mera ☆

constant yearning and self-inflicted misery in the shape of a girl

[444mera]

♰ ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊ mera, 20

in progress

chronically online (smau), suna rintaro x reader

cornerstone, dennis whitaker x reader

about me

local queer freak and pervert, multifandom

currently obsessed with: the pitt, project hail mary

feel free to message, send asks, kiss me, and generally interact!

[444mera]

yo so i don't even know how many people will see this but .. does anyone still fw the suna smau i never finished like two years ago because i will continue it if like Two people want it . i'm #Easy lol

anyway i also didn't want to update it cause i don't know if the people who asked to be on the tag list in freaking 2024 still want to be in it so! i'm at a loss Mayne i'm at the whims of the cosmos

[444mera]

♰ cornerstone

in which you've lived in broken bow, nebraska your whole life. nothing about your small town surprised you anymore - up until one sunday, when a man in the shape of years past sits in front of you during church service.

pairing: dennis whitaker x fem!reader

wc: 1.3k

warnings: religious themes/trauma, mayhaps slightly suggestive, might not be realistic cause i'm not american LOL

a/n: hello children! i lowk highk intend for this to be a series (buuuut i don't want to jinx it). i essentially just started writing shit down in my notes app and this is what came out of it .. so this is supposed to be reader's first time seeing dennis years after he left home. sorry for the long note but also! if anyone still somehow remembers me from my unfinished suna smau .. baby i'm sorry .. but tbh i might get back on that if enough people want it hah i'm eeaaasy

also also. dennis whitaker? willoughby tucker? fuuuuuuuuucdsk mama that's the same person fuaaaahuuucg ........ anyway! enjoy! i hope

the chipped, balmy wood of the pews always smelled the same. it was all the same — same hymnals, same worn leather, same congregation.

you can't remember a time before the church. even your oldest memories were tied to the wafer-thin pages of your bible, the way you knelt, the way you prayed before you slept. it's not like devoutness consumed your being, you're much more ambiguous in that sense. but it was a pillar in your life, a cornerstone.

"jesus is our foundation! the cornerstone of the church!" the preacher exclaims, full of conviction.

this snaps you out of it. how long have you been distracted? you can't recall. all you know is that the boy three pews ahead looks different.

you hadn't seen him since high school. yours was a small town in broken bow, it was hard to miss whenever a resident left.

"brethren, please turn your bibles to ephesians 2:19-22, the main verses of this afternoon service. let us begin—now therefore ye are no more strangers and foreigners, but fellowcitizens with the saints, and of the household of god;"

that's the word. saints. it propels you back into daydreaming. you think, hard. about the boy—of whom would now be better addressed as a man, but it's hard to think of him as anything other than the saint you remember from your youth. he's much more subdued now, big bags under his eyes. a twinge of red. it's difficult to focus on his features when he's sitting three pews ahead, yet you persist; you don't know why you do. god surely does.

"...and are built upon the foundation of the apostles and prophets, jesus christ himself being the chief corner stone;" the congregation echoes all around you.

you absentmindedly recite along, much more focused on shooting glances at the curls in his hair, noticing how they're much longer at the nape of his neck. you're much more self-conscious now, you know that much for sure.

"...whom all the building fitly framed together groweth unto an holy temple in the lord:"

what verse were you on now? oh right, 21. you haven't even turned your bible to ephesians, settling for reading it on your neighbor's bible instead. it's not like it mattered though, the verses were already burnt into your brain.

"...in whom ye also are builded together for an habitation of god through the spirit," the preacher praises god.

"let us pray."

you keep your eyes open during prayer. something you seldom do, not by faith, but by habit. you tilt your head down so it's less obvious that you're still observing him. he clasps his hands in prayer comfortably, he doesn't bring them all the way up to his face. they rested just in front of his pelvis, thumb soothing the back of his hand. his hands look different now, too, you note.

the rest of the service goes on this way. his presence was ever noticed, making you grow more conscious of your own. sundays were innocuous, safe. you didn't have to think much, say much; oh, but perform, you had to do. for much of the last few years, it was a place wherein you could leave your real troubles at the door. in here you could pretend.

now he's here, and forasmuch as you've observed him, you wondered if he would do the same once he saw you. you thought about yourself and how you've changed. what that would mean to him. would he think you look drastically different now? would he even recognize you at all? would it even matter to him?

you spiral.

when you exit the door, the misty air welcomes you, a breeze wrapping around your frame. it was cool, gentle. the sun wasn't harsh, no, it illuminated everything in a soft glow. the pitter patter of the earlier day's rain was quietly dancing on the deck. it was all so tranquil, which for a second made you forget about—

"hi."

you turn around. shit, how could you forget.

