typewriter monkey @tpwrtrmnky - Tumblr Blog

SHE/HER

Since a lot of you seem to have trouble finding my pronouns

RANKED COMPETITIVE BREAST GROWTH

In the depths of the internet, cisgender men compete to take estrogen over the course of three years to see who can achieve the biggest breasts. Seeing an opportunity for easy access to hormones, a trans woman chooses to defy the rules and participate while pretending to be a man.

Unbeknownst to her, the roommate who told her about the competition is doing the exact same thing.

Co-written with @taliabhattwrites

Chapter 1 | Chapter 27 | Chapter 28 (Patreon early access)

ESTRO JUNKIES: Ranked Competitive Breast Growth, Book 1 is up for preorder!

Itch

PILLS THAT MAKE YOU GREEN

A stick figure just wants everyone to stop bothering them about their choice to use their bodily autonomy to medically saturate to green. Unfortunately, nobody can mind their own business.

Start | Newest | Archive | Second, worse archive

#ranked competitive breast growth #rcbg

livefishreaction

iz-occidit

katherine has been fucking up non-stop and has some serious unexamined flaws but she's still stronger than me cause if i fumbled rashmi like that i would leave the continent. gone the next morning

taliabhattwrites

Estro Junkies paperback update!

Hey everyone, I wanted to let y'all know that Estro Junkies, currently available on Amazon as an ebook and paperback, and as an ebook on Itch and other storefronts, is now available as a paperback through Ingram!

Cool! What does that mean?

Estro Junkies is self-published. I can't have warehouses full of books. IngramSpark is a print-on-demand service, an alternative to Amazon, through which bookshops can place orders to stock physical copies of my book.

So will Estro Junkies be in bookshops now?

Sort of? I'll be reaching out to places like queer bookshops to inquire if they'd like to stock Estro Junkies, but I'm not a publisher so I have limited reach. However, if you inquire at your local bookshop, they can probably order you a copy of Estro Junkies, and maybe even stock a couple if they like it. Also, if you have any suggestions for bookshops I can reach out to who might be interested in stocking Estro Junkies, I'd be happy to hear them.

Thank you again to everyone who's supported Estro Junkies for a wonderful book launch, and I hope more of you can get your hands on a physical copy if you like!

tpwrtrmnky

Here's an English-language article about Norway's scandalously bad treatment of trans people in research btw

Over a thousand Rikshospitalet patients were included in scientific studies without consent. Now, researchers await the National Research Et

tpwrtrmnky

International attention on this incident is an effective pressure mechanism because, among other things, the ridiculously unethical research was published in English-language scientific journals.

themainspoon

That is such a flagrant and unacceptable breach of research ethics. The articles produced with this data should be retracted and the researchers responsible should have their credentials revoked.

When you work with any marginalised group, but especially a group like trans people who are the current targets of a global hate movement, you have a moral obligation to work WITH them to produce work that can help them. Consent is not something you can work around, even if you are doing analysis of publicly available social media posts, you still need to ask the people who made those posts for consent, and if they say no you cannot use it.

Also, to do this with fucking HEALTH DATA?!?! In a just world heads would have started rolling over this shit immediately. This is so blatantly unacceptable. People are not fucking resources for us to exploit, opressed and marginalised people are not the raw material for our research, I cannot even begin to explain just how out of line this shit is.

tpwrtrmnky

I mean, the thing is that the researchers who did this have documented ties to the hate movement already

themainspoon

Oh ok yeah, that would explain it. And despite being written by bigots that flagrantly violated basic ethical principles, the articles still haven't been retracted? I know that the academic publishing industry is a rancid exploitive nightmare whose sole business is gatekeeping publicly funded research from the people said research is about (and who could benefit from free and easy access to it) for their own profit, but jesus fuck... I wish I could say that this is a new low but let's be honest, it almost certainly isn't.

tpwrtrmnky

Luckily, there's a lot of work being done by activists in Norway to get ethics boards and healthcare authorities involved. It's slow, but at every step of the process so far it's been going in the right direction. The big question is whether there will be actual consequences, or just a verdict that goes nowhere.

tpwrtrmnky

Here's an English-language article about Norway's scandalously bad treatment of trans people in research btw

Over a thousand Rikshospitalet patients were included in scientific studies without consent. Now, researchers await the National Research Et

tpwrtrmnky

International attention on this incident is an effective pressure mechanism because, among other things, the ridiculously unethical research was published in English-language scientific journals.

themainspoon

That is such a flagrant and unacceptable breach of research ethics. The articles produced with this data should be retracted and the researchers responsible should have their credentials revoked.

When you work with any marginalised group, but especially a group like trans people who are the current targets of a global hate movement, you have a moral obligation to work WITH them to produce work that can help them. Consent is not something you can work around, even if you are doing analysis of publicly available social media posts, you still need to ask the people who made those posts for consent, and if they say no you cannot use it.

Also, to do this with fucking HEALTH DATA?!?! In a just world heads would have started rolling over this shit immediately. This is so blatantly unacceptable. People are not fucking resources for us to exploit, opressed and marginalised people are not the raw material for our research, I cannot even begin to explain just how out of line this shit is.

tpwrtrmnky

I mean, the thing is that the researchers who did this have documented ties to the hate movement already

s-u-m-r

What sort of documented ties? Can you point me towards a source? /gen

tpwrtrmnky

Anne Wæhre has been going to SEGM conferences. SEGM is listed as an anti-trans hate group by the SPLC (here) and uses Nordic trans care professionals as a source of legitimacy pretty often. There are very few articles about this in English, but here's a translated one from Filter Nyheter (Filter News) that goes over her involvement.

tpwrtrmnky

Here's an English-language article about Norway's scandalously bad treatment of trans people in research btw

Over a thousand Rikshospitalet patients were included in scientific studies without consent. Now, researchers await the National Research Et

tpwrtrmnky

International attention on this incident is an effective pressure mechanism because, among other things, the ridiculously unethical research was published in English-language scientific journals.

themainspoon

That is such a flagrant and unacceptable breach of research ethics. The articles produced with this data should be retracted and the researchers responsible should have their credentials revoked.

When you work with any marginalised group, but especially a group like trans people who are the current targets of a global hate movement, you have a moral obligation to work WITH them to produce work that can help them. Consent is not something you can work around, even if you are doing analysis of publicly available social media posts, you still need to ask the people who made those posts for consent, and if they say no you cannot use it.

