I thought I got better, but maybe I didn’t @a-cosmic-elf - Tumblr Blog

a-cosmic-elf

Jul 20

lilulicious

NEW: COE-PILOT 2: COE-LECTRIC BOOGALOO, A STARFIELD LOVE STORY

Chapter 1: Leave A Light On For Me

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7k+ words. Please see tags. No notable TWs. MDNI. In-game quotes from Starfield noted by bold/italic typeface and asterisk. See post-chapter notes for additional Part 2/Series information. Summary: Lilu has become Starborn, and it has broken her heart. Steeped in regrets for everything she lost by passing through the Unity, she descends upon the Settled Systems again because she doesn't know where else to go. But she does know who she feels is responsible. Nevertheless, she returns to the scene of the crime, where it all started: Constellation. And there, Lilu finds things are... different. Difficult relationships are easier. Is this what a multiverse is really like? Not an identical copy, but a riff off what she had known before? What else might be different in how the universe plays out over time? One thing that wasn't different: her rage when she sees the one person to whom she can assign the blame for being there in the first place. And is he in for a rude awakening when she gets her hands on him. That's one cowboy heading for a showdown at the OK Corral, and he doesn't even know it's coming.

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LILU, NOW:

Lilu was deep, deep asleep. There had been a dream. Stars, pink and purple nebulae. Glimpses of her father, her mother, her friends. The view from the backs of galloping horses she remembered riding on early mornings. Running, running, running drills with soldiers, running for her life. Blood and pain. Pain and love. Love and pain. And then, it morphed into the dream she always had.

The white room, with white curtains billowing in the breeze from a window she couldn’t see. A bed next to a white wall, white bedding that was plush and deep and pillowy. And a man, asleep on the far side of the bed with his back to her.

It was Sam, her husband Sam Coe, former Freestar Ranger turned explorer with Constellation. It had to be. This vision of him had always appeared to her when she needed him, long before she met him, Somehow even before she had come to the Settled Systems.

She had taken his manifestation in her subconscious thoughts to be a talisman of comfort during some of the worst moments of her existence. Moments where she stopped caring what was taken from her body and just cared about preserving her life. War is hell but a woman taken captive by insurgents as an enemy combatant can face a different kind of hell. Just when her sanity and her world were crumbling, she had this dream for the first time.

And it became a recurring at moments when it seemed needed most. Always the white room, the white bed, and Sam would be there. He would roll over to face her, reach out, and say, “I love you.” That dream brought calm and peace after she lost the person she loved most, right in front of her eyes.

This dream now seemed like the others had gone; all was well, from what Lilu could see and feel. Why wouldn’t it be? She had just gone to sleep, that’s all. Right? Her mind was fuzzy. Or… no. Something else happened, didn’t it? Or did it? She reached out with her hand to touch the back and shoulder that she was looking at, and the man rolled over to face her.

It was Sam, all right, but he seemed exasperated. “I thought you were going to come back to us. Why did you go through with it?”

Lilu’s mouth fell open. What did he mean, “come back?” Go through with what?

Then, a hand on her shoulder from behind. She froze. Who else could be with them? She felt weight on the bed leaning into her. Slowly, tremulously, she rolled over to see who it was and looked into the handsome, square-jawed face of her dead fiancé from Old Earth, Norm Etbauer. Norm, who had died in that insurgent camp in her stead.

Norm was looking straight at Sam. “She went through with it because she has a job to do.” Then he looked down at Lilu. “Hey baby girl. I love you. You’re so brave. Everyone back home is counting on you, no pressure.” And flashed that smile with those dimples.

“Oh, my god. This isn’t a dream, this is a nightmare,” Lilu breathed to herself. And then with a gasp, her eyes snapped open.

She was standing in the long, narrow corridor of a Starborn ship. Oh, no, not them again, she thought. Let me get back on my ship. But the hatch was shut to her. She banged on it helplessly a couple of times, and realized there was no way out. Whose ship was this, the Hunter’s or the Emissary’s? Or someone else entirely?

Then Lilu stopped and looked at her hands. Whose gloves were these? She hadn’t been wearing a heavy spacesuit with plates? Dark gray… She looked down at her legs, and then reached up to touch the smooth plating of the helmet covering her head. What was all this?

She whirled to face the cockpit again, breathing hard, trying to focus. Then she bolted down the narrow passage to the cockpit, but it was all empty. A strange little holographic cube popped up behind the Captain’s chair as she walked up to it. As if it was waiting for her. No one else was on board.

And then Lilu gripped the chair as it all came back to her. She had crossed over from her old universe through the Unity. She had taken all the gathered Artifacts to build the Armillary on her ship and they had spun up the grav drive to activate it. Lilu had stepped into the Unity and left everything behind. Everything. And took whomever still surviving in Constellation with her who wanted to go. Andreja, Barrett, Cora, and… Sam.

