A weak soul.
As its fragility was proclaimed “undeserving”, it wished to become strong enough to change the whole world,
putting pieces apart and rebuilding them as it likes, it didn’t notice how it started to pass on those unfair judgements itself.
You spent another year providing support for those around you – getting yourself back together so that no one else has to fall.Â
Congratulations. I need you.
Rise and shine, dear Conductors! We are approaching the first turnout!
There's still some time before it, but it's better to prepare in advance. After all, when it’s the moment for you to make a decision, we won't be able to pause the train that's already moving.Â
And this one… Well, it might not be exactly correct to call it “the first” — in fact, it's under the number “7”.Â
This Passenger is easy to deal with, yeah? Perfect for a beginner Conductor! You shouldn't have any trouble with getting to work.
So hurry up! I don't care what you do to prepare for the turnout, just make sure you don't interfere with the course of the train when it comes!Â
Read hereÂ
One route: ~7000-7400 words (25-30 min)
The whole text: ~10500 words (40-45 min)
Vote here
Voting period: July 7 - September 7
General notes:
You can save the story using the "Save/Load" header; it gets stored as your browser's cookies.
The view is adjusted for mobile portrait mode, but it's best viewed on a PC.Â
Images might take some time to load.
Let me know if you notice any technical or formatting problems, typos, wrong images, etc.
Notes on the voting form:
If you want to influence the future story with your answers, you might want to note down your choices in the episode as you're reading it.
Both Conductors have their own interrogation with the Passengers, but the routes presented in the story are interchangeable and not linear. Depending on the answers in the voting form, one route will become canon, while others will stay as AUs.
Ayame: Esse-chan! I've been waiting for you for quite a while already, you know!
Esse: Ahh, you've been waking up surprisingly early these days, right? Sorry, I’m still not a big fan of mornings, so I take my time, haha.
Ayame: Mu—. And to think you’ve been our role model this whole time!Â
Let's begin already. I hope that you will take a proper look at the new me during this interrogation!
Esse: Hmm, the new you? Can you start with introducing the new you to me?Â
Ayame: Sure!
Muku Ayame! My name means "message of love" in the language of flowers; open the doors of your hearts wide! Three, two, one, kyu-u-un~!
Esse: Oh, that one brings a really overwhelming amount of nostalgia.
Ayame: Fufu~ Ayame-chan is on air again! Have you missed me~?
Esse: Of course. It's good to have you back, Ayame-chan.
Ayame: Hehe…
Esse: Is there anything you'd like to add to your self-introduction? Maybe age or hobbies?
Ayame: …
Uhh… How old was I again…? Umm, whatever! I must be in my early twenties, that's all.Â
Esse: No more lying about being a teenager?
Ayame: Oh come on! That was the first and last time I ever lied to you, and I had my reasons!
Esse: Sorry, sorry, I couldn't resist bringing it up.
Ayame: Hmph. You're such a meanie sometimes, Esse-chan.
Esse: Forgive me, forgive me.
Ayame: Whatever… Anyway, what else…Â
Hobbies, well… Ahem.
Lately, I'm mostly busy with making everyone around me smile!
Esse: With the Savior verdict, you started to truly enjoy your time here, right?
Ayame: Mhm.
Esse: I’m genuinely glad that it's so. I'm just curious, though — what caused this drastic change?
Ayame: You gave me hope, Esse-chan. …Even though you’re a meanie sometimes.
So I want to return the favor.
Esse: Hope?
Ayame: Yes. During my life, I couldn’t make anyone happy. Myself, my family, my boyfriend, my best friend… Teachers were annoyed with me, classmates mocked me…Â
I never deserved the title of a Savior. But it’s a chance that you’ve given me. “After all, you're not a lost cause, Ayame-chan!” — that's what I heard…Â
So I will take this chance and treasure it.
