synopsis — your current boyfriend was near perfect, but he could never set your heart ablaze the way myungho did.
pairing — ji myungho x gn!reader
genre — bittersweet
warnings — toxic relationship, yelling/arguing, kissing and making up, reader has unfaithful/toxic thoughts (for myungho), reader is the biggest problem here, cursing, mentions of food/eating, lowkey suggestive(?), reader is called beautiful once, petnames (babe)
word count — 2.7k
notes — this fic is inspired by the way i loved you by taylor swift ! so like idk how the word count got that high its 1.2k more than my target word count for the eras series bye
taglist — @stardustwaters
THE ERAS SERIES
it was 12:36 a.m. when your phone’s screen lit up, creating a bubble of illumination in your unlit bedroom. on the blinding light of the screen was a text notification from your boyfriend, growing an ounce of curiosity inside you. you quickly opened it, and your lips curved up at the sight of his message.
sweet dreams babe, i hope you enjoyed tonight as much as i did :)
he’d taken you on a date earlier, surprising you with flowers and a fancy rooftop-dining restaurant; each delicious bite was topped off by the view of the stars. you thought the expensive foods and relaxing scenery was perfect, but it wasn’t the most memorable part of your night.
when he picked you up, he opened the door of his car for you, uttering a simple ‘you look beautiful tonight.’ if you had to explain how you felt, you’d say you felt perfectly fine; a feeling that you weren’t used to.
a content sigh left your lips as you typed up your responses, returning his sentiments.
sweet dreams
i promise i enjoyed it even more than u <3
you watched as the three bubbles came and went as he typed, disappearing one last time as his last messages went through.
impossible
dream of me :)
your expression copied the one in his message, a cozy warmth resting in your chest. you were still for long moments, your eyes lingering on the screen in front of you.
your night had already been something far beyond a dream, and it was thanks to your far beyond perfect boyfriend. he was everything you’d ever needed; you knew you were extremely lucky to have him.
he was sensible, patient, humble, and just so incredible. he never failed to tell you anything and everything you needed to hear, and it was like you could never ask for anything better. you never even had to bat an eye at all of your single friends being jealous; you knew that he was a wish born from a shooting star.
even your parents couldn’t escape his charm. they both found him entirely endearing, so he was accepted into your family in no time. he was close to your mother, talked business with your father, and he was the center of household conversations long after he’d leave your home.
each time he—very reluctantly—left, he’d always text or call exactly when he said he would; he never made you wait. once he stepped foot inside his own home, your phone would buzz. he always checked up on you, even if he saw you just ten minutes prior.
despite wanting to know about all of your thoughts and feelings, he knew how to respect your space. he’d never intrude when you didn’t want him to, and he’d obey everything you’d ask of him when it came to your personal bubble. with him, you felt comfortable.
pressing your lips together, you turned your phone off, gently setting it on top of the sheets beside you. you lazily reached up-and-over to your nightstand, turning your lamp on. when you flopped back down, you took in a deep breath, releasing it in a heavy sigh.
you knew that, as wonderful as your boyfriend was, he couldn’t offer you everything. you never expected him to, but you couldn’t help what barged into your mind uninvited. you longed for the only thing you couldn’t have; the only thing that was practically impossible for him to give you.
you wanted to feel everything; you wanted more than the delicacy and security. you wanted to feel the burn in your chest when you cried, you wanted to feel the rush of adrenaline when you’d get angry, and you wanted to feel the sheer intensity of your love when you’d kiss him, but that was everything you couldn’t get.
he was far too gentle with you and your relationship with him; you felt like your bond would break at the slightest bend. you knew that all he wanted was to give you everything he knew you deserved, but at this point in your relationship, one tug would feel like an irreversible tear. you felt terrible, but you were already doomed before you even knew it.
everything your boyfriend didn’t satisfy, myungho did. myungho pushed every button and pulled every lever you had; he triggered your internal fire alarms and sounded every siren. he lit the match and set off your fireworks, and your bright colors always reflected in his eyes. he spoiled you with emotion, and you wanted it back.
