maybe in some other universe my parents are my parents and not the other way around
and i’m not the one holding everything together with shaking hands and a tired heart
maybe there, i get to be soft
i get to be held without having to earn it
i get to break without worrying who will pick up the pieces
because i’m so tired of being the strong one
the understanding one
the one who “gets it”
i don’t want to get it anymore
i want to feel it
i want to live without constantly calculating emotional damage
without rehearsing conversations in my head
without shrinking myself just to keep the peace
i want to wake up and not feel this weight sitting quietly on my chest
like something is always missing
like i’m always almost okay but never fully there
and i swear i try
i try to see the beauty in everything
the sky, the trees, the way sunlight falls on random things
i try to remind myself that life is bigger than this ache
but some days the ache is louder
and it drowns everything else out
i’m tired of being disappointed
tired of hoping things will feel different
tired of pretending i don’t need more than this
i just want to exist freely
without guilt
without this constant ache for something that should’ve been simple
i want to feel like i belong in my own life
and right now i don’t know how to get there
but god i want to






















