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I spent a lot of time today watching videos about making money but mostly

I also built an app on base44 that takes a person's photo and makes them steampunk:

Still feels like I'm an internet addict basically, although I'm not sure what else to do here.

Here's a steampunk Donald Trump courtesy of Base44

#SteamPunk Donald #Youtube

What does it take to build a house?

Only God knows which way to Go

Only God knows what to do

Only God is omnipotent and omniscient

We can write about god in the abstract.

Only God knows God though.

junie-bugie

can't stop thinking about this

Everything works if you are really good at it and can add a lot of value,

nothing works if you are bad at shit and can't add a lot of value, that's the lesson I'm learning. \

Sadly, I'm not very good at a lot of things. exccept maybe contra dancing and that is not an industry.

what a waste man.

the way the addiction works is that going into games and online makes the pain go away for at least a little while. I tried to solve the problem of death but its not going away. I can't do it. I wish I could of course. Maybe its just my bad nature, when I'm on my knees I turn to god but when I'm doing well I fail to thank him enough.

Please lord of heaven and earth change that I want to contribute meaningfully to a better world.

That's the other thing though, it seems as if they don't want a better world. the natural thing is to want things better over time. I want to be smarter, more functional, a better capitalist, live longer, have a deepre relationship with God. that's what I want. I was made to create things but I haven't created much....

our 'heroes' the big economists and bankers and such are like james bond villains, steve jobs, he died from esophageal cancer.

Jeff and God

remember we watched that show that had Jeff and God together?

Well no one is paying attention to this blog, it's basically irrelevant. so since that's the case I might as well write this just for Jeff and God.

Can you guys hear me?

I love you both and also I want to apologize on behalf of jeff for him saying things he shouldn't and actually me watching that stuff and generally me just messing up my entire life which is to say that I don't even know how I would do it differently.

I very much believe at this point that it's only going to be through the efforts of God that things get better. Humanity seems to screw everything up and I can only hope that god is merciful and doesn't throw us all into hell because with all the porn, booze, pills, idolatry and other things. The temperance movement was a complete disaster and I think with the movement to end online porn or whatever if we ever have such a thing that's going to be a disaster as well and the porn gets demonic really fast.

all the really good humans are in heaven right now I suppose.

Please stop putting us into situations we cannot really handle. It has been proven long ago that you are right. that we are all bad and you are all good. I want to make a cryptocoin to honor you but I don't have the resources so I can only pray and write.

Please don't torture me but turn me into the kind of person that is worthy of worshipping you.

I was thinking maybe I could be your slave. eternal slavery is probably all i'm good for anyway. if there's a task in front of me and someone telling me to do it I do it but when things are wide open I have a harder time especially when there's time limits and complications and constraints as happens in the real world. as a dunning kruger idiot I get really upset about things and in your book you say eternal damnation of which I am totally and completely terrified of.

You are completely good and worthy though.

it's the blind leading the blind down here

It's a world that is beautiful in some ways, but also filled with these feeble little creatures, we aren't even in the 4th dimension here. We aren't even rich, we certainly aren't long lived or anything. we live short lives.

there's so much we don't know. is this the first time i've ever existed? have I been here before? I don't know to be honest.

The mathematics of it

At this point rent is just hugely expensive even if I am working full time which I haven't secured. 20 * 40 = 800 * 4.3 = around 3320 and the places renting at much higher. landlords are not exactly to blame here either as they have to actually pay and upkeep these places at a certain level. The K shaped economy continues and I'm at the very bottom of it.

God is perfect

God is great

God can do anything

If anything good is going to happen, it's going to be mostly through the

Even the greatest men on earth today, the ones with all the skills: Do they do good?

No.

Guide us away from this world O my Lord. teach us your ways and heaven us to keep them. Give us faith, grace and fill my heart with your joy.

It is joyful to be repentant. it is the only thing to be and to do. My way of being is as nothing.

can't find a plug for my zip drive to work on my book, the angelikin.

still looking for work.

