I want to Die

V. J. | Germany | suicidal

[bleakandhollow]

maybe in another universe, my feelings are validated

[sadgrillsonly]

In an alternate universe I hope I am loved.

unconditionally,

irrevocably,

eternally,

and endlessly.

[nighttime-thoughts]

You stopped saying goodnight and i stopped sleeping.

[wolkenleere]

And I wondered what it was like to be chosen. I was never chosen. I was a maybe, a probably, sometimes even a definitely but never the one, never the chosen one.

Unknown

[yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou]

Nobody ever talks about how selfless it is to choose, over and over again, to not commit suicide. Nobody ever acknowledges the tremendous sacrifice suicidal people make every time we choose not to kill ourselves. When a person who is suffering so horribly that death seems like their best option decides not to take their one way out, and to instead remain in hell, day after day, month after month, year after year, because they don’t want to hurt the people they love, they are doing something extraordinary. Not killing yourself when it’s all you want to do is the purest act of love I can imagine. Dying for someone is easy - you don’t have to deal with any of the consequences, you have your moment of nobility and then it’s all over. But living for someone, when the simple fact of consciousness is literal torture for you? Every single suicidal person who ever made a choice to not kill themselves in a moment of misery is a goddamn hero in my eyes. Wanting to die and still surviving is an act of titanic courage and self-sacrifice. We deserve more credit for it.

[sad-empty-lost]

My life

[sad-empty-lost]

I don’t get mad anymore, I just get really quiet. Why keep talking when nobody is really listening to you?

[abnormall]

i am overwhelmed and i just want everything to stop. just stop. just for a moment so i can think, so i can cry, so i can mourn but its so difficult because life just keeps going and my issues are piling on top of each other and suffocating me and i am so overwhelmed that i cant breathe. i hate this.

[wishing-for-deathx]

Ever cried in your bed curled up in a ball because you’re alive and can’t die?

[guitarplayermrs]

[daddyssexylittlekitten]

[noartnowritingsorry]

[wxrthlxssbxtch]

[remanence-of-love]

[konoko]

[thegaybitch15-deactivated202303]

Hell yeah it did

[betweenmee]

[yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou]

Self harm doesn’t always happen when a blade touches skin.

It’s skipping meals because you don’t feel like you deserve to eat today. It’s having sex because you want to be used or abused or defiled. It’s drinking recklessly because you might have the ‘courage’ do something stupid. It’s smoking - not because you need the nicotine - because you know it’s bad for you. It’s banging your head against a wall when you’re angry. It’s crossing the road without looking because you lowkey hope a car might hit you. It’s thinking about all the ways you could break a bone and make it look like an accident. It’s not taking painkillers because you want to suffer. It’s taking painkillers in excess because you know it’s dangerous. It’s walking home the more dangerous way because you’re kind of half hoping you’ll get attacked or raped or stabbed. It’s going for long walks at night and getting chilled to the bone and hoping that you get lost so that you can’t find your way back. It’s seeking out triggering material. It’s all the stupid little ways you punish yourself for existing.

Sometimes self harm happens when you put effort into depriving yourself of things you like or need, and sometimes it happens when you don’t put any effort into doing the things you like or need.

It’s a pattern of self-destructive behaviour, and it doesn’t only happen in one way.

This sort of behavior is classified as “para-suicidal” It’s putting yourself in a situation of danger or destruction with the intention of risking your safety rather than a direct attempt on your life. Kind of, leaving it all to chance? Also doing things to harm yourself or your self worth because you feel you deserve to feel the outcome of those actions.