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@1tst0mmyb1tch
i dont watch philza's hardcore world but whenever i see a clip of it hes always moving sand. hes always in a big pit somewhere getting rid of sand and putting sand and taking away sand and putting sand and talking it away. in a big pit. is he an ant
You arent a sex object. You are a wonderful amazing person and I’m proud to call you my partner. -Kandi System
Thank you so much!!! I love you!!! It made me so happy to see this ask from you I'm also proud to call you my partner!! :D!!
breaking newas: the kandi system was an abuser! what a surprise /s
why did they fucking abuse us its not fair big men!
Hey Big Man!!! Hope your day/week is great!! Because u deserve it !!!!! ☆☆
Thank you so much anon
came here for friends, ended up getting more traumatized.
sounds about right Big Men
since this is my blog i'm going to make a vent post.
we were doing fairly okay before they contacted us tonight. we were suffering but we were fine we were thinking about them less finally getting over them. and then they contacted us and fucked us up and fucking. mirrored us again.
we apparently were both afraid of each other. we both were the same in so many ways and. its interesting.
Also et me know if you want us to block you as I don’t want you to feel unsafe. We never wanted that and I am again really sorry that we made you scared. We’ve never really had any good relationships and I think that’s why we acted how we acted. Not an excuse, just an explanation. Sorry I keep sending these, I just really don’t want you to feel like this is your fault as it is ours. -Carlos
They blocked us I'm just posting these asks anyways since i don't want to delete them but i don't want them in my inbox.
Also, the point wasn’t to have a response, I just wanted to give you a better explanation and a better apology. -Carlos
They blocked us I'm just posting these asks anyways since i don't want to delete them but i don't want them in my inbox.
It was the kandi system, but the alter who sent the ask was Carlos (who is still fronting)
We never meant to make you feel like that and from the bottom of my heart I am truly sorry. I didn’t front when we knew each other so all I have is obscured memories so that’s what I’m basing this off of.
We didn’t know the state that Tommy was in and we didn’t know what he was reading. What we ment when we said that it was ok was that it’s ok to have sexual feelings. We didn’t know exactly how triggering that was for him and thought that we might be helping by saying that it’s ok to feel like that.
We never wanted to make you feel like anything we made you feel. I promise. We didn’t know how you were feeling at all and my system definitely should have communicated with you better.
Sorry if I forgot to reply to anything as I am very scatter brained.
I honestly hope that you can feel better about this someday and I’m sorry my system was toxic, as we were very toxic in that relationship.
They blocked us I'm just posting these asks anyways since i don't want to delete them but i don't want them in my inbox.
Hey I’m Carlos’s protector I’m Sorry but I’m going to block you. You seem like a really nice system and we are not at all trying to avoid accountability but we’re about to have a panic attack and just want to put this behind us because like Carlos said the relationship was also traumatic for us. We were also scared of saying things to you in fear that you’d do something. I’m sorry. I truly hope that you can recover from what we did.
Okay. that is understandable. I'm sorry you are about to have a panic attack. I'm sorry the relationship was also traumatic for you. Thank you for apologizing. Thank you, I hope we can recover from what you did too. I'm so sorry you were also scared.
hey carlos we see your anons i just don't know how to respond other than uh. You blocking us is your decision but i want to say don't block us? for some reason that is what i want. I'm having a hard time knowing who's fronting and we are frazzled and just. can't process anything more right now but we will respond when things aren't as blurry in our mind. thank you ig.
Hey um. My system mates told me not to send this because they are nervous but it’s totally understandable that you get nightmares.
Constantly having someone almost die is traumatic.
And the main reason we left is because we didn’t know when it would happen again and we were scared. And that at that time we were kinda co dependent and it was unhealthy and we just didn’t want it to happen again.
We’re genuinely sorry that it had to end like it did. We were and are bad at communicating feelings, and didn’t know what else to do. You don’t have to forgive us, I just wanted to send this.
Hello I assume your the kandi system because this ask makes no sense otherwise, you didn't leave a sign off so I just wanted to say that I think your the kandi system anon? if your not the kandi system/miles then uh. sorry I don't know what your talking about.
Quite a few people are co-con and like. thanks for validating the nightmares you caused i guess??? like. I know you are probably not going to send another ask but we saw this sometimes ago and we had no idea how to respond to it. It also gave us a panic attack to see this ask from you. a bad one. I don't know why your system mates are nervous but they were wise to be nervous as we became a mess when we received this ask. I assume the goal of this ask was to get a response so. I'm going to fucking respond.
So thats what you meant by "hurting our mental health", "stressing us out" in the discord we had for listening to music when we asked why the night you blocked us on discord. Its strange that the reasons seem so different but maybe i was reading it in a different way then what you meant. We figured that what you did was traumatic. In fact, alot more than just you almost constantly dying. We were scared to death to communicate and speak to you, we policed ourselves to act in a way that made you happy when we spoke and policed every single little thought and action we did because we didn't want to make you angry and we didn't want you to almost die again. What happened was very unhealthy, i agree. We couldn't comunicate to you and we still feel a bit odd looking back because. You had a bunch of liberty if that makes sense? you ended the romance because you were questioning if you were aromanitc if i remeber right and we don't really feel romanitc attraction alot of the time if that alter felt romanitc attraction at all. We risked you sending us a package and we got harassed and almost killed because of it and we lost the ability for anyone to send us shit because it was the only excuse we had and we used it on you. You were hurting us so bad yet we stayed quiet while you got to leave because it was also hurting you and it felt unfair but i respected it. I don't think you realized how much you hurt us. You rarely were even good to us if I'm gonna be honest every moment that we can remeber was somehow sabatoged and ruined and it just hurt us. Its understandable why you ended it, I'm glad you told us why but I'm just finally communicating now that i don't have to worry about your safety because its not our responsibilty anymore that you hurt us bad and that you might not be as good of a person as you want to be. We live in fear of you if I'm going to be honest just like of how we live in fear of Christan Guy and Our other ex, the one before you.
