21 and Growing

I am just a regular 23 year old (started this blog when I was 21) jotting down bits and pieces of my life. Here is where I blurt out the details I am not honest enough to talk about in real life.

[21andgrowing]

It Does Get Better

Life was frustrating, dark, worthless. Up in my head, I thought I was alone. I thought no one would ever understand me. I thought no one would ever love me. I thought I would never find happiness. Far away, they said that it will get better. I didn't believe them.

But it did get better, better than I would have ever imagined! And I did find happiness! I found love! Barriers were broken down and light came into my life.

Of course, life is and will never be perfect, but with love, I believe that we will conquer all that we need. I will remember that with unwavering faith, we will be happy.

Z

[21andgrowing]

I'm in Pain

I just want to scream at you. I want to let out all my anger on you and just let my heart crumble on yours. I wish you were here to pick me up and hug me tightly in your arms just to let me know that you do care about me.

This thing that I’m doing with myself hurts me so much. Will you care that I’m hurting? Or you won’t even pity me because it’s all my fault?

Z

[21andgrowing]

I want to tell the whole world that I love you. Z

[21andgrowing]

28th of May

Somethings stay in your heart for longer than you’d imagine. Somethings don’t go away, they just get buried deep inside you. It’s not a bad something, it’s just a used-to-be-great something.

I wish it was never lost, but we couldn’t have prevented it. Maybe it’s just a disconnection until it’s connected again. I still have some kind of hope for us to be best friends again.

Z

[21andgrowing]

The Sounds and The Lack of Sounds

In this quietness, is the sound of sadness. In these movements of mouths, are the sounds of frustration.

Z

[21andgrowing]

But Where's The Genie?

If I met a genie and had 3 wishes, I would wish for you to be truly happy, all 3 times. With my eyes, I see a smart and beautiful woman but you don't see the same. Seeing you break yourself on the inside hurts me so damn much. Those cuts on your skin and on your flesh, pains me in my heart. Please heal. Please heal. Please heal. Z

[21andgrowing]

The Future I Want

One day, you’ll be my wife.

I’ll wake up to your drool stains on our bed. I’ll kiss you goodbye before leaving for work. I’ll look forward to going home every night. I’ll eat really well and you’ll wash the dishes. I’ll snuggle up with you to watch a movie and then fall asleep. I’ll be happy to relive this, everyday of my life.

I don’t know when, but one day, you’ll be my wife.

Z

[21andgrowing]

Please Remember to Not Smother

There is such a thing as smothering someone with too much love. I need to get rid of my stupid temper and my ridiculous obsession with controlling how one behaves or acts. If I truly love her, I will accept her as how she really is. I will let her be fucking happy doing whatever the hell she wants. Z

[21andgrowing]

I'm a Fucked Up Pile of Shit

I fuck up way too often. I need to stop fucking up. Please stop fucking up.

I can do it. I can. I will do it. I will. I need to do it. I need to stop fucking up.

Z

[21andgrowing]

The Escape

Just go to bed.

None of the questions even matter. I can’t think of solutions. 

So, just go to bed and try and forget about it.

Z

[21andgrowing]

It's I Don't Know

A concoction of uncertainty and loneliness - it kills whatever that’s inside you. It can’t be understood. It can’t be articulated. One night, you just realize that you’ve been crying for the fifth night in a row. You feel okay and you feel not okay, at the same time. You just don’t know what’s going wrong and what’s not going wrong.

You just means I. Who am I kidding.

I just want to go home. I don't care if it means I'm a loser or a quitter.

I wish I don't care if I was a quitter or not.

Z

[21andgrowing]

Fate

The universe and its force, they’re our Cupid. An infinity of history gave us each other. It’s like we each walked hundreds and thousands of lives, for us to meet in this life. Everything fell into place, and we fell in love.

Fate. It’s not written, it’s falling into place, like it always belonged.

Z

[21andgrowing]

Impatient, Insane and Difficult

I am so impatient with you. You drive me insane. You make it so difficult for me. I am so impatient to see you, to live with you, and to grow old with you. You drive me insane with your adorable words, your desirable lips, and your beautiful soul. You make it so difficult for me to breathe in your very existence, to keep my hands off you, and to say my unwilling goodnights. How have I loved if not for these impatience, insanity and difficulties. Z

[21andgrowing]

My Muse

The creation And the aspiration Hesitates Without you

Every stroke And every color Comes From you

A something For me myself Seems Pointlessly wasteful

Z

[21andgrowing]

Tell Me What Love Is

Tell me what love is.

Love is letting you pick the toppings for the frozen yoghurt. Love is petting each other’s pets. Love is calling you silly nicknames. Love is having fart competitions. Love is sharing embarrassing stories. Love is writing you midnight poems.

Tell me what love is.

Love is getting angry when you skip your meals. Love is getting mad at your unreasonable boss. Love is regretting that you screamed. Love is tearing when you say goodbye. Love is kissing the tears off your cheeks. Love is wishing time would stop.

Tell me what love is.

Love is pushing you out of your comfort zone. Love is giving you strength. Love is believing in you. Love is being proud of you. Love is making sure you feel loved. Love is saying I love you.

I know what love is.

Yes, love is a feeling, but a feeling manifested in actions.

Z

[21andgrowing]

The 101st Kiss

Soft and dreamy, Unsparing and breathtaking, Like the kiss of a cloud.

Pink and sweet, Intriguing and heart-racing, Like the very first kiss.

Z

[21andgrowing]

If We Never Missed A Thing

If we never needed sleep. If we never had to leave each other’s side. If we never missed a thing.

Z