highlights reel of the session i dmed on sunday. @ my players are you happy now
we enter. i have spent literal months on this intro.
I describe the scenery as best I can, and then share a fun fact about gravity. they are suspended 300 feet in the air and have one minute to solve my gravity puzzle.
“ROLEB???? ROLEB?????” -direct quote
first time player (gnome bard, spici) manages to come up with a parachute idea and everyone rolls survival check
drow cleric (or’vessah), tiefling sorcerer #1 (nebula) and spici all succeed
tiefling sorcerer #2-homebrewed boogaloo (iados) and tiefling rogue (miles) are… not so lucky
rip miles and his nat one nat fun
i feel i should mention the party is level one
the players land and they recognize each other, but they have no clue why they recognize each other (except for spici miles and nebula bc theyre all in the same street gang)
by this point, they’ve stopped trusting me
nebula: can i figure out whats going on? I have a book about-
me, crying bc im so happy theyre remembering the plot important books i gave them before the campaign started: i owe you my life
nebula rolled very high and knows secrets. nebula is afraid now.
me: hey, make a perception check
players: why
me: and then there was a crab
miles tries to use animal handling to tame the crab and i cant decide what would have been funnier- if he had succeeded, or his failure.
times miles has dropped to 0: 1
me, before the campaign, jokingly: miles dies first
miles now, screaming:
players, walking in the woods:
me: hey make a perception check
players, wisened up to my bullshit: NO
me: this is my gundit, orith, she’s a bandit but she has a gun
yes. they fight my bandit.
Orith: give me money
Iados: i acid splash her
surprise! new pc! tiefling bard, yahzza, he works for the bandits
yahzza’s player is iados’ player’s boyfriend, so that was fun to watch
times miles has dropped to 0: 2
IT’S NOT ON PURPOSE IM SO SORRY MILES
times iados has dropped to 0: 1
plot point! one of orith’s bandits turns on her, and she collapses to the ground clutching at a dagger in her chest
orith: i want to live
or’vessah: i feel kinda bad for her
orith: *spits on his shoes*
or’vessah: yeah nvm, i’m gonna stab her
them, doing damage to orith:
me, deadpan: oh no, she’s in double digits, whatever will i do.
orith’s next turn she takes both her attacks to shoot the guy who attacked her and :))) rolls a nat twenty :))))))) and then shit damage :)))))))) so he gets away :))))))))))))))))) with one hit point :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
nebula: i’m going to attack the guy who hit her because she seems to care more about that than us right now
me, knowing damn well that orith is an insecure motherfucker who will flirt with anyone who shows an interest in keeping her alive: coolcoolcoolcoolcool
no one even had to roll death saves, my players are just babies
miles and iados get up at about this point and spici FUSSES like the mom friend she is.
nebula: let us help you
me: orith is looking right back at you
nebula: I’m looking her in the eye
me: she grabs your arm and forces it behind your back and forces you to your knees
nebula: i just take it
me: orith leans forward in your ear and whispers “you have shitty survival skills” and lets you go. then she says “alright, but only because you’re cute” and walks away.
nebula with the biggest mood of the session: im just gonna lay down and start hyperventilating
me: orith takes the dagger out of her chest and just adds it to her belt
nebula, ooc: that’s metal.
nebula: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever slept
orith: hm. a lich’s lair.
nebula, high pitched: a what?
iados: do you feel like orith hates us.
or’vessah: i mean i did stab her
spici: remember our old hide out… with all those blankets we stole from rich people…
miles, crying: don’t make me think about how comfortable that was.
me: hey guys how would you like to be level two
players: THANK GOD?
nebula’s player: nebula is going to learn feather fall
me: they’re learning
me: why are you guys still mad at me? i gave you a hot bandit captain!
players: you gave NEBULA a hot bandit captain.
in conclusion, sunday’s session was WILD
teaser for next time: iados’ player is going to be VERY happy.