I am acknowledging now that you are genuinely sorry that it had to end the way it did. You give us panic attacks now and you have hurt us so much I honestly don't know how to feel about you so at this time i don't know if i accept this apology or not it doesn't really seem like one. i don't know how it could've been different but in the last few days of us being romantic we were so bad mentally, the night before the breakup i remeber thinking about how caged i felt wishing something would fucking change. I hoped for something to change so much for you to be a different person for you to be better for you to actually communicate we loved you and i dont know if we still do i dont know i feel other than I'm crying and i held so much in. and i never got to tell you or communicate anything with you because you made me afraid of you. I didn't even know where you would fit in our future when we were still friends because something needed to change. I think I miss you though. I don't know why you wanted to send this or contact us but. we live in fear of you and you fucked us up a lot and upset us and i dont know how to feel about this but. You are allowed to anon us again if you ever want to for whatever reason. we may still hallucinate message sounds because of the stress and everything but i'm keeping this line of communciation open for whatever reason i don't really know. Even though you made Tommy afraid of you we still. idk.
Tommy was so fucking vulnerable when you met him, he had recently formed and he just missed Wilbur, Tubbo, Ranboo, Dream, everyone from his exomemories. and most of his fronting was him just being hurt and now he rarely fronts and i don't know why i'm saying this other than like. making you realize that you hurt us i guess. I'm just dumping everything from our thoughts.
we also know this isn't your systems fault but when our tommy and your tubbo was romantic but not our systems (uh. i say was because i do not think they are still are since our systems are not speaking? if i'm wrong about that then i am very fucking confused about how that works.) our tommy read p0rn fics that are horrible to try and fix himself and make him sexually attracted, you guys said that was okay and even though that was a trigger he still did it and it fucking haunts us to this day the shit we read because it fucked us up and hurts us mentally so bad. and you were the reason why because we didn't want to disapoint you. we stopped wearing that one shirt for awhile that you felt sexually attracted too when we wore it because that event mightve traumatized us, we even stopped wearing that bra we wore under it i think because we just couldn't bare it. We've started wearing it again though.
my mind is swirling with the implications of this anon ask ngl and wondering what your intentions are/where sending the ask. I'm sorry this response took a bit but I'm glad that i finally could communicate everything with you, even if its under the circumstances like this telling someone they have done wrong so they can change is good. You have traumatized us, you might be a bit of a bad person and I hope you change for the better. You deserve to be a good person with a good life because I know that you guys deserve that and want that even though you gave us all this trauma. I don't know if you will respond to my response to this anon or whatever, i don't know what this anon really means honestly like. the why and shit. I don't know why they are nervous about you sending this ask but hey we had a panic attack because of it so like. I guess the nervousness was validated. I honestly don't know what the connection is between what you guys said that night, "hurting our mental health", "stressing us out" as the reason and the reason you said here because the way that connects is that it was our fault. and i don't know genuinely how i could've caused you to do that unless if what you said was just apart of your communication issues you mentioned.
This was written for awhile, I think a protector is fronting now so I am sorry you didn't get a response from the alter who runs this blog if you want him to respond to your anon i can force mans to front i guess? I don't know if we make sense or did this right or whatever but. there you go. Thats what we had to say. I want to say that we still love you but I dont 'know if that would just be a lie and is instinct from our previous interactions with you or if thats the truth because i dont think we do. Please don't hurt yourself because of what we said
Hey Big man!!! It's been a while, but I just want you to know that you're valid and I hope everything goes okay for you soon!!!!!
Thanks Big Man Anon!! I've missed you!! Thank you so much Big Man. I hope everythings okay with you and if not I hope it becomes okay soon anon!
we have fucking nightmares about them Big Men but they were what? nothing but good to us? sure they fucking gave us so many scares and all that bullshit big men but. it fucking sucks.
I hate this bullshit.
fuck being alone big men i hate being alone. the only people who are fucking close to us or where most likely hate us for valid reasons as we are just a little whiney bitch. I miss people actually liking me. I miss talking to people. I fucking miss the guy even though he was a big prick who hurt us.
i know everyones busy but. i miss talking to people big man. I miss people who might not miss me or might not consider me important like i do them. and fuck that big men. i fucking yearn for the days when i knew fucking the guy and we were friends because at least people cared back then, we had friends who were concerned about us but now they dont even care. I'm yearning for anyone. and i know whats fucked up is the guy and r***y would come and love us up in a heartbeat if they knew we felt this way but also. they hurt us the most.
so tldr of this vent; im lonely and everyones busy and its making me worse.
Fuck off. I have neither I am just a random ass teenager bitch. I'm not your fucking "baby". I don't know you creep.
fuck being alone big men i hate being alone. the only people who are fucking close to us or where most likely hate us for valid reasons as we are just a little whiney bitch. I miss people actually liking me. I miss talking to people. I fucking miss the guy even though he was a big prick who hurt us.
i know everyones busy but. i miss talking to people big man. I miss people who might not miss me or might not consider me important like i do them. and fuck that big men. i fucking yearn for the days when i knew fucking the guy and we were friends because at least people cared back then, we had friends who were concerned about us but now they dont even care. I'm yearning for anyone. and i know whats fucked up is the guy and r***y would come and love us up in a heartbeat if they knew we felt this way but also. they hurt us the most.
so tldr of this vent; im lonely and everyones busy and its making me worse.
im fcuking scared shitless fuck
