The last years havenāt really been good to me in general and Iām about to lose my mind. I just started with my master bc I couldnāt find a job because Iāve been in Japan at that. (so it didnāt work out to search from japan in germany). But I didnāt actually intend to finish my masters. I just wanted to find a job as soon as possible and then quit. But that didnāt worfk out. For everyone who did job hunting at least once, you probably know how exhausting and stressfull it is- I did job hunting for 3 full years. in germany, in japan, in england. Neither worked out. I got a job in the end (it being the 4th year of job hunting) just bc a friend of mine recommended me. my family is a mass. I love mxy parents, but being āhomeā doesnāt feel like home at all. and Iām feeling so bad for not visiting my parents more often, or being there for my friends bc I just canāt anymore. Iām happy I got that hob but it has quite a few negative sides too, which worry me to no end. And also bc of said job I need to write my final report until I depart. so basically I need to write a report which everyone else in my class extended their studies for bc they couldnāt do it in 6 month (as is the rule) in 4 months. Also my boss is in america rn which leaves me alone with the business and the office- which is kinda ok bc as I said, there are a few bad aspects of my job- one being the payment. Iāll start 1st of April and wonāt get money until the end of May. And everyone who lived in japan for longer, knows how expensive it is to live there-. especially in the first few months where you need to buy a lot of stuff. Thatās why I really need that money. I also tried to applied for seconds jobs, I could do while working fulltime in japan, but even though I applied for many jobs- neither worked out either. On the other hand working full time and writing my master thesis doesnāt just cause a lot of stress but makes me also feel bad bc I canāt visit all of my friends which Iād like to see a few times more before I wonāt see them again, maybe- which is the next thing that makes me feel so bad. Not just bc I feel bad about not having enough time for friends, but also- I started to think whether some of my friends are really my firends. Or whether Iām just a nice addition from time to time. Or when some people are fighting then Iām good enough? I love my friends but for some I really feel left out. Or like Iām actually a bother. It kinda hurt when people meet up with other friends all the time, but never ask whether I want to join maybe. Or some are telling chris things and ...I donāt know if they expect her to tell me then too, but she usually doesnāt do it and thatās why I feel left out even more. If all of you just want to be friends with chris- thatās fine. I can def tell why youād want to be friends with her, but then please... donāt act as if you want to be friends with me too. That hurts and I canāt stand that. I know I donāt start conversation often, but when I do and get to hear āYeah I just told Chris about thatā then it wonāt ecxactly make me feel good... if you donāt want to talk with me about it, thatās completely fine too- but with that sentence I think like: āso...I should ask her to tell me your story?ā or āso I guess she doesnāt want to tell me anything?ā āmaybe doesnāt really like me and just wants to be friends with chris...ā
Some things I wrote here I actually already talked with some friends about, but I needed to write those thought down, to not get crazy. Iām not sure yet whether that worked, but well see...
areudirty
jbbartram-illu
kianamaiart
snowghoul
yousharknotpass
blakekathryn