you didn’t care if your friends were wary of him or if your parents were unsure, you knew that he was just right. you could feel your heart beating when you were with him, and you knew that he could feel it too. you were sure that the whole world could feel it when your heart felt like it’d nearly jump out of your chest, but now, it was like the whole world had gone still.
myungho sparked something inside of you; your boyfriend kept you steady. myungho gave you something alive, while your boyfriend gave you something stable. as much as you needed your boyfriend’s grounding, you wanted myungho’s passion.
you sunk down into your mattress, staring up at your ceiling. you knew that people never really knew what they had until it slipped away, but you were too late to realize it. it wasn’t until now, far after myungho walked away, that you knew he was your wish born from a shooting star. even after every quarrel, he was still your light; your fire.
myungho stormed out of your front door, the strong downpour drenching him in mere seconds. he started down to his car, frustratingly fumbling to properly handle his keys. you followed right behind him, stomping towards him harder than the thousands of droplets of rainfall did.
“myungho!” you didn’t miss a single beat, getting a hold on his wrist before he strayed too far. he didn’t fight your grip, stopping to sharply turn to face you.
“you’re seriously unbelievable! let me go,” myungho exclaimed, using his energy for rolling his eyes instead of ripping his wrist out of your hand. you made sure to roll your eyes back at him, your eyebrows furrowing harder.
“you’re such an asshole!” you yelled, face hot even in the cold rain. your whole body felt like it was on fire, rushing through you like a shot of adrenaline.
myungho stared at you, his eyebrows raising and his head tilting. he faced you completely, his body slumping into itself. you couldn’t see him clearly through the distortion of the rain, but you were able to sense overbearing smugness radiating off of him from a mile away.
“but you love me,” myungho taunted, his voice losing its sharp edge. he stepped closer to you, and your hold on his wrist loosened. “so what does that make you?”
you rolled your head back, closing your eyes in faux annoyance. you opened them again when your head fell back forward, bringing your eyes back up to myungho. he was staring at you with the same—justifiably—overconfident expression as before.
“an even bigger asshole,” you humored, dropping myungho’s wrist completely. you could see a smile growing on his lips, and before you knew it, you were hysterically laughing with him in the pouring rain.
you practically fell into him while your whole body quaked with laughter, and he held you in his own shaking body. you could feel the mutual feeling of stupidity hanging in the air, and it fueled your everlasting uncontrollable yelps of joy.
it felt like an eternity before you found yourself calming down; your arms had found themselves a comfy spot wrapped around myungho’s body in a lazy hug, your forehead found its place rested on his shoulder, and your body risked a cramp to be slightly hunched forward into him.
“god, i love you,” myungho spoke, breaking the verbal silence. it was loud and clear in your ear; you almost shivered. “i don’t know what to do with myself anymore.”
you lifted your head off of myungho’s shoulder, leaning your forehead against his instead. your noses touched, and you could feel your breaths mix with his. “i have an idea of what you could do.”
myungho read your mind before you could speak it, crashing his lips onto yours in something that could only be described as pure passion. your hands tangled into his hair while his slid down along your back, your lips and his moving together in a tempo that you silently fought over. you smiled on his lips, and you could feel it when he smiled back.
you stood there with him in the rain like the two stupid-in-love idiots you were, giggling and speaking words of love onto each other’s lips. you didn’t know if the rain stopped before you did, but either way, you knew that everything was completely worth it.
you sighed as you reminisced. you missed it; the screaming, the fighting, and the kissing in the rain. you missed the late nights where you’d nearly rip your hair out thinking about myungho, smiling and giggling at his pictures minutes later. you missed him being so in love that he acted insane, and you missed being just as ridiculously in love as he was.
you imagined yourself being in the same position you were months ago, cradled tight in his arms with your sheets sprawled across your bodies. you fantasized about how he’d nearly kiss the lips off of your face, leaving you panting and wanting more when you’d already had beyond enough. you dreamt about being back in myungho’s life, desperate to be weaved into his future again.
every breaking-down and coming-undone was worth every second you spent with myungho. you’d willingly cry rivers and blow circuits because of him; you knew that he would always find a way to make it up to you. every sudden high and low of your relationship was what made it so addicting; that ‘roller coaster’ kind of rush was what you craved.