Also, to do this with fucking HEALTH DATA?!?! In a just world heads would have started rolling over this shit immediately. This is so blatantly unacceptable. People are not fucking resources for us to exploit, opressed and marginalised people are not the raw material for our research, I cannot even begin to explain just how out of line this shit is.

tpwrtrmnky

I mean, the thing is that the researchers who did this have documented ties to the hate movement already

helsinore

I think it’s the way Rashmi is rendered invisible to her peers. Nichole never once thinks that Rashmi could be trans, she just assumes that (like how Nichole has assumed of Katherine) that Rashmi is a Dude On Estrogen. It’s the way that Kathy treats Rashmi like a maid and clearly doesn’t see her as a woman either, despite Rashmi being stuck cleaning up Katherine’s mess (y’know, like someone forcibly assigned mom of the apartment might be stuck doing). It’s the way Mona treats Rashmi like an object of fascination, fetishization, projecting her desire for the Ultra Masculine onto Rashmi (so that Mona can thusly be rendered the Ultra Feminine). Mona has Wendy, Kathy has Emmy, Nichole has Ru and Tahani (and Kim even if she treats Kim like nothingburger) and Rashmi…….has Mona. Previously she had Rupali, but once their argument drops, and the deadline to the wedding starts inching closer and Rashmi starts spiraling further, increasing her self isolation? Yeah, uh, she’s alone. She’s so alone. Kathy opening her fucking eyes at the end of the book and seeing Rashmi, really genuinely seeing her, and choosing to help, is like a key piece of Kathdemption because Kathy has been doing nothing but war criming other trans girls since the start of the book, and also because Rashmi is drowning. Rashmi needed someone to take her hand, when her relationship with Mona was breaking apart. Rashmi needed that hand because literally no one was giving it to her. Which is why it’s so important that she gets to have her moment. That she gets to live. That she gets to breathe.

taliabhattwrites

This is the first time seeing a piece of analysis has knocked the wind out of me completely because having it all laid out like this reminds me which experiences and parts of my life (all at different times, if it helps) I was subconsciously thinking of while writing this whole arc.

getting stuck in a time loop on your first day of hrt but for some reason the effects of the hormones don't reset with each iteration so you're increasingly dealing with new iterations of the loop having to explain why you look completely different

probuccalfat

you actually feel gaslit when you try to tell white people of a certain age that pewdiepie, with a platform so vast and catering to youth, helped reinvigorate racism and casual dehumanization towards indians because they get all “omg you can’t blame One man for that” like yes i can actually :) we were very incrementally making our way past the gas station indian popularized by apu and indian creatives were finally being given legitimate and serious opportunities (like say what you will about aziz and mindy in hindsight but at the time that was a shift culturally) only for this dumb swedish pig to get online and spark that vile shit right back up. ask any indian with a modicum of pride in their heritage and they can tell you how uncomfortable pewdiepie made us with ourselves

taliabhattwrites

Estro Junkies IS NOW OUT ON ITCH!!!!

Out on Itch and still rolling out on Amazon (based on time zone)!

Happy Estro Sunday, and I hope you all enjoy the book and consider leaving us a review <3

taliabhattwrites

Don't forget to do your shot! <3

taliabhattwrites

Estro Junkies has now been out for two weeks, and the reception has been truly overwhelming! If you enjoyed the story or have thoughts on it, we'd appreciate if you left a review on GR, Amazon or Storygraph. Thank you all for your support <3

tpwrtrmnky

Early transition advice: The word "no" can be used to enforce refusal in situations where you do not want or can't do something that's being asked of you

tpwrtrmnky

Tip: "No" can be used even when something is strictly speaking possible in the short term, but risks setting precedent you can't follow through with.

tpwrtrmnky

Note: "No" may cause undesired reactions. These reactions are information you can use to decide who to trust

wholesomenessenjoyer

Question: would you be able to provide an example of situation as mentioned in Tip#2?

tpwrtrmnky

You say "no" and instead of respecting that, the person you're saying "no" demands to know why and attempts to negotiate to get something closer to what they're asking for.

This shows that your autonomy isn't being respected.

Note that it's fine to ask why after accepting a "no", but your autonomy can't be contingent on providing a satisfactory explanation!

foodsci-transfem

Pretty sure you meant:

Example A: boss informs me of shifts two days ahead instead of a full week like everyone else. Saying yes sets a precedent that will hurt me, even if this next shift is at a convenient time.

Example B: friedn/partner suggests I come over to meet up, right now. They live four hours away. I'm not doing anything, and it's fine. But saying yes, especially repeatedly, builds an expectation that I'm the only one commuting and/or that I'm always free

tpwrtrmnky

No, I meant the exact thing I said in the post, at the exact level of abstraction I wanted to provide. Not fixating on a specific scenario to focus on a general pattern was on purpose.

helsinore

and if I liveblogged rcbg 33 chat......................................................................................what then

helsinore

Chapter 33 - Rashmi, I'm living on a prayer here,

gonna do this one here as well because it's easier than blueing 5 million skies right now

okay spoilers for 33 below let's give it up for part 1 of pov 1 everypony

but no. Rashmi pov. hello Rashmi. praying for your sanity because ohhhh my God did 32 genuinely eviscerate the fuck outta meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee "Even when she’s not dressed up as one, Kathy looks like a sad, wet cat. Headband askew, makeup smudged, mascara running—she makes for an exceptionally pathetic sight after her altercation with Ru. Kathy stares at the floor for a long time before finally speaking up." lmfaoooooooooooooooooo sorry. *coughs* sorry. sorry. serious analysis time. I do think part of the reason Kathy's escalation shook me deeply is because she is a sympathetic character. I really feel for weird girlies. So when the weird girlies backstab with racism, it....hurts. Even if she's a fictional weird girlie. Here I feel like we can see that like -- Rashmi does afford Kathy a level of humanity/sympathy here. Like. Kathy is not some overbearing monstrous freak or whatever, she's a human woman. And she looks like a sad little wet kitty. But that's -- I mean, that's the thing, isn't it? People who do bad things aren't monsters. They're human. Sometimes, they're even sad little wet kitties. "“I suppose we ought to. It is only right that my actions have consequences, and accountability on my part will be far easier to implement in collaboration.”" remember when caitrtot was like "i'm worried about kashmi" and i was like well i don't think kathy is treating rashmi like a mommy figure? good times, good times -- xisters I was duped. Kathy what the fuck lmao. "accountability on my parent will be far easier to implement in collaboration" she is not your judge jury let alone executioner you attacked her fiancee. kathy. she is not your keeper. "I stare at her. Her words make something snap into place for me. When I saw what was happening, I laser-focused on de-escalating and getting her away from Ru. I didn’t have time to think about my own feelings, about seeing her scream at my future wife, and especially about the words she was screaming. But now that she speaks—collaboration? Is she fucking serious?" tbh this was what I was thinking about. Given Rashmi's background and how she reacts to things, it makes sense she went into shutting down her feelings mode, and attempting to calm down the situation and fix it. But now that everything's not in crisis anymore, and she has been having character development towards facing things head on / being in touch with her feelings....yeah. Yeah. God, especially after all the shit with Mona. "“Why don’t you start by explaining what the hell just happened, Kathy?”" Thank you. "I cut her off with a glare. “You attacked her. And now I’m standing here with soda all over me, listening to you call it a lapse of judgment.”" Genuinely yeah this is like a youtuber apology type pull where you're like "I made a lapse of judgement." Kathy do not pull out the ukelele plz. "Kathy drops her gaze. “I did not intend for this to happen, but I recognize that my actions and intent did not align, and for that I am deeply sorry, Rashmi. Please believe me.”" bbgirl I'm not rashmi but I read the inside of your head last chapter. I know your ass is not telling the truth about this one I know you were filled with the seething hatred of a thousand suns. "I wanted Rupali to understand why Nichole and I must be together, but she simply refused to listen, and—”" girl. "“Is Ru the one who refused to listen, Kathy? Is Ru the one who ignored multiple people around her about the massive fucking mistake she was making? I know my fiancée pretty well, Katherine. That doesn’t sound like her.”" I'm gonna be real ducks if my friend got back together with her abusive ex because I couldn't tell her I would break off my family enforced arranged marriage to marry her specifically and then she decided to scream and throw orange soda at my fiancee I too would be like hey what the fuck. "Kathy refuses to look me in the eye. “Please don’t yell at me.”