She fell into the Captain’s chair and doubled over as the gut punch hit her. Sam. Her Sam. Going through the Unity meant that she had left him, her marriage, and Cora, her stepdaughter. She had become Starborn. And presumably, so had they. They had been with her as it made the jump.

The grief that overcame Lilu was so deep that she wanted to pull the Starborn spacesuit off right there in the chair so she could tear at her hair and scream. Why had she agreed to do it? Why had she let Sam talk her into it? Why didn’t she try harder to get him to change his mind? For her, for Cora, to see the mistake he was making?

And now what was she to do? Start again? Lilu had never been big on the megalomaniacal side of wanting to touch eternity with this whole multiverse thing. She just wanted to be happy. Happily in love with someone who would love her back, someone she could grow old with. She thought that was going to be Sam. She had never been big on the word, “soulmate,” but it fit.

Now she was lost without him. Their time together, the passion they had for one another. It was so intense… how could she go on? Where would she be able to find another Sam…

Hey, wait a minute, she thought, I’m in a new universe. This was a gut punch of a different kind.

Lilu looked at the controls of the Starborn ship. They were in different places, but she was able to find the navigational map. Pulling up the HUD, she saw she was orbiting just outside Vectera. That was… odd. She checked the date: it was May 7, 2330, the same date that she had found the Artifact there in the mines in her original universe, when Barrett had sent her from her job at Argos Extractors there on Vectera to the Lodge in New Atlantis to deliver the thing to Constellation. She was quite literally starting the cycle all over again.

What to do? She had freedom to go forth and do anything in the galaxy. She could be like the Hunter and take what she wanted. She could assume a more ethical approach like the Emissary. There must have been a wide array of philosophies between the Starborn. She was a little surprised and disappointed that there was no Starborn civilization to greet her. After all, someone put her in this strange armor and gave her one of these nifty ships. But that was it. Was she supposed to go looking for them?

Or… she could go back to what she knew. If this universe she had crossed into was potentially history repeating itself, but perhaps with some unique variations because, as she had been told ad nauseam that it was a “multiverse,” it stood to reason that Constellation was waiting for her at the Lodge. And if Constellation was waiting then… he… was waiting.

A quiet resentment bordering on rage bubbled up in her chest as she thought of Sam’s betrayal of their love in her old universe. Lilu set the navigation computer to the planet Jemison in the Alpha Centauri system. She had a few things on her mind. Things that shouldn’t go unsaid. New Sam, old Sam, it didn’t matter. New Atlantis, look out, there was an angry cosmic entity on its way into town.

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LILU, NOW, in New Atlantis:

Landing the Starborn Guardian at the New Atlantis spaceport was nothing short of a sensation. Just popping into orbit created a scene. UC SysDef patrols scrambled around the ship, trying to get a scan on it. But when Lilu obediently complied to their inspection, they let her through to land.

There were credits in the ship’s hold, not a lot, but enough to buy what she needed. There were no civilian clothing items, just a few raw resources and small items. She took the small items to sell if she needed to, and put them in a pack that she slung over her shoulder. It took a moment to figure out where the exit hatch was, and she carefully walked out down the wing. She hated this stupid ship and was ready to return to normalcy.

The Ship Services guy’s eyes were like saucers when he first saw the Starborn ship on his landing pad, then saw Lilu in her Starborn spacesuit. “Uh, that does take regular parts, your ship?” he asked.

“Oh, yeah, of course, but I’m not going to be taking it out. I’m Lilu McLovin, I’m new with Constellation. I’ll probably be heading back out soon. Can you put my ship in storage and have the Frontier brought up?”

"Sure thing, Captain… what was that name again?” asked the Ship Services guy, raising an eyebrow.

“McLovin. M-C-L-O-V-I-N. Yeah, I get it, it’s kind of funny. I’m sure I’ll be seeing you around later.” She hopped down onto the ramp that led through the spaceport, past the scanners, and towards the NAT (New Atlantis Transit), a mag-lev tram that ran in circuits around the city.

As she rode towards the M.A.S.T. (Military, Administrative, and Scientific Triumvirate) District stop, Lilu pondered how she was going to explain her entrance. As the miner from Vectera, sent by Barrett to deliver the Artifact? Except she had no Artifact. The Frontier clearly was at the New Atlantis spaceport, so someone had arrived. Was it her in her “human” form? Was it Barrett and Vasco? Was she in for a shocking surprise when she walked through the Lodge’s door?

Conversely, she could be honest with Constellation. After all, she would save lives by telling them who and what she was. Save them from a Starborn attack, namely from the Hunter. Save them time and effort by telling them what they were building and where it would lead. Save them heartache by telling them not to bother going through the Unity, there was no real benefit that she could see, it was merely an addiction to power.

