters of public health. Over the years, I have changed so much that I’ve decided that it is impossible to even start writing about what exactly has changed. So instead of trying to carefully craft the perfect turn of phrase, I decided to just get some raw, unprocessed thoughts out.

Me, as the dumb undergrad

Really, really lost

Directionless

Afraid of failure & terrified to take charge of my future

Living under a cloud of self-doubt

Harbouring mental health & self-worth issues

Painfully sheltered

Guilty of uncritically perpetuating so many -isms, phobias, and forms of oppression

Largely uninformed about politics

Ignorant about social issues

Super unaware of my privileges

What changed?

In the nine years since I started undergrad, I have met the most amazing mentors and deepened my new & existing friendships to a level almost unimaginable. To those who introduced me to new ideas, challenged my beliefs through respectful debate, taught me about forgotten history, directed me to fascinating research & resources, or inspired me to volunteer with people who were unlike myself, I owe you everything. I would not be the “social justice warrior” I am today without you.

To those who were brave enough to share personal stories of struggles with mental health, anxiety, life direction, academia, family, and relationships, thank you for trusting me. Thank you for breaking the stigma. And thank you for the unconditional support and kindness you showed during my darkest and most vulnerable days. (Obligatory plug for cognitive behavioural therapy, because that sh*t is amazing)

These days, I reflect back on my volunteer adventures, the biotech era, my time in academia, and the STEMCELL years with a sense of awe. I guess I have become a reasonably well-functioning young adult as this point...? Now deep into my 20s, I *think* I have an idea of what kind of person I want to be. Somehow, that led me to graduate school. (Insert self-deprecating joke here.)

I have decided to channel my indignation, cynicism, and bitterness towards my passions, which currently centre around drug policy and substance use/addiction research. I think I’ll try to do some good in this world of ours.

In the meantime, I kinda miss my paycheque... especially when it comes time to pay my December credit card bill x_x

[18thvariation]

2018 Semi-annual Review (part 2)

Alternate title: Everything is Garbage.

It took me great pains not to get political in this post...... it’s probably better this way. I tried to keep this post as sunny as possible, but it’s difficult to keep politics from seeping into my life, especially when my grad program has a heavy emphasis on social justice & equity. Eventually, it becomes all you can think about. But I digress...

Notable Happenings (Jul-Dec)

Corgi Beach Party!! (this must be what heaven is like)

Bought a presale condo in Burnaby!

Sleepover with Erica :3

Hung up my lab coat & left my life of cell culture

Final round of board games in the board room

Started grad school at SFU in #publichealth

Started supporting CANADALAND and The New York Times 

VRS Kissin concert

Indigenous Health Workshop

Survived my first semester of grad school with only a small handful of mental breakdowns (thank you to all who cheered me on, commiserated with me, and/or shared stories of their own struggles...)

Winter adventures with Lady

Discovered that I’m allergic to rabbits

STEMCELL reunions and farewells

Witnessed the latest death of provincial electoral reform. (sorry... I just had to)

Bought an Instant Pot!!

Winter hike to Norvan Falls

Favourite Documentaries

13th 

Blue Planet II ♥

Favourite TV Series/Specials

Brooklyn Nine-Nine ♥

Daredevil Season 3 ♥

BoJack Horseman Season 5 ♥

This Is Us Season 3 ♥

Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King

Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj

Trevor Noah: Afraid of the Dark

Trevor Noah: Son of Patricia

Foodie Experiences

Matsuzushi (Port Moody)

Jules Bistro (Downtown Vancouver)

TAKO - Taqueria Korean (Yaletown) 

Green Leaf Cafe (Burnaby)

Linh Cafe (Kitsilano)

L’atelier Patisserie (Mount Pleasant) ♥

Eight Twelve Cake & Dessert (Willingdon Heights) ♥

Baker and Table (Sunset)

Making Portuguese egg tarts and butter chicken! :D

[thebestcolorispink]

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(via thebestcolorispink)

[syflove]

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(via sierlijk)

[18thvariation]

2018 Semi-annual Review (Part 1)

Notable Happenings (Jan-Jun)

Snowshoe adventures on Hollyburn Mountain with Elisa & Fabien (while Lady judges us for being so slow)

Vegan dimsum and “hamburgers” with Megan!

Exploring UNIQLO and MUJI at Metrotown

Started learning R ._.

Judged the Vancouver School District science fair

Winter hike with Lady at Black Mountain Plateau Trail (do it for the bubble tea!!)

Sloth Mug party @ 4Cats 

Bernie defended his PhD!

Started volunteering at VGH (patient visitation)

Accepted to 5 universities for graduate studies in public health, including my dream program, MPH at SFU!! :D 

Condo hunting in Burnaby & Vancouver

Attended the 2018 BC Science & Policy conference

Met the charming creator of the False Knees comics at VanCAF :)

Bernie’s convocation!!

Getting promoted to research associate!

Favourite Documentaries

Icarus 

Inequality for All

Blue Planet II

An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth to Power

Favourite TV Series/Specials

Aggretsuko ♥

John Mulaney: Kid Gorgeous ♥

Erased

Taare Zameen Par

Ugly Delicious

Foodie Experiences

Ember Indian Kitchen (Steveston) ♥

Al-Watan Tandoori (East Van)

Juke Fried Chicken, Ribs, and Cocktails (Chinatown)

Grub (Riley Park) ♥

Looking to the future:

In less than 2 months, I’ll be leaving the comforts of “9-5 + occasional weekends + definitely holidays because the cells are somehow sentient enough to sabotage me” work life for grad school life. It was a decision mostly driven by my desire to do more good in this world, but also from a growing feeling of stagnation in my current role. More on this to come...

[lemonmeirngue]

This is the lucky clover cat. reblog this in 30 seconds & he will bring u good luck and fortune.

[18thvariation]

Can’t say no to good luck!