"“So it has come to this. Even you have lost faith in me. Then it must truly be the case that there is no hope that I can ever do better.”" I Am Going To Hit You With Toy Plastic Hammers From A Toddler's Playset. I think this is what gets me because like....sometimes when people are abusive, right, like, this is the shit that they pull. I mean, if you've been online, you've probably had that terrible friend who you were expected to single handedly bear the mental health load of. Which -- to be extremely clear -- people who have mental illness will show symptoms. That much is true. Sometimes people will crash out, or lash out, or need support, or need you to communicate in a certain way in order to meet them half way -- you can't expect the person with the disorder to never display symptoms of the disorder. That would be unfair. But it's like......there are relationships where all of a sudden You, Personally, become responsible for managing someone's emotions. This happens offline too, I mean -- it happens when children are parentified and expected to be mummy and daddy's therapist, it happens in DV situations where one partner is expected to "manage" the other partner, so on and so forth. And it's like -- and I don't know if I see this talked about a lot -- it's usually not a case of 'mentally ill' vs 'mentally healthy.' Usually it's two mentally ill people, but one of them is expected by the other one to be Completely Mentally Stable And Bear The Emotional Processing Load. And like, in many cases, there's some marginalization factor here that clues you in on who is societally expected to bear the burden emotionally -- children are expected to bear the burden of their parents, wives of their husbands, and here you have like....Rashmi, a WOC, expected to hold space for Kathy, who is a white woman. A white woman who hatecrimed Rashmi's fiancee. Kathy puts the burden of "meteing out consequences" onto Rashmi, and then tone polices her, and now....this. Like, "there is no hope that I can ever do better," puts the burden on Rashmi to emotionally comfort Kathy. It's like if you've ever had someone pull the "if you do X / don't do Y, I'm gonna backflip off a bridge!!!" It immediately corners you emotionally into this conversation where you are pressured to feel like you have to comfort the other person, even if that person is the one who hurt you/the people you care about. Like, the expectation on Rashmi here is that Rashmi will comfort her and hold her hand and tell her what a good girl she is deep down and that Rashmi knew her true heart all along and that's, like, bullshit. That's just total bullshit. It's emotional manipulation. It's weaponized self degradation. If you truly care about getting better, you have to believe in yourself and like, commit to doing better. Unfortunately, as much as we'd all like to not fuck up, we have to live with the fact that we can and do, and we have to move forward. Because like....there's no other option. TLDR yeah kathy is being on some absolute bullshit here where she's emotionally cornering rashmi into making rashmi feeling like she has to comfort kathy when kathy did hatecrimes as a treat and tbh with you it pisses me off even more because like, I remember kathy's anime monologue about how disloyal rashmi is, like, girl you treat rashmi like dogshit in your own head. Kathy, get a grip. You are not mummy's little girl anymore. "I tilt my head to the side. My hands shake. “With that attitude? Yes." which is why I think Rashmi is fair to say this. Because it's extremely unfair for the burden to be placed on Rashmi to 'reform' Kathy. Like, that's what Kathy is doing right now. She's centering her feelings, her guilt, her fear of abandonment, despite the fact that she attacked a woman moments prior. It's not fair.

helsinore

part 2 of pov 1 i.e. In Which Tumblr User Helsinore Rambles Instead Of Properly Liveblogging

Last time on Dragonboob Z (cups)--- "I tilt my head to the side. My hands shake. “With that attitude? Yes.”

That wasn’t what she wanted to hear, clearly. Kathy’s expression is desperate, pleading.

“Rashmi, please don’t—I wish to do better, I truly do! But if my efforts are not bearing fruit, and if I must do it all alone, then—”" Okay yeah see This is what I mean. Like. Rashmi doesn't center Kathy's feelings in this moment and is like "okay yeah you know what fuck it sure you're doomed" and Kathy immediately tries to backwheel and it's like Kathy you are not in a place to ask for support right now you just hatecrimed that woman's fiancee after betraying her during the Nichole Intervention and deciding she was Not To Be Trusted because of one past infarction that Nichole also committed except Rashmi apologized to you.....................let us be so serious. Honestly it does remind me of this early part in Estro Junkies where (spoilers but like not super huge spoilers but y'know) Ru and Mona have their Conversation and Ru doesn't center Mona's white woman feelings about how Terrible the meeting (where the GSA was dogshit to Tahani and Ru and especially Tahani) went and Mona keeps upping how many tears she's producing from her eyes until some part of her subconscious realizes that she can't cry a river to win here so she starts just saying blatantly awful shit instead. Like, "if my efforts are not bearing fruit, and if I must do it all alone, then--" I'm not even speaking from a high horse I'm not going to begin to pretend like I am a morally pure human being, chat. I am not that man I am not the guy who has never lost his shit so expediently, I am not immune to the crashing of out, I am so painfully just some dude online. I am not holier than thou, I am thee. Or whatever. I'm not the bible either. But like.....I understand that it would be a struggle to deal with this alone. I understand that it would suck ass to have to confront your failings, your internal ugliness, your own cruelty, all alone, and reckon with the fact that you are a bad person who sucked ass.