Stepping off the tram and walking up the ramp out of the station, she pondered the state of herself. She certainly felt human. She could feel the solidity of flesh and bone, and she remembered seeing the Starborn bleed red blood. And plenty of it. She remembered seeing Sarah Morgan’s face in the Emissary’s faceplate, that Starborn being the kinder of the two she had met. Unlike the more ruthless and cunning Hunter.

And she knew that members of Constellation had become Starborn in other universes. Andreja, and Sam, and Barrett, if he hadn’t already been through the Unity before Lilu had made the jump with all of them on her ship. Others, perhaps, like Walter, Matteo, Noel, Vladimir… she had no way of knowing. This was only Lilu’s first time, and it was boggling to think that so many people could fight over a chance to do this yet have no organized support system for when it actually happened.

Instead of turning for the Lodge, Lilu ran to the local clothing store in the plaza just below it. She couldn’t walk in with this alien-like appearance. The stares she had received on the NAT had told her all she needed to know about the reception she might receive walking through the door, announcing herself as a “miner.”

At EIT Clothiers, the salesman seemed to agree a different look might be in order as he couldn’t ascertain if she was actually a “she” in her spacesuit. She selected a plain black dress and boots, changed out of the spacesuit, which folded into a small form to fit into her pack, and stepped out of the booth. The salesman approved, and she was on her way again.

It was just a quick jaunt up a flight of stairs and around a paved path, and she found herself on the Lodge doorstep before she knew it. She apparently didn’t need the chronograph to get in, the door just opened for her. Stepping inside, she saw the doors of the Library were closed, but she could hear the familiar voices.

Lilu could wait no longer. She threw open the Library doors and walked in, excitedly, taking in the scene. Sarah Morgan whirled around to face her, in her light jeans and red leather jacket, trim and pert as always, with icy green eyes and her light blonde hair in a sleek bob. Noel, elegant and pretty with her hair in medium twists, her dark skin smooth and radiant, eyes inquisitive and intelligent. Matteo, with his Sanctum Universum headpiece on, youthful and enthusiastic. Walter Stroud, the wealthy mogul from Stroud-Ecklund, the starship company, looking elegant in his fine, tailored suit. It was just as she remembered when she showed up another lifetime ago, clueless and clutching her Artifact her first time through.

“Excuse me, this is a private Library,*” warned Sarah, looking this newcomer up and down. Then she paused. “Wait, there’s something familiar about you. Vasco, identify.*”

“This appears to be the miner from Argos Extractors. Lost when we were carrying the Artifact from Vectera. Current whereabouts previously unknown,*” the robot intoned.

“I see. Your supervisor, Lin, had sent a file from UC SysDef about you. I read it with great interest. Needless to say I was very keen on meeting you, and I think SysDef would’ve been quite upset had we lost you. But Vasco already delivered the Artifact*, you could’ve gone anywhere with no one any the wiser. So… why are you showing up now?*” Sarah asked.

“I want to join Constellation, go on this journey with you, help collect the Artifacts,” Lilu deftly lied. Honesty could wait for another day. She needed to get her foot in the door and get them to trust her before they heard the truth about her being Starborn, about the Armillary and the Unity. “Barrett sent me because I had strange visions when I touched the Artifact. I… I passed out, I saw… things I couldn’t explain. There were lights, and this odd, harmonic music.”

“That sounds like Barrett’s experience,” Matteo said, excitedly.

“Hmm, yes, it rather does,” Sarah replied to Matteo before turning back to Lilu. “Tell me, how did you feel when you touched the Artifact, besides the lights and the music, and what else did you see?”

“I felt like I was being pulled across the entire galaxy, but stretched thin, like a veil. And I saw… images of a man, a man I’ve never met before. He was trying to… comfort me, I think.” Lilu wasn’t about to mention that the man was Sam Coe, one of their own.

“That sounds somewhat like Barrett’s experience without the embellishment, or the man,” Sarah chuckled. “Well…”

“You really want this… miner… in Constellation? After she got lost getting here?” Walter was openly scoffing now. Lilu looked over at her old friend passing judgment and remembered how she saved his bacon in their old universe. Her lips twisted into a little smirk that she quickly straightened back out again.

“Walter…” Sarah warned.

“She’s here now, isn’t she?” Matteo prompted.

“Exactly. Let’s look at what’s in front of us, shall we? So, if you’re serious… uh, what was your name again?”

“Lilu. Short for Liluana. Liluana McLovin. But I prefer Lilu.”

“Well, Lilu, if you’re serious about joining us, Noel can show you to a room for your use, and then you and I already have an errand to run, as soon as you’re ready to go.” Sarah gestured to the young Black woman who Lilu already knew, but she feigned ignorance.

“Great, it’ll give me a chance to gear up. I’ll be right back down. Oh, by the way, I’m glad to hear you read the reports, they have a lot of important information that might help you determine my utility with Constellation. You can understand why it’s classified, though, ma’am.” The way Lilu said this made Sarah nod. UC SysDef wouldn’t want Lilu’s Old Earth origins being spread around lightly.