Esse: …
Ayame: …
Esse: …
Ayame: …I was rude to you back during Hii-chan’s interrogation. I'm sorry.Â
I was just… so angry at the realization that I can't actually save her. I was angry at my own helplessness — and I was searching for someone to shift the blame on…
Esse: …Ah, no, no, it's okay! The reason I fell quiet is because… Um…
You see, most people here still tend to see me as their enemy… So I was surprised to hear such warm words.
I guess I’m kinda flustered… haha.
Ayame: Hehe. Ayame-chan is always ready to provide you with some warm words~
Esse: I'm curious about something else, though. You surely know that “saving” Hiiro is not possible — why are you so focused on that?Â
Ayame: It depends on what you see as “salvation”. I can't bring her back to her normal life, or prevent you from making any verdict on her.
But… It's exactly because I don’t think we’re coming out of here at all — I want to make the lives of people here a bit more bearable until it’s all over! So I thought to cheer up and do all that I can.
Aren't you the same?
Esse: That's true… Even if they don't see it as such, haha.
Ayame: They might not know it's “salvation”. But the most important thing is that you know this, and your heart is in the right place.
Esse: By this logic, couldn't you say that the Victim verdict was my “salvation” for you?Â
Ayame: …
Esse: …Have I hit a raw nerve?
Ayame: …No. It's fine. My feelings are already fading away.
Esse: Your feelings?
Ayame: …About that person.Â
…I loved him, so I didn't want to be told that I needed to be “saved”.Â
Yet right now, my heart feels too cold at the thought of him… and I'm lost.
Esse: Ah… Yeah. When you have believed something for that long, it's hard to understand what to do when this reality begins to crack.
Ayame: Mhm.
Esse: Well, hmm. Could you tell me what was the reason for what happened between you? Did he harm you?
Ayame: …He was always too stingy and quiet. It hurt me countless times, but I can't say he had the intention to hurt me.Â
From time to time though, he would switch to suddenly being too demanding. Once I gave him what he wanted, he left again.
Esse: Gave him what he wanted?
Ayame: …Not in this sense! I mean… He suddenly wanted to spend time together, or hear compliments, or simply revealed all that has been on his mind recently… But once it was over, he returned to his cold self…
…At some point, I just couldn't take it anymore. I ended up wondering why am I even in these relationships.Â
For most of it, he really gave me a lot… He was my guiding light, gentle and patient. Like a lighthouse in the middle of a cold sea… or a ray of moonlight among an empty night.
But I guess things change as time goes on.
Esse: …
Ayame: …You seem kinda frightened, Esse-chan. Did I say something scary?
Esse: N-no… Sorry, I'm feeling weird…
Ayame: Ah—Â
I'm here with you now, alright? Let me hold your hands. Breathe in, breathe out…Â
My skin is smooth to the touch. If you touch your clothes, the fabric is soft but rough. And the table is hard and sturdy.Â
You're Esse, the Warden of TRIANTHA, and no one can harm you now. It's going to be okay.Â
Esse: …
Ayame: How are you?
Esse: Uh… I'm now feeling awkward for making you worry about me.
Ayame: Don't say that! Am I a Savior or what?!
Esse: …Haha, that's right. Thank you.Â
Ayame: …Did you remember something bad?
Esse: I don't know… Um, Ayame-chan, how much of your memories are restored?
Ayame: Huh? Me?
Uhh… It's not like I remember every single event in my life, but most of them?Â
Esse: But you were fully aware of your crime and your boyfriend from the very start, right?
Ayame: Ah, yeah.
Esse: So what are the memories being restored for you?Â
Ayame: …
My own death. And the person who killed me.Â
Esse: When did you start to realize that you're dead?
Ayame: There were signs here and there, but I couldn't piece it together. I guess, one day, I just woke up with a realization that I've been dead the whole time.
Esse: Mhm. As for me…
I don't have any memories like that. How I actually happened here, whether I'm still alive — I have no idea.
I remember some people, but rather than them being my friends, it feels like they were friends of someone I used to know… I've heard good and bad things about them, yet in the end, I've never met them myself.