.....................but you have to. Like, fundamentally, you just have to. You can't ask the people you harmed to tell you you were secretly good and justified all along. You can't ask them to hold your hand and teach you how to be a better person. Kathy rejected Rashmi attempting to help her originally. Kathy decided pre-Nichole Intervention that Rashmi was to be discarded of, that Nichole was The One, and then Kathy made good on that and adamantly betrayed Rashmi during the Nichole Intervention, not giving two shits about what Nichole did to Rupali (who is a deeply important person in Rashmi's life!). Rashmi was worried sick for Kathy's wellbeing and Ru tried very gently to talk to Kathy, to intervene, and Kathy reacted by screaming and attacking her. And now Kathy is acting for Rashmi to make her feel better. To prove to Kathy that Rashmi will be there for her no matter what horrid shit that Kathy does, to prove herself to Kathy. Like, that's what this is. I don't know if I'm describing this very clearly but like -- Kathy is putting pressure on Rashmi here to caretake her and support her No Matter What. And that's.....not okay. That's abusive. And that's the thing about relationships like these. Like. You can really love someone. But you can't stand with them forever. You can't put yourself at risk and your other loved ones at risk -- like, if Rashmi was like 'yeah Kathy, you actually have a true hero's heart deep down'.......Rashmi is out here betraying Rupali, whom Kathy harmed. Rashmi is betraying herself, by staying in this relationship/attempting to caretake a woman who actively was the aggressor in this situation. Like....it's just not fair. And it sucks Kathy is going through it, and that Kathy is sad, but Kathy hurt Ru/Rashmi. Kathy hurt people. Kathy was racist. She cannot ask those same people to help her and hold her hand. That's cruel. You have to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, Katherine. You cannot ask the brown women you harm to mommy you out of this one. wow holy shit that was so much i hit the damn word limit okay. cool.

helsinore

part 3 of pov 1

"“Whose fault is it if you have to do it all alone?” My voice trembles, and my vision swims. “Is it mine, Kathy? Is that what you think?”

“N-no.”

“Good.” I blink back the tears. Not now. Not in front of her. She’s not fucking worth a single drop. “Ru certainly won’t make the mistake of giving a shit again, after how you blew up at her. But I guess I’m fucking cursed or something, because I still do. Despite everything you did.”" again: shoutout Rashmi for being on the money here. Like. No, it's not Rashmi's fault. Kathy's words are putting the fault on Rashmi, implicitly, but Rashmi is not caving. That's good. That's important. Rashmi deserves to protect herself. And you can see how clearly this breaks Rashmi. Like. This is a woman she really cared about. Like, god, this really is how it feels when you have to break up with someone who you realize doesn't actually care about you, or like....not enough to change. Like. holy shit. "Kathy goes back to avoiding my gaze. She nods. “I’m—I appreciate that you have not yet terminated our friendship, Rashmi.”

“Our what?” She’s unbelievable. “Do you seriously think we’re friends right now, Katherine?”

Katherine looks stunned. What’s left of her mascara is running again. “Are you saying we are not?”"

White People.................................................................................................. take a shot every time i say "white people" but it's real white people hours again. Like I just. The complete dehumanization of Rupali. Katherine has dehumanized Rupali since encounter one where she commented on Ru's big boobalicious boobs and how she breasts boobily and it's like actually racism misogyny is not funny bbgirl. And then it's continued. Like. Kathy doesn't give a shitting fuck about what Nichole did to hurt Ru. Kathy literally screamed at this woman, said weird horrible racist shit at her, and threw orange soda at her. Like. She hatecrimed Ru. Someone who is very, very important to Rashmi. And she knows this. And she's jealous, and she's made up a Rupali in her head to get mad at, one who has those Boobalicious Desi Curves and who is Fated By The Arranged Marriage Star Signs To Marry Exotically Her Soulmate Rashmi. Like. It's so gross and orientalist and horrible it's like she walked off the set from Get Out or something like........the reason she thinks her and Rashmi are still friends is because Rupali is not a real human person to Kathy. Deadass. "Breathe. I run my hands through my hair, and try to keep my voice even. “Okay. Let me ask you something. Katherine. Can you tell me, plainly, why I’m so pissed at you?”

Kathy doesn’t reply." oh my fucking god. oh my fucking god. oh my fuc-- "I can’t take it anymore. I let out a scream of pure frustration and anguish. “Why the hell did you stop me from leaving if you won’t even fucking admit it?!”" VALID TO SCREAM. VALID. "“Because it hurts.”

Pounding blood, racing heart, ragged breaths, streaming eyes—it all stops at once. It’s like a cacophony in my head has been silenced. I blink and lower my hands. Katherine is hunched over, hugging herself, rubbing her shoulders. Sobbing softly.

“What hurts?” I ask, my voice much smaller. "

God you can tell that "it hurts" hit rashmi like a psychic knife. Also the way kathy is like. shaking crying so sad or whatever and it's like. yeah okay people can't exactly control their emotional responses but what fucks with me so bad is that even in this encounter where kathy is allegedly going to apologize to rashmi. rashmi got fucking tone policed. rashmi is out here holding back her tears because she doesn't want to cry in front of the girl who hurt her fiancee (and her). rashmi is seeing kathy make herself all small and pathetic and it's like.........how is that fair. how is that ever fair. it's like.......it's the type of shit that makes you not even feel like a person. (it's the power of uwu sad white woman) "“Admitting it.” Katherine sniffles loudly. “Admitting that we were more than friends.”

Her turn to leave me speechless, I guess. I really don’t know what to say. I stare at my own feet. Numb.

She admitted what I wanted her to admit, and I feel nothing." girl......................................... I mean I would feel nothing too girl I feel like it's kind of crazy that she's crashing the fuck out about "what do you mean we aren't friends" and "oh god it hurt ME so bad that i was INTO YOU" when like she abandoned you. she abandoned you. she betrayed you. she attacked your fiancee. she admits it, but it's like........"it hurts me to admit we were more than friends" it feels like you're treating her like your dirty little secret, kathy, it's like.....a complete centering of kathy feelings and no consideration for rashmi as a human being. Which, damn. I did think perhaps Kathy could grow, but she did not grow hard enough. This is the final nail in the final coffin. God fucking damn. I mean I guess I was putting too much hope in her because she was juuuuust learning that maybe she should, like, not expect her desi roommate to do unpaid labor lmfao. "Katherine turns around, facing away from me. “I know that Rupali did not steal you from me. I know that Rupali bears me no ill will, and that she did nothing to provoke me. But I have been trying, desperately, to avoid confronting what we were and what I did, because that would mean acknowledging that…”

She trails off, but I’m not letting her get away with that. “Acknowledging what, Kathy?”

Kathy stops rubbing her shoulders. Her back straightens. “Acknowledging that I threw away our relationship for no good reason.”" Ah. So she admits it. Idk girl it's like okay good. you said it. you said exactly what I fuckin thought. But you knew that. You knew all of that. And you still attacked a girl who wanted to do nothing but help you. You committed to the bit. You still had agency, Kathy. ....I don't even know if she fully understands that she really did throw away their relationship for no good reason or if she's just saying what she thinks Rashmi wants to hear because Katherine has been spiralling for 3980984934 words about how she feels Super Mega Abandoned by Rashmi. "My hands close into fists. “Tell me why. Give me a fucking reason, Kathy. Make it make sense.”

“I cannot make it make sense.”