you never knew you could feel as much as you did with myungho until your boyfriend took his place. you had your biggest, brightest grins and your most shattering, heartbreaking moments with myungho; you could only do as much as hope that your boyfriend couldn’t see the smiles that you were faking, or that you almost couldn’t feel anything at all.
it wasn’t your boyfriend’s fault that you were selfish. it wasn’t his fault that he wasn’t as crazy, frustrating, intoxicating, and complicated as myungho, and it wasn’t his fault that that was what you wanted. it was your fault for being hung up on someone who was long gone; someone who you couldn’t have back.
you lost myungho as a result of your own mistake. you thought that he’d finally pulled your last straw, that you were ready to give in to the chants from your friends about how myungho ‘wasn’t something you wanted’. you let him get away, thinking it was a worth-while decision, but you wanted nothing more than to take it all back.
back in an all-too-familiar setting, you were under the violent drops of rain with myungho, planted in the soaking wet grass of your yard. you’d been there for god knows how long, both of you—very stubbornly—deciding to argue back and forth until the other would give up.
“i should’ve listened to all of my friends when it came to you,” you spat, yelling it for the whole world to hear. you crossed your arms tighter over your chest, feeling like you’d squeeze your own torso off.
through the rain, you could see how myungho’s expression twisted into something dead disgusted. it mutually hurt both of you beyond words to hear the things your friends would say, so you never sided with them before, even in your worst moments. it’d always been you and him against your friends, but now, it was you and your friends against him.
“it looks like you’re wanting to start listening right about now,” myungho scoffed, tilting his head in a familiar attempt of mockery. “never knew you’d stoop so low.”
“yeah, as if you haven’t gone below hell,” you retorted, driven by your blinding anger. “you’re the fucking worst.”
myungho mimicked a hiss, shaking his hand back and forth as if he’d gotten burned. “you don’t fool me at all, you know.”
he began to reach out for you, and you jerked yourself back, barely catching a glimpse of the flinch in his hand. he dropped his arm to his side, and a loud roar of thunder filled your ears. the sharp crack of lightning in the distance stole your eyes for a second, quickly being brought back to myungho when he found his voice again.
“fine! if that’s how you wanna be, i won’t stop you,” myungho spoke under his breath, his voice smaller but sharper. his hands balled up into fists, and his chest noticeably took longer to rise and fall. “have fun talking shit.”
his sudden change in demeanor startled you, but you tried to keep your reactions internal. your inner turmoil barely began to stir up as another blare of thunder snapped you back into the moment, your fury resurfacing.
“i will,” you near mumbled, tapping your foot impatiently. myungho stood there for longer than you liked, draining the last bit of patience in you. “so, fuck off, and don’t fucking come back!”
“wouldn’t dream of it!” myungho threw up a middle finger, turning to trudge off to his car with his keys free from his pocket. you didn’t go after him when he walked away, standing your ground until the very end.
once he drove out of your view, he was gone from your life. he didn’t text, call, or visit at all after he left, and you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of being reached out to first, so you played the petty game of silence with him. you played until you forgot that you were, “moving on” to your current boyfriend.
you would be lying if you said you’ve “moved on” at all. you’re stuck missing everything you had, wishing you hadn’t sent him off without another thought. you let something that got the best of you take away something that was the best for you, and there weren’t any words in your vocabulary that could describe how purely idiotic you felt.
then, you wouldn’t give anything for myungho to come back. instead, you’d give anything for him to stay away. you wanted nothing to do with him when he drove away for the last time, slamming every door in your way until you threw yourself onto your bed. you basked in your hatred for as long as you could handle it, letting your stubbornness drive you.
now, you’d give everything in your possession for a second chance. he was the brightest flame in your life, and nothing felt right without him there to keep your mind running and your heart thumping. the constant tug-of-war between you was your sense of completion; your idea of perfection was in the way you loved him.
