2messy4you

Like flowers; we will grow.

[thehopefulquotes]

"A mistake repeated more than once is a decision."

— Paulo Coelho

[2messy4you]

I see a women that’s not me pop up on your phone. It takes me back to a place I no longer should be. A place to dark for me to be in. I go out of my way to search through your phone when I just had this talk with myself I would no longer do that. Deep down I know that you aren’t that type of man, you have never proven me otherwise. So why the paranoia? Well once someone has broken that wall of trust down, it’s gone until it’s rebuild. I never rebuilt it. I know he is not you. The unfairness for you to have to build a trust you never broken with me. The thing is I’m so afraid to be broken again, I feel the need to catch something before it happens like that will make the pain any better. I understand I may be searching for something that is not there with you. I really don’t see one flaw. I’m sorry.

[2messy4you]

Somehow you still win. Is it simply by allowing you to play roles in my present relationships.? Trusting is nonexist. You completely shattered that existence for me. I know now that’s a key part of making any relationship work but I still can’t seem to make that happen. You know what sucks? I see my partner trying and trying to show me that he is trustworthy, he has proven himself time after time. I see he is hurting because someone he loves can’t trust him when he did nothing wrong. I feel distraught. The paranoia has taken over me.

[2messy4you]

I wish I could let it pour into words and let it heal me. I use to grab my journal and let it go by writing every feeling onto paper. I pick up my pencil then erase, write and erase, write and erase. I know I feel everything right now but I can’t let it out. I can’t express this feeling anymore. I ran out of words. All the words I loved. I’m empty.

[2messy4you]

I’ve been emotionless. Words don’t come easily anymore. I find myself speechless to the world. Maybe it’s time to forgive the world.

[quotemadness]

“Sometimes people think they know you. They know a few facts about you, and they piece you together in a way that makes sense to them. And if you don’t know yourself very well, you might even believe that they are right. But the truth is, that isn’t you. That isn’t you at all.”

— Leila Sales

[2messy4you]

I always promise you I will get better and somehow find a way to break free from my depression. Then I remember I can’t do this for you. I have to do this for myself. I have to want to feel better.

[remanence-of-love]

[among-conifers-deactivated20160]

[2messy4you]

I feel invisible to the way drugs seems so visible

I feel like floating away while you get high as a way to cope with all your pain. I feel less of a gain.

So tired of trying to make you stop buying the same shit that kept you lying. I feel like replaying the memories in the making because I miss the way I was your only addiction but now all that is fiction.

Your mind if filled with confusion that’s why your body is glued to the cushion. Waiting on the next relapse to get caught up in the same traps.

I’m not enough of a reason for sobriety this season. Love ain’t shit when all you can commit to is a drug, why won’t you admit.

[2messy4you]

You always ask me, “why do you feel this way”? “What is causing you to feel this pain?” What if I don’t have a fucking reason. I don’t fucking know why.

2messy4you

[2messy4you]

Stop expecting. Expecting too much will make you sad.

2messy4you

[betawitch-deactivated20161211]

[2messy4you]

Smiling use to hurt. It was so hard to force my cheeks to rise when my whole body just felt like sinking. My body aches to crawl back to my bed I tried so hard to get out of. My mind was fluster fucked with feeling anything other then depression.

2messy4you

[2messy4you]

I felt as if there was a wall between everyone and myself. The universe and myself. That I was blocked from feeling any thing more than the depression consuming my life.

2messy4you

[2messy4you]

Dear lexapro,

I have never felt this happy before and somehow you changed my entire life. The cloud that use rain over me is replaced with a beaming sun. I don’t know how you did it and I wish I found you sooner.

2messy4you

[2messy4you]

I’m scared to fall down the dark hole I’ve been trying so hard to climb out of. It’s calling my name.

2messy4you