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[9point5fingers]

I hope that, someday, through all the pain and memories, I’ll find my way back to the person I once was—and discover a new version of myself waiting to be found.

[9point5fingers]

It’s not a good feeling to need people for things I used to do without even thinking twice. There’s something humbling about having to ask for help when you were so used to being the one who handled everything on your own.

And if I’m being completely honest, it makes me regret some things. I think about all the freedom I had before this happened—all the things I could do whenever I wanted, without having to think about whether my body would cooperate or whether I would need someone else to help me. I wish I had appreciated that freedom more. I wish I had realized how much of a gift it was while I was living it.

It’s strange how quickly life can change. One minute, you’re moving through life on your own terms, and the next, you’re learning patience, accepting help, and trying to find gratitude in things you never thought you’d have to struggle with.

I’m grateful for the people who are here for me. I really am. But this is hard. I’m allowed to miss the person who could just get up and go, do everything herself, and never have to think twice about it.

Maybe that’s part of what this season is teaching me—to appreciate the freedom I once had, to be grateful for the people willing to carry me when I can’t carry myself, and to never take the simple things for granted again.

Right now, I’m frustrated. I’m sad. I’m learning.

And I’m hoping that when I get my independence back, I won’t ever forget what a gift it really is.

[9point5fingers]

Being envious of my past self is a feeling I never expected to have. It’s strange to look back and realize I’m longing for a version of me that I used to be. I remember thinking I wasn’t enough back then, yet now I find myself missing that person—their mindset, their hope, their energy, or maybe just how simple life felt. It’s ironic how we often don’t recognize what we have until it’s become a memory. I don’t want to live in the past, but I can’t ignore the quiet ache of wishing I could borrow a piece of who I used to be.

[9point5fingers]

[9point5fingers]

Never knew you needed two hands to eat a sandwich.

[9point5fingers]

Since the accident, my doctor has reminded me that a big part of recovery is mental. So here's to trying, one day at a time.