it was 2:15 a.m. when your phone’s screen lit up after you raised it off of your sheets, simultaneously lighting a fire inside of you. you rushed yourself to find myungho’s buried contact, forcing yourself to overcome the sudden, blinding light. your eyes scanned the names that flew by as you scrolled, immediately widening once they caught the one that belonged to myungho.
your change in speed was drastic, almost stopping completely as you pressed on his and your conversation. you softened your eyes and gave a gentle smile to the screen as you opened up the keyboard, using a couple tries to type something up before you sent it without a second thought.
hey
thirty seconds felt more like thirty minutes as you stared at the screen. you waited for life on the other line, finding yourself perking up once you saw a sign. memories of myungho flashed and faded in your head like the three small typing bubbles did in your phone, both quickly being replaced by myungho’s response.
about time
“fuck you, myungho,” you cursed his name, rolling your eyes with an all-telling smile on your lips.
in which you slowly fall in love with jung haemin over text messages.
PAIRING jung haemin x fem!reader
TAGS texts. school au. student council president haemin. bsf kyungmin. mention of growing balls.
OMI NOTE me taking advantage of the student council trope (is it evben a trope) bc it's relevant to todays time (@woonhakist you know who you are)
in which you slowly fall in love with lee yungyu over text messages.
PAIRING lee yungyu x fem!reader
TAGS texts. school au. kinda humor (depends how funny u think i am). minor cussing. ft. my doodle of yungyu.
OMI NOTE i've been wanting to do texts for awhile and i feel like it's good for me to start now since i probably won't be posting fics for awhile (not bc i'm on hiatus or anything but everything i have planned is very LONG).
la poésie romantique. words spoken passionately, yet holding no sincere meaning when spoken by all your past loves. but he held the key to your heart that no man ever could, establishing the belief that you didn't need anyone other than him; not even your own father. because myungho could treat you right, couldn't he?
PAIRING ji myungho x fem!reader
WC 1.7k
TAGS angst. suggestive. toxic college professor myungho. slight manipulation. reader has daddy issues.
OMI NOTE this is.. extremely different from anything i've written but i saw an edit of myungho to 'someone older' by isabel larosa and it genuinely changed my life. idk how im gonna get away with this but i do not get paid to gaf END OF STORY!
father never taught you to stray away from boys that wouldn't treat you right, and nobody ever taught boys to hold a heart with care; instead breaking it recklessly. the constant rotation between showing love and begging for forgiveness stripped energy from your body like a piece of clothing. it might as well have been, because that would be easier, right?
maybe it was the way you looked. it was only your left shoulder on full display, as your slightly large tee - shirt clinged onto you. you had only assumed the boy was being nice by placing a calloused hand on your soft skin, pulling up the material slightly before smiling at you. the pull of his lips were sweet, masking something sinister underneath. such a small gesture made you so naive, it was your own fault getting involved with him. those memories became a puddle of mush, left in the past.
but it wasn’t just boys of his stature, it was boys in general. ill thoughts swarmed your head rapidly. a sense of self doubt, regret, vengeance. it left you in a forever state of numbness, zoning out into a false reality you wish you could call your own. a reality with a man that would treat you right.
the sound of gears turning in the clock on the wall was where your focus lay, emerging yourself in the tick tock, tick tock. each of your senses slowly depleted from your body, leaving you with the round device against the off - white wall.
a hand slightly slamming against the desk in front of you cut into your mind like a knife.
“zoning out again, aren’t we, miss y/n?” professor ji spoke out, eyes like daggers, “see me after class.”
you nodded sheepishly, feeling the weight of the moment escape from your mouth in a breathy exhale as he went back to instruct the class.
in an attempt to ignore the stares of your peers burning into your skull, you slid down in your seat. maybe they were looks of pity, or quite possibly hints of jealousy. yet time couldn’t pass any quicker, as you returned to the never - ending tick of the clock.
meeting a teacher after the bell rang was never on your roster, let alone with your stupidly attractive english professor. it wasn’t a secret how desirable he was. you could only hear seductive comments made about the way he left his shirt slightly unbuttoned, leather jacket draped around the back of his chair and not his shoulders.
students filed out in a fast - paced manner, painting the room to seem much bigger without as many people crowding the seats. your professor followed quietly behind the crowd, closing the door as soon as everyone had been gone. this left the two of you alone, as well as the familiar clock ticking in the background.
your heart became heavy in your chest, watching his tall figure approach you like a predator stalking it’s prey.
