iseng aja

meme-less side of me

[seaoflove]

I want so obviously, so desperately to be loved, and to be capable of love. I am still so naive; i know pretty much what I like and dislike; but please, don’t ask me who I am. “A passionate, fragmentary girl,” maybe?

— Sylvia Plath, from The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

[843pm]

Anthem of the Heart (2015)

*CONTAINS HEAVY SPOILERS*

This was on my lost watch list for so long, but back then I didn’t know how to get access to this movie, so I forgot about this until I came across its title again. Now that I’ve watched it what I can say is I like it a lot.

I love that this movie doesn’t fall into the cheesy cliche romance, rather I feel like the romance is only a stepping stone for the development of Naruse, the main character. It’s as realistic as it can get.

Like, Takumi rejected her was realistic, because from the start he was portrayed to be obviously still into Nito. So I knew that it was hopeless and would be annoying if Naruse and him were forced to be the endgame.

But from that, the movie tells us that kind and considerate act doesn't always mean it's an expression of romantic interest, like what Takumi did for Naruse. However it's also humane to have ourselves fall in love with the person who has been very helpful to us (intentionally or unintentionally), like Naruse did.

Also, the portrayal of Naruse's psychological processing in how she coped and dealt when she got hurt by words of her parents was easy to be understood. The egg as non adaptive defense mechanism, a product of negative thoughts, resulting in her believing that her mutism was simply a curse. Because it was simpler and easier that way, wasn’t it? She was only a child too.

Having her mouth metaphorically zipped protected her from similar future pain, but it wasn't healthy nor was it a solution. However it was her parents who pushed her to have that mindset. "It was your fault because you're a chatterbox." her dad said. When in actuality, it was his own problem that he cheated on his wife, Naruse’s mother.

The mother being hurt overlooked the fact that Naruse was also a victim to his dad’s act of adultery, thus was careless with her words. Both ended up blaming her for selfish reasons. When she was just an innocent and talkative child. What her parents said affected her so much added on to the already big sudden change in her life (parents’ divorce).

So after that event, whenever she was being expressive as in speaking words, she felt this immense guilt and anxiety that led to stomachache. It was painful to see how a few words could hurt someone deep and for a long period of time. The culprits didn't realize, spewed them out like it weighed nothing.

Then in the musical performance scene, her mother finally saw how it was like from Naruse's perspective. What her lack of words meant for herself, that it wasn't like what her mother thought. I was glad the message Naruse wanted to get across, was received well by her mother.

[843pm]

This song... I can't explain

When I was in the 3rd grade of elementary, I had a dream. A really simple one. In that dream, I still lived in my old house (but the visual was different), and the surroundings around the house was quite lively because I was playing with my friends there. But then I told them that I was going to move to a new house.

So, we played for the last time then I moved after that. Then the scene jumped to when I went back to the old house. It was empty, no one was replacing my family to live there yet. I peeked into the window, the condition has gone bad, the roof was leaking. As I relieved that moment, a song was playing as a background song.

I knew that song, an anime soundtrack that I didn't watch regularly. It kept playing as I peered into the house only from the window.

Not long after I woke up and remembered the dream. I didn't think much about it. But as the years gone by, I thought of a song, a song which made me feel so....nostalgic? I hummed the song occasionally, not knowing anything about it, the singer or what anime was it featured on. I only remembered the dream when I hummed to the melody of that song. I tried to recall where was it played originally. I only knew it was an OST.

And again, years had passed, I was in the seventh grade (freshman in middle school) and my house had had accessed to the internet that time. I still searched for that song but I didn't even remember about the anime. I searched blindly and the result was null.

I looked for it when I remembered. Still humming the melody from time to time.

Until I was a ninth grader. I remembered bits about the anime, because I remembered my elementary school friend ever talked about it, she liked the anime. So, that was my only clue, an anime around 2000-2003.

I searched, and searched, and searched.

Until I finally found it. After 7 years.

Satsuki - Requiem Ending OST of "Corrector Yui"

Did I feel satisfied? Well yes.. but there was an underlying feelings more prominent.

It was.... bittersweet.

That was it, bittersweet.

Then I wanted to know the lyrics, so I found both the japanese romanized and the english translation.

It felt so heavily bittersweet.

That was the only feeling I could put into a word. The feelings were just unexplainable.

The lyrics are:

"You know, the night is over." will be the last words that reach my ears, so the legend says.

You know, that cold cheek I'm leaving behind? Softly, touch it with your hand and lean close.

The moon's light will only watch over me. But now I'll be thought of as sleeping forever.

You know, morning is coming. This is the final farewell. I'm sorry, love wasn't part of the legend, too.

When that should happen, I'll sing this melody. Turn toward me, faraway, and please receive it.

The moon's light only will watch over me. But now I'll be thought of as sleeping forever.

"You know, night is over," will be the last words that reach my ears, so the legend says.

