figuring out you're queer isn't always this big, dramatic movie moment where everything suddenly makes sense. for a lot of people, itâs a slow burn: like a weird feeling in the back of your mind that wonât shut up. and honestly? it can be confusing as hell.
âââ the âi always knewâ gays
so while some people go through years of questioning, denial, and accidental crushes on their best friends, thereâs another category of queer people: the ones who just knew from day one. like, while the rest of us were out here struggling with compulsory heterosexuality, these people were out here at five years old like, yeah, iâd marry her. what about it?
early signs that were⌠not subtle at all
if you ask these people when they realized they were queer, youâll usually get answers like:
- oh, i tried to kiss my best friend in kindergarten and didnât get why everyone was freaking out.
- i refused to play âhouseâ unless i could be the dad so i could âmarryâ the other girls.
- my science/art/english teacher was damn fine, they were my gay awakening
- i thought boys were fine, but i was genuinely baffled at how other girls were OBSESSED with them.
- i told my parents i was gonna marry a girl and they laughed, so i just assumed i was wrong. but i wasnât.
- when we were playing truth or dare i had to fake having crushes on boys because my friends didn't accept a girl as an answer
- i mean.... there are girls why would boys be attractive (my gf's experience she had me add this)
for trans and nonbinary people, the signs are often even louder. some common ones:
- throwing full-on tantrums over being forced to wear gendered clothing.
- getting irrationally angry when people insisted they were a âboyâ or âgirl.â
- choosing gender-neutral or different-gender characters every single time in games.
- feeling actual joy when someone accidentally used different pronouns for them.
meanwhile, aros and aces were out here at six years old wondering why everyone cared so much about kissing in movies. like, whatâs the hype? why are we clapping? is this supposed to be relatable??
when you âknow,â but the world tells you youâre wrong
the thing is, even for the âi always knewâ queers, society does not make it easy. you might have known, but that doesnât mean you could say it out loud. a lot of these kids got shut down earlyâ maybe their parents laughed it off, maybe they got teased, maybe they were just constantly told âyouâll understand when youâre older.â
so what happens? they start doubting themselves. maybe they wanted to date a girl, but everyone around them was obsessed with boys, so they figured, eh, iâll try it. maybe they started copying what everyone else was doing because they thought their own feelings were wrong.
and for trans/nonbinary people? if they werenât even given the language for their identity, they had to just sit there, confused as hell, waiting for someone to explain why being called âsheâ or âheâ felt like a personal attack.
the relief of finally saying it out loud
but the moment these people do get the words? itâs game over. no more questioning, no more confusionâ just a massive exhale because suddenly, everything makes sense. itâs like finding the missing piece of a puzzle you didnât even know you were building.
âââ AM I GAY?????
i even... can't. lol
questioning phase: the âwait⌠am i gay?â era
so, questioning your identity is kind of like realizing youâve been singing the wrong lyrics to a song your whole life. one day, something just clicks, and suddenly everything makes a lot more senseâ but also, what do you mean iâve been wrong this whole time???
step 1: ignoring all the signs like a pro
if youâre queer, chances are you had at least a few red flags about your identity way before you admitted it. examples include:
- watching a movie and being way too invested in the same-gender character, but telling yourself itâs just because they have a cool jacket.
- realizing that being called âsirâ or âmaâamâ makes you want to crawl out of your skin, but assuming thatâs just a you problem.
- thinking, wow, dating sounds exhausting, but i guess iâll do it eventually because thatâs what people do, while every alloromantic/allosexual person around you is already making wedding mood boards.
- randomly getting hit with gender envy but brushing it off like, âno, i just think theyâre coolâ (you think being them would be even cooler, but shhh, no thoughts, head empty).
the brain does an amazing job at pretending everything is fine. you could be literally falling apart, and itâll still be like, ânah, weâre good.â
step 2: the âoh noâ moment
then, one day, something cracks. maybe you stumble across a random tiktok that explains compulsive heterosexuality or gender dysphoria, and suddenly your entire life flashes before your eyes. maybe you meet an openly queer person and realize they look happy (which is suprising). maybe youâre sitting there minding your own business, and your brain just goes, hey, what if youâre not actually "normal"? and then refuses to elaborate.
this part is weird because itâs both terrifying & freeing. on one hand, you now have to deal with the possibility that you are not, in fact, the person you thought you were. on the other hand⌠things start making sense. the weird feelings, the confusion, the discomfortâ it all starts clicking into place.
