sickie - dm's open!

|traumacore and vent edits| [abuse/trauma survivor] +i participate in cglre (agere)+ ~sweet healing babie~

[51cken1n9]

when will it all end? when will i get my childhood back? i'm trying so hard to replicate it, but i just can't!! i'm trying so hard to fall into the innocence, but something is stopping me!! i just wanna be the sweet angel i never got the chance to be. i just wanna depend on someone and not have to worry about them breaking me down day by day. i just want a taste of what you took from me! i want to be young and soft and cute and pure!! i'm so tired of being a broken doll, i'm so tired of bearing the weight of your mistakes!!! it's worn me to nothing, and now i am only a husk of who i wish to be!!! i'm so corrupt, so dirty, so fragile!!!! how could you take away the light in my eyes?!!!!?!? how could you leave me to rot in this living hell!?!?!?!! how could you stand over me, denying my pain?!?!?? how could you strip every last bit of wonder from my soul??!?!!! HOW COULD YOU?!???!?!? I WANTED TO HAVE A CHILDHOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GIVE IT BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE, OH PLEASE LET ME BE A KID AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[51cken1n9]

don't you dare tell me you love me. not after everything you've done. if you loved me, you wouldn't have left me broken and rotting, if you loved me, you would be there for me. if you loved me, you would make me feel safe. but you don't fucking love me. you abused me, you ruined me. you fucking monster!!!! how could you?!!!!?!?? i was yours to protect and care for, what part of that was so hard?!!!?!???!? i hate what you've done to me!!!!!!!! i hate you so fucking much!!!!!!!!!! i hate you i hate you i hate you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[51cken1n9]

im sorry for being so sensitive i promise i'll stop i know im just so annoying and dramatic im sorry

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[51cken1n9]

the thought of you saying my name makes me feel so fucking sick please shut up im going to vomit

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[51cken1n9]

i know i deserved everything you did to me i'm so sorry for not being good enough all i wanted was for you to love me

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[51cken1n9]

sometimes i feel invisible at least that's how you treated me when will i be opaque enough for you to finally see what you've done

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[51cken1n9]

please don't leave me you can't just leave me i need you to stay even though you broke me it was my fault anyways please just stay

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[51cken1n9]

because of you i live in fear of becoming everything that makes me hate you

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[51cken1n9]

you took advantage of me until it was inconvenient then you would manipulate me until i thought you were innocent and i wasn't

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[51cken1n9]

i still think about you i sit and wonder what if it's my fault that you destroyed me

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[51cken1n9]

get off of me please i cant breathe why are you laughing you're going to kill me

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[51cken1n9]

you ruined my life and yet i end up being the one who apologizes

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[51cken1n9]

if it weren't for you i'd still want to exist

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