Noel gave Lilu the tour of the Lodge just how she remembered it, and showed her to her new (old) room. She frowned briefly when she saw the Quantum Entanglement Device along the far wall, and Lilu’s smile was frozen, fixed on her face. Yes, Noel, it’s always been there, right, just let it go, Lilu thought. But with all the oddities around the Lodge, Noel did indeed seem to let it go. As soon as she was gone, Lilu hurriedly pulled out the items she stored in it before she went through the Unity and donned them or pocketed them as appropriate.

Her clothes, spacesuit, helmet, and boostpack, her RK1M sniper rifle, all of those went on her person. The extra clothes went in the dresser. Her AA-15 was slung on the other shoulder, and a few little bits of flotsam and jetsam went into her backpack or was left behind on the table. The digital photo frame she hid inside a drawer. She was ready to meet Sarah again, who was surprised to see how well turned out she looked.

“I say, you’re rather well kitted out,” she remarked, “That gun is really nice, that’s not standard issue.”

“No, ma’am, it’s not. I know my weapons. It’s in the report. Maybe they sent my extra gear ahead for me?”

“I don’t know how I would have missed them coming in, but perhaps.” Sarah looked confused, then let it go, much to Lilu’s relief. “So, speaking of your ‘utility’ to Constellation, why don’t we start with a little old-fashioned detective work, eh? I have a lead on another Artifact that someone might unwittingly have in their possession, but we’ll have to talk to my contact with the UC Vanguard. We’re going to put you through your paces, and see if this lifestyle is something that suits you. I think you’ll make an excellent fit, but why don’t we let you see for yourself.”

“Well, ma’am,” Lilu began, not wanting to sound too familiar yet, like she would if she were sincerely a stranger, “anything that gets me out of those mines will probably suit me just fine, but I appreciate the opportunity. I’m ready when you are.”

“Right, then let’s head to the M.A.S.T. Building. I expect you know all about that one, before you were sent to Argos.”

So, it’s going to be that easy in this universe? This Sarah actually took the time to read the reports on Lilu, as opposed to the last one who didn’t read them until mistakes and misapprehensions were already made. Maybe this would go well after all.

And so it seemed to be. Lilu and Sarah chatted glibly all the way to M.A.S.T., where they talked to Vanguard Commander John Tuala. Tuala gave them information on one Vanguard Captain Moara Otero, who was known to frequent the Broken Spear in Cydonia on Mars. He was in possession of an unusual piece of metal that he couldn’t hock and was now used as a sort of hood ornament in his cockpit.

The topic of Cydonia on Mars sparked a whole new wave of conversation with Sarah about Earth’s colonization plans for Mars at the time of Lilu’s disappearance from her homeworld. But it killed the time as the two women walked and took the NAT. They continued on to the spaceport and boarded the Frontier, setting coordinates to the Sol system and Mars.

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LILU AND SARAH, NOW, in the Sol System:

It was in Cydonia that Lilu was able to use the gift of Starborn intimidation and foreknowledge to their advantage. The Broken Spear’s bartender, Jack, tried to shake them down for money in exchange for information on Vanguard Otero, who Sarah had already said she knew was on patrol somewhere in the area. Lilu had tried to appeal to Jack’s better nature by saying that they wouldn’t leave a good soldier to die, but no, he decided to be predatory.

“You barely know where he went, we’re not paying,” Lilu dug in, expecting resistance, but Jack gave up the goods.

“Look, he said something about the ‘lady of love,’ I got what I got, okay?” Jack seemed offended but he took the 100 credits Lilu slid across the bar for his capitulation.

“Venus is hardly a patrol route, but we should go check it out,” Sarah suggested.

“I’m game.” Lilu started to head to Cydonia’s exit with Sarah, and they donned their spacesuits, helmets, and boostpacks before heading out into the hostile Mars environment.

When they got outside, Sarah exclaimed, “Look up! It’s Earthrise!”

“Shit… wow. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that before.” Lilu hadn’t landed on Mars that many times in her original universe, but the timing must’ve been off every instance. The view was incredible. How must it have looked when there had been water on the planet?

“No, how would you have?” mused Sarah, and Lilu caught the error she had made.

“You’re right, silly me, I’m still not good at astronomy but I guess I’d better learn.” Nice save, sweetie, she told herself.

Lilu sent the Frontier up and set course for Venus, and sure enough, just like the first universe, the satellite was waiting for them, as were the Va’ruun zealots. Lilu felt the urge to go after them, but she didn’t want to give away too much about her now excellent piloting skills. When Sarah suggested she kill the power behind the major ship systems and drift in dark mode to the satellite, despite the extra time it would take, she did what she was told.

The slow drift over five kilometers was going to take a moment, so Sarah decided that was a good opportunity to ask Lilu some questions about her file. And, Sarah still being Sarah at heart, she went for the toughest material first. Maybe to see if Lilu was a head case.