“y/n.” professor ji says your name sternly, “care to tell me how boring my lessons are that you haven’t been paying attention?”
“professor– it’s not like that, i promise.” you stuttered out in an attempt to defend yourself, “i’ve had a lot on my mind recently and it’s getting the better of me.”
“why don’t you contact the campus counselor? i’m sure mr. yoonsung would love to assist you in whatever problem you have in that head of yours.” he suggests.
“i don’t think i can do that sir. things are a lot more complicated than they might seem. but i swear, i’ll try to keep myself in check.”
“you don’t think you can do that?” he laughs almost mockingly, picking up a pencil on your desk to spin between his bony fingers, “i might need a better reason than that.”
“this is so embarrassing..” you sigh in defeat, “it’s about my love life, professor ji. i don’t mean to be rude, but none of that is quite relevant to you, let alone any teacher on campus. so while i respect your request for me to seek outside advice, that won’t be happening.”
“so i’m just any teacher to you? miss y/n, i’m unsure that you understand who i am to you.”
“what is that supposed to mean?”
“you chose to major in english when you enrolled here. so i’d assume you would put effort not only into this class, but the person teaching it to you.” he states with an almost threatening tone, making your stomach queasy.
a cat had gotten your tongue, leaving you with nothing to say in a situation where you felt you had to defend yourself. this made his lips perk up into a smile, taking the pencil he was holding to tilt your chin up slightly by the eraser end.
“i’ve only ever wanted to help you, y/n. almost like it’s my job.” he tells you, “you excel in every single assignment i give you, up until recently. dont let a beautiful mind like yours be so easily manipulated by a college frat boy.”
“this isn’t my fault, you make it seem much easier than it sounds.” your bottom lip quivers slightly at the position he has you in, yet also because he’s correct in his assumption.
“when you get an idea in your head, you find it in everything. do you remember who said that quote?”
“victor hugo. we’re learning about works in other languages to broaden our knowledge, so of course i remember.”
“your idea of love is tainted, hence why you let yourself get hurt. am i wrong?” he reads you like a book.
you nod at him, feeling your throat become dry. each of your senses were heightened, the cold rubber eraser under your chin being replaced by the tip of his finger. the state of your mind was vulnerable, crowded only by the idea of him and his frigid gaze.
a shiver ran down your spine as if it was being chased, his face creeping closer to yours until it was inches apart.
“do you know what you want in a relationship?” he spoke, breath barely grazing against your lips because of the remaining distance. when you didn’t speak, his face contorted into an expression just a little bit colder, “you respond to authority when spoken to. don’t jeopardize your status in my class because you can’t answer a simple question. remember that i just want to help you.”
“i want someone to care for me as much as i care for them.” you finally let out with a sob, guilt washing over you for not giving a clearer response.
“that was easy, wasn’t it? my poor y/n, not being treated properly because nobody quite knows how to.” he chuckles lowly, wiping a singular tear that rolled down your cheeks, “now that you know what you want, what do you need?”
“i– i don’t know, professor ji.” you pout.
“you already said it out loud. use your words to tell me.” his hand traveled around to the back of your head, gripping at your hair to move your head more upwards.
“i think i need someone older.” your words sounded distressed, yet they were all he needed to hear.
“there you go.” he lets go of your hair, a switch in demeanor as he smiles at you, “come here.”
walking back to his desk, he leaves you in a pile of muck and confusion at your own. for someone you can hardly read, something about him makes you want to learn.
you scoot your chair back, the sound of it scraping against the hard floors making you wince slightly. with each step approaching him, your heartbeat quickened. professor ji had always been an enigmatic figure on campus. young, passionate in his interests, and everything you were starting to think you needed in someone.
maybe you wanted him to be passionate in you.
“is this wrong?” you ask quietly, now face to face with him.
