So, yes, I'm 58 today, still playing video games, crushing on fictional characters, and writing fan fiction. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you're too old, too young, or too anything to do whatever it is that makes you happy.
I'm a functional human being who copes with chronic physical illness (atrial fibrillation/diabetes and I survived a pulmonary embolism in 2014), mental illness (anxiety/depression), have spent 28 years in civil service, I'm president of my labor union (unpaid), and I volunteer in local progressive politics to try to make the world better, for all the good that's done.
That being said, I find joy in playing games, posting screenshots, and writing stories. Everyone needs an outlet, and creative outlets are the most stimulating of all, I find. I can't wait to retire, I have so much planned. You should see my unplayed game backlog on Steam.
Check out Saturn! I built that ship, btw.
Lilu loves getting Cora to ask Sam awkward questions.
Trying to avoid too many spoilers because it's still early, but Terran Armada has been a lot of fun!
Quiet moments on the ship's bridge while cruising in the Free Lanes make the entire concept worth it.
I hope other Starfield fans are enjoying the updated material as much as I have been this week. I'm getting back to work on Chapter 25 (!) of Coe-Pilot. I'm looking forward to eventually working some of the new material into my writing. You can find the work here:
I may have mentioned it elsewhere, but someone on Twitter pointed out that Delta has no photo mode poses, but because I said I don't use AI, how did I get the carry pic? I said, you're right, no shame in my game, there's a mod.
But it's not a photo mode mod. We're all familiar with Rule 34 of the internet, are we not? Well, sure as shittin', someone made a porno mod for Starfield called SnuSnuField. Let me tell you, it was an onerous task getting it and a variety of accessory framework mods installed from Nexus Mods to get this thing to work. PC only, of course.
But, besides the obvious porn bits, there are clothed moments of holding hands, "caressing" which is very cute, kissing, and carrying in one's arms, and then it gets on to the freaky-deeky. There is also a SnuSnuField Lite but it's still a little wonky after the update.
Look, I went through a lot of trouble just to get that pic of Sam carrying Lilu over the threshold for the Paradiso wedding night thing. I am nothing if not dedicated to a bit. But one thing I am dedicated to is NEVER using AI for an image. Better that the fic just go without or even have something cringe than resort to generative AI.
Today on Twitter for hashtag Galacticat Tuesday, the Starfield virtual photography theme was create a A24 style movie poster using photo mode images. I also used the photo mode frames and the free version of Canva for fonts.
I made three posters: horror (Hangry-licious), espionage (Coe-Conspirator), and romance (Des Ringards Amoureux).
See you at Tribeca, then I’m going for the Golden Globes with these titles! 😜😂
So, as fanfic Lilu heads towards the potential for crossing through into the Unity, I find myself in a dilemma as a writer.
I've read all the discourse about people not liking to read unfinished fics. In this niche fandom, I don't know if this is really an issue for what is already a longfic. I might be wrong, this is truly my first fic.
That being said, I could cap this one off upon crossing over and start a new one. My boyfriend is insistent that if I do this, I must call it Coe-Pilot II: Coe-lectric Boogaloo. I am very unserious about titles and you do not know how much this tempts me.
The other option is just to keep going in the current fic, because who's to say how many Unities I have in me. I think maybe just one, but what if there's more DLC? Perhaps I can make it clear which Unity I'm in so readers are also clear on Lilu's "eras," so to speak.
It sounds rather banal to say that I won't listen to your advice but I want it anyway, so I won't say that exactly. I just may listen to your advice. I'd love to hear if any of the above sound like good ideas or if there is alternate advice (if you tell me to stop writing, I'll just write more, that'll show you).
As always, thank you for your time and consideration!
FINAL CHAPTER! COE-PILOT PART 1: THE SPACE BETWEEN US, A STARFIELD LOVE STORY
Chapter 30: Visions of a Life
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READ IT ON AO3 or CONTINUE READING BELOW
Please see tags. Notable TWs: Implied/referenced past suicide attempts, torture, and non-con elements. Implied/referenced sexual situations. All non-explicit. MDNI. In game quotes from Starfield denoted by bold/italic typeface and asterisk.