“I saw that you had experienced some… very serious trauma. You were lucky to have survived. I’m terribly sorry for your loss. Your fiancé. I understand the circumstances, the court-martial because he was your commanding officer. But even though it was by the book, it was still a terrible thing for them to do to you. I went through something similar after a ship I was in charge of went down, and I couldn’t save everyone. The nightmares… How are you coping now?”

Lilu couldn’t raise her eyes to meet Sarah’s. The emotion that hit her wasn’t about Norm anymore, but about Sam. In a way, though, Sam was an extension of coping with the grief of Norm. Maybe daisy-chaining relationships together wasn’t the best of ideas, but her distress had been so great, and her need to cling to someone equally desperate, maybe it had been an inevitability. But she had come to truly believe that what she had found with Sam had transcended anything she’d even had with Norm.

“I’m sorry… if it’s still too difficult to talk about…” Sarah began…

“No, no, it’s okay. I just don’t know where to start.” Lilu tried to think back to how much time had elapsed in her previous universe. How long since she had been captive in the insurgent camp where she lost Norm, trying to recover back home in New York, the PTSD treatment program at the VA hospital in Salt Lake City because her acting out had gotten her into trouble. Then time she spent in Tenino, Washington, trying to rebuild her life, riding horses at a local farm, slowly taking on military and covert assignments again. And finally the day her chopper went through the bizarre, anomalous electrical storm on the way to Naval Base Kitsap, a wormhole through space and time that landed her in the Jemison swamp on Alpha Centauri more than 300 years later. Plus her time with Constellation… and Sam. The trauma with Norm wasn’t truly recent, but new loss made the old pain feel fresh again.

“The loss was hard enough,” Lilu explained, “but it just seemed that every time I tried to pick up the pieces, everyone I reached for just put a new knife into my heart and twisted it. There was no one I could trust anymore. So, I sort of gave up.”

Sarah looked out as the satellite grew incrementally closer. “No one has come close to changing your mind?”

“There was one person I decided to believe in, who I thought truly loved me. But in the end, he saw something he wanted for himself more, and I just wasn’t enough. I’m never enough.” Lilu felt her lip tremble dangerously, and felt rather than saw Sarah looking at her. “Sorry to start my own pity party.”

“No need to apologize. I’m sorry that no one has come forward to make you feel valued like you deserve. But don’t give up. I promise you, someone is out there waiting for a person just like you.”

“Someone like me who curses and shoots and has violent tendencies? What a catch!” Sarah and Lilu both laughed together, and Lilu shook off the maudlin mood as they drew within range of the satellite and got Vanguard Moara’s message: he’d gone to the Nova Galactic Staryard. Lilu set the Frontier on its way.

The staryard was even more of a lark than Lilu’s first time through. Armed with the RK1M rifle, she cut through the Ecliptic and Spacers housed there like butter. She also knew for a fact they wouldn’t find Moara there but they had to go through the exercise. She played dumb as she “stumbled” upon the slate in the half-finished starship hull, a slate where Moara said he was heading to Neptune.

So, they went back to the Frontier, undocked from the Nova Galactic Staryard, and set course for Neptune. “You know, Sarah, in a way, this is sort of a dream. I’m actually out here sailing in a solar system I only knew from astronomy classes. None of this was possible in my time. It’s still incredible to me.”

“I’m glad you enjoy it, you certainly seem to take to it. I think this bodes well.” Sarah seemed satisfied, and Lilu felt that the whole exercise was going to end on a high note once she disabled Moara’s ship.

They cruised the space lanes to Neptune since it was within the Sol System and didn’t require a grav jump. At first Lilu didn’t see Moara’s ship. Was this going to be the first serious variation in her new universe. But no… there he was. She shot a warning, and saw Moara’s ship go weapons hot right away.

“He’s coming for us, your Vanguard. I’ll target the engines so he can’t bolt on us.”

“Smart move, do the grav drive after that,” urged Sarah.

Moara’s ship was quickly disabled. Lilu and Sarah made to board. Resistance was feeble, a couple of Ecliptic that Lilu dispatched with her sniper rifle; Sarah impressed by how neatly she placed shots through their helmets.

And then they were facing Moara Otero, who looked simultaneously relieved and scared. “You two Marines?*” he asked.

“Constellation, actually,*” Sarah countered, proudly.

“The explorers? I didn’t know you all packed such a punch.” Otero looked suitably impressed.

“We didn’t know you were parading around with an important but worthless space relic.” Lilu looked pointedly at the Artifact in the window. “How about we take it as a trade for the rescue?”

“Sounds like a fair deal to me. Any day you walk away from, right?*”

“Grab the Artifact,” Sarah prompted, and Lilu moved fast to snag it before Moara could think twice. They made sure the man was okay to get moving again, and when they got back onboard the Frontier, they radioed UC SysDef to send a boat out for Vanguard aid. And with that, they were triumphantly back on their way to New Atlantis, mission accomplished.

