epiphany. @27-0 - Tumblr Blog

my old friend

she used to be my only consolation that i would come home to, a listener that i could tell my stories to, on days when there was no one i could turn to;

i expressed myself through her openness as she caress my sentences word by word, without a hint of judgement;

years and years, i got to know people through her, people who were in the same state as me - lost. people whose voices needed to be heard and understood.

it has been years since i logged on, and i could barely remember what came before gmail.com and the password that follows, but once the familiar shade of blue appeared in front of me, the nostalgia followed.

nine years ago, i was a sad and depressed girl trying to go on each day and she was the platform that i turned to. getting by was my only goal, and got by i did.

looking back, i wish i could tell myself that i should not live to satisfy the expectations of others and that things - good or bad happened as life goes on and it’s not my fault. i used to ask myself “why me” and recollect all the bad things that happened to me - as a child, as a teenager. it sucked and thinking back now, it still sucked, but it sucked less.

my tattoo that says “let go” is starting to lose its meaning and i am glad, because after all these years, i am finally letting go.

and i hope that you too, will be ok.

#personal

27-0

“How To Tell If Somebody Loves You: Somebody loves you if they pick an eyelash off of your face or wet a napkin and apply it to your dirty skin. You didn’t ask for these things, but this person went ahead and did it anyway. They don’t want to see you looking like a fool with eyelashes and crumbs on your face. They notice these things. They really look at you and are the first to notice if something is amiss with your beautiful visage! Somebody loves you if they assume the role of caretaker when you’re sick. Unsure if someone really gives a shit about you? Fake a case of food poisoning and text them being like, “oh my god, so sick. need water.” Depending on their response, you’ll know whether or not they REALLY love you. “That’s terrible. Feel better!” earns you a stay in friendship jail; “Do you need anything? I can come over and bring you get well remedies!” gets you a cozy friendship suite. It’s easy to care about someone when they don’t need you. It’s easy to love them when they’re healthy and don’t ask you for anything beyond change for the parking meter. Being sick is different. Being sick means asking someone to hold your hair back when you vomit. Either love me with vomit in my hair or don’t love me at all. Somebody loves you if they call you out on your bullshit. They’re not passive, they don’t just let you get away with murder. They know you well enough and care about you enough to ask you to chill out, to bust your balls, to tell you to stop. They aren’t passive observers in your life, they are in the trenches. They have an opinion about your decisions and the things you say and do. They want to be a part of it; they want to be a part of you. Somebody loves you if they don’t mind the quiet. They don’t mind running errands with you or cleaning your apartment while blasting some annoying music. There’s no pressure, no need to fill the silences. You know how with some of your friends there needs to be some sort of activity for you to hang out? You don’t feel comfortable just shooting the shit and watching bad reality TV with them. You need something that will keep the both of you busy to ensure there won’t be a void. That’s not love. That’s “hey babe! i like you okay. do you wanna grab lunch? i think we have enough to talk about to fill two hours!” It’s a damn dream when you find someone you can do nothing with. Whether you’re skydiving together or sitting at home and doing different things, it’s always comfortable. That is fucking love. Somebody loves you if they want you to be happy, even if that involves something that doesn’t benefit them. They realize the things you need to do in order to be content and come to terms with the fact that it might not include them. Never underestimate the gift of understanding. When there are so many people who are selfish and equate relationships as something that only must make them happy, having someone around who can take their needs out of any given situation if they need to. Somebody loves you if they can order you food without having to be told what you want. Somebody loves you if they rub your back at any given moment. Somebody loves you if they give you oral sex without expecting anything back. Somebody loves you if they don’t care about your job or how much money you make. It’s a relationship where no one is selling something to the other. No one is the prostitute. Somebody loves you if they’ll watch a movie starring Kate Hudson because you really really want to see it. Somebody loves you if they’re able to create their own separate world with you, away from the internet and your job and family and friends. Just you and them. Somebody will always love you. If you don’t think this is true, then you’re not paying close enough attention.”

— Ryan O’Connell

27-0

“The person best fit to love you is not the one who makes your heart beat the fastest but the one who says your name the loudest, the one who is not embarrassed of the watermarks, the bruises, or the acne. It’s not the one who spills out your name like confetti but the one who sets it aflame like a firework, not the one who plays your body like piano keys but the one who can make music out of your lips. He is the one who can fall asleep in the crevice of your collarbone without moving your hand anywhere else except your pillow, who thinks your skin is softer than sky and who never makes empty promises, only ones spilling out over the surface of glass, never makes you clean up the mess. The person best fit to love you is not the one who wants to shape you, fix you, or conquer you but the one who says your soul is like a story they read once when they were a child and they never forgot it. The one you are meant to fall in love with will be the strongest connection, the biggest thought in your brain, and the veins in your wrist - not that you can’t live without them, but you would just prefer not to. The person you are meant to fall in love with is not an alarm clock set to six o’clock or a ticking time bomb but a patient mother nursing a sick child, a melody played together with harmony or the beautiful rhythm of movement that only exists between you and only you. The person best fit to love you is not the one who wants to change you but thinks that your mouth is the biggest pulsing temptation that they have ever come across, they will love your elusiveness, I promise you, they won’t want to dull the razor blades under your skin or even take it away from you, they will sharpen it so it will cut through ice, it will cut through metal, I promise you, the person best fit to love you will not change the colour of your skin or make falling in love all too familiar. The person best fit to love you is not a lucky penny on the sidewalk, that’s not rare enough, they are a four-leaf clover hidden beneath the tundra, they are about as likely as being attacked by a great white while swimming in Lake Ontario. The person best fit to love you will play the music of your love without the thick concealer of auto tune, their voice will be a song you will never want to stop singing. The person best fit to love you is not the extra shot of gin or the condom in the alleyway. The person best fit to love you is a shard of glass, I promise you. They might cut you open but reflecting upon the light, god, they are so stunning to look at.”