Summary: Final Chapter of Coe-Pilot: The Space Between Us, A Starfield Love Story, Part 1 of the series Coe Pilot: Starfield Love Stories. Lilu and Sam retrieve the final two Artifacts, then team up with the Hunter for the final showdown with the Emissary at the Buried Temple. The Hunter has answers that Lilu desperately seeks, clues to return to Old Earth. but the Hunter also has an agenda for Lilu and Sam both, an unexpected one that necessitates them, especially Lilu, to not only become Starborn, but to go back to where she came from one day. The human race depends on it. Even if it means she loses her heart.
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LILU AND SAM, NOW:
Lilu sat in the Captain’s chair, coordinates punched into the nav computer for Procyon-b. That was the first and closest location where Vladimir had suggested to look for two remaining Artifacts. The last two, he said, which possibly remained out of Starborn hands.
Lilu and Sam had risen reluctantly from bed. The amazing sex aside, there had been a need to cling to one another. They both felt it. At first she chalked it up to the little bit of discord between them over her reluctance about going through the Unity. But the more she thought about it, the more uncomfortable the feeling was, niggling at the back of her mind like an irritation that wouldn’t go away. A pebble in her shoe that she kept stepping on. Or a wood splinter stuck in her finger that she kept pressing.
Lilu wasn’t sure that Sam sensed it the same as her, the low susurration of fear. She was hyper-attuned to such things. After all, didn’t she have a right to be, with how her life had gone? But the Unity loomed as a threat, and one she was being forced to confront. She didn’t want to let Sam go, she wanted to stay in bed, because making progress meant the possibility of success, and success meant there would have to be a decision on who went through the Unity and who decided to stay behind.
But Sam, too, seemed to want to linger. As they stayed wrapped in each other’s arms, he kept looking into her eyes in a soul-searching way, and taking in her face as if he was trying to etch every line and curve into his memory. Surely that was a good thing, an indication of how much he adored her? Right? Not… No… Not trying to memorize her for when they were… apart? Separated? No, he said he wanted them to stay together forever, those were his words, he’d said them without prompting from her and she had no reason not to believe him.
This time, Liluana McLovin, you are going to take that leap of faith, for once in your life, she told herself. Be brave. And she spun up the grav drive to take them through to Procyon-b.
When the Tiddytwister landed on the planetary surface, she went to the galley to grab some coffee and found her husband and stepdaughter talking at the table. Cora looked up excitedly as soon as Lilu walked in.
“So… when we get these last two Artifacts, is that when we can go to the Unity?” she chirped.
“Uh, no. I think we have to fight the Emissary first.”
“What about the Hunter?” Cora asked, frowning. “What happened to him?”
“Well…” began Lilu, feeling the awkward weight of her decision going the wrong way on herself, “I… needed to make a deal with him. He’s going to help us.”
The silence in the room was deafening. Sam said nothing and stared down at his hands. Cora looked from Lilu to Sam and back to Lilu again.
“But… he killed Sarah,” Cora complained. “How can you let him help us?”
“It’s complicated,” Lilu mumbled, uncomfortable.
“Complicated or easier?” Cora demanded, on her feet now, arms crossed, one hip cocked. Lilu felt as if she was looking in a mirror.
“Complicated. I have no idea if it’ll be easier or not, I’ve never done it before.”
“Well, I think it’s wrong.”
“I appreciate your input, but I have no guidance here. Nobody knows what’s going to happen except two Starborn who have an agenda of their own. And Constellation doesn’t know, but I can’t say for certain whether or not anyone in the organization does or doesn’t have an agenda, present company included. So, kid, for the foreseeable future, I have to choose what I think might let us end up on top without getting killed. And there’s no place for sentiment right now.” Lilu turned and walked out, coffee forgotten.
How had this turned on her? Even if Sarah had been here, she wouldn’t have known what was going to happen any more than Lilu; would they have questioned her about it? Or taken her word implicitly as leader of Constellation?
Lilu made her way to the lower deck’s armory and made ready to put her spacesuit on, minding her sunburn, the simmering frustration gnawing on her. Where was the Hunter? He wanted to be a part of this, the least he could do is show up and lend some of that wisdom he claimed to have in his possession.