I grab her shoulder and whirl her around. Her face is completely blank.

“I know that,” I say. “I know that your rationale is going to be stupid, and nonsensical, and contradictory, and maddening. But you have a rationale. You had reasons for doing this, and they made sense to you, even if they were bad reasons. So tell me the reasons, Katherine. I want to hear it. I want to hear why you broke my heart.”" Again very realistic depiction of like end of a toxic/abusive relationship because like. When you still care very deeply about that person, despite knowing how much harm they caused, what you want to know is like -- why. Why did you become this way. What the fuck happened. Why. Why. Why. And it's like. There's not really a good answer or one that will ever justify it, really. Like. There is no good reason. I know Rashmi is clinging to straws at this point, because this is like -- insanity inducing, but like....it's so kathover, I fear. There's no good reason. She didn't see you as a person. She certainly didn't see Rupali as a person. "“Fine.”

She’s doing the thing again. Going from someone who obviously, undeniably cares about me to this frosty, cold, unfeeling exterior that runs away from me every chance she gets. But at least she’s willing to spit it out now."

squints. Kathy switch moment perchance...? (to be clear you cannot blame your racist alter for racism that alter is still also you.) "“Great.” I fold my arms. “I do have to salvage a relationship that actually matters, though, so I don’t have all night. Make it quick.”

“As you wish.” Katherine adjusts her headband and brushes her hair out of her face. “I did not believe you would actually want me.”

That’s it. I wait a few seconds, expecting more, but Katherine remains silent.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I throw my hands up. “You didn’t believe I’d want you? Is this your idea of a joke?”" i think i would genuinely crash the fuck out. also why the fuck is the burden on rashmi according to kathy's reasoning of things. like. rashmi is always the one who has taken initiative actually. rashmi is the one who made sure kathy ate when kathy was going through it. rashmi doing chores ended up being why kathy did chores. like. oh my fucking god. like. have we considered rashmi, too, might in fact have some insecurities, kathy? have we considered????????????????????? i get being insecure but there really is a point at which kathy makes up a rashmi and rupali in her head to get upset at and project all her insanities onto and like she literally admits with her own mouth earlier that she did this shit for no good reason and its like. so true kathy you really did all that shit because you had fucked up ideas about relationships and you're racist and you consistently gave into your most toxic impulses which include racism and you tripled down and now you expect to be little white girl exonerated about it with the implicit threat of "wahhhh if you don't center me how will I ever learn I can improve as a person" okay who is doing this for the (T)WOC. be honest. ...wow okay gonna hit reblog this is long why is this so long. lol.

helsinore

part 4 of pov 1

"“Hardly,” Katherine says. “You have a lifelong bond with Rupali before which my own mutual fixation with Nichole pales. Rupali is buxom, beautiful, kind, virtuous, and a maestro of orgasm control lesbian erotica. She is everything a woman could want or need. If you have Rupali, why would you ever bother with ponderous, dull, bothersome, rail-thin Kathy? How could the two possibly compare? How could Kathy possibly live up to that standard? There was never a chance, Rashmi. So I saved us both the grief.”" *slowly lighting up a cigarette* where the fuck do i even begin with this oh my god honestly I think I'm just going to point at the bit in early Estro Junkies (spoilers, but I believe this is in the free preview chapters) where Mona is like "boohoo Rashmi would never want me, I'm a pale alabaster square I'm ugly, compared to big boobahed rupali" and it's like .................................. I think your ideas about women of colour are weird, girl. Like. ew. Oh my god. "buxom" make it stop. "beautiful" glad your attraction could turn into hate but come the fuck on. "kind" wish you would've been kind to her when she was trying to be kind to you "virtuous" you treated her like a fucking criminal "a maestro of orgasm control lesbian erotica" i know this links back to their discussion chapters ago where rupali talks about her ao3 but like I'm feeling uncomfortable vibes like "oooooo the brown woman is SO sexually fulfilling and better than me" like ew ew ew ew Kathy don't fucking do that you sound like you walked out of Get Out. "If you have Rupali, why would ever bother with ponderous, dull, bothersome, rail-thin Kathy?" I hate when white women do this so bad, duck. I haaaaaate it. Like. stop. stop talking. stop crashing out about how this brown woman is your ideal. Also you're not oppressed for being thin. Please. Oh my god. Again this is literally shit Mona says in the early preview chapters of EJ. Like. Kathy is not immune to white woman behaviors. ALSO RASHMI IS POLYAMOROUS SHE LITERALLY TOLD YOU SHE COULD BE WITH YOU AND RU. SHE SPENT ALL THIS TIME WITH YOU. YOU COULD HAVE HAD THIS CONVO INSTEAD OF DECIDING TO RETVRN TO YOUR PRECIOUS WHITE BABY NICHOLE WHO YOU EXONERATE AT ALL COSTS. "How could the two possibly compare?" fix your misogyny. like if you want to be monogamous like. okay you didn't need to do all this. but like. this is so like. misogyny and racism crashout ever. oh my god. ranked competitive misogyny. "There was never a chance, Rashmi. So I saved us both the grief.”"" Crazy that you think the two of you are still friends. If you did something even more reckless, would you blame Rashmi for that, too? Is it always her fault? Because you sound so sure about how Rashmi would reject you, implicitly putting the blame on her for not magically loving you enough. Oh yeah: and this shit is still orientalist as fuck. Like "a lifelong bond" YOU MEAN THE TRAUMA BOND? like. ru/rashmi only work because of the amount of effort being put in on both sides to make this shit work. are you kidding me. oh my god. lmao. "My head spins. I shake it and raise a hand to my temple. “I’m sorry, what was that about erotica? What are you even trying to say? That you dumped me because you’re jealous of Ru?”" lmfao yeah basically "“No.” Katherine frowns. “I dumped you, Rashmi, because you would have done it sooner or later if I did not.”" STOP BLAMING RASHMI FOR YOUR CHOICES "you didn't love me right enough," says the white woman who betrayed her, who attacked her fiancee, who keeps demanding to be caretaken of even after being the one to instigate and attack and be a huge jerk. like what the fuck girl. nickathy are perfect for each other because they're "denying her own agency" 4 "denying her own agency" come the fuuuuck on now kathy. god. good Lord, the word Limit.

helsinore

part 5 of pov 1 -- also the end of pov 1; also I'm gonna pause for a bit so don't expect more liveblog at the moment. gotta do self care.