But Lilu tried not to think about what was next. Because if Sarah gave her the choice of missions, sooner or later one of them would lead to Akila City. And one person in particular would be leading that expedition.

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LILU AND SARAH, NOW, at the Lodge, New Atlantis:

When Sarah and Lilu got back to the Lodge, Noel looked up expectantly, and Sarah trumpeted, “We have it!” as the two women strode in, Artifact in hand.

“I’ll let you do the honors,” Sarah gestured to Lilu to place the Artifact on the pedestal with the other Artifacts that had been gathered. Then she continued, “I think that little audition went quite well. How would you like to continue traveling together? There are a few other errands we need to do here to get caught up.”

“Sure, Sarah, that might not be so bad. What did you have in mind?” Lilu braced for impact, and her greatest fear was instantly realized.

“Well, first, let’s meet with Sam Coe. He wasn’t here when you arrived but I thought I caught a glimpse of him in the atrium when we walked in just now. He’s planning an expedition into Freestar Collective territory, he knows it through and through, and there’s an Artifact at the end of that trail.”

“Sam... Coe? Sure, okay,” Lilu agreed, trying to be nonchalant, but her heart was already pounding in her chest. So soon? What would she say? What would she do? He had destroyed everything by pushing to go through the Unity. No, it wasn’t the same Sam that she left behind in the past universe. Yet, how intrinsically different could this Sam... or any Sam, for that matter... really be? Sarah ushered Lilu out to the atrium.

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LILU, NOW, the Lodge, New Atlantis:

The last Lilu remembered of Sam Coe was in her past universe. The love they had shared seemed endless, immortal in its own right. He had told Lilu that he wanted them to stay together forever. “Never let it end,” he said. But when the Unity called, Sam was the first one to want to go through. “We’ll miss each other until the end of time,” he said, but he assured her it had all been “worth it.” Huh, okay, “worth it,” really Sam?

That Sam had told her that he couldn’t deny his daughter Cora a chance at eternity, as a parent. Even though he knew the trauma Lilu had been through, the captivity and torture that both Lilu and her fiancé, Norm Etbauer suffered in that insurgent camp in Syria, how Norm turned a gun on himself rather than execute Lilu as their captors ordered. And Sam had been through every step of the strife and struggle to get his relationship with Lilu to a place of love and trust. They had only recently gotten married. And in the end, he wanted to trade it all for a chance at touching the infinite. It wasn’t just about Cora, he had thrown her in at the end to justify it. Lilu had been furious.

But, right before their ship had jumped to the Unity, not wanting to leave things on a sour note, she had sought Sam out, and they had put their arms around each other. He had told her that he believed they would stay together on the other side, all three of them, himself, her, and his daughter, Cora. And he had pressed his lips to hers as they had gone through, as if by doing that he could will it so. But in the end, he was either fooling himself or he had been lying to her. Both, maybe. It was an act of betrayal she always knew was coming.

So, when Lilu followed Sarah out into the atrium and saw him standing there with his twelve year-old daughter Cora nearby, Lilu felt conflicted for just half a heartbeat. There he was, just as he had been when she had met him in her last universe: Sam Coe. Medium height, medium build, sandy brown hair with its unruly waves, short honey-brown beard, his face with its fine, handsome features, his beautiful blue eyes. The cowboy hat, the brown leather jacket, the jeans that were cut just right. He turned and gave her the full blast of those eyes, smiled at her with those sensual lips she remembered kissing. She smiled back reflexively.

“And you must be the latest poor fool to get dragged into our dysfunctional little family,*” he said, expansively. Just like before. That first half a heartbeat where she could restrain her anger ticked by, and then she was overcome with rage.

Lilu felt her smile freeze on her face, her teeth becoming gritted, the corners of her mouth beginning to turn down as her face changed into an angry, trembling-lipped snarl. Sam’s own smile started to fade as he took in the change in her countenance.

“You son of a bitch…” Lilu growled in a low, menacing tone.

Sarah’s head whipped around to gape at her, Cora broke out into a shit-eating grin, and Sam put up his hands placatingly. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, I don’t know what’s going on but…”

“You son of a BITCH!” And Lilu lunged for him, pouncing on him in a flash, fists swinging, catching him on the jaw, then the solar plexus, then the jaw again. Rocking him, knocking the air out of him, rocking him harder. “YOU SON OF A BITCH!” One punch on the eye, in the mouth, on the ribs, and Sam barely was able to keep his feet under the determined assault.

But Lilu grabbed the front of Sam’s jacket and pulled him to her so she could punch him again. “You son of a bitch! You lied to me. You said that we wouldn’t get separated! You said we’d end up together and we didn’t! You LIED, you asshole. You lied so I would go through with it! ‘Don’t let it end, love. Let’s stay together forever,’ and you fucked up everything!”