She heard a noise of someone dropping down the ladder behind her, someone too heavy to be Cora, and she braced. Sam. He was probably cross with how she spoke to Cora. Well, too bad. If he wanted a taste, too, she was ready to hand it out. Ass whoopin’ on the house, for all comers.
But instead, she felt an arm reach around her waist from behind and pull her backwards. Soft lips and scratchy whiskers descended upon her neck. Lilu’s hands rose, one to gently clasp the arm, the other to lay alongside the face that was plying her with kisses. She took a deep breath, held it, then released it slowly before saying, “I’m sorry, Coe, I shouldn’t have been so short with her.”
“I get it, Sunshine. We’re flying without a net here. I may enjoy exploring the unknown, but I know it isn’t always your favorite.”
Lilu turned to face him. “You certainly can’t wonder why. Being prepared for what I’m about to face is the only modicum of control I feel I have in this world. I hate that I need to hold on so tight to feel safe. But, them’s the breaks, I guess. You want to suit up and come help me get this Artifact?”
“Yes, ma’am, Captain.”
“Later you can plunder me booty, heh.”
Sam shook his head as he took in the form of his wife, at her absolute silliest, and grinned, “How did I get to be so lucky?”
“Remember Mayor Cartwright said I was a blessing.”
“We were a blessing.”
“Attention whore. Let’s go.” But Lilu was laughing as they exited the ship.
The Artifact they were after was in an abandoned Muybridge Pharmaceuticals manufacturing facility. Although the front end of the facility was mildly overrun by Spacers, there was a way in through the back that was closer to their prize. Lilu wasn’t sure what drug was made there, but it would seem that the large fungi that grew in the caverns there were integral to it. It was a gap in the rocks that allowed Sam and Lilu to get into the caves close to where the Artifact was ensconced in rock.
Of course, there were a few Spacers to deal with in the depths of the caverns. And then, when Lilu got close enough to the Artifact to consider using her cutter, a Starborn appeared out of nowhere, resulting in a brief but victorious firefight. Then the Artifact was theirs, they were out of the caves and back on the Tiddytwister in a jiffy.
“That seemed a little too good to be true,” Lilu warned Sam.
“Maybe even we catch a smile from time to time?” Sam suggested, borrowing Vladimir’s favorite expression.
“Ehhh, maybe. I guess we’ll see when we get to wherever the next Artifact is hiding on… Freya… is our next stop.”
“Sounds lovely.”
“No time like the present,” Lilu prompted. “This one didn’t even break a sweat. My sunburn isn’t hurting yet. It’s not even time for lunch. At least, not in UT time.”
“Alright, I’ll punch in the coords Vlad gave you.” But Sam seemed a little bit zoned out, thoughtful.
Sam grunted. “It really is nothing, believe me. Just thinking ahead.”
Lilu kicked in the grav drive. “Uh huh, I see. About what?”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“Well, now I really am worried.”
“Goddammit, Liluana, why do you have to do this?”
“Do what, Sam, I’m just asking?”
“Start picking at me just because you think I’m…”
But as they came out of the grav jump to Freya, a satellite in orbit began screaming a distress call, peppered by static:
…-ay Mayday. This is Nishina… explosion… High Energy Research Lab…massive damage… overrun. Requesting emergency evac. Please…
Their argument ceased as they listened to the distress call. Sam spoke up first.
“What do you think the chances are that there’s an explosion in a ‘High Energy Research Lab’ on a world near where we’re expecting to find an Artifact?” he posited.
“I’d say if there were a Venn diagram between the two, it would be a perfect circle,” Lilu replied. “We’d better land and see what’s going on. If nothing else, to make sure that this Nishina place has gotten rescue aid.”
They found the spot with a planetary scan from Freya’s orbit, and there was a landing pad just outside the Nishina facility. As Lilu and Sam approached the entrance, they could see it was large, multi-level, and built into the rock of a towering cliffside. Sleek, tall, neon letters spelling “NISHINA” graced the marquee over the doorway. It looked like a legitimate, above board facility. Except for the fact that there was no activity to be seen anywhere. Lilu shrugged and hit the intercom.
Immediately a man answered: “Nishina Research Station, Hughes speaking. What is your business here?*”
“I’m from Constellation. I’m investigating an anomaly on this planet,*” Lilu replied.