"“Great. Fan-fucking-tastic.” I walk up to her, getting as close as I can without knocking her over. “So because you have no sense of self-worth, no spine, and no fucking faith in me, you assumed I’d leave you.”" SAY THAT SHIT Literally say that shit Rashmi. lmfao. like. what the hell else is someone supposed to say in this situation 'noooooo kathy i cared so much' like that's so bullshit. this should not be centered around kathy's feelings. kathy is the one who initiated so much goddamn bullshit AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA "The facade cracks. There’s a panic in her eyes, and she takes a step back. “I am not—this is not a reflection of my thoughts on you. I think the world of—Rashmi, you’re—”" babygirl, she admitted to one past fault and you decided she was untrustworthy as fuck. you betrayed her for nichole. you've constantly been crashing out about how much she must not want you because you've been making up a rashmi in your brain to get mad at. plz. "“No, you think so little of me that you believed I’d compare you to Ru and find you wanting,” I say, “and out of fear of being hurt, you decided to hurt me first.”" Quite literally true and real. "“No!” Kathy drops to her knees. “That’s not what—Rashmi, I—you have to—I love you, Rashmi. I love you. That’s why I didn’t want you to—to be disappointed by me.”" if you loved her, you wouldn't have hurt rupali. if you loved her, you wouldn't be demanding she caretake you during what should be your apology. if you loved her, you wouldn't have mentally discarded her after she apologized for a past mistake that nichole also did. you don't love her. you just love how she makes you feel. "I roll my eyes at her theatrics. “You never loved me. You have to know someone to love them, and your ‘logic’ showed me that you don’t know the first fucking thing about me.”" preach. "I look down at her, more livid than I’ve ever been in my life. “I loved you too, Kathy. Loved. But you unilaterally opted to spit on everything we could be because you couldn’t have one single conversation with me. Because you didn’t care about me enough to take a chance on me.”

“Don’t—”

“So mission accomplished.” I wave her off. “I’m gone, Kathy. Just like you wanted. Enjoy being with Nichole while it lasts.”" Genuinely real as fuck. Like. It is not Rashmi's job to mop Kathy off the floor. Kathy you have to learn from this your dang self. Rashmi has to protect herself and be there for her fiancee. Like. Be so for real. Kathy didn't have to make the choices she did, like, at the end of the day she still made them. Ru tried to reach out to her very gently and Kathy attacked her. That's not something that should be uhhhh tolerated.

"I don’t wait for her to muster whatever pathetic response she’s capable of anymore. I don’t want to see her, hear her, perceive her in any way. I’m in the bathroom, rinsing the front of my costume, before Kathy can so much as gurgle another syllable at me.

There’s more important things for me to worry about." thank fucking God. Okay. I was trusting that Rashmi wouldn't throw Rupali under the goddamn bus here and I'm glad that that trust wasn't misplaced. Kashmi is over for real. Okay, that's good. You can tell this really, really hurt Rashmi. Like. Kathy was supposed to be a healthier, kinder relationship than Mona, and Kathy just....turned out more or less the same. That's gotta hurt like hell, especially because unlike Mona, Rashmi was caught up worrying like hell about what would happen to Kathy while Kathy's with Nichole. and for all that worry to go towards a girl who sees you and your fiancee like dirt..........yeah, that's gotta hurt. So much. But genuinely props to Rashmi for having a spine. We win these, at least. Hope you get better, kathy, I really do, but you fucked this one up. I would ask you to learn, but I'm not sure if you're in a state of mind for that. But for your sake, I hope you do. </3

helsinore

sprinkles pov 2 liveblog in here....my kingdom for a horse or whatever that lesbian said

"Well. This party’s pretty much officially ruined." I keep having to remember to keep the timelines straight because my brain will blur in EJ's Nichole and I'll be like "why the fuck do you think the GSA college campus gathering is going to be the met gala" before I Remember we aren't in that timeline. That said: lmao. "After Tahani’s entourage pulled their little stunt" Duck can you imagine being Tahani and you are like every white* person's fucking personal sleep paralysis demon tone tag envy tone tag possibly psychosexual. She doesn't even get to torment them she's just tormented. Like, "Tahani's entourage" as if she's the ring leader and not just like...brown....and a trans woman.....and assertive of her worth as a basic human person give me a breakkkkk Nichole god I need to EJ post Nichole makes me a fucking sicko with how she acts about Tahani there too. anyways. *evil quinn is white passing, which is why xe has been upgraded to next level personal nemesis. I have to murk this xitch like Hal did to Hotspur like it's so over (evil quinn is not hotspur coded at all, tbc). "Across from me, Quinn is fuming while Brad tries his best to soothe xer just a little." Brad, you fascinate me. "I’m honestly shocked that nobody else showed up for emotional support." .........are.................you..............................? Nichole lives in a world where evil quinn is just beloved I guess "“I can’t believe they had to humiliate me in public like this! At my party, even!” Quinn groans. “Horrible, traitorous bunch. Just the actual worst.”" Seeing the two sides of Quinn here back to back is fascinating like last chapter the motherxucker was terf with pronouns yagami posting at peak levels and now that I guess xe's alone and in crashout mode we get to see xer be pathetic and snivelling and as self centered in the most barefaced way possible. "“They should be ashamed of themselves, babe.” Brad pats Quinn on the back. “You worked so hard to put together a nice event for everybody, and they decided to spit in your face.”" bradleigh...........................................you really do fascinate me. Like. Are we sure. Are we sure Quinn worked hard. Are we sure that Quinn did any work, like, at all, ever. "Quinn throws xer wig off, slamming it into a bookshelf." I Forgot Xe Was Wearing The Jim Curry Outfit Oh My God "“The uni administration is going to be livid. This org is on such thin ice that it can’t afford more fuckups!”" ..........wxrstie, are they? I don't think this matters to them at all. "“Yeah, this really sucks.” I chime in just so that I’m not just sitting there in silence." Lmfao. BENCH PRESS META?

