oh for the life of a hospital cat

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@1mlsterilediluent
oh for the life of a hospital cat
dont walk away from me after i psstpsstpsst at you AND DONT SHOW ME YOUR BUTTHOLE stupid cat
<-Certified Cat Weed Dealer
I have worked in one (1) veterinary clinic but I know in my soul that they all have drawers that look like this
organized chaos where no two things are stored exactly the same
tech: WHOSE BLOOD IS THAT???
me, having just punched myself in the thumb with an 18g needle and hit an artery, resulting in a 2' vertical spray of blood as well as multiple pools on the counter: it's okay, it's mine
tech: THAT'S NOT OKAY
me, a fool with no sense of self: I mean, it's not the patient's, so...
In my defense, everything was going just fine until the patient I was administering sqf to started getting squirmy.
I pulled the needle out and she backed into my hand, causing the needle to stab into my other thumb right at the base. Dammit Sadie, we were trying to help.
Dr. B, the practice owner, is very particular about the closing emails the desk staff send. She has us attach the deposit skip and transaction journal from Avimark, and the email must be signed with your name and job title, or else she gets Snippy.
I have many job titles here, however.
I started as a CRS, then moved to kennel tech (or as we call it, "caregiver"), and now I'm a vet assistant. I still rotate frequently between jobs and fill in as needed.
First, I would sign off as just "CRS", as that was technically the job I was doing at the time of sending the email.
Then I signed off as "Caregiver/CRS", as a subtle nudge that, hey, the first one is the job I really came here to do. (That's a whole other story.)
Then it was "Caregiver/CRS/Veterinary Assistant", because I felt special being able to add that to my list of titles.
And then one night I was looking at that sign-off and realized how comically long it was. Naturally, being me, I decided I would make it even more comical, just to see if anyone would say anything.
So that night, I signed my email as "Suzanne, Caregiver/CRS/Veterinary Assistant/Shameless Collector of Job Titles".
No one said a word.
It's now become my personal joke, to see what I can get away with before someone finally tells me to knock it off.
So far, I have added the following to the end of my litany of job titles:
Wearer of Many Hats
Juggler of Many Balls
Doer of All The Things
I have every intention of escalating this, until someone directly tells me to stop. My silliness knows no bounds.
Other sign-offs I have used since making this post (none of which have earned a comment):
Professional Cuddler of Kitties
Catnip Mousie Tester
Emma's [our clinic cat] Purrsonal Chef
I Can Be Whatever You Want Me To Be, Baby
Watch Out, Doctors: It's Your Job Next
Most recent one was my favorite yet:
The Jack Of All Trades And Master Of None Is Better By Far Than The Master Of One
Honestly dunno how I'm going to top that one
Went to insert the thermometer for our dental and he was pooping. No big. Shit literally happens.
Except.
Sitting right on top of the turd was a little wiggly friend.
Profender time!
Gypsy Gigi is our latest adoptable kitten. As you can see, she has ABD (Adorable Baby Disease) and there is no cure.
Gypsy Gigi is our latest adoptable kitten. As you can see, she has ABD (Adorable Baby Disease) and there is no cure.
I only gave myself a tiny poke with the damn needle.
Why am I gushing blood.
checking in an exam and doing TPR
DVM looks at my notes on the chart
"how did you get 120 for a respiratory rate??? that is... highly abnormal"
"I counted the movement of her sides, but I could be wrong, I'm still very new at this"
"that is highly abnormal"
Doctor goes into the room to do her exam, comes back out
"you were right, that cat is panic-stricken"
vibrates with quiet pride
Dr. B, the practice owner, is very particular about the closing emails the desk staff send. She has us attach the deposit skip and transaction journal from Avimark, and the email must be signed with your name and job title, or else she gets Snippy.
I have many job titles here, however.
I started as a CRS, then moved to kennel tech (or as we call it, "caregiver"), and now I'm a vet assistant. I still rotate frequently between jobs and fill in as needed.
First, I would sign off as just "CRS", as that was technically the job I was doing at the time of sending the email.
Then I signed off as "Caregiver/CRS", as a subtle nudge that, hey, the first one is the job I really came here to do. (That's a whole other story.)
Then it was "Caregiver/CRS/Veterinary Assistant", because I felt special being able to add that to my list of titles.
And then one night I was looking at that sign-off and realized how comically long it was. Naturally, being me, I decided I would make it even more comical, just to see if anyone would say anything.
So that night, I signed my email as "Suzanne, Caregiver/CRS/Veterinary Assistant/Shameless Collector of Job Titles".
No one said a word.
It's now become my personal joke, to see what I can get away with before someone finally tells me to knock it off.
So far, I have added the following to the end of my litany of job titles:
Wearer of Many Hats
Juggler of Many Balls
Doer of All The Things
I have every intention of escalating this, until someone directly tells me to stop. My silliness knows no bounds.
Other sign-offs I have used since making this post (none of which have earned a comment):
Professional Cuddler of Kitties
Catnip Mousie Tester
Emma's [our clinic cat] Purrsonal Chef
I Can Be Whatever You Want Me To Be, Baby
Watch Out, Doctors: It's Your Job Next
This is Maggie. She is 3 months old, and has both the brain and the attention span of a gnat
Update: Maggie's "older sister" Daisy was playing with another toy nearby. Maggie tried to join in. Daisy hissed at her.
Maggie flopped over in defeat and stared at the wall for a solid five seconds before her tiny kitten brain rebooted and forgot that something bad had happened, and she went back to playing with her own toy again.
This is Maggie. She is 3 months old, and has both the brain and the attention span of a gnat
very sweet but very fuckin Yell
Literally my life
The only plus to getting called into work at 5 in the morning! Currently running on coffee and donuts 🤪👌🏻