uNf0rG1v3N

I no longer care if anyone forgives me for the things I did… fuck me and fuck you

[4-g1v3-m3]

[quotefeeling]

“You cannot find peace by avoiding life.”

— Virginia Woolf

[4-g1v3-m3]

When we first started talking, things would go great for a while, then you would message Me “I can’t do this anymore” and go silent for a few days… this taught Me that you are guarded, but the love you have to give is worth the wait to get past your hesitation.

After all that’s happened, I still feel like you’re worth the effort to work through the things that hold us back, and that’s why I’m still here trying to show you that everyday. I have My own issues, and have a hard time getting past those at times, but you’re the most real thing I’ve ever known, and I can’t give up on you.

[4-g1v3-m3]

Pretending it doesn’t affect Me while watching everything I’ve ever wanted slip away…

[4-g1v3-m3]

The measure of a man is not in his mistakes, but in how he conducts himself in lieu of his mistakes.

[4-g1v3-m3]

You’ll never see that I’ve changed if you keep looking at Me through the lens of My past.

[stay-close]

“Give people time. Give people space. Don’t beg anyone to stay. Let them roam. What’s meant for you will always be yours.”

— Reyna Biddy

[thingsiwant-nl]

[4-g1v3-m3]

I recognize I’m not an easy choice… on paper, im definitely not the logical choice. I’m definitely not the one you can talk to your mom about in detail and her tell you how I sound like such a great guy. I don’t fit in with your image. I’m okay with that. I wasn’t made to fit in…

I’m made to stand out. That’s why you’re drawn to Me beyond those who do better fit the image of your life from the perspective of those around you. You think and think and overthink reasons why I’m not what you think you want, but deep down I know you want Me more than you want to admit.

Your spark ignited something deep within Me from the beginning, and that fire within Me has forged Me into something better than I was… better than I previously thought possible. The thought of you not wanting Me scares the living shit out of Me, but deep down, I know better. I know more about who I am now because of you. I no longer feel incomplete nor the need to fill any void within Me with substances to numb Me.

I don’t tell you “I love you” because those words have been a lie to the other women I’ve said them to in the past. You’ve seen that first hand. All the other guys who told you those words have been proven wrong to the point where you no longer believe the words even when you hear them in the most sincere way. I choose to show you how I feel rather than tell you. I know you hear the words through My actions because it scares you just the same. I’ve been scared too… the thought of losing you is My biggest fear, and for too long I have allowed that fear to hold Me back in many ways.

Even when you don’t talk to Me, I crave you in ways I can’t even describe. My skin raises at the thought of your touch. Your body responds to My touch in a way that tells Me everything I need to know about how you feel about Me. When I give you space, it’s not for Me to seek comfort elsewhere… it’s Me giving you time for your heart to tell your mind what I already know to be true beyond a shadow of a doubt…

You’re Mine!

[4-g1v3-m3]

Recovery meeting night.

Meetings, therapy, and court… My life these days…

[4-g1v3-m3]

I got receipts to show I’m not blowing smoke. They know about you. I don’t hide you… I don’t hide how I feel about you… I don’t know what move I can make to show you I care before scaring you off again, so I’m showing what I can here in hopes you will let Me in to show you what I already know.

[4-g1v3-m3]

In case you missed My text last week…

[4-g1v3-m3]

With perfect imperfection in the rearview, what is there to look forward to? Isn’t the point of all this to find someone who sees the beauty beneath our flaws, who has the courage to call us out on our own bullshit even when we don’t like hearing it? I’m 145 days clean today, and I’m proud of My progress, but there’s no one else in the world I’d rather celebrate even the smallest victory with than the one person I love who seems to want nothing to do with Me.

For the first time in My life, I don’t want to hide from the past… I don’t want to sweep My mistakes under a rug… I own My mistakes as they made Me who I am now. I only want the opportunity to show you who I am now, and give you the love I should have given all along. We’re all fucked up people living in a fucked up world, but I still believe in us. It’s okay to be scared, but don’t let that fear slam the door in the face of the opportunity to make our story greater than any we’ve known. Meet Me again for the last first time, and let’s build something real in this fake ass world.

[pandagobrr]

These comics are my life blood, they amount of time they have lived in my head is truly concerning

[4-g1v3-m3]

Reminder that you are worthy even on the days you feel like you aren’t.

[4-g1v3-m3]

When people ask Me about you, this is what I tell them…

Well, when I met her, I’d just left My second failed marriage, and had pretty much given up on life. I was strung out on drugs, and making poor choices because I just didn’t give a fuck anymore. Her love inspired Me to choose to dig My way out of My own darkness… I really love her… I know that’s not something easily found, so the last thing I wanna do is let it go…

I fucked up in so many ways, but I’m here now. I can’t make you choose Me, but I still choose you even when I don’t know how to show it… yeah, there’s ppl in My DMs, but you’re carved in My skin, in My therapy notes, in My court records, and in My heart. Ain’t none of these hoes coming close to taking your place…

[4-g1v3-m3]

I don’t know how to explain this to anyone… the best analogy I can give is that she became My home, and now I’m homesick…

[4-g1v3-m3]

My Kind of Crazy by Brantley Gilbert

Listen to My Kind of Crazy by Brantley Gilbert on Apple Music. 2010. Duration: 3:34

[4-g1v3-m3]

141 days sober today.

These lyrics hit harder than ever today.

And I just can't keep living this way

So starting today

I'm breaking out of this cage

I'm standing up, I'ma face my demons

I'm manning up, I'ma hold my ground

I've had enough, now I'm so fed up

Time to put my life back together right now (now)

It was my decision to get clean, I did it for me

Admittedly, I probably did it subliminally for you

So I could come back a brand new me, you helped see me through