.....incredible. What the hell sure. What the fuck sure. I knew Brad was gonna be a server girlie but wow. "Her phone seems to be full of notifications, for reasons I can’t even begin to speculate on." Who the fuck is messaging Kathy........I mean maybe people from the server? Maybe Emmy? I don't know, actually, she doesn't really have friends. "I’ll have to go look for her after this, make sure she hasn’t gotten herself into trouble." girl since when do you give a fuuuuuck are you just mad that more people on the accord want to yap with her or w/e "“This whole party’s a disaster, Nicholette.”" lmfao. "I’m pretty sure Quinn saw me staring into my bag." Evil Quinn when xe needs everyone to pay attention to xer at all times forever. Which. Perhaps reminds me of someone, hey Nichole-- "Did you hear that Rupali got in an actual fight with someone right in the middle of the venue?”" This was genuinely what I was scared of when the Kathy v Ru confrontation happened, i.e. in a white majority queer space, especially one already hostile to Ru, I was very very very worried that events would get misconstrued as "that evil brown woman ATTACKED that helpless white girl" because, you know, racism, "“I hardly believed it myself, but from what I heard, the poor girl she screamed at had to be escorted to safety by a friend and everything. I hope she’s okay, and I’ll have words with everyone whose lackadaisical attitude allowed this to happen.”" put it in the papers that I am fucking seething rn quinn better not be spitting out any narrative that's gone mainstream amongst the people at this party but I don't trust the GSA considering their track record soooooooooo god i'm so glad Rashmi dumped Kathy. "Or would I? I’m not sure. I don’t want to think Rupali would just attack someone, but she and Rashmi both seem to have a pretty lax attitude towards threats of violence when provoked. In hindsight, I guess backing down when Rashmi got to that point was a wise move." Shoutout to racism, the sponsor of today's liveblog. Nichole you were like kicking furniture during the intervention be soooo for real. "“Yeah, sure, no need to question this story at all then, if she ‘has her issues’. We can definitely take the second-hand info from a crowded room with a lot of noise at face value.” Brad rolls his eyes, his head tilting back and hitting the back of the couch." Does Brad just hate (trans) women but stan people of colour like what the fuck is your deal gxrliepop. Is quinn the only "gender affirming" xefriend who would fuck you like come on "“I’m trying to keep you from letting your personal grievances affect you so badly that you start doing shit you’ll regret, like spreading unverified rumors about the people you’re already on thin ice for screwing over!” Brad springs back into action, sits up straight and faces Quinn directly." Toxic yaouri is something else, ducks. .....hm yeah I guess like so many officers including WENDY of all people endorsing Tahani and calling Quinn the hell out, uh, definitely makes Quinn like a mega fucking asshole. Wow some delicious fucking cosmic retribution.

"“I mean, there’s room for nuance here,” I half-heartedly pretend to have something worthwhile to add." this is like the "kathy watches lauremmy fight it out" scene but worse because Nichole's main attribute as a human being is 'standing in the corner and trying to survive by being an utterly flavorless spineless liberal.' Quinn degendering Nichole again istg............ "“It isn’t whatever! It might be whatever to you, from your privileged vantage point as a cisgender white man, but Rupali and I are both queer people of color who were assigned female at birth, so maybe consider that before you start tone policing me!”" lord the way I have a headache buddy you chose to fuck over Your Fellow Queers Of Color long before this so uhhhhhhhh try again? lmfao? "t takes me embarrassingly long to shake the confusion brought on by that remark and recall that Kim told me Quinn is not actually white, but white-passing. Doesn’t exactly help that I have to also parse the idea of Brad as a cisgender man and that Quinn and Rupali would have anything in common at the same time, both of them ideas that feel pretty damn bizarre on the face of it." She like genuinely makes me want to crawl out of my own skin I need her to stop talking in her own mind. Go back to being a lamp watching their dialogue, please. "I think if I just say things are valid I’m at a pretty low risk of any especially regrettable blunders." she really is a fucking nightmare of a woman. the blandest demon from white people hell. she's applying the logic she learned in middle school to survive it to like, win at being "popular" in the fucking GSA and being friends with these goons. Girl be a better grifter and start your """"racism redemption"""""" arc or something. Anything. God she doesn't even do anything she just stands there and fails upward and is racist and misogynistic and transmisogynistic she's a fucking nightmare womannnnnn "I never found time to read a single one of the books Tahani or Ru recommended for me" I Didn't Need To Know That, Nichole! she's like if chatgpt was a woman I think. good lord. nicholegpt. "but I’m still pretty sure the racism math here should still work out in Ru’s favor even accounting for one party being cis but into women, and the other being nonbinary but into men, and I think Quinn liking men counts as gay, but given the kind of men he seems to be into I think fitting that into the picture is hopeless."

do you think God, too, stays in heaven, because of the abysmal disappointment of a human being that is Nichole? Nah it's also because of Kathy and DEFINITELY because of Quinn and Brad but don't worry about that right now! "the racism math" she's soooo fucking bad at this but I know real people think like this I know real human beings on earth think that "racism math" is a real thing oh my fucking god. and also just like. randomly throwing in the queerness because she's vaguely related you can't parcel that shit out in a singular person but like oh my fucking God. oh my God. oh my God. Okay. .........................is the implication that Nichole think that if Quinn likes women that that's straightcore? also woahhh "he" for Quinn (i'm sure that's probably a typo but Nichole would be the type of person to select a binary gender for a nonbinary person lmfao.) "“I looked into it, you know.” Quinn scoffs. “It’s not like either of those two is from a truly oppressed background. In terms of the caste system, they’re practically fucking white!”" They Are Currently In A White Majority Country That Knows Fuck All About Hinduism (They Are Not Even Hindu) "If Quinn wasn’t already having a bad time, and if I wasn’t already in really unfamiliar territory, I’d definitely push back on some of xer ideas about how this works." no you wouldn't someone is trying to rationalize away the like single tiny scrap of conscience she has left, I see "“Well, if you two want to run through the mental gymnastics to figure out how the two brown women are actually privileged, then go nuts, but I’m not participating.”" again, Brad, you fascinate me. I just want to know if you believe misandry is also real. "I say nothing. I very emphatically say absolutely nothing. My business and this conversation are to stay cleanly separate." is this the time to say I ship Quickhole because I think it would work. I think it would work! Brad deciding not to break up with Quinn because he doesn't want to deal with the level of guilt from Quinn's guilt tripping crashout goddamn There's probably some brad/quinn and kathy/nichole parallels in here I'm just being hit over the head by watch mojo's most annoying transgender* trio right now. *Brad is "cisgender" but de nile is also a river in egypt and he definitely has a residency permit. "“Don’t get the wrong idea from this. I assure you, Brad and I don’t actually hate each other or anything, we just try to avoid bottling up our emotions.”" LMFAO "but I genuinely don’t know if I’m in any position to judge given my recent history." couple's spat so fucking awkward it gives Nichole temporary insight onto her relationship history

"Brad sighs. “Yeah, sure, something like that.”" you really should leave xer but I mean, like, this is just end stage Nickathy if Kathy doesn't lock the fuck in and dump Nichole for the second time. Which given how her conversation with Rashmi with........................I don't know if Kathy is ready to realize she's back on her bullshit yet. the infighting mention *lights up the blunt* oh my fucking god "At least Brad seems mildly amused for a second. “Yeah, wow, I really have no idea where she could’ve gotten that idea from.”" Thus The Lord sayeth, "Behold, the world's first antiracist femboy." oh my god not the callout post reference

oh my godddd

quinn's tumblrina nature coming in full force I guess "trying my best to pretend I’m not well familiar with a server full of transfeminine basket cases." you are a cruel and mean person. oh my God Brad's from tumblr too isn't he. did bradquinn meet on tumblr. did they go to tumblr prom together. "“And, while I think those definitely do this shit, Tahani doesn’t strike me as the type to bring online bullshit into real life like that.”" (Henry Bolingbroke voice) I only hate Richard because he did embezzlement, not because he's effeminate and has his boytoys hanging off of him all the time.