For a moment… It's as if I got flooded with feelings of that person — someone I used to know — but I have no information on what happened to them…
Ayame: Huh. Ah, I've heard that your mind can suppress memories that were too traumatic. Maybe it's that?
Actually, I've always been assuming that it's why others don't properly remember their crimes or victims. Obviously, their psyche wouldn't be able to handle an awful thing like that happening.
Ayame: Hmph. And what do you mean by “surprisingly”? I’ve always been really self-reflective.
Esse: Haha. No, Jacka is capable of manually manipulating our memories. You've seen memory reports — she can somehow access the insides of our heads…
Ayame: How can we be sure that she's not just making these memory reports up?Â
From the start, all of us presumably have amnesia. This way, you can write whatever you want and blame it on us “not remembering”. It's too convenient.
Esse: You really hate TRIANTHA, don't you, Ayame-chan?
Ayame: Why should I not?
Esse: It's giving us a chance to have a death without regrets.
Ayame: …Regrets?Â
Esse: Yes. Don't you think you happened here not because of murder or death — but so you can have a final conversation with the person who killed you?
Ayame: I'm here because I'm a murderer. What do my regrets have to do with anything?Â
If this place was really giving me another chance, there'd be another person who I have to meet.
Esse: So you still have some feelings for him?
Ayame: …
I don't know. Yet what happened was wrong. I can't simply deal with that.Â
…Ah, you're right. Even if we meet now, I can't change anything.Â
But she can't change anything about the fact that I'm dead, either…
[bell rings]
Esse: …
Ayame: …Maybe it's not necessary for both people to have regrets. Maybe it's just one person wishing to see the other so much that they summon their soul.
She wanted to see me, so I'm here. However, it doesn't necessarily mean that I wanted to see her.
Esse: Actually, I lean towards this theory, too. Why couldn't you summon the soul of your boyfriend then, though?
Ayame: …Perhaps my love wasn't strong enough. Or… It's first come, first served.Â
Esse: Hmm… Mhm. I will take your interpretation in mind.
Ayame: Ahem. Hehe~ I've been thinking a looooot about this place so I can become helpful to you in your job!
You might feel powerless under Jacka’s authority, but together, we will find a way to stop participating in these trials!
Esse: Yeah, well, it's the last trial.
Ayame: Who knows what can happen after it…
Esse: Ah, come to think of it, now is a good time to ask you about your wish.Â
Ayame: Oh. Are you really doing this with everyone?Â
Esse: Yup.
Ayame: …
Esse: If this is truly the last trial — only endless nothingness coming after it… What would be the single wish you'd have before the world ceases to exist?
Ayame: Hm.
…
…If I say “I still want to become an idol”, that'd be too silly, right?
…I do want everyone to come to peace with themselves. And if I can help it somehow — by being by their side, listening to them, or singing them a lullaby… Then I'd be able to rest in peace.Â
Esse: In other words, you wish for others to have a death without regrets? That means your goals align with TRIANTHA’s, no?
Ayame: That's… completely different!
Esse: Haha, sorry.
Ayame: …Just make sure to fulfill the wishes of everyone else. That in itself is my wish.Â
Esse: What about becoming an idol though?
Ayame: And how can I become an idol in these conditions?
Esse: Hmm… Take on the Warden’s position?
Ayame: Huh.
Esse: Yeah, how about that? If I can choose the next Warden — or influence Jacka’s decision on it — I'll make you the next one.
Ayame: You're trying really hard to make me convinced that I want to cooperate with TRIANTHA.
Esse: Haha. Of course, if you don't want to do it, I won't force you.
Ayame: …We’ll see what happens… after this time.
A cold soul.
Searching for a reason to exist in those around it, it could never understand how to stay together without hurting and being hurt,
and after helplessly trying to change fate, it decided that cruelty must be a part of human nature.
You spent another year caring for those you put close — thank you for keeping them alive.
Congratulations. I love you.
Oh no, it seems like I can't stop saying the wrong things! Before I get showered with hate, I'll push you all away! This story is so mediocre, and nevertheless so sad: people who can't stand being alone and being together with someone all the same.