"hi!" you tried to sound as normal as you could, like you didn't spend the entire service eye-fucking analyzing him.

"how have you been!" you reflexively asked. his entrance surprised you, which you cursed yourself for, knowing that among your many earlier thoughts was imagining how this conversation would go, and what things you would say.

"good," he says earnestly, accompanied by a sheepish smile. "visiting my family." he offers. swaying.

"oh, it's been a while! i haven't seen you in so long—"

he cuts you off, tries to explain, "oh yeah, it's not, like, the first time i've visited since high school ...but, i usually don't wander off from the farm when i do come."

"ah, so that's why i don't see you," a small grin starts to form on the corners of your mouth as you continue, "i've heard rumors of a dr. whitaker coming into town, but i never did see him for myself."

he looks down at the sun-bleached floorboards all shy, and huffs a breathy laugh at this comment.

he doesn't say anything for a second, and due to your panicked state, you ramble on, "you kinda became a mythical legend in my mind..." he looks up at you, "...doctor."

jesus, mary, and joseph, did you have to add that last line?

"yeah, i'm...i'm sorry i didn't reach out," he sounded so earnest. so sincere, it takes you aback.

"oh? it's okay, truly, we weren't that close!" it sounded meaner than you intented. "i just...sorry, i just mean that you don't have to feel bad.

"thank you." there he goes again. so sincere.

the two of you stand there for a few seconds, smiling at each other. a bit awkward.

in this silence, you notice that his frame is considerably larger. it was hard to tell earlier, farther away. plus it's been years since you last saw him, so obviously he looks different. but still.

"hey," his voice is soft as he calls out your name in the same tone of voice he used to. some things stay the same. you didn't even notice that you spaced out again. he looks concerned, bending down a bit and leaning closer to get your attention. your breath hitches at this. it annoys you, how attractive you find him.

"hi," you say back, abashedly. he smiles, relief washing over his face. you wonder for a second why there was such concern on his face in the first place, then you recall that he sees the worst of the worst every day in the ED. ah, no wonder.

"sorry, i'm being weird," you say.

"you're alright, i'm sorry i haven't asked you how you've been." he pauses for a moment, presumably to think, then says, "ah, so you're still active in church! how's that- how's everything?" he gestures with his left hand, retracting it back into crossed arms; eager to listen.

in all honesty, it's a loaded question. at church, at home—what a god-fearing christian you are. it's an impossible task to find someplace to be yourself in a town as small as a mustard seed. you don't know whether to be honest or not.

a skill you've honed over the years is sussing out the black sheep, the outliers. trying to find community in the conservative. but you don't take any chances, instead opting to say, "it's been good! can be a lot, sometimes. but it's definitely living."

a sham of an answer. truly. but it's a little soon to be honest, you think. you don't even know how long he's staying for, which prompts you to ask—

"i'm here for about a month, by the way." it's like he read your mind.

the "by the way" feels intentional. maybe a wish for something more. to see you again. so against your better judgment, you prod, and you ask exactly that.

"do you want to see me again, den?"

everyone in town knows "den" moreso than "dr. whitaker". he definitely hasn't been called that name in a while, given the way his ears perked up.

"yes ma'am, i do." he says with no hesitation.

[444mera]

[chronically online] 02. boiler room ☆

NISSAN ALTIMA - DOECHII

the place is hot and damp.

after carrying the heavy baggage of assignment after assignment, the party's a breath of fresh air; despite the suffocating bodies of sweaty college kids. walking through the crowd, all the tension in your body relaxes, and you feel a cool hand on your back.

"y/n! you actually made it!" the voice beams at you. it's hard to hear clearly over the music swelling in your ears, so you turn your body to get a better look at the person greeting you.

it was bokuto, the sweetest man you've ever met. you've been friends with him since freshman year, which wasn't surprising since he got along with practically everyone. despite this, your friendship was special to both of you. meeting on the first day of college eased your nerves, given how tense you were. how couldn't you be? it was the first day, you knew basically no one.

catching yourself drifting into thought, you shift your attention back to him. you realize it's been a few seconds after he said something. your eyes meet his.

"hi kou," you smile warmly at him. you're trying your best to sound like yourself right now. you haven't been to a party in months and while the atmosphere is flashy and fun, you're still a bit on edge.

he notices something's off, making a face akin to when you would quiz him during your study sessions. he gently grabs your hand. "come with me! i was just with saeko in the garage, her and the volleyball team are playing pool!"

as your lips part to reply to him, saeko suddenly appears in front of you both now. she's out of breath. "saeko, what's going on?" bokuto asked, brows slightly wrinkling. he's worried. shit, you are too.