"“True, I’d never have thought Tahani would have much patience for that kind of space.” I check on Quinn, whose demeanor’s clearly souring at the mention that Tahani has any positive qualities. “So it’s really shocking that she’d do something straight out of their playbook.”" Nichole changes directions faster than a balloon caught up in a tornado. God she really does want Quinn to like her. I guess she sees xer as better than K*thy but like bitch come the fuck on. She can't make any other friends I guess this is her sinking ship and she sure is going to sink with it. "“She’s so toxic. Honestly? I almost hope she wins and runs the whole GSA into the ground, like those traitors deserve.”" you talk like a child. "“You could throw the election, I guess.” I shrug, shaking my head, because I’m not taking responsibility for this idea if anyone takes it seriously." girl you're friends with the transmisogyny duo of course you are getting thrown under the bus if anything happens. "“Then again, chances are she’d be really insufferable about it, and I’d hate to see you have to deal with her rubbing it in your face even if it was going to work out badly for her in the long run.”" She's like if indecision was a person. "“I mean, if they’re all going to get together and film a whole video going after you, you don’t owe them shit. If it was possible, you’d be completely justified in just pulling the plug on the whole org before they even vote.”" (nichole voice) wow, it's so fucked up that people got together to inform the org about the crimes you committed. facts and logic are fake. morality is for plebs. why is there not solidarity forever? "Quinn stares into the ceiling, holding Brad’s hand as xe does." idk why but it hit me like. Okay. these two idiots do compel me. Just a little bit. "Eventually, I have to ask: “But you should put up a fight, right? I mean, it’s not like you’re guaranteed to lose.”" (nichole voice) please remain semi popular I need friends who I can think of as popular even if they're not even that popular or I'll feel like a loser nerd again and I can't have that "“If you decide to stay in the race, it has to be because you genuinely believe you’ve got something to contribute to the GSA that they don’t, and you’ll have to argue on your own merit.”" Evil quinn has uh (checks notes) white collar crime and transmisogyny. terf with pronouns behavior. proponent of yaoiworld. uh. yeah. those are certainly some fucking qualifications, lmao. "“You’re right. I can’t lose sight of what really matters here, which is preventing that charlatan from taking over everything I’ve built and using it for her own personal gain. Not just for my sake, but for everyone who still believes in me.”" you didn't build literally anything and you are off the fucking shits oh my god. does anyone still believe in you. hardcore racists and transmisogynists i fucking guess. my God you are a wretched little fellow you really think you're committed to queer liberation, don't you. you fuckin evil academic oh my goddddddddddddddd "Putting on a brave face under circumstances this dire is pretty admirable of xer, I have to admit. It’s self-evident that Quinn genuinely loves this community, even when they don’t love xer back.

“Well, you have my vote at least,” I smile." sister you have flipflopped during this pov harder than a chicken breast getting pan fried I know this is some next level copium because you have to believe that evil quinn is actually your buddy pal who has clout and is cool and is one of your only friends so you have to stan xer despite the like tiny scrap of conscience crawling out of your brain trying to whisper to you that maybe agreeing with racism is bad actually. God you're pathetic. Quinn is a compelling villain, at least. Nichole is too, usually. And Brad..............................what's your fuckin deal, buckaroo. Okay end pov.

tpwrtrmnky

Early transition advice: The word "no" can be used to enforce refusal in situations where you do not want or can't do something that's being asked of you

tpwrtrmnky

Tip: "No" can be used even when something is strictly speaking possible in the short term, but risks setting precedent you can't follow through with.

tpwrtrmnky

Note: "No" may cause undesired reactions. These reactions are information you can use to decide who to trust

wholesomenessenjoyer

Question: would you be able to provide an example of situation as mentioned in Tip#2?

tpwrtrmnky

You say "no" and instead of respecting that, the person you're saying "no" demands to know why and attempts to negotiate to get something closer to what they're asking for.

This shows that your autonomy isn't being respected.

Note that it's fine to ask why after accepting a "no", but your autonomy can't be contingent on providing a satisfactory explanation!

prokopetz

Cross-breeding mechsplo with Power Rangers style combiners and giving each team member a specific use/degradation kink based on which particular part of the combined robot's body their mech becomes.

demilypyro

No spoilers, just themes.

With the finale out now I think a central theme that I've recognized and really adore is "all of these characters are more complex than an audience would appreciate." They are all being squished into a child-friendly set of archetypes, be that by Caine, Jax, or metatextually, the fandom. Caine doesn't want them complaining, swearing or having sex, they just have to go on endless, mindless, youtube-monetizable adventures. He's the ringmaster, he puts them in a bright poppy's playtime ass stage and demands for funny to happen. Meanwhile, Jax doesn't want to address the dire reality of their situation and copes by playing along, treating himself and all the characters as flat archetypes with no internality, so that the elephants in the room can safely be ignored. The fandom, meanwhile, is quietly guilty of all the same things. "Why isn't my favorite character acting in accordance with my headcanon? Which characters are flatly evil so we can hate them? Will they achieve my perfect happy ending? Because if not I'll be mad about it."

It doesn't work. Because they're more complex than that. They're people, they need more, they have emotions and traumas and wants and needs. Ragatha isn't always cheerful, she's not just the mom friend, and she's not some manipulator either. She's a person, trying her best, and very often failing. Pomni isn't always anxious, she's a natural leader and she wants the best for everyone, but she's not perfect either. She's a person, trying her best, and very often failing. And Jax isn't just a villain, he's a very complicated ball of traumas whose consistent first instinct is to push everyone away, hurting others so that he won't get hurt. He's a person, trying his best, and very often failing. She might even be a girl. Zooble isn't just a grump, Gangle isn't just a wimp, Kinger isn't just crazy. They're humans. And humans aren't always good. They're messy, screwed up, complicated things. They're things that can't be flattened down to archetypes, no matter how much Caine, Jax, or the fandom wants it.

The fandom wanted a bunch of cookie cutter adventures with good guys and bad guys, but what we got is just a bunch of people, stuck together, their traumas rubbing up against eachother until something catches fire and explodes. And I think that's way more interesting. I'm glad the show is that. I understand not everyone feels that way, though. A lot of people wanted something less nuanced. But I don't think the show not matching your expectations is the show's fault. I think people just need to come at it with the right mindset. Meet the story where it's at.

People are always more complicated than an audience wants them to be.

demilypyro

LOVE the concept of Jax IN THE STORY reducing the characters to archetypes and BEING WRONG. Fandom gonna fandom so yeah people were constantly flattening these characters to fit them into the Trope Boxes. We had people acting like Pomni is a helpless child, and like Ragatha is either a manipulative monster or a perfect being. Now you have Jax CANONICALLY doing exactly that: choosing to think about everyone as if they were flat stock characters so he doesn't have to think about their internality, and it's shown how he couldn't be more wrong. These characters have DEPTH whether you like it or not. Fucking awesome metacommentary

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