The amount of talent in this world is actually quite amazing. I'm just not one of them. The experience is humbling and scary to say the least. going over myself in the past, what's clear is that I've spent way, way too much time playing video games, but also that I need to be more emotionally stoic, as well as just I dunno, less crazy in general, and that is still a hurdle.

some authors like Aaron Beck of "Feeling Good", emphasize the cognitive behavioral aspect of things. I don't think they really factor in the poverty though or the fact that you know, maybe there are things in your life that . you can't always just magically make yourself feel better honestly through magical thoughts.

Trying to escape through reading hasn't helped either. I think writing here is probably a better cope but I'm still homeless and on the bottom here.

I often consider my position in life to be judgement of god, but that's not exactly the truth, it's a reflection of my abilities to meaningfully contribute to the global economy and I am not an all star contributor. I'm not even a security guard level contributor which shouldn't be too too hard to achieve.

I still fear hell a lot though. I have no idea how old my soul is, whether I'm a new soul or a young soul, whether I've gone to hell in the past or not or heaven or whatever it is, but I do know that I'm not operating at a high level here and I've hurt a lot of the people close to me. I'm extremely emotionally upset and clearly I need to find ways and means of dealing with extreme emotions that are healthier because I experience them a lot. Deep breathing might help.

I know that drugs, alcohol, idolatry and other such things will not help of course, but I still spend too much time each day just sitting around basically. I continue to be impressed by all the talent in the world and I wish I had that level of talent, especially to build things like houses or to program things or make beautiful things but I don't.

A good human is creative and business minded as well as technically skilled. when you put the 3 together you can come up with some really amazing things. Even though things aren't the way I think they should be, since they are this way they are for reasons.

I'm supposed to be working but work has almost become like this abstract thing for me disconnected from any actual skills which is probably why I'm not getting hired. unless the job is like sitting around or something or building widgets in a factory I might not be able to do it, especially since with say, I dunno, semiconductors we shall say that requires a lot of technical skills which I should have, but don't have.

there's lots of jobs, for like pytorch, python and java developers, I just don't have them.

Going to school and getting assaulted with various dystopian novels like 1984, brave new world, hunger games, handmade's tale certainly did not help. Raading sci fi novels like the hyperian cantos also did not help. my choices in life didn't help but I don't really know in many ways what to do to rectify them. going to go back to applying for jobs here. I may be able to get my cna again and work with older people which would be good. maybe I can convince my employers to start using phenoAge or grimage to measure the genetic damage of aging on people.

The homeless in Boston basically die on the streets here which might be better than some of the fates that people have all over the world sadly.

meeting my sister on 6/17

I want to believe that God has a good fate planned out for everyone but that is not what is written. We are infinitely evil in comparison to God. It is written "no one does good", so if it is a just world, those who don't do good which is everyone might not get anything good.

Still, it's inconceivable to me to believe that God really just creates a bunch of creatures for eternal hell. That would be infinitely cruel, a quality which god shouldn't be associated with, however all the holy books say that indeed, God does kill or those w

Target

Any tumblr users on here who work in HR or in a nursing home? target rejected me because I didn't submit the video so maybe I need to redo the application?

I'm praying to god to deal with the mental illness because that seems to be the main problem. Maybe I just need to man the fuck up or something. I dunno. Mostly I think that I am mentally ill because I'm poor and homeless honestly. and I'm this way because I haven't used time well and also I can be a bit much to handle as a person. '

it must be really wonderful to be able to build these big businesses I have to be honest or to build lots of things. There's just a whole world out there

I guess you gotta trust god that in fact the way things are, are the way they are supposed to be, but it's hard because reality is so harsh and I'm so incompetent and mental.

1 in 10 households are over 1$ net worth. I'm just not one of them.

I just feel like I lack a lot of skills somehow that I should have.

anyway, going to work on the book