"not now, bo," she replies. she looks at you like you could save her life right now. bokuto stares dumbfoundedly.

"y/n! come with me please, i need a favor. we'll talk later, bo!" saeko passively says goodbye to him as she grabs your hand and leads you away.

"do you know how to dj?" she yells over the music.

masterlist | previous | next

☆ mera's mail ! HAIII we're sooo back. just a short (?) one for now, y'know, to get back into the groove of things. happy new year yall! i said i'd get back to this during christmas break, and it's still my break so mission #Accomplished .. also i'm trying out new stuff for this smau i.e. adding songs to chapters

taglist: open ! (also i know it's been a while, so lmk if you wanna be removed from the taglist thru dms or asks)

@wave2love @suitstars @momozno @cle0we0 @wolffmaiden

@phoenix-eclipses @beatr2x @kenmacrumbs @riiceandsoup

@viscoolreal @ironicallyhetero @skazewrld @sunarins

@iwnnabeurss @sonicsolos @pookiebear16 @fairywriter-oracle

@i-am-trying-i-promise @dazqa @nbcvs @bbybibi @toges-cough-syrup

@h0elessromantic @butterflyeffectxs @taefanclub @miss-manupilative

@mysticstrawberryballoon

[nikoco11]

DESPITE IT ALL, WE HAVE EACH OTHER

no matter how much hopelessness they corner us into, they cannot stop us from taking care of each other.

somewhere to start today is by helping nada, who is less than 40% of the way towards her goal.

https://gofund.me/e06f31d3

please continue to share mutual aid, whether its in your own neighborhood or across the sea. please continue to find both what's urgent and what's beautiful in the world.

thank you always, take care.

[444mera]

mera r u aliveeee [worried]

HAIIII WHO ARE YOU!!!

yes (no) i'm doing great (being a stressed college student). thanks for checking in lol sorry i just replied now, haven't been opening this account ... i have fully decided to continue the smau during christmas break for anyone wondering!

thanks for checking in anon, dm me if you wanna!

[444mera]

heyyy......how y'all doin ........,

[444mera]

hiiii, just wondering what app you use for your smau

hello! i downloaded social dummy before it passed away (rip) but i also use twinote for twitter

[444mera]

[chronically online] 01. hashtag pregame

masterlist | previous | next

☆ mera's mail ! hellooo how are you all? my sleep schedule is exponentially fucked once again. soo what do you all think!!! feel free to interact heheh

taglist: open !

@wave2love @suitstars @momozno @cle0we0 @wolffmaiden

@phoenix-eclipses @beatr2x @kenmacrumbs @riiceandsoup

@viscoolreal @ironicallyhetero @skazewrld @sunarins

@iwnnabeurss @sonicsolos @pookiebear16 @fairywriter-oracle

@i-am-trying-i-promise @dazqa @nbcvs

[444mera]

[chronically online] profiles: Freaky Singles Looking For Love (18+)

suna

where do i even start, he's our love interest hello?!?!? everybody clap and cheer!!!

awake at ungodly hours yelling at his computer - he brings a certain antisocial shut-in vibe to the function but he really just prefers staying at home

but but! he of course still makes time for whatever side quests his friends want to bring him along for (he won't say it, but he loves them!)

this man is the definition of nonchalant. like,,, he never goes out of his way to make new friends or potential girlfriends

which sucks for a lot of people because he ignores any moves made at him

it's either 1. he is Not interested or 2. he just doesn't understand that someone's flirting with him

despite this, suna still looooves complaining about being single

bokuto

resident driver of the freaky singles

always texting while driving but somehow never gets into any and all accidents

bo is a cheery guy! everyone loves him!

also his favorite emoji is definitely “😁" LOL

if his texts don't have that emoji call the police because that is not Him texting

unexpectedly pulls out in-depth analyses of his friends every now and then, veeery much to their surprise

kuroo

he pretends to be all cool but he's really not!!

gym buddies with tsumu which is unfortunate for whoever's there when they are because they are always pulling some embarrassing shit

they're not harming anyone though, only themselves 😭 he's always tryna bring physics into the gym which annoys atsumu

and ohh you bet it's even worse when bo comes with them, they all collectively lose like 1 million aura when they're all together

he always tries to drag suna with him if he hasn't seen him in a while

atsumu

written on profiles: art students (and atsumu)

osamu

#businessman

onigiri miya is his whole life, it's his precious child

very busy man, is barely there for events and sends three messages MAX per week

didn't pursue college anymore because he wanted to focus on his store - but still very close with the rest of the freaky singles

he meets up with them like …. once a month … excluding tsumu of course, he always stops by the shop to buy onigiri

masterlist | previous | next

☆ mera's mail ! i did not proofread this at all. too busy re-watching challengers rn, i'll edit latur (also fixed formatting of the profiles)

taglist: open !