Mixing together helplessness and shame, it's a Trial of Fear. Time to spoil the upcoming ending!
Ahh, obviously — if only she left her house just a bit earlier, she could have a chance to “save” another; to never become a “Savior” no matter how much you wish for it is too tragic! — hmm, despite her endlessly antagonizing you, you keep on trying to reassure her? You're a really merciful person. Well, hopefully, for the “Savior” stamp next to her name, she will give you the gratitude that you deserve.
…Oh, and this one is totally personal, right? I've seen you fighting — he annoyed you so much you completely stopped caring about what he actually did, right?! This is too funny! — although, eh, no, that's kinda the result that he wanted to get, isn't it?; and here I thought I got a glimpse of your true personality, but you keep on trying to merely please the Prisoners… Ah. Then, here you go, the both of you. The “Perpetrator” stamp.
And once again, Savior and Perpetrator… Hey, if that's so, wouldn't the girl who shared their story automatically become the “Victim”?Â
Yes, yes; she's the only one who stayed alive, and she'll become the Victim of her grief until the end of time!
Are you afraid of what I can do with my hands if you set me loose? I don’t see a lake anywhere.Â
Esse: It's good to know that you still have some mood for self-ironic jokes.
Remi: Ugh.
Esse: To answer your question, Jacka obligates me to tie you up during the interrogation. I can’t go against her will, sorry.Â
Not because I see her as an authority, but rather because she will bring more problems to all of you if I disobey her.
Remi: You are as good as coming up with excuses as always. Let's finish this already.
Esse: Hmm…
Remi: What are you staring at? I won't hesitate to gouge out your eyes, you know. Although that won't give me any fun.
Esse: Then why do it? Isn't the point of taking your anger out on another person that it gives you relief?
Remi: Right. It doesn’t work. But trying to be friendly with you would make me feel even more sick— Ah, I guess there's no way to go around it when you simply can't stand someone.
Esse: Do you hate me because I stopped thinking of you as a Savior?
Remi: Hate? Don't think I hold such intense feelings for you. You just annoy me, is all.Â
Esse: Do I annoy you because I stopped thinking of you as a Savior?
Remi: Stop repeating this stupid question.Â
Esse: If I ask stupid questions, it just means that you're much smarter than me, though. Doesn't it make you feel good about yourself?
Remi: Haha.
Esse: I guess not.
Remi: Okay! Obviously, it pisses me off that you made me a Perpetrator! However, I didn't expect any other outcome, see? It's not like you're surprising me.Â
It's always been easy to make me the bad one. No matter if I take things too close to heart, or approach them as carelessly as possible, I'm at fault either way.
Right, because others can just make a pitiful face and repeat “I'm sorry for being such an awful friend, and a good-for-nothing, and a failure, and needy, and—!”
But I will never do something like that, I can’t do it. So for me, everything becomes unforgivable, a point of no return.
Esse: You say it's not surprising, yet get that angry about it. Doesn't it prove that you actually hoped for a different outcome?Â
Remi: No. I merely stopped my performance. A round of applause please! Ah, I can't use my hands.
You hate it when I'm doing my best to emotionally serve you. If no one needs it, then I won't waste my time and energy, either. Simple as that.Â
These are my true feelings, no more and no less. No worries — that girl works great as a replacement of my past self, right? Cheers.
Esse: “That girl”... Weren't you friends?
Remi: Weren't you and Chise friends?
Esse: …Well, I mean… You were friends in the previous trial. What happened?
Remi: Are you slow?
Esse: I admitted that I have a tendency to ask stupid questions, didn't I?
Remi: Hiiro happened. Well, no matter how much of my anger I direct at her, that's not her fault at all.
Esse: Ayame stopped having time for you?
Remi: Mhm. See. There are two crucial points for her to continue caring about you as a person.
First, she must find you physically attractive.
Second, you must dedicate your life to obeying everything she says and fulfilling all of her needs.
She had her fun with us being friends, chatting about our school life and exchanging trinkets as gifts. But I don't fit either of these points, and so I'm not of any actual value for her.