“Constellation? The explorers? That’s a new one. Uh, one moment…*” Hughes faded out.
Lilu and Sam looked at one another, but Lilu was glad that Constellation as an organization had some galaxy-wide recognition and respect.
Hughes returned to the intercom. “We don’t usually take visitors, but the Director’s willing to make an exception. For security, I’m going to have to ask your friend to wait out there. Once inside, stay with me and don’t make any sudden moves. I’ll get the door. Welcome to Nishina.*”
Lilu turned to Sam, her eyes full of misgivings and apprehensions, and saw that his gaze returned the same fears. If ever either one of them decided to go it alone, it was by their individual or mutual choice, not because a third party split them up on purpose, to what end they didn’t know.
“Just be careful,*” Sam sighed, reaching for her. “Cora’s grown rather attached to you. She might not be alone.*”
“Oh, Cora has, has she? Come here, you monster.” Lilu pulled him to her and he held her fiercely, so tight she thought her ribs might pop, backing away just enough to run his hand into her hair, tilt her head back, and kiss her deeply, like it could be their last kiss. They clung to each other for a moment, and then Lilu looked up at the security camera trained on them and held up a finger with the unspoken word, “Wait.”
“It’ll be okay, Coe. What’s the worst that can happen? And if that happens, I want you to take off, nuke the entire site from orbit, it’s the only way to be sure.”
“What?” Sam asked, laughing.
“Old Earth joke. There’s a movie called ‘Aliens,’ badass female protagonist named Ripley. Why don’t you see if you can find it on the ship network library to keep yourself occupied until I get back?”
“Maybe I’ll do that. You come back to me, you hear? I love you, Sunshine.”
“I love you, too, Coe. It’ll be okay, I got this.” She pulled the backs of his hands to her lips and kissed them, then disappeared in through Nishina’s front door.
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LILU, NOW:
As soon as she walked through the door, Lilu could see she was contained in a security clearance booth. At least the glass window was see-through, and the Black man inside was professional, uniformed, and looking at her and his readout before he cleared her to come inside past the steel doors.
The man walked around from inside his booth to greet Lilu as she entered into the secure zone. “Ethan Hughes, Chief of Security. If you’ll follow me, I’ll show you to the Director.*”
“Who’s the Director?*” Lilu asked, taking in everything about her. Corporate lobby, signage, decor, all the security didn’t make sense.
“Kaia Patel, our administrator and research director. Twenty-eight years in quantum particle physics, or so I’m told. It’s beyond me,*” Hughes shrugged.
“Yeah, I woulda failed out of that program once we got to the math,” Lilu quipped, and she saw the corner of Hughes’s mouth twitch a little. He’s a tough nut to crack, this guy, she thought. “All right, let’s go,*” she prompted, pleasantly.
Hughes began to lead her through into what seemed like a large storage or warehousing area when suddenly the room changed. It was as if, without warning or prelude, Lilu had been transported to another version of the same room. Except, this version of the room was destroyed. Ruined. Overgrown with a red, fleshy residue, tendrils of it stretching from floor to ceiling in twisted, sinewy ropes.
Lilu’s heart pounded. Hughes was gone. The way out behind her was sealed off. What was she supposed to do? The only thing she could think of was to move forward, the way they had been traveling. She could see the outline of a set of double doors they had been heading towards, although it was past some of the fleshy tendrils going from floor to roof.
Moving towards the door, her boots squelching on the slimy red footing, she heard a chitinous skittering, and sound as if something were tearing its way through flesh. Turning her head to meet the sound with a slow dread, she could see a black, insectoid form emerge from the very floor. It was like a scorpion, the size of a large dog was her best estimate, and it came running towards her with an angry hiss.
“Okay, what the fuck?!” Lilu unslung her gun, she had only kept her AA-15 on her, and unloaded into the creature. Luckily, the bullets were effective, but she saw another one starting to emerge from the floor in a different location, so she made a run for the doors. And just then, everything snapped back to the clean, orderly warehouse area, and Ethan Hughes was standing in front of her, shocked and ready to defend himself.
“There you are! What happened? Where did you go?*”
“You tell me!*” Lilu demanded, scared and equally hostile now.
