Thoughts I Don't Usually Share

𝔰𝔥𝔢/𝔥𝔢𝔯|| IG:@amrutaadayal 999 ♾

[a-a-d]

maybe in some other universe my parents are my parents and not the other way around

and i’m not the one holding everything together with shaking hands and a tired heart

maybe there, i get to be soft

i get to be held without having to earn it

i get to break without worrying who will pick up the pieces

because i’m so tired of being the strong one

the understanding one

the one who “gets it”

i don’t want to get it anymore

i want to feel it

i want to live without constantly calculating emotional damage

without rehearsing conversations in my head

without shrinking myself just to keep the peace

i want to wake up and not feel this weight sitting quietly on my chest

like something is always missing

like i’m always almost okay but never fully there

and i swear i try

i try to see the beauty in everything

the sky, the trees, the way sunlight falls on random things

i try to remind myself that life is bigger than this ache

but some days the ache is louder

and it drowns everything else out

i’m tired of being disappointed

tired of hoping things will feel different

tired of pretending i don’t need more than this

i just want to exist freely

without guilt

without this constant ache for something that should’ve been simple

i want to feel like i belong in my own life

and right now i don’t know how to get there

but god i want to

[a-a-d]

envy.

i envy the people who know you better than i do now.

even if they’ll never know you like i do.

i envy the thoughts that get to sit with you longer than i ever could again.

even though our memories remain irreplaceable for us both, i know.

i envy the sounds that get to touch your ears without them being my voice.

even though it’s for the better;

i envy, too.

[remanence-of-love]

[dumblr]

On another planet I guess...🙃🥲

[a-a-d]

❤️❤️❤️ thank you god ❤️❤️❤️

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

— Nikita Gill

[theimpassivemovedoneoverthinker]

Now that's what I'm talking about

[remanence-of-love]

[evcrmoreee]

me too bro me too

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

— via knjfedog

[originalromanticsir]

There are those who believe in coincidence, and those that don't.

If you've an ounce of spirituality in you; you feel it in every cell of your body - that we've been here before.

[mournfulroses]

Else Fitzgerald, from "Everything Feels Like the End of The World," publ. in 2022

[escuerzoresucitado]

[a-a-d]

wow <3

[a-a-d]

I don't know how and what to call a home or what does it actually feel like because I don't think home is four walls.. I don't like calling four walls a home.. I don't know why I think it is a feeling of being at peace. Being home. It must feel a lot like..security, safety, love..a sort of warmth that I do not know if I am capable of grasping.. or feeling, within me.. I don't know why and when will I ever feel it.. but I know this is what I'm chasing and I don't know if I keep chasing it or do I stop? I just want to be able to feel..complete. I think complete is the word. I don't feel complete anymore. Ai was my everything.. my whole life was planned out.. I thought he's going to be my forever.. today it's 16th May, 2021 and I know for a fact that he doesn't feel the way I'm feeling, I'll always feel.. and I don't know how to 'overcome' this..sleeping with different people or even the best of drugs don't make sense right now.. It feels like everything I will do will not let me achieve what I'm genuinely trying to chase.. I'm not gonna feel complete. Now I feel like it's not this feeling, it's the fact that I've lost my home. And I fucking made my home. In us. In my fucking twin flame. And it's fucking over and I cannot believe it is. I don't know what to do. About feeling so much. There's so much I am feeling and so much I'm not wanting to feel, I'm suppressing so much too and it feels like shit. I don't know why is this happening. I just want work to boom. I want to get lost in telling the stories I know need to be told. I don't want to let go anymore. I don't want to fucking keep on letting go. I know that bullshit which says, 'change is the only constant' but I don't want to fucking let go of things and people I love. I don't want to go through new problems each and every fucking day. I'm fucking tired. Growing up is a trap. We're trapped and entangled with labour controlling our life and how only money can take us higher and higher in to is life.. or maybe I can shift my focus and try to just calm down.. fuck this I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to feel. I'm so tired. Of even being so fucking tired. All the time. Exhausted like I'm just going on and on and every day seems mundane to my soul, like I'm just dragging it through... I don't want to feel this way. I know life is beautiful, it really fucking is.. but I don't know if I feel like that anymore.. I want to feel home. I want to be home. Where the fuck is home? Help me. Where the fuck is home?

[a-a-d]

younger versions of me articulated so much truth so well; ah, i still relate.

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

— Warsan Shire

[raysofthesun]

[futuristic-koala]

[a-a-d]

I GOT MY 14th tattoo today lmaaaaooooooooooooooooooIGOTSIXTATTOOSINONEDAYoooooooo hahahaha I LOVE INK

hope y'all staying safe & healthy

Love ~ yours truly, amruta

[a-a-d]

this is the only platform i share my feelings and thoughts without a drop of fear of judgement. :)

𝟷𝟶/𝟶𝟿/𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟺 || the strongest and purest thought i have had in the longest time and the only feeling that is helping me recover is God & Self Love. || ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴡɪʟʟ ʜᴇᴀʟ ᴍᴇ, ʜᴇ ᴡɪʟʟ ʜᴇᴀʟ ᴍᴇ. I WILL HEAL ME. ❤️ || sending all the love and light i can, to all of you, may god bless us and our loved ones always & keep us all safe, happy, healthy & united. eternally ♾️ ✨ 🌺 har har mahadev 🔱🙏🏼🦋💙

pic via pinterest!

[a-a-d]

feeling empty as ever,

with the healing going on,

why does my heart ache?

when i’ve done NOTHING wrong.

is loving someone wrong?

or being too kind?

not knowing the person too deeply,

just being human is my type.

why does my heart ache?

why do you pick on it?

just cause i was a friend,

a true one you didn’t expect? ~ a.a.d

[sweetbunnytears]

[a-a-d]

stop and smell the flowers!!

[a-a-d]

Hey little fire; that burns so right,

Tingles and tickles, without the try, makes me laugh, like no one else can

Hey my little fire, you make me mesmerise

Every second of my life, every second I breathe

to know I’m alive, that I’ll have you by my side.

Hey little fire, every time I thought I’d never try,

You came right next to me, with your beautiful, beautiful eyes

And soul that shines so bright, you’re so precious, my boy. I won’t lose faith in humans now, since I have you by my side

But who trusts the one above? I do sometimes.

I hope he never takes you away, unless he wants thunder in the skies.

Little fire, not so little in my eyes

Every move you make is magic, like dance and music

And better the sky and the fire that’s burning so bright

Hope my grip is not too tight,

Cause you make me want to hold you all day…all night

Gonna end this song and say goodbye, cause the words are flowing so much

And you know I’m shy <3 ~ a.a.d