By then, Sarah had yelled for help, and Matteo and Walter had hooked their arms under Lilu’s armpits, hauling her off of Sam, who had fallen on his ass. “You fucked it up for both of us. I’ll never forgive you!” Lilu screamed at him like a madwoman through her tears.

“What the hell did I do? I don’t even know you. Holy shit, is she crazy?!?” Sam gasped as he tried to get to his feet unsteadily, blood coming from his nose and mouth. Cora stood to one side, staring at Lilu with amazement, then at her Dad, analyzing the scene.

“My god,” Sarah gasped. “I don’t know… maybe… She experienced a trauma not that long ago.” Turning to Lilu, who had half collapsed into Walter’s and Matteo’s grasp under her armpits, tearful and unseeing, she asked, “Lilu, what happened, does Sam remind you of someone you used to know?”

Lilu hung between the two men holding her for a moment, breathing hard, her hair in her face, then she got her feet back under her again and nodded, not looking up. Through her hiccups, she choked out, “Yes, that’s it, mistaken identity. I’m so sorry, I… I’m really, really sorry, I need to go sit down in my room for a moment.”

“Let me take you,” Sarah offered, and Lilu could only allow herself to be led away. As she went, she could hear Sam say to Walter, “Who is that? What the hell happened? Jesus Christ she hits hard.”

But when Lilu got to her room and closed the door, she grabbed some tissues from the dispenser and cleaned up her face, then she sat down on the edge of her bed.

What did she always tell herself? Honesty is truly the best policy. Lying earlier had been a mistake. Lilu looked at Sarah and leveled with her. It was time to tell the truth.

“I was lying when I said I wanted to join Constellation, unravel this mystery with you*, with the Artifacts, wherever it leads. The thing is that I know where it leads. I’m not who you think. I’m Starborn. I know what the Artifacts are.* And I’ve already done all of this before, gathered all the Artifacts with Constellation in another universe. Let me explain.”

“Yes, I think you had better. At least, so we can both explain it to the others,” Sarah agreed. And they both talked for hours. By the time Sarah Morgan left Lilu alone to rest for a while, she was both incredibly excited about the prospects of Constellation’s missions, and incredibly terrified at the dangers they were facing.

--------------------

SARAH AND CONSTELLATION (minus BARRETT and ANDREJA) NOW:

“You’re taking their word for it? What if this person’s just delusional? Breathed in too many gasses in that mining operation?*” Walter scoffed.

“No, Walter, this proves that some of our theories about the Artifacts are correct,*” Sarah countered. “So, that’s what we’re looking for. The pieces to an Armillary. A path to the center of a multiverse.*”

“This is either the truth or the most elaborate practical joke I’ve ever witnessed.*” Walter was still not convinced.

“In any event, we’ll be able to see for ourselves. We know where most of the Artifacts are now, and presumably, how we get them. And if what she’s told us about the Starborn is to be believed, we’ll need all the help we can get.*” Sarah turned towards the intercom where Vladimir was listening in from the Eye, Constellation’s satellite orbiting Jemison. “Vladimir, I’m going to have Lilu check in with you, cross reference what she’s told us with what you’re picking up on the scans. She can track down the Artifacts that the Eye finds while we gather the others.* Plus we have to get Barrett and Andreja.”

Sam interrupted, “Sorry for only thinking about myself, but did she say anything about why she attacked me? I’m not sure I buy the whole ‘mistaken identity’ thing.”

“Sam, I wasn’t exaggerating or making excuses for her when I said she was highly traumatized. I did see the file the UC SysDef sent over. Starborn or not, that’s still the human being she was. I can’t get into detail because it’s classified, but what happened to her is not something you just get over. It’s far worse than what happened to me. Probably than what happened to most of us. Something triggered her here today. I don’t know if it’s about you specifically or not. It’s up to her to talk about it when she’s ready.”

“So, sleep with one eye open. Got it. Remind me to ask for a raise due to dangerous working conditions.” Sam looked sullen.

“If she’s as pretty as Matteo says she is, Sam, there are worse ways to die,” Vladimir joked over the intercom, drolly, and everyone laughed, except for Sam.

“Anyway,” sighed Sarah, back to business, “Everyone who’s heading out on their own, head out. If you’re partnering up, please make your preparations. I’ll be sending Lilu up to meet Vlad as soon as she’s awake.”

“You wouldn’t think an extra dimensional being would need to sleep,” grumbled Sam as he headed for the Lodge door, calling down to the basement for his daughter, Cora, who accompanied him everywhere.

Sarah never realized that the arrival of one person could set the whole of Constellation alight like this. If she had realized Lilu had been a catalyst in her last universe, maybe it would have all made sense. As it stood, she was satisfied to let it happen and hope that the universe was telling her that a grand mystery written in the stars was unveiling itself at last.

--------------------

LILU, NOW, at The Eye:

When Lilu awoke, Sarah told her that she had dispersed the members of Constellation to pursue Artifacts that Lilu had given the locations, and that Sarah was hoping that Lilu could track down some others that Vladimir had coordinates for, if she would be so kind to visit the Eye.