—

hannaoliviaway

slow and steady.

we’ve been together for seven years, married for two and a half. we’ve had ups and downs, we’ve had times where we feel super close and in love and so on our marriage game, and we’ve had times where we feel distant and so tired of fighting.

we’ve learned that we need to make space for each other to thrive. we need to continue making goals, personally and in our marriage. we’ve got to make our own sacrifices, to help each other with those goals. always working towards something, always moving forward.

we’ve learned that it’s ok to have bad days, it’s ok if every day isn’t a fairy tale, it’s ok to be boring married people. it’s ok to stay home and eat pizza and drink beer and do laundry together and watch Friends on Netflix for two hours before falling asleep. it’s ok to skip the party and use the kid as an excuse. it’s ok if everyday isn’t exciting, because life is hard work and marriage is hard work and parenting is hard work. real life can be mundane and boring and super lame sometimes.

but our love is never mundane, it moves slow and steady and strong. I choose him everyday, and he chooses me. there is always a basic understanding that, no matter how hard it gets, no matter how big the fight, no matter how helpless the situation, we are on the same team and we will work everything out, together, eventually.

so my relationship advice to you is this: find someone who you want to work hard with. someone who you want to work out the big fights with. someone who you can go through the mundane everyday of life with and still be so happy at the end of the day. someone you could be poor with, someone you could figure out money and adult life stuff with. someone who loves your quirks and pushes you towards your goals. someone who balances you out and compliments your strengths and fills in your weaknesses. someone you can always laugh with, someone who eases your mind, someone who keeps you safe. someone who chooses you, and who you want to choose everyday for forever. someone who still excites you even after seven years or twenty years or fifty five years. find that person and you’ll be golden.

hannaoliviaway

because it’s Valentine’s Day

dsxsbx

27-0

“Marry someone who lets you have a bite of their brownie, even when you said you weren’t hungry. Marry someone who laughs at the same things you do. Marry someone who kisses your nose on a cold day. Marry someone who you can watch Disney movies with. Marry someone who is proud of you whether you earn £5 a week or £5,000 a week. Marry someone who you can tell everything to. Marry someone who isn’t afraid or embarrassed to hold your hand in public. Marry someone who lets you take over when decorating a cake. Marry someone who you can spend the day in Ikea with without feeling stressed. Marry someone who wraps you up inside their coat in the winter. Marry someone who accepts your fears and phobias. Marry someone who gives you butterflies every time you hear their key in the door. Marry someone who you don’t always have to shave your legs for. Marry someone who accepts you all day every day, even when you don’t look or feel your best. Marry someone who puts three sugars in your tea, despite telling them “just the two”. Marry someone who doesn’t judge you when you eat your body weight in cookies. Marry someone who doesn’t make you want to check your phone, because you know they will reply. Marry someone who waits with you to get on the train. Marry someone who understands that you need to be alone sometimes. Marry someone who gets on well with your parents and isn’t uptight about family events. Marry someone who calms you down when you get mad about stupid stuff, and never tells you it’s “only stupid stuff”. Marry someone who makes you want to be a better person. Marry someone who makes you laugh. Marry someone who you love. Marry your soulmate, your lover, your best friend.”

—

27-0

Type.

My mom used to tell me that it’s okay to date someone who isn’t a big shot

at the company or graduated as a valedictorian. My mom used to tell me

to date someone “proper”, and I knew exactly what she meant by that,

expecting me to date someone with family background as clean as a

hound’s tooth, preferably with other siblings so that my mother-in-law will

not be too focused on me. We are Asians. I learnt her words but later

realise that I want to see whoever I want to and not to be defined by the

ideal “type” she has in mind. I want to be able to date a man as an

individual and not date his entire family. However, I want to get along with

his family but not to beg for acceptance or aim to please. I want to

marry a man and not

someone else’s son.

27-0

21 Sept

Find a man who gives you his full support when darkness seizes, and not someone who tells you to be strong, to be brave. Find a man who takes a step forward when someone mistreats you, and not someone who expects you to walk away constantly.

Find a man who guards you with his heart when you are vulnerable, and not someone who lets you swallow every ounce of your emotional trainwreck.

Because at the end of the day, regardless of how strong, independent or brave you are, you will need a shoulder to lean on.

You need someone who is willing to be there to walk you through the lowest point of your life. Always remember, his words will not be able to wipe off those tears from your face, his fingers can.

Don’t settle for someone who dishes out excuses for not being there when he could. Don’t settle with him when you are willing to ditch everything you have on hand just to be there for him, because you clearly deserve someone better.