@wave2love @suitstars @momozno @cle0we0 @wolffmaiden

@phoenix-eclipses @beatr2x @kenmacrumbs @riiceandsoup

@viscoolreal @ironicallyhetero @skazewrld @sunarins

@iwnnabeurss @sonicsolos @pookiebear16 @fairywriter-oracle

@i-am-trying-i-promise @dazqa @nbcvs

[444mera]

can i be added to the chronically online taglist plz i have also regressed into my 2020 hq phase 😃

yes ofc!! i still need to catch up on the manga so i can watch the new movie .... things have been so hectic 😭

[444mera]

help i literally deleted my smau series once because i lost motivation 😭 literally logged out of the account and let it die

BUT DONT GIVE UP ON UR SMAU PLZ DONT DIE DONT BE LIKE ME

omg hello who are you!!!!

i'd say i'm not as parasocially obsessed with haikyuu as i used to be, but i still do love it and i hope for the best for this smau LAWL i didn't expect people to see this and thought it would be my little secret self-indulgent work but oh well!! i feel the #pressure but i hope people still like it

tell me who you are now!! i might've seen your smau since i've been lurking for forever mwahhahah!! continue it Now. i need more haikyuu smau to read

[444mera]

i am mirroring All of you

[444mera]

yall did not see that

[444mera]

[chronically online] profiles: art students (and atsumu)

y/n

microinfluencer 😜😜

first and foremost an Art Student

so so wiiittyyy, BIG flirt

okay this girl lichrally knows how to do so many things like CMON y/n is a MULTI media arts student ....

liiiike this mf has had so many hobbies in the past there's like so many different craft things in her room

literal #jack of all trades (but master of none)

no money for gifts? no problem! she just makes something out of the many items in her room

saeko

like i said, she is That Girl

sooo carefree, so spontaneous

if you search up the definition of "social butterfly", a photo of her shows up

her photography phase never went away

the day after ANY time you go out with her, you will always receive the most beautiful, jaw-dropping photos of the day before

also she literally knows every student, of course she knows about every single party

and everyone loves her!!

saeko's a Hard drinker .... loves whiskey and has a bottle opener attached to her carabiner

lipstick lesbian (with crazy masc aura)

semi

slutty musician

ohhhh everyone thinks he's so cool and mysterious

which he is!! but his friends know he's a geek who loves theatre

he used to be a band kid, theatre kid, AND a choir kid

his favorite musical is heathers

semi puts up the "cool and mysterious" act because growing up, he was never really seen as attractive and he was tired of that!

he somehow wants to be perceived but hates it at the same time like lol he deletes his posts and deactivates and reactivates his social media accounts over and over

always used to get called a gay theatre kid as a joke (they were only half-right, he's bi)

atsumu

okay he's in both y/n and suna's life so you know he's chismoso

very nosy boy, is always sat for tea

especially when him, y/n, and bokuto hang out,, the tea is craaazy

kiiiinda a lover boy which is shocking for a lot of people since he looks like a womanizer

token straight friend in y/n's friend group but fits right in

beats the college student meals allegations (only ramen, ever) because he's a gym boy and eats healthy ... a lot of what he eats is osamu's onigiris though

he MIGHT be singlehandedly funding onigiri miya (jk, they have customers)

always going on dates trying to genuinely find love, but is struggling

masterlist | next

☆ mera's mail ! y/n is the only one with a private account because everyone else either 1. voluntarily airs out all their dirty laundry on main or 2. they just don't care. you decide who fits what! anyway, life's been crazy! just graduated shs, i'm so back guys :D will be posting suna's gc profiles tomorrow, then some more bonus content before the story really starts. sorry i <3 Foreplay (character building)

taglist: open !

@wave2love @suitstars @momozno @cle0we0 @wolffmaiden

@phoenix-eclipses @beatr2x @kenmacrumbs @riiceandsoup

@viscoolreal @ironicallyhetero @skazewrld @sunarins

@iwnnabeurss @sonicsolos @pookiebear16 @fairywriter-oracle

@i-am-trying-i-promise @dazqa

[444mera]

hey lol i already love chronically online pls continue it and pls dont die

bitch i've attempted twice and failed so dw!!

[444mera]

yall i am so Sorry i just checked this account after a week .... i'll update the smau today (i've been busy)