Hughes didn’t know how to deescalate, probably because this was beyond his understanding. Anyone’s understanding. And his facility having a disaster under the hood wasn’t helping his mood. “One minute, you’re following me, and then you’re just… gone! Minute later, you pop in out of nowhere, looking like you were in the middle of a fight!*”
“There were some scorpion things, right over there!*” Lilu turned and pointed back the way she came.
Hughes looked skeptical. “In our storage room? I should never have let you inside! What is this? Some kind of stealth tech? Who are you working for?*”
Lilu sighed heavily, cocked her hip, and put her hand on it. Here came East Harlem Lilu. “If I had ‘stealth tech,*’” she shot back, her voice dripping with sarcasm, her head and neck on two different swivels, “I wouldn’t be arguing with you in a hallway.*” Jaw set, eyes sullen, all attitude.
Hughes knew when he was defeated and he sighed, too. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on. Let’s get you to the Director. Maybe she can figure this out.*”
They went through the double doors and continued on their way when the change happened again. This time, Lilu was in a new room, this one with computers and desks, and… there was a man standing there, a balding man with dark hair and a beard in a jumpsuit, some sort of technician. Lilu went running forward to meet him.
“Oh. Oh, thank God, finally someone came! The distress signal, you picked up the distress signal, right?*”
Lilu nodded, then shook her head as if to clear her thoughts. “Stop. I need to know what’s going on here.*”
“What do you mean? Wait, how did you get in here?*” the man asked.
“Hughes was taking me to see the Director, and then I was just here,*” Lilu replied, trying to make sense of it all herself.
“Hughes? Ethan Hughes? But… he’s dead!*”
“Oh shit. No, you have to be mistaken. Something… something else has to be happening here. Please tell me something else is happening here." Lilu felt the panic rise up in her throat.
“No. No, no, no, this doesn’t make any sense. Unless… The accident. Maybe… maybe this is a side effect of the accident. If the probe is still feeding power to the distortion, then…*” The man trailed off, thinking.
“Slow down. Let’s start with this ‘accident.*’ And what is your name?”
“Right. Sorry.* I’m Rafael. Three months ago, I was calibrating an experiment in our High Energy Research Lab. There was an accident. An explosion. It caused a gas leak, sparked a fire, I was trapped in the control room. There was nothing I could do. They’re… they’re all dead.*”
Lilu frowned. “Describe this ‘distortion.*’”
“The lab was built around a xenolith with a dense metallic object.*”
And then the room went back to normal again, with Hughes screaming into the intercom.
“Shit,” Lilu hissed to herself. Just when Rafael’s story was getting good.
“…just disappear! We should… All right, we’re on our way up. Hughes out.*” Hughes had side-eyed Lilu just when she had popped back into the room. As a security guy, she got that this whole thing had to be unnerving to him. It certainly was to her, too, but having dealt with the anomalies and the Starborn, “weird” was starting to go with the territory.
“I was just filling in the Director. Let’s keep moving.*” The stress in Hughes’s voice was plain now. But as soon as they went into the hallway, the change happened again. The walls were scorched out shells, and the offices were covered with the same red, fleshy growths.
But the signage still remained above the doorways and halls. Lilu could follow the arrows to the Director’s office. Except… the scorpion things were back. As soon as she turned into a larger room or hallway, she couldn’t tell, she heard the chitinous sound again, and now several of the things were emerging from the floors and walls. This time, it wasn’t just the dog-sized insectoid creatures. Now there were larger ones, the size of small cows. But faster and agile.
Lilu reloaded and faced them, but they were fast and cunning. She was unable to avoid them all. A few slashed at her with their claws, but one managed to hit her with a stinger, right in the thigh.
Lilu howled in pain, the stinger like a lance, the burn of the venom spreading from her leg up into her groin and from there into her abdomen. It left her breathless and it took all her stamina to keep firing at these beasts until they were dead.
She realized she didn’t have any injectors on her to combat poison or venom. This could be bad, especially if she didn’t see a doctor soon. Lilu stumbled forward, following the signage. She could see the Director’s Office in the distance at the end of this long room or hallway or whatever it was. Just keep moving…
And then she was catapulted back to the current world again, Hughes gaping at her as she stood with her gun out, her thigh bloody from the stinger, her eyes slightly glazed. But she could see the Director’s office door just past him, and she moved hurriedly, because she was afraid it could all change at any second.
