BRO OF THE WEEK: Seth MacFarlane
So, if last Sunday you found yourself tuned in to the Oscars with 40.3 million other Americans, you were fortunate enough to witness the off-color, yet amusing display of, possibly immature, creative genius that was Seth MacFarlane's "We Saw Your Boobs." Unfortunately, we at 300sxtyfivedays missed the Oscar memo, so we googled that shit on Monday morning, and couldn't help but chuckle quietly to ourselves from behind our work monitors, wishing we'd plugged in headphones and hoping no one heard us. Many of you are shocked and appalled that such a musical number was performed on national television, and we're wondering why such a large part of America is surprised and disgusted by the perhaps ill-advised, display of one of the most inappropriate men of the 21st century, and one of Barbara Walters' 10 Most Fascinating People. At this point everyone was all, "where are Tina Fey and Amy Poehler?" But all we could think of was the new expansion in our study of Bro-ology. So, it is with great pride and prejudice that we present to you, our very first Bro of the Week—Mr. Seth MacFarlane.
Men love boobs. It's science. And the considerable cross-section of the male population—bros—loves to talk about boobs—constantly. If the crude humor of Family Guy wasn't enough to convince you of Seth's innate bro-hood, here is your evidence—signed, sealed, and delivered. What better way to pay homage to a man's two favorite female body parts than by writing a song in honor of them? And who better to write the song about than some of the most talented boobs on earth?
I know many of you are reading this, livid at your computers, seething with anger at our seemingly disrespectful condoning of the objectification of women. But let's be clear, we aren't trying to step on women's rights or take our country back another 150 years, and we're pretty sure that wasn't Seth's goal either. All we're saying is, some crazy bro who likes to hear himself talk wrote a little, expertly-rhymed song about boobs, and performed it on national television—and it was pretty funny.
When it comes to bro-telligence, the gray matter of the average bro can be dissected into a small number of basic sections. For the most part, a bro is incapable of powering more than one section at a time, often sacrificing any type of pre-speech thought process in the name of entertainment. So, regardless of whether or not you stand behind his slight lack of judgment and taste, I think we can all agree on one thing—Seth MacFarlane is at the top of America's bro-list, and last Sunday put forth the documented proof.
So, while everyone untwists their panties, just remember that Woody Harrelson said it best: "When God created woman, he gave her not two breasts but three. When the middle one got in the way, God performed surgery. Woman stood before God, with the middle breast in hand. Said, 'What do we do with the useless boob?' and God created Seth MacFarlane."
..or something like that.
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