“there’s a flaw in your question, especially since you already know the answer, miss y/n.” he coos, reaching to move a loose strand of hair away from your face, “father wouldn’t tell you right from wrong. such a terrible man, isn’t he? so let me tell you what you deserve to hear.”
“he’s not terrible, he just loves me differently.” you weren’t sure why you felt the need to defend your dad, but words came out before you could think.
“don’t get it twisted; those who love you warn you about the consequences others actions could have on a person. trust that i could protect you more than any man could.” he said with envy underlying his tone.
“yes, sir.” you shake your head yes, tears starting to burn your eyes with what you couldn’t determine if it was happiness or culpability.
“call me myungho.” he cupped your cheeks with his calloused hands, rough against your soft skin, “now let me take care of you, then you could take the weight off my shoulders.”
myungho brought your face closer to his, almost immediately closing the gap that separated the boundaries between professor and student. this barrier was destroyed in the span of seconds, his lips locking perfectly with yours. they were soft, barely chapped, and meant for you.
it was a rhythmic harmony that flowed perfectly like words on a page, pulling you deeper and deeper until you couldn’t pull away; too infatuated to stop and so unaware you couldn’t bother to give a shit at the thought of someone walking in.
he had you right where he wanted you, the objective that nobody other than him could hold your heart careful enough not to split it in half.
the kiss escalated, making your lips puffy and red as they were attacked by his. one of myungho’s hands wrapped around your waist to pull you close. your arms were tucked into your chest, unsure where to put them.
once he finally pulled away from you, a string of saliva kept both of you attached, breaking away quickly. his eyes were dark, yet not in a way that would seem intimidating. a look you’ve never seen before.
late night conversations were never supposed to lead to confessions. yet as you lay next to haemin, he finally lets down the walls he's built for everyone but you. sometimes he has to embrace it.
DISTANT LANDS AND OTHER ADVENTURES series
PAIRING jung haemin x fem!reader
WC 2.2k
TAGS best friends to lovers trope. school au. fluff. study date (?). confessions. anxiety mention. reader has a dog. mention of reader playing roblox. minor cussing.
OMI NOTE and alas, here is the final part of this series. although it was short (there genuinely just wasn't a good amount of adventure time songs), i am sincerely so proud of this series. ending it off kinda tame with haem. no rhyme intended.
the rest of the world was shut out from haemin, he’d always been like that. locked away in the confines of his chest was a beating heart that wasn’t accessible to anyone but you. he still remembered the way your hand grasped onto his with no hesitation, picking him up from a fall on the playground.
everyone around him was playing happily, not wanting to sacrifice their treasured time on the swing sets or monkey bars. but you stopped for him, reaching out to pick him back up on his feet. he wiped dirt from his hand - me - down levi’s short and kid sized denim shorts. you furrowed your eyebrows, pointing at the scrape on his knee.
it didn’t even occur to him that he was bleeding, because he could only feel the dark butterfly awakening in his stomach for the very first time. wind lightly danced against the air, surrounding the two of you comfortably. there was a bandaid in the front pocket of your little backpack, and a bottle of water in the netting on the side. an innocent friendship flourished that day.
you never pried him for answers, never begging to understand why he was how he was; content with the idea that you’d be there for him regardless of what he wanted to share with you. it was a silent pact that went unspoken.
but some feelings never failed to back away, you made him feel small again. the pretty girl that helped him on the playground even when he didn’t say a thing or mouth a thank you. words fell from your lips in a tangent, telling him whatever was on your mind, and he listened. moving towards highschool, this always stayed consistent between the two of you.
there were a lot of girls that were charmed by his mysterious persona, which made them envy you. it was difficult pretending you didn’t notice their glares. by your junior year of college, you had developed you’re own list of frequently asked questions.
is it true that jung haemin was a bully? does he seriously only talk to you all the time? is he pretending to be monotone or does he actually not have a personality?
questions like these made you rub at your temples, trying to ease the growing headache you had. this was beyond whether he was a good guy or not, because when he was alone with you he was perfect. laughing at every stupid joke you made, putting away the ice pack in your lunch when you were too lazy, doing your skincare for you when you weren’t mentally there and just needed to sleep.
