beneath the words and letters

rb / private / conversations between me and God

[8ever]

47.)

Father God,

I leave everything in Your hands. Everything around me, turmoil and restlessness. I have peace when I remember that You are with me.

Thank You for Your provisions of shelter, food, water, and health. Thank You for my mom, my brother, my ate, my dad, Ellen. Thank You for my friends always being there. Thank You for the opportunity to work today towards a career pathway that I am willing to pursue. Thank You for allowing me to exercise today.

Thank You, Lord.

RB

[8ever]

46.)

Father God,

I had an anxiety attack today at noon. I think it was mostly because my mom kept changing plans instead of the ones I had in my head. I thought we were just going to buy her phone and eat at a cafe. Instead, we went to buy her phone, she had to go to the grocery as well. 

I am not that flexible in this. I want to do what has been discussed, not change the last minute. I love my mom, but I think it’s time for me to create the space where I will be anxious-free. 

I took my last Ativan pill today. I understand how addicting it can be. Also, I am on day three of the Sertraline (half-dose). There are no side effects for me, praying that there won’t. I need to stop the cycle of worry cause that’s where my anxiety is coming from. 

[8ever]

45.)

Father God,

I pray for healing, protection, good health, and Your provision of promise to my mom. She is suffering a lot and it breaks my heart to see her scared and anxious. I pray and give it all to You, Lord. 

[8ever]

44.)

hey bubba,

i still am holding on to promises which you have already broken from your side. I just can’t seem to let go. I refuse to accept that everything is over. I need to face the music that you left me nearly 3 months ago already. 

you said forever. you promised.. and i really did believe and trust you. i still feel very hurt. i still am stuck in this rut. it’s so hard to get out of this. 

[8ever]

43.)

Father God,

I don’t feel hurt from the heartbreak anymore. I am glad to start talking to Marie now. I know me and her are friends only and I will not move unless You tell me so, Lord. I am starting to feel peace as well. I want to keep taking care of myself, Lord. Help me take care of this body that You have blessed me with, Father God.

[8ever]

42.)

Father God,

It will all be alright, right? Everything that's been happening to myself and everyone around me is all for the goodness and Your glory, right Lord? I pray for peace, reassurance, calm, love.

[8ever]

41.)

take the win today, ryuji. the supervisors and course coordinator sees your project as a good project and they were talking about it in a good tone!

finally starting to turn the tides. looking at things that give you more happiness and satisfaction than focusing on the bad lately. saw anna today and honestly loved a good hug too. hug helps ryuji a lot, that is a given now.

been a struggle mentally today, being hard stuck under the pump at work and balancing uni and emotional hurts on the side. i just need to compartmentalise my emotions.

[8ever]

40.)

Father God,

this is another prayer for forgiveness, for peace, for healing, for blessings, for happiness, and for glorifying You. i know i have not been the very best soldier of Yours lately -- always crying and always getting beaten down, but Lord, i pray that all of this suffering, this pain, this anxiety, this stress, this hurt, this heartbreak, these burdens, this grief, this.. negativity will bring me closer and closer and closer to You, Lord.

Father God, please Lord. "All I want is You. You are all I want. You are all I need. Every breath i take, is a breath to say 'I am Yours now forever'." - Street Called Mercy, Hillsong United.

Please have mercy on me, Lord.

[8ever]

I hate to say this but seeing you rejuvenates my soul and you don't even know that

[8ever]

39.)

I was peering outside of the library window when I noticed her checking out the books from the other side of the shelf which is in front of me, I looked her straight into her eyes as she did to mine. From that moment on, everything was magical, it seems as if it was an utter dream.. I have no idea how to control myself now that I am ruled by my heart, it is difficult to be on this love game, it is difficult to play it against someone who I don't know very well..

[8ever]

38.)

I remember that I am aloof and detached to people who try to emotionally bond with me. I just don't work well with feelings and especially love, I want to be in control of my emotions, mind over love. I want my brain to be the major thing which controls my perception and how I approach love. I want to be in control of my every decision of who I like and who I want to be with forever.

[8ever]

37.)

That triggered something valuable to me, my freedom to express myself. I know I've always hated living up to the expectations of others but please don't use that ideal against me. Let me stay as a kid, making a fool out pf myself just for the sake of one girl who barely notices me.

[8ever]

36.)

It’s magical, I can never seem to let go, this is stupid. I guess love is really about finding someone who you can’t live without, and I can’t live without her..

[8ever]

35.)

Because of you, I am me.

[8ever]

34.)

I stopped. Not looking at you anymore. I stopped. Not wanting you anymore. I stopped all those signals. I stopped my pursuit of you. I stopped. I hope you suddenly realis that I won't be there anymore just to make you smile of laugh. I didn't base my happiness off you anymore. I gave you the chance and you just decided not to be the happiest girl alive. I was ready for love but I guess that you weren't deserving of my love that reaches no boundaries.

[8ever]

33.)

Impressing someone won't get me no where. This is stupid, I want to kill someone, I don't want to care anymore, I feel the sudden urge to com bust spontaneously. I will, and I will not look unto you again. It's never okay for me for you not to consider my emotions and feelings. That was my chance to be a better man and leave my past behind but you just pushed me away to a corner, sghzoiudfghieurhdmiuehtmi eiethgvuhsidufhgrihveioutsheosiruheirhjdfiugherioughdrihvioeghdijhgeriouhslirgioerbghrivhdighericghdrigheriugvdfkljgneaiuhbfehjh ayoko nang maniwala sa pag-ibig, palagi na lang akong binibigo nito, wala na akong pakialam sa iyo simula ngayon, wala naman din pala akong halaga para sa iyo pero sa akin, ikaw ang mundo ko. Salamat ng marami, ang saya grabe ng feeling ng mainlove, sarap talaga. Pinatunayan mo sa akin na isa ka pang puta na walang kwenta at paki sa nararamdaman ng iba :) labyu

[8ever]

32.)

I don't really care how you feel towards me, I just want to let you know that I can be your rock when times get hard, I just want to let you know that I can be there by your side if you wish for someone, I just want you to know that I can make a fool out of myself just to make you smile, I just want you to know that seeing you happy makes a big impact to me, I just want you to know that you are my greatest strength yet my greatest weakness, whenever you are near me I can never focus on what I need to do, it always make me daydream about scenarios that will never be bound to happen, I just want you to know that fuck you for not accepting my love, fuck you for thinking that I am not somebody for you, fuck you for saying sorry, fuck you for making me fall for you.