Mars

fan of things

[19angels]

You good?

Better :)

[19angels]

uhhh

i haven't used this tumblr for a long time and i guess this will be the last time, i have nowhere where i can openly vent about what's going on and i thought as my suicidal ideation started on this website, then this is a good place to end it. plus, nobody is gonna see it so that's super epic and awesome

i'm so exhausted of living, i can't do it anymore. Waking up is pain, and living in this same flat where i was raped and abused in with no way out is killing me, thankfully he is not in the picture anymore and i'm in a loving relationship with the most beautiful person i think i've ever met but unfortunately i do not think that this enough to keep me from leaving.

i'm so terminally unhappy with the life i'm living, from a lifetime of trauma being neglected and abused by my mother, to being sexually abused and raped during my teenage years. My first trauma free year of my entire life was this year and it kinda puts things into perspective for me. That i was never meant to be here and i'll never ever see happiness and life for what it truly is. I'm sorry to the people i'm leaving behind but i just can't do this anymore.

see ya later i guess

[19angels]

aaaaargh

at my complete wits end at the moment honestly nowhere to talk about it so here i am on the tumblr ive had since i was 12 yapping to nobody

[19angels]

I just spent the last hour or so going through my blog archives aka the actual pits of hell (2012-2013) and like.... who let me have un supervised internet???? like i am genuinely shocked and lowkey traumatised from some of the things i was posting??? i'm also a very sentimental person so a lot of the time looking back was spent reminiscing and having a little cry, what a time that was huh i miss having internet friends :( adult life is so hard and mundane to the silly little life of a mentally ill undiagnosed autistic 12 year old that would reblog sherlock, supernatural, dan and phil, doctor who for hours on end, i weirdly miss them times but i'm also glad i'm a somewhat normal human adult ig???????

[19angels]

how can i delete my entire tumblr archive from the ages of 12-16 asking for a friend

[19angels]

tumblr was like my coping mechanism going through a really hard time in my teenage years, then i kinda just forgot about it and started not coping, i wish i could get involved with fandom culture again my autistic little ass would love it but i'm kinda.... traumatised?

[louferrignojrofficial]

happy anniversary i guess

[19angels]

getting a tattoo and feeling epic

[19angels]

i shouldnt have been allowed on this app from the age of 12 i feel like it absolutely ruined me growing up lol

[19angels]

i shouldn't have been allowed on this app as a teenager

[19angels]

maybe i should start making personal posts and documenting every thought that crosses my feeble little brain

[kosmogrl]

[19angels]

i'm very mentally ill

[19angels]

my only interest is pokemon i live breathe sleep eat pokemon all i care about is pokemon dont talk to me about anything other than pokemon otherwise i will not respond properly i am autistic and pokemon is my special interest i have every pokemon memorised i know everything there is to know i am god

[dailyflicks]

STRANGER THINGS 4 | Chapter Nine: The Piggyback

[melissa-benoists]

#my final girls

[19angels]

stranger things 4 volume two has absolutely broke me i cried for 12 hours straight yesterday, duffer bros u owe me compensation idk why i grieved more over a certain character than i did my own nan a bit embarrassing on my part but i am destroyed