haemin often came to your house when school was over, following behind you as you explained to him the course of your day. the sound of a keychain jingling against his backpack made you know he was still there. you had purchased it for him the previous year to liven up his plain backpack, with you of course having a matching one.
when you got to your front door, you slipped off your school shoes and welcomed yourself inside. upon entering, your dog was clearly excited, pattering it’s feet against the cold floors upon seeing you and a common visitor. reaching down, you plant a soft pat on your pets head and run off to your bedroom upstairs.
dropping your backpack on the floor, you let yourself fall into the comfort of your warm sheets. haemin cringed slightly at you laying down in your every - day clothes. he tells you that it dirties your comforter, but you’re too tired to care.
“haem, i just want to lay down forever. can’t we delay studying just a little bit?” your voice is muffled into your blankets.
“you know we can’t, y/n. we don’t want to fail, otherwise your parents won’t let me come over anymore.” he sighs, sitting down next to your sprawled out figure.
“give me like.. five minutes to just relax.” you plead, turning over on your back and pouting out your bottom lip.
“five minutes turns into ten, ten turns into twenty, and suddenly you’re in class with no clue what you’re doing.” he tells you, “you don’t want to regret it later.”
“i despise you for being such a wonderfully productive influence on me, haem.” you sit up from your spot, rubbing your tired eyes.
“do you want me to put all your jewelry away so you don’t have to go through the long, agonizing pain of doing it yourself?” he compromises with you.
“what did i do to deserve you?” you smile softly, moving your hair out of the way as he moves closer to you.
the bed dips behind you, a warm presence of your best friend only mere inches away from you. fidgeting with each little clasp on the back of your neck, he finally wraps his arms around your neck and the jewelry over your head. he then takes two ends of the ribbon in your hair and pulls them apart to loosen up and be put to the side.
he collects each delicate item in his hand and quickly takes it over to your vanity, before returning in front of you. the touch against your skin still lingered, even when he was away from you.
“thank you haem. suddenly i’m rejuvenated and ready to study until both of my hands fall off.” you thank, slipping off your cardigan to hang on one of your bed posts.
“yeah, no problem.” he mumbles, “did you finish any of the homework that was assigned to us?”
“there was homework.. on top of the test that we’re already taking tomorrow?” you whine as he nods at you.
“you should go to sleep at decent times from now on, you’re constantly dozing off in class.” he mentions, unzipping his backpack to pull out a binder.
“hey, wait– you watch me in class?!”
“i don’t watch you, i just happened to notice. plus i saw you active on roblox when i was going to bed last night.” he explains to you, watching your face contort into an embarrassed expression.
“maybe you’re right! i won’t confirm nor deny that any of that is real. but a little birdie told me that if i didn’t grind all night i would’ve never been able to surpass jaeyun’s high score..” you attempt at defending yourself.
“as long as you had fun. but seriously, you should rest early tonight, okay?” he advises, as you follow in grabbing your supplies.
“what did i do to deserve such a caring best friend?” you declared, sitting criss cross on your bed with all your materials finally out, “i already beat him anyways and he doesn’t know, so i live for another day!”
best friend, he was used to the idea of you always calling him that; mainly because it was true. though there was something inching him to hope for something a little more. he wanted to get used to that idea instead.
“mhm, are you ready? i remember you telling me you didn’t really understand this question.” he pointed at a problem with his pencil, looking back up to you.
“ah– you remember. yeah i don’t get it very much, can you teach me?”
the two of you studied for awhile, haemin assisting you in anything you couldn’t quite wrap your head around. when you weren’t exactly focused, you busied yourself in drawing little doodles on his paper against his wishes. though he made sure none of them got erased.
the night came awfully quick, the remaining few beams of sun barely escaping into your bedroom window before it became dark. music played through the airpods you both shared, your playlist finally coming to an end. all of this accumulating made it obvious that it was time to stop studying.
you reached over to your bedside table to click on your lamp, illuminating the darkness of your room. flopping back on your bed, you lay on your stomach while staring up at haemin.
“let’s call it a night, i’m tired of looking at the same things over an over again.” you frown, poking at his knee.
