cesar / cea ven

craving familiarity and the unknown all at once

[7esar]

unemployed&free&enlightened

my GOD do i love being unemployed. i've been unemployed for a few months now and i have never been at such peace. i've always been one to overthink and assume the worst, but i've been feeling that negativity melt away as i spend more time with myself, passion projects, and reflection. there are so many complexities to life that i've let control me for so long, such as the weight i've given to others perspectives on me, but this period of turnover has allowed me to view them from a completely different lens and revoke its power. man does it feel good. i'm still on the lookout for a reliable source of income that will allow me to live flexibly on my own terms, but i have a very good feeling that something revolutionary will be coming my way soon. reaaaaaaaaally praying to the universe for this one. if anyone has any recommendations on how to find avenues of income as an introverted creative who never saw themselves ever working a traditional 9-5, let me know!!!! <3

[ribroses]

TRUST AND BELIEVE the 2012 obsession with London, The Union Jack, and red telephone booths will NOT go unnoticed by me 🇬🇧 ☕️

[7esar]

:,))))))))) ;)

[7esar]

cringe culture: a commentary

the fear of being “cringe” has been a debilitating hypothetical for me since gaining social awareness over a decade ago. 

for years it dictated my life, leading me into a cycle of self-abandonment, suppression of authenticity, and quiet hypervigilance. these tactics got me by for a fraction of my life, but quite honestly, i’m over them.

i’m ready for a fresh start. ready to be, or not be, whoever i wish to be. ready to express myself coherently or as incoherently as possible. ready to overshare my most profound insight (like right now!!), as loudly or as quietly as i choose. ready to gain, and in turn, let go. ready to nurture the little boy who was silenced to responsive fawning and people pleasing. ready to post 3 separate posts in a row to build a messy moodboard of moments because i can, while also honoring a bygone insta culture (hiiiii 2016). ready to make some indelible mistakes and learn from them. ready for the life i’ve always dreamed of in my innermost dreamlands. 

how incredibly beautiful, that is the intuitive soul. why shall we constrict such purity of the mind into something seen as uncool? 

that said, i’d 1000% be lying to say i’m free of the anti-cringe judgements, but i will spend my 2026 actively trying to learn + embrace authenticity, whether or not it may be valued in the eyes of another or not. whether it’s the messiest n most horrendous train wreck of a lifetime or the sweetest of freedom, i’ll know i was honest and vulnerable. a soul who actively, and harmlessly, tried his best. and on my death bed, that’ll be more than enough. 

ur cringe may be another’s catharsis— who really wins in the end? 

:p 🫶