So last night he went off from the group of staff to go to a club with one female colleague. I don’t know if to be suspicious, and don’t really care. But I know that the other staff members will see it that way, and be gossiping about it now, which is the thing I dislike most.
We had an argument about this and him not bothering to contact me.  Well he’s technically apologised, but in the same way as last night like “I’m sorry baby, I hate it when we argue, let’s not” so it stops the issue from actually being discussed. It feels more like a silencing tactic. Because nothing has actually been resolved, he still hasn’t tried to show interest in my trip e.g. by asking more about it, and he still hasn’t tried to justify not texting. I didn’t even get a “didn’t want to bother you” excuse.Â
And he literally could not give less of a fuck about my trip. I just don’t understand why you would give so little of a shit about the trip your partner has just been on. I’m more baffled than mad. When someone gets back and you see them for the first time, surely it is a social instinct to automatically say “how was it?”, even if you don’t actually care! But the argument began because I woke up and he was already awake, on facebook and looking at the photos of London my friends had posted. Just sat there, silently flicking through without saying a single word. After a while, he closed facebook and asked me what I planned to do today. I couldn’t help but laugh at the strange awkwardness of the situation, because it was like he was pretending my trip away hadn’t happened for some reason. His behaviour was almost beyond not caring, it was like he was desperately trying to act as though he didn’t, by creating an awkward silence around it, or like he hadn’t noticed that I had been gone. Maybe he was fucking jealous.
He was paid last week. I asked him if he had transferred the rent money to me yet. He was furious that I had asked him and said no, but he had moved it to one side (how the fuck does that help me???). He viciously criticised me for asking about the money I desperately need, saying that money was the real reason that I was having a go at him, and that the other things were just a pathetic excuse to cover it up. He said I had no right to demand the money from him because he was going to do it soon anyway. I pointed out that he said that last month and it was almost the end of the month by the time I got it. He said he didn’t see why that mattered.
Things I noted from this:
That he was completely dismissing my hurt feelings over the other things
That he was denying that the other things were a real issue for me at all
That me being without money is not an issue for him
His attitude that suggested he felt that giving me the rent money was something for him to do at his discretion and leisure, and as a generous favour, rather than something he should prioritise
He is saying it’s not fair that it’s the first thing I think about when he gets paid…. Umm rent is the first thing YOU should think about! I have to always do all the thinking for you, and when I point out that something needs doing that you have neglected to think about, then you make me out to be bad person
I decided to go out to a club alone for the first time.
