I know my weaknesses. I know the emotional struggles I go through sometimes, the bouts of loneliness and despair which I sometimes feel. There are days where your weaknesses stare at you right in your face. That, or the negative feelings are so strong. Yesterday was one of those days.
This morning, I listened to a bootleg recording of a 2011 DARE service on my way to work. Pastor Daniel was leading free flow worship, it was very, very anointed. I told Jesus, Lord today I wanna receive from you - I can't do life on my own. I need you, Lord.
Halfway through I was reminded of Mephibosheth. He was, like me, acutely aware of his own human shortcomings. His legs were useless, my heart is easily affected emotionally. Even Ziba, David's servant knew.
"Then the king (David) said, "Is there still someone of the house of Saul, to whom I may show kindness of God?" And Ziba said to the King, "There is still a son of Jonathan who is lame in his feet."
I think the conversation would have gone something like this. Yeaaah, Ziba would have said. There's this guy, but he's useless. Can't even walk! Oh King you don't have to bother about him.
But David was so compassionate, he went out of his palace to Lo Debar to seek Mephibosheth out. The king ignored Mephibosheth when he asked David what he wanted to do, rescuing a "dead dog" like him. Bringing him back to the palace, the king restored Mephibosheth such that he could eat at the King's table, like a family member.
I love it that the story ends with this line,
So Mephibosheth dwelt in Jerusalem, for he ate continually at the king's table. And he was lame in both his feet.
I know that we ought to believe God for healing and all that, but I felt so loved reading that. I'm sure David had to continually incur costs and inconveniences for Mephibosheth's sake - buying wheelchairs, renovating his palace so that it was handicapped-friendly. And never once did he banish Mephibosheth from the table because he was still lame, and caused inconvenience for everyone.
When Mephibosheth came to David one day and said, hey David, my legs are getting worse. I tried to massage them but they're not improving - David, I would imagine, never rebuked Mephibosheth for not trying hard enough. Do you know you bring down the value of my palace? It's hard enough keeping you and your wheelchair out of sight from my royal visitors already, now you still want to ask me for more help?
Instead, every time he ate at the King's table, he would be reminded of how undeserving he was, but how compassionate David was to love him till this extent. Even though his legs still could not walk, but he was never condemned for that.
Me also. I look at my life sometimes, and there are things which I don't like about myself. Things I wish I could have gotten rid of, especially since I've lived in the palace for such a long time already. But Jesus does not condemn me. Every time I run to him with the same problems, he loves me back into wholeness, without a word of rebuke. His compassion knows no bounds. I can plug my headphones in on the train and ask Jesus to love me, and I feel that me and Him are alone in the train, and He's 100% focused on me, mending my wounds.