Director Kaia Patel was a kindly woman with a gentle voice that put Lilu at ease immediately. Chief Scientist Maria Hughes (not as kindly and gentle) stood with a body language that said she wasn’t having any nonsense today, feet spread and arms crossed. The difference in their accents told Lilu that she and Security Officer Ethan Hughes were likely not related by blood, but they certainly seemed related in attitude.
Dr. Patel looked serious and thoughtful as she asked Lilu, “Ethan said you disappeared. Right in front of him. Twice now? Three times?*”
“Director, you can’t be taking this seriously!*” Maria interjected, wholly disgusted by the very thought. Then she turned her wrath onto Lilu. “Look. I don’t know who you are or what you’re doing here, but there has to be a rational explanation for all of this.*”
Lilu felt her stomach cramping up. It must have been the scorpion-thing’s venom. Her patience was gone as the pain rose. “Can it,*” she snarled at Maria. “I already know about your experiment.*”
This put Maria Hughes on her back heel. “What does our research have to do with this?*”
“No, it’s fine. Let’s start there,*” Director Patel interjected. “This facility, and the research level two kilometers beneath us, were built to study a gravitational distortion. Three months ago, our chief engineer was calibrating an experimental probe when… something went wrong.*”
“We still don’t know what happened,*” Maria added. “There was a series of explosions. And somehow… it’s still running.*”
“Your probe is feeding power to the distortion,*” explained Lilu. Both scientists were plunged deep into thought.
“That would make sense. That’s why the field strength keeps increasing. We have a control unit for the probe. After the incident, I tried to use it to shut the system down, but the kill switch isn’t responding. We could shut it off manually, but the entire research level is locked down. We can’t even get down there.*” Maria Hughes looked defeated.
“I’m shifting between universes and your experiment is responsible.*” It was time to drop a truth bomb on them, Lilu figured, since they weren’t coming to this conclusion on their own.
Now Maria’s skepticism was back. “Excuse me?*”
Even Director Patel didn’t seem to be on board for this one. “That is quite a claim. What makes you think that? Tell us about this other universe.*”
“Rafael said there was a gas fire. You’re all dead.*” Flat, dead voice; flat, dead delivery. You get what you ask for, lady, I hope you’re happy.
Director Patel’s shock was obvious. “Rafael? Rafael died in the accident. He…*”
“Wait. Gas fire, gas fire… The leak. Director, there was a hydrogen leak, right after the accident. It was contained in a minute or two.*” The wheels in Maria’s head were spinning furiously, Lilu could see it.
“But…*” Director Patel started, “if it hadn’t been, it could well have caused an explosion.*”
“Another universe, though? That’s a lot to swallow*” Maria again, not a true believer. Oh Maria, if you had seen the things that I have seen. Then Lilu realized how terribly Starborn she already sounded in her own head. She had to press the point home to these people.
“He also said you found an Artifact.*”
“An Artifact?*” Maria asked, frowning.
“You mean the source of the distortion? You know something about it?*” Director Patel sat up a little straighter at her desk now.
“I’ve seen what they can do. It’s why I’m here.*”
“Really? That’s all you’re gonna say?*” Maria leveled her sarcasm at Lilu again, and it was all Lilu could do to keep it under control. The cramping had gotten worse and was spreading to her limbs. Her patience was going as the pain increased.
“No, no, fair enough,*” Director Patel intervened, placatingly. “You have a prior connection with them, then. Maybe that’s why this is only affecting you.*”
Lilu looked around between the three of them, Hughes, Hughes, and Patel, and asked, “This is only affecting me?*”
“So far,*” Dr. Patel confirmed. “No one else has reported anything unusual. Either it’s your prior exposure to these ‘Artifacts,’ or perhaps, simply the fact that you’re an outsider here.*”
“We have to find a way to stop this,*” Lilu insisted.
“How? I told you, the research level’s locked down. We can’t even use the damn elevator.*” Hughes had zero imagination.
