Somebody asked me a very long time ago what shame is and how to deal with it, and the answer is that shame is a symptom of emotional trauma. Whenever you feel embarrassed or ashamed, you can always assume that you are dealing with an underlying cognitive distortion.
Cognitive distortions are improper thinking patterns that arise as a result of developmental trauma and, in some cases, abuse of authority. For example, if a child accidentally breaks a vase that their own parents had previously misplaced and gets punished for not only breaking the vase itself, but also resisting being unfairly punished, they will be likely to internalize that they are in the wrong for resisting improper treatment from adults because internalizing a parent's words and actions is how a child's psyche works. In this case, the child believing that they are in the wrong for defending themselves and subsequently projecting this sense of guilt on similarly unfair situations is a cognitive distortion.
Shame is quite a hazardous emotion to experience because it has the capacity to suppress every possible emotion there is, including fear, and tends to make one oblivious to the actual emotional feedback they are receiving; a person with a history of prolonged trauma can feel shame of a similar intensity when they are both relatively safe (like them being embarrassed about their hobbies in the privacy of their home), and in situations that pose a genuine threat to their life (like being followed after dark and wondering if they are misconstruing the interaction and being judgemental), which makes them prone to ignoring danger. If you experience shame often, you are most likely dealing with the consequences of childhood trauma.
To resolve shame for yourself you need to deduce which underlying emotions you are experiencing whenever it arises and prompt yourself to experience them instead. For the most part, it has to do with reflecting on your past experiences and reminding yourself that you are not in the wrong for wanting to maintain your safety and live a happy life; for instance, a woman internalizing the idea that women are fundamentally unintelligent (even though there's plenty of evidence that points to the opposite) and feeling embarrassed about it is her experiencing a cognitive distortion, because the appropriate way to respond in this case is to get angry and treat this attitude as a threat to your well-being. I know that this principle works because I no longer experience shame and embarrassment at all after implementing it in my life.
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