How much until Hiiro stops fitting into her personal ideal, as well? She’s stingy, and I doubt she finds the discussions around her body enjoyable.
Esse: Ayame… will just continue going from person to person forever, then. As long as she feels passion, she mistakes it for happiness, but passion can't go on forever.
Remi: Go say it to her. Her life has nothing to do with me anymore.
Esse: Really?Â
Remi: …
Yeah, yeah. I regret it, you know? I should have just dropped her. Should have just walked away and cut off ties.
Esse: Why didn't you do it?
Remi: Why? I wonder. Because I couldn't deal with the fact that she doesn't belong to me, I guess?Â
If I just walked away…
I would continue to go from person to person, as well. Trying to find a silhouette that resembles her the most. And the pit inside of me would continue to grow.Â
Esse: …
Remi: It's not like I wanted to keep on living without her as if nothing happened. It all happened exactly because I couldn't imagine living without her.Â
But there's no reason that would sound fair. So why ask in the first place? Just vote me Perpetrator for one last time.
Esse: Hmm. I don't think that a reason must be objectively “fair” to be a reason that you can sympathize with.
Remi: So what? Do you sympathize?
Esse: Putting on a performance to make someone happy until it exhausts you and all you're left with are bitter feelings… Yes, I can sympathize with it.Â
Remi: Ah. Yikes. First off, you said a different thing in the previous trial.
Esse: I can reflect on my opinions, can't I?
Remi: Second. Don't say that we are similar.
Esse: Why?
Remi: Have you actually ever saved anyone? No, not like that.
Have you actually ever tried to save anyone?
Esse: Eh? I… I did.
Remi: To the point of their life depending on you?
Esse: Yes…
Remi: To the point, without you, they would never be “them”?Â
Esse: That… I don't know about that.
Remi: Can you imagine the weight of a human life that you must hold, on top of your own? What about several?Â
Esse: …
Remi: What is your performance for? What do you want to see the other person’s happiness for? To be accepted? To be praised? To be loved? To get a meaning for your life?Â
The meaning of my life goes far beyond it. And that's the difference between you and me.Â
Because I'm my own person, people rely on me. You, and Ayame — are just empty flasks. Don't compare the way I care for others to your self-indulgent, performative “care”.Â
Esse: Even if you say that, I have to hold several lives, and have you all rely on me, right now.
Remi: We all understand these are artificial circumstances that are forced on us, right? You're like a class representative, no more, no less.Â
Esse: And you said that you wouldn't be able to live without Ayame…
Remi: I said I couldn't imagine it. That doesn't mean I actually wouldn't recover from it. She was never the one for me, anyway! …Well, I can’t think of someone as my personal ideal for longer than a month at most, so no one is.
And I was never the one for her from day one. I knew that, yet kept on pretending it's not the case.
Esse: …What really is it that you regret?Â
You could continue to live without her, so you regret that you didn't just walk away.
But you wouldn't be satisfied with doing that, either? That would leave you with the feeling of no closure.Â
Remi: …
Esse: She's dead. Her life is over.
And you got dragged in with her, too.
Do you regret that it's the ending you decided to give to your story?
Remi: What is the point of figuring out what I “regret”? That won’t change anything.Â
Besides, there’s a thin line between being regretful and being self-pitying, and for most people they look the same. I’m not going to try and appear pathetic in your eyes just to have a chance of hearing some half-assed words of comfort.
Esse: Your pride is the most important thing for you, isn’t it.
Remi: That’s right.
Esse: But not allowing yourself to be vulnerable seems to make you lonely.
Remi: What can I do if other people won’t see me as vulnerable?
Esse: …
Remi: …
I longed to be an empty flask, too…
I wanted to bask in my self-contempt and get reassured in a warm embrace more, and more, and more. I wanted someone to guide me and fill my whole heart with them, too—
To get a meaning in my life!Â
Yet I can't be hurt in a way that they can be hurt. I can’t be comforted. I can’t be reached.Â
You were torn between Savior and Perpetrator, but Victim was out of the question. I saw your work notes on me. “Too much agency”.Â
Esse: …Huh? Ah.
