Today, I fucked up... by not taking the stairs and almost kill my RA
I started cooking cheaper meals to save money in college. For the days leading up to the FU I had been eating manager special steak and bean fajitas and the fumes leaking from my rear end were reaching legendary proportions. It’s the time of year to fill out lease renewal paperwork, so I went to the lobby turned in my paperwork. The stairs are at the ends of the building. The elevator and lobby are dead center in the building. My room is right next to the stairs, naturally I usually just take the stairs. After turning in my paperwork I hopped in the elevator and begin to a large pressure building in my lower stomach. As I reach my floor and the doors begin to open, I let out the most soul crushingly disgusting wet sounding fart. It was the kind of fart where you feel the immediate need to take a shower and do a load of laundry. It was too late when the doors fully opened, standing there was the cute RA for my floor. Apparently, she didn’t hear the sound of my soul splitting in two, as if to make a horcrux, and proceed to step into the elevator. The doors close and I went on my merry way to go take a shower and do a load of laundry.
Fast forward to earlier today, I talked to another RA, whose the president of a club I frequent, and he tells me that an RA was critically injured and hospitalized. Prying for details I ask who it was and how it happened. He tells me that they’re still unsure how it all happened, but she (my floors RA) had thrown up in the elevator, slipped on her vomit, and cracked her head open on the corner of the elevator (the part that’s perpendicular to door and the button panel meet) and that they’re going to check the video footage to see what caused her to start throwing up. Idk if there is a legal recourse for almost killing someone by farting but I may be speaking to the police in the next few days.
TL:DR I fart in an elevator, almost kill a girl I have a crush on and might be going to jail soon.
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