At least this was something for which Lilu needed no instruction, and she agreed to return to the Lodge as soon as she was finished. Plus, she confided in Sarah, she was excited to see her old friend Vlad, and tease him about his biceps.

Sarah found herself relaxing a bit more with this little detail. Vladimir was into lifting weights and fitness, but he didn’t advertise the fact (unless examining him physically got that point across). The fact that Lilu knew this little bit of trivia made Sarah believe that Lilu truly knew him, and all of this wasn’t some outlandish hoax.

Lilu docked the Frontier at the Eye and Vladimir scrutinized her with friendly curiosity. “If it isn’t the woman I’m supposed to know from another side. That was some meeting to listen in on. Starborn, are you? Anyone who doesn’t charge into a room swinging is a friend in my book. Well, at least not swinging at me. Poor Sam. Anyway, tried crossing all the ‘T’s’ with the information you unloaded to Sarah and the others. I’ve got good news and bad. Good news is the Eye’s found what you’re looking for. Bad news is they’re not in the places you said they’d be.*”

Lilu stopped short. “Why aren’t the Artifacts where they were last time?*”

“By ‘last time,’ you mean your ‘last time,’ right?*” Vladimir asked. “Thinking if it’s really a multiverse, then maybe the Artifacts aren’t always in the same spots.*”

“Hand me the locations, I’ll track them down.*”

“Here’s the data. Managed to find a planet that might have one of those Temples you talked about, as well. Can probably find more Temples if I have enough time to cross-reference. Come back when you’ve given the first one the thorough comb.*” Vladimir smiled warmly at Lilu. “Catch a smile out there.*”

Lilu boarded the Frontier and punched in the first set of coordinates. She had a little work to do before she could return to the Lodge, and that was fine by her. She needed some time to think. She had behaved foolishly, attacking Sam like that, but she wasn’t sure how to behave, or if she could find enough peace within herself to be calm around him. The pain of what had happened with the Sam of her prior universe was just too real, too intense.

But she had to try to get control over herself and her emotions. The Hunter had hinted that she had a bigger part to play in manipulating the Unity over time which, in turn, could influence the past, as in the exodus from Old Earth. If any of this was remotely true, and if her dream coming out of the Unity was an indication of that, she couldn’t be undone because she lacked the discipline to master her anger. This could be the most important job that fate had assigned her yet.

But what Lilu didn’t know was a new and lethal threat loomed over the Settled Systems, yet to reveal itself. One whose immediacy would override the esoteric hunt to open the doorway to the infinite. She had warned Sarah to keep her classified file quiet, but that pesky “fate” had other plans for her. Of all the universes to land in, the one where being a time traveler from Old Earth might become relevant would turn out to be the unluckiest lottery draw.

--------------------

cc: @a-cosmic-elf

--------------------

Chapter 1 Song: Afterlife - Nothing But Thieves

Afterlife Oh, what a terrible thought 'Cause I've lived without you once before

We don't, we don't have to do this again Please don't, please don't make me start this again No my love Your beauty will consume me in the end

It was only ever you It was only ever you My baby It feels like a lifetime Oh god, I don't think I could do two

Afterlife You can tell your god he can keep his salvation And if you like, the angels can fly into the sun

We don't, we don't have to do this again Please don't, please don't make me start this again

Yeah It was only ever you It was only ever you My baby It feels like a lifetime Oh god, I don't think I could do two

My soul is tortured With love and lust and hate My cracked lips are unkissed For a million days My infected heart It's bleeding in its cage I'm losing my dignity But not got long left to wait

It was only ever you It was only ever you My baby It feels like a lifetime Oh god, I don't think I could do two

--------------------

Please See AO3 for Complete Chapter Notes: Coe-Pilot: The Space Between Us, is Part 1 of these Starfield Love Stories, and in terms of video game spoilers, covers the main Constellation questlines up to the ability to go through the Unity, as well as the Freestar Ranger and UC Vanguard-Terrormorph questlines (but not the Crimson Fleet). Coe-Pilot 2: Coe-lectric Boogaloo will make the assumption that the reader is familiar enough with those questlines or at least understands that gathering all the Artifacts creates an Armillary on one's starship that, when the grav drive is activated, allows the passengers the opportunity to pass through "the Unity," a gateway to an infinite multiverse and thus to immortality where they become the Starborn, quasi-cosmic beings. But because the Starborn are constrained to a multiverse, they often repeat the a different dimension of the same time period in which they lived. The story picks up with Lilu's emergence from the other side of the Unity, and a new universe in the Settled Systems.

#starfield #fan fiction #sam coe #lilu mclovin (oc)#romance #coe pilot #coe pilot 2 #sequel #angst #I am reading this and it’s beautiful #gorgeous 😍😍😍

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