You know, this light will never die, it shall be locked within my eyes, sleeping forever. It shall be locked within my eyes, sleeping forever.

x

[zhizhisiregar]

Or a truck load of pie apples would be acceptable. I’d prefer the latter.

[843pm]

Now you know me. For your eyes only.

One Direction - If I Could Fly

Actually for me that part is ambiguous. Yeah, of course it represents something sweet and special for the one and only, if followed by the whole lyrics in that song. But for me, other than that, it could be about something hidden, something that needs more than eyes to reach yet sadly no one can’t see it because you know me for your eyes only.

[843pm]

I never had that many friends growing up. So I learned to be okay with just me.

Priscilla Ahn - Fine On The Outside (OST. When Marnie Was There)

[843pm]

Ghibli Movies That I LOVE and you will do too

Hello.. So, I first watched Spirited Away and was like every other people, I fell in love instantly. After that I started craving for another Ghibli masterpieces because their films always succeed to do something to my poor heart!! It’s something magical, beautiful, and deep and I jUST DONT UNDERSTAND!!!!! I LOVE THEIR MOVIES ESPECIALLY THESE FOUR, okay.. chill. Well, here’s the list :

Grave of the Fireflies (1988)

Director: Isao Takahata

Writer: Akiyuki Nosaka

This movie is about how Seita (that young boy) struggles to survive the life during World War II in Japan and look after his little sister, Setsuko (that lil girl on his back), despite their loss of everything and the riot life they’re living in. I suggest if you’re going to watch this movie which you must be, don’t watch this with kids around Setsuko’s age or under. This film is tragic and realistic, don’t expect it to be something entertaining. If you’re emotional or such a cry baby like me please bring something or maybe someone to cry on.

Spirited Away (2001)

Director: Hayao Miyazaki

Writer: Hayao Miyazaki

Chihiro’s parents turn into pigs and she ‘s trying to get them back. While she’s at it, she learns so much about being a kind and sincere person. Honestly it’s hard to explain how I feel about this movie or when I was watching it. Spirited Away really brings my spirit away and takes me to that strange world (what?? I don’t know what place is that). This movie is a kind of movie where you forget you’re watching a movie that’s only a movie and you don’t want it to end. Worth to be carved on my grave. So many moral values, just google it.

Howl’s Moving Castle (2004)

Director: Hayao Miyazaki

Writer: Diana Wynne Jones (novel)

Sofi, a young woman with a lack of confident, is cursed and changed into an old woman. During her attempt to find a cure, she stumbles to a moving castle that belongs to a young wizard, which turns out to be her hope. This movie is like a dream, a beautiful exciting dream. I just can’t put how sweet this movie is into words (eh but I just did??). Please just go watch this movie, you’ll love how mysterious and pretty Howl is and how fluffy this movie is. Oh there’s romance too, a little bit romance won’t hurt, right?

When Marnie was There (2014)

Director: Hiromasa Yonebayashi

Writer: Joan G. Robinson

Stress is said to be the cause of recurrence of asthma that occurs to Anna. In order to prevent her serious illness, Anna is sent to the countryside. That’s where Anna meets Marnie. This f*cks my brain up. Basically Marnie doesn’t know she helps Anna, and Anna doesn’t realize that she has been helping herself. I keep thinking about one word that kinda describes this movie, twisted. I just can’t believe that a movie is capable to make me this stunned. I’ve been waiting for this movie and it’s really worth the wait.

Well, those are my most favorite Ghibli movies! I am sorry, those short descriptions I made are terrible, but I hope I don’t make the movies seem less interesting. Can’t imagine if it’s a long description. Haha at least, ✰ I tried ✰. Speaking of Ghibli hiatus, When Marnie was There did a really wonderful job as their last film (awhile) and it’s a great 'see you later’ from Studio Ghibli. But pleeeeeeaaaaaasssssseeeeeee promise me to come back, Ghibli?!!

DKh

[absentions]

Develop a healthy relationship with food. If you’re hungry, eat. If you’re full, don’t eat. Eat vegetables to be good to your body, but eat ice cream to be good to your soul. Take pictures of yourself frequently. Chronicle your life. Selfies are completely underrated. Even if the pictures are unflattering, keep them anyway. There will always be mountains and cities and buildings, but you will never look the same way as you did in that one moment in time. Your worth does not depend on how desirable someone finds you. Spend less time in front of the mirror and more time with people who make you feel beautiful. Close doors. Don’t hold onto things that no longer brings you happiness and do not help you grow as a person. It is okay to walk away from toxic relationships. You are not weak for letting go. Forgive yourself. We all have something in our pasts that we are ashamed of, but they only weigh us down if we allow them to. Make amends with the old you and work every day to become the person that you’ve always wanted to be.

Tina Tran, Tips to being a happier you  (via exoticwild)

[843pm]

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My all time favorite music. I love this so much. #1

All time. Forever. Always.

Credits to: Yoko Shimomura