“you’re always tired though.” he insisted, putting his things away in his bag.
“i would get defensive, but you’re completely right.” you agreed, laying your head down against your arms.
“i can leave now if you want to sleep..” he says quietly as you close your eyes.
“no, stay for a bit. my parents don’t come home for awhile and i don’t mind the company.”
“okay, i’ll stay. but don’t worry about me if you feel like you’re about to pass out.”
“i won’t.” you yawn, stretching your arms out, “lay down with me, let’s talk or something. you never even told me how your day was, stupid.”
“i usually don’t tell you about my day though, i just listen to you.” he obliges, laying down next to you but still maintaining a distance. any closer and he might explode.
“then how about we start with that? did you do anything interesting?” you look over at him fondly, seeming as if you could see the gears turning in his head.
“um, i talked to kyungmin in class today before the bell rang. but i mainly just listened to music the rest of the day?” he said, “besides when i was hanging out with you.”
“aww, i get your full attention?”
“well if you put it like that then i guess.” he blushes.
“you’re funny haem, get into any drama?” you lean yourself on your forearms.
“besides the usual people whispering about me? but you know i don’t mind that much..” he ponders back to his school day but comes up with nothing.
“i wish people knew you like i did. i don’t understand why everyone has to be such an asshole.” you scoot slightly closer to him, lying your head down on his stomach.
“it– it’s fine i told you it doesn’t really bother me.” his breath hitches when you make contact with the thin material of his shirt. your face was smushed against him as you listened to what he had to say.
“it still kind of sucks either way, i’m sure there’s a lot of things on your mind even if you say you don’t care.” you assume, making him curious.
“things on my mind?”
“oh! i know we don’t really talk about..” you pause, “mushy feelings, i guess? it doesn’t matter to me, but everyone has them y’know? it must be hard to hear everyone paint you out to be someone you’re not.”
“i’m sorry that i don’t tell you much, y/n.” he says seriously.
“huh? haem you know me better than that, i would never force you to tell me anything.” you assure him sincerely, but that only makes him frown.
“we’ve been friends forever, you should know these things about me.” he whispers.
“don’t beat yourself about it, please?” you trace figures on the sides of his arms, giving him goosebumps
he doesn’t say anything for a second, thinking about what exactly he wants to tell you. trying to figure out if his intention was to let you know what happens in the deepest crevice of his mind. would you run away from him? would he forget your grasp?
“i was kind of, a messed up kid.” he started, “there was a point where it felt like i had to teach myself how to live. and i don’t think you know how much you actually helped me from anxiety as a kid, and now too. i’ve grown so much from you. even if you can’t tell, i can.”
“haemin, you didn’t have to tell me that.” you furrow your eyebrows, worried that the boy is forcing himself.
“i want to, y/n.” he affirms.
“then i’ll listen.” you nodded, letting your fingertips rest against his. he intertwines the both of your hands suddenly.
“i’ve always felt like a monster, and it became so clear that people saw me like that too. i might be the person that doesn’t talk to many people, or that my resting face is too intimidating, but it made me tough if anything.” he lets out a shaky exhale, “but i’m still scared that i’m not good enough.”
“they’re so incredibly stupid for not treating you like– a normal person. you’re perfect haemin, believe me.” you responded sadly.
“there’s so many other things i’m terrified of, y/n. you’re the pink in my cheeks, but i’m also scared cause that means i’m a little bit soft.”
“haem.. i make you soft?”
“how could you not?” he laughs in slight disbelief, “i used to think that, being in love with you would be a problem, but i’m starting to think it’s a good problem to have.”
“you don’t even know how nice it is to hear that. i’ve liked you too, haemin. at one point i started to get defensive whenever a classmate would ask me to talk to you for them.” you confess, burying your hands in your face.
“you’ve had a crush on me too?”
“like you said, how can i not?”
“then what does that mean for us..?” he questions.
“i don’t know exactly. we stop being friends most likely.” his eyes go wide, making you giggle, “then we try something more instead. how does boyfriend and girlfriend sound?”
“i could get used to this, then.” a smile plays on his face.
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