step 3: denial (aka ânah, canât be meâ)
THE NILE IS A RIVER IN EGYPT, YOUR HUSBAND IS GAY (âá´ÍËŹá´Í) ŕźâ§ âĄ*.â§
not everyone goes through this, but for a lot of people, the next step is denial. because letâs be real, realizing youâre queer means accepting that life just got at least 200% more complicated. so the brain tries to bargain:
- âmaybe iâm just imagining it.â
- âi bet this is just a phase.â
- âi think i just really admire them.â
- âokay, fine, but i donât have to label it, right?â
the funniest part is that most queer people go through this exact same cycle. the âmaybe itâs just admirationâ excuse is practically a rite of passage. trans people convince themselves they just have body image issues. aro/ace people assume they just havenât met the ârightâ person. everyone clings to the straight/cis/allo label for dear life until they literally cannot anymore.
step 4: the reluctant acceptance (and eventual peace)
at some point, though, fighting it just gets exhausting. you start testing things outâ maybe you change a label in your bio, maybe you try on a different name, maybe you just let yourself feel things without overanalyzing them. and, to your surprise, it feels⌠good? like, really good.
of course, this isnât the end of the journey. thereâs still a lot to unpackâ internalized stuff, coming out (or not), figuring out what your identity actually looks like in real life. but the hardest part, the questioning, the doubt, the fear of even thinking about queerness, starts to fade.
and thatâs when you realize: oh. this is who i am. and maybe, just maybe⌠thatâs actually kind of cool.
so yeah, while some queer people take years to figure themselves out, others just always knew. but no matter how early or late it happens, the moment of realization is always the same: oh. thatâs me.
and honestly?
thatâs a pretty cool moment.
[pictures are from pinterest, sorry for being weirdđ]
OKAY SO ME, MY SISTER, AND MY COUSIN WERE AT THE DOCK ON A LAKE AND I JUMPED IN THE WATER AND I CHILLED THERE FOR A COUPLE MINUTES AND THEN I JUST THOUGHT LIKE "shiiii i've never liked a woman how'm i gonna get married..." and then i went "actually i have had crushes on boys and i just thought we were friends" and then i went "I THINK IM GAY" out loud and my sister outed me
figuring out you're queer isn't always this big, dramatic movie moment where everything suddenly makes sense. for a lot of people, itâs a slow burn: like a weird feeling in the back of your mind that wonât shut up. and honestly? it can be confusing as hell.
âââ the âi always knewâ gays
so while some people go through years of questioning, denial, and accidental crushes on their best friends, thereâs another category of queer people: the ones who just knew from day one. like, while the rest of us were out here struggling with compulsory heterosexuality, these people were out here at five years old like, yeah, iâd marry her. what about it?
early signs that were⌠not subtle at all
if you ask these people when they realized they were queer, youâll usually get answers like:
- oh, i tried to kiss my best friend in kindergarten and didnât get why everyone was freaking out.
- i refused to play âhouseâ unless i could be the dad so i could âmarryâ the other girls.
- my science/art/english teacher was damn fine, they were my gay awakening
- i thought boys were fine, but i was genuinely baffled at how other girls were OBSESSED with them.
- i told my parents i was gonna marry a girl and they laughed, so i just assumed i was wrong. but i wasnât.
- when we were playing truth or dare i had to fake having crushes on boys because my friends didn't accept a girl as an answer
- i mean.... there are girls why would boys be attractive (my gf's experience she had me add this)
for trans and nonbinary people, the signs are often even louder. some common ones:
- throwing full-on tantrums over being forced to wear gendered clothing.
- getting irrationally angry when people insisted they were a âboyâ or âgirl.â
- choosing gender-neutral or different-gender characters every single time in games.
- feeling actual joy when someone accidentally used different pronouns for them.
meanwhile, aros and aces were out here at six years old wondering why everyone cared so much about kissing in movies. like, whatâs the hype? why are we clapping? is this supposed to be relatable??
when you âknow,â but the world tells you youâre wrong
the thing is, even for the âi always knewâ queers, society does not make it easy. you might have known, but that doesnât mean you could say it out loud. a lot of these kids got shut down earlyâ maybe their parents laughed it off, maybe they got teased, maybe they were just constantly told âyouâll understand when youâre older.â
so what happens? they start doubting themselves. maybe they wanted to date a girl, but everyone around them was obsessed with boys, so they figured, eh, iâll try it. maybe they started copying what everyone else was doing because they thought their own feelings were wrong.
and for trans/nonbinary people? if they werenât even given the language for their identity, they had to just sit there, confused as hell, waiting for someone to explain why being called âsheâ or âheâ felt like a personal attack.
the relief of finally saying it out loud
but the moment these people do get the words? itâs game over. no more questioning, no more confusionâ just a massive exhale because suddenly, everything makes sense. itâs like finding the missing piece of a puzzle you didnât even know you were building.