Remi: Even you, despite being looked up to, can say you're a victim of the expectations that others put on you or whatever.Â
And I'm just like that, I guess.Â
My “pride” is the only explanation that wouldn't make me fall into despair — that people don't want to sympathize with my pain just because it's me.
Esse: …
Remi: I don't want to be pitied. And I don't want to be loved. No more, anything of that.
The last thing I wish for is to be understood— But as we all are locked in our own views of the world, it's impossible; it doesn’t matter how much I open up or protect my heart.
And so, I am lonely indeed.
[bell rings]
Esse: In the previous trial… You said that the real reason you're here is not the murder, but that Ayame has something more to tell you.
Do you still think this way?
Remi: …
No. I'll never be the one she wants to see.Â
Esse: Then what's the reason?
Remi: I don't know. I have nothing to tell her, either. Must be an error.
Esse: Hmm. Then, what do you wish for right now?
Remi: Huh?
Esse: If the whole world was coming to an end in a few hours, what would you do, or what would you want to happen?
Remi: Ah. Since it’s the last trial, you’re trying to fulfill our wishes?
Esse: It’s just a hypothetical. You can imagine that it would have happened in your average life, without TRIANTHA–Â
Or if you knew that you would inevitably happen in TRIANTHA back then, and this would become the end of your world – how would you spend the last hours in the real world?
Remi: …
I would reveal everything that's been on my mind. All the writing I've never published… All the art projects that I couldn't ever begin to create. I'd send letters to the people who've left me a long time ago, and the people who stayed by my side despite everything.Â
Esse: This is a classic, isn’t it? It’s a nice way to say your goodbyes.
Remi: …I think… I just want to be remembered.
Esse: …
Remi: I don’t want to know how you end up remembering me. Even if you wish you never met me in the first place and could erase your memories about me. That won’t matter to me when I’m gone.
I wish to become a part of your heart, any part of it – is all.
…No.
Esse: No?
Remi: I wish to become a part of as many people’s hearts as possible.Â
Oh, maybe I should have drowned myself instead?
Esse: Haha…Â
I’ll make sure to remember your wish. And I’ll make sure to remember a girl named “Remi Amano”.
Remi: I don’t like empty promises.
Esse: Hmm. If I don’t keep up to my promise, then you shall punish me. Come to me as a vengeful ghost until I memorize you properly!
Remi: Do you just want to bask in your feeling of guilt?
Esse: I guess, yeah. I've been using this trial as a chance to self-atone. And there's no way to go around it but facing the hurt you caused in others. Â
Remi: You’re not actually feeling regretful. You just want to have a good image.
Esse: I won't deny it.
Remi: I hate that. I hate you.
Esse: That's okay. Next time, when you're not restricted by being a Perpetrator anymore, feel free to unleash all of your anger on me. I won't say anything.
Remi: Are you making fun of me?
Esse: No.
Remi: So, you want to use me to fuel your victim complex. I won't agree to this.
Esse: There's no way to make you like me at least a bit, huh? Haha…
Remi: …Because you remind me of her.Â
Esse: Mhm. I figured. That's why I wanted you to be angry at me. I thought it could give you some relief…
Remi: …And what you did to me, reminds me of her.
Esse: You don't want me to pretend I'm doing things for your sake while possibly having an ulterior motive. Very well — I'll suggest a deal instead.
Next time…
If you are no longer a Perpetrator, let's see it as a way to say, “we give each other another chance”, and start all over again.
If I am to turn you into a Perpetrator once more… Hmm, what would it be?
I'll make myself one, too. I'll make others hate me.
Remi: …Huh?
Esse: I might use it to fuel my victim complex, but what would it matter if I won't actually be a Victim? It’s something that can only be decided by a group vote, right?Â
Let's sink together. How about that?
Remi: …
That's stupid. I will only be able to see if it works or not when the time comes.
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