[29j]

i was thinking about it and none of my entries thus far has been of gratitude. today this really nice and charismatic lady complimented my smile and it made me really happy. ive been complimented on it before but she seemed so genuine and lovely about it. that little interaction really meant a lot to me

[29j]

i feel blue. i can't fall asleep, i keep thinking of the person i want to be...well what i want to look like i guess. im also thinking about productive things i could be doing, but that scares me, and i think it's because i don't want to start something that i may not be able to finish. it dwells on me. i wonder, when will i be the person i long for?

[29j]

i am revisiting parts of myself i thought i had left. i have invested my time in the wrong people.

[29j]

im mad. there is so much wrong in this world and i can’t comprehend why it exists. there is not rationality. i need to be active. i need to be the change.

[29j]

i was looking forward towards summer break all year long thinking i was better now but i am starting to feel things i thought i had passed. i was under false pretences. i am under false pretences. maybe it's because i am insecure in my relationships with people and now that i am not able to see them regularly i am mourning them? it sounds odd to me but i miss being outside. i miss being intimate.

[29j]

earlier in the morning i felt out of place? i don't know how to describe it but something was up with my mood and i couldn't place my finger on what triggered it. i had plans with friends and the idea was dim. i took the chance to be out and i really enjoyed it. i should try pushing myself to be social more often

[29j]

im trying to grow but i feel that i have to hold back because i am afraid of losing people? why am i though? i like to think i embrace change but sometimes i question whether or not i project an idea of myself that fits to whatever i think will be the most desirable to people