âââ AM I GAY?????
i even... can't. lol
questioning phase: the âwait⌠am i gay?â era
so, questioning your identity is kind of like realizing youâve been singing the wrong lyrics to a song your whole life. one day, something just clicks, and suddenly everything makes a lot more senseâ but also, what do you mean iâve been wrong this whole time???
step 1: ignoring all the signs like a pro
if youâre queer, chances are you had at least a few red flags about your identity way before you admitted it. examples include:
- watching a movie and being way too invested in the same-gender character, but telling yourself itâs just because they have a cool jacket.
- realizing that being called âsirâ or âmaâamâ makes you want to crawl out of your skin, but assuming thatâs just a you problem.
- thinking, wow, dating sounds exhausting, but i guess iâll do it eventually because thatâs what people do, while every alloromantic/allosexual person around you is already making wedding mood boards.
- randomly getting hit with gender envy but brushing it off like, âno, i just think theyâre coolâ (you think being them would be even cooler, but shhh, no thoughts, head empty).
the brain does an amazing job at pretending everything is fine. you could be literally falling apart, and itâll still be like, ânah, weâre good.â
step 2: the âoh noâ moment
then, one day, something cracks. maybe you stumble across a random tiktok that explains compulsive heterosexuality or gender dysphoria, and suddenly your entire life flashes before your eyes. maybe you meet an openly queer person and realize they look happy (which is suprising). maybe youâre sitting there minding your own business, and your brain just goes, hey, what if youâre not actually "normal"? and then refuses to elaborate.
this part is weird because itâs both terrifying & freeing. on one hand, you now have to deal with the possibility that you are not, in fact, the person you thought you were. on the other hand⌠things start making sense. the weird feelings, the confusion, the discomfortâ it all starts clicking into place.
step 3: denial (aka ânah, canât be meâ)
THE NILE IS A RIVER IN EGYPT, YOUR HUSBAND IS GAY (âá´ÍËŹá´Í) ŕźâ§ âĄ*.â§
not everyone goes through this, but for a lot of people, the next step is denial. because letâs be real, realizing youâre queer means accepting that life just got at least 200% more complicated. so the brain tries to bargain:
- âmaybe iâm just imagining it.â
- âi bet this is just a phase.â
- âi think i just really admire them.â
- âokay, fine, but i donât have to label it, right?â
the funniest part is that most queer people go through this exact same cycle. the âmaybe itâs just admirationâ excuse is practically a rite of passage. trans people convince themselves they just have body image issues. aro/ace people assume they just havenât met the ârightâ person. everyone clings to the straight/cis/allo label for dear life until they literally cannot anymore.
step 4: the reluctant acceptance (and eventual peace)
at some point, though, fighting it just gets exhausting. you start testing things outâ maybe you change a label in your bio, maybe you try on a different name, maybe you just let yourself feel things without overanalyzing them. and, to your surprise, it feels⌠good? like, really good.
of course, this isnât the end of the journey. thereâs still a lot to unpackâ internalized stuff, coming out (or not), figuring out what your identity actually looks like in real life. but the hardest part, the questioning, the doubt, the fear of even thinking about queerness, starts to fade.
and thatâs when you realize: oh. this is who i am. and maybe, just maybe⌠thatâs actually kind of cool.
so yeah, while some queer people take years to figure themselves out, others just always knew. but no matter how early or late it happens, the moment of realization is always the same: oh. thatâs me.
and honestly?
thatâs a pretty cool moment.
[pictures are from pinterest, sorry for being weirdđ]
OKAY SO ME, MY SISTER, AND MY COUSIN WERE AT THE DOCK ON A LAKE AND I JUMPED IN THE WATER AND I CHILLED THERE FOR A COUPLE MINUTES AND THEN I JUST THOUGHT LIKE "shiiii i've never liked a woman how'm i gonna get married..." and then i went "actually i have had crushes on boys and i just thought we were friends" and then i went "I THINK IM GAY" out loud and my sister outed me
Found several packs' worth of pokemon cards strewn across a target parking lot and took a pic to show my friends without realizing how much my outfit elevated the scene to "aftermath of a wizard duel"
andulkaphoto
janainaart
jbbartram-illu
tangentwithtanner
