Have you ever felt like you weren’t enough of something? Good enough. Strong enough. Patient enough. Smart enough. I know I have. I struggle on a daily basis to believe that I am enough. My insecurities overflow and I begin to panic. Thoughts overwhelm me and all I can think is: I’m weak-I’m unlovable-I’m annoying-my ideas aren’t good-I’m boring-people don’t like me. My mind becomes an overflowing, toxic, swirling wasteland that spills into my heart. When I let my heart become corrupted by my own pernicious thoughts, it no longer just affects me anymore. It affects the people I’m around. It hinders the relationships I have with genuine people. Because when I think I am being annoying someone else may really enjoy my company. I stifle my own friendships and wonder why I’m lonely. When I let my anxieties overflow into my heart I become subject to all my innermost hurtful thoughts -I allow them to become realities. I allow the darkness to consume me.
I often ask myself if I am good enough and to be honest with you, the answer I discover each time is no. I will never be good enough. I fall short of greatness or even slight goodness each day. I don’t have my life together. I am not perfect. I’m very much a mess. However, I have a God who is enough. When I fall short He is there to pick me up and dust me off. When I scream and cry and spiral myself into a depressed state, He gently wipes my tears and reminds me to Whom I belong. I am never going to be good enough by myself. No one really is. I know there isn’t a person who measures up to being enough. None of us are complete and whole and perfect. We are all broken people, with cracks and chips. But that’s the beauty of it.
You see, our lives are like little cups. When we mess up, experience heartbreak, get angry, gossip, become depressed, ect... we create cracks and holes in our cup. To the average eye, we look battered and broken. You think to yourself, who could want something so bedraggled? But God looks at you and sees something a little different.
I like to think of God as light in this scenario: soft, bright, burning, steadfast light. When we allow the light to settle in our cups it fills the cracks and holes. It creates a beautiful specimen of art that shines your life story. No matter how beat up you are or how cracked your cup is, it’s all the more room for God to shine in your life. You are not too broken to be loved by God.
You see, when we allow God into our lives, our thoughts begin to change. We stop trying to be enough and start remembering that we are loved by the one who is enough. We don’t have to clamor and fight to portray a picture of who we are. We don’t have to strive for the approval of others anymore. The facade can be lifted. We can stop pretending. We can finally say to ourselves that we aren’t enough, but we don’t need to be. We can stop being so insecure around others, and start being content with knowing we are already fiercely loved and accepted. We can walk with our heads held high and our arms open wide: confident and loving. We can finally stop battling with ourselves to be this or that and we can finally rest in knowing who we are.
“Define yourself radically as one beloved by God. This is the true self. Every other identity is illusion.” - Brennan Manning
When we let ourselves be filled up with the light of God we protect our hearts and minds from the darkness that consumes our lives like a wild, raging beast that eats up every ounce of self we have. With the light burning inside us darkness flees and our little cup becomes a welcome place for others, just the same as you. They see the light in your cracks and wonder, how? How does the darkness not affect you? How do life's trials not leave you completely shattered?
Now you can say with certainty, that although you are cracked and broken, and that you’ll never measure up, there is a God, who loves you no matter what. He fills the darkest parts of you. The parts you never wanted the world to see are now a testimony of how God transforms the broken into beautiful. You can ultimately believe that you are loved by the God of the Universe and you did nothing to deserve it. I hope you are encouraged by this to be filled up and to not let your light grow dim. Remember how loved you are. Remember that although you are broken, it does not mean you're worthless.
When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12
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