“Maybe I could. In the other universe.*" Lilu thought it was worth a shot
“What?*” Maria sneered. Lilu thought of a line from a movie: One day, Maria, you and I are going to have a serious disagreement.
“Clever,*” nodded Director Patel, brightening a little. “In this other universe, Rafael survived. He made it back from the lab. So, clearly, his elevator works. Take it, and you might be able to shut down the experiment.*”
“This is crazy.*” Maria making her disgust known again.
“But first,*” Dr. Patel was in her own little world, trying to solve a problem. “We have to do something about your shifting.*”
“Maria, you mentioned something about a control unit earlier?*” Was Lilu hoping too much that Maria Hughes would even cooperate?
“We can’t shut down the probe but… we might be able to adjust some of the other parameters. It’s risky. We don’t know what we’re dealing with. But… All right. It’s worth a try.*” Maria sighed and shrugged in defeat.
Director Patel sighed deeply, too, but Lilu couldn’t tell if it was defeat or relief. “Well, it sounds like we have a plan.*” And she gestured for Lilu to follow Maria.
“Come with me, the control unit is in the fabrication lab next door.*” Maria led Lilu out into a narrow hallway. And everything shifted again.
This time, Lilu didn’t dawdle. She started running and following the signs. She thought she could hear chitinous skittering in various rooms around her, but she didn’t wait for the things to come out and attack. It wasn’t until she spilled into a larger room that three of them came for her, but she was ready for them and this time didn’t receive another sting. She saw a hole in the flooring where there was light emanating, and dropped down into it.
There was Rafael! She ran up to him, breathless, in pain, but eager to share the news from her meeting with Director Patel.
“Oh. Oh, it’s you!*” he exhaled. He seemed relieved, too. She was his only lifeline, after all.
“What happened? You disappeared, and the ceiling caved in… and… and… I thought I’d finally lost it.*”
“I met with the Director. We have to shut down the probe.*”
Rafael seemed exasperated by this. “What? How? Look, if you think things are bad up here, the research level is even worse. I barely made it out, and that was months ago! I don’t understand any of this. If I hadn’t seen you disappear with my own eyes, I wouldn’t have believed it. I… Okay. Okay. You’re my ticket out of here. We’ll do this your way. We can get out through the pantry. Here’s the key. I’ll back you up, I guess?*”
“Fair enough, let’s boogie.” Lilu tried not to think about Sam waiting for her on the surface, and she hoped she’d see him again. She unlocked the pantry door and went into the ruined room, the shelves having long been toppled over. Almost immediately, the scorpion things were spawning, but apparently Rafael had been defending himself successfully, and he was a dab hand at exterminating them. They were just coming out of the pantry into a large hall when Lilu shifted back into the other universe, the sane one.
And… she was in the cafeteria. Where she had just busted in, armed, while people were having lunch. The response that elicited was predictable. People started shouting and running for the exits in a panic.
“It’s a good thing I’m poisoned or I’d eat your fucking lunches! Dweebs,” she called after them, then made her way out of the cafeteria, looking for a sign indicating which way to the fabrication lab. But she didn’t get far before she shifted back to Rafael’s universe again. He looked mournful.
“Look at this,*” he intoned. “It’s going to take hours to clear this out. Assuming the rest of the building doesn’t come down on top of us.*”
“What will happen when we shut down the probe?*”
“I’m not sure,*” Rafael replied. “It might stop whatever is happening to you. It’s a reasonable theory, I guess.*”
They moved forward again, and again Lilu shifted and found herself in the security booth with Ethan Hughes, startling the man. Sorry, Hughes, you’re not rid of me yet, she thought.
“What the… oh, it’s you. You realize you just popped into my locked office. So much for my security protocols.*”
“I’m trying to get to the fabrication lab.* I must have made a wrong turn in the other universe.” Lilu’s face was serious, but then she raised an eyebrow.
“Uh, sure. Down the hall, take the stairs next to the atrium. Here, let me get the doors for you.*”
Giving Hughes a nod, Lilu continued on her way. But the shifts were coming more frequently now. Back to Rafael’s universe, but he wasn’t there. The scorpions were, and Lilu had to fight off a few more before she shifted back. But finally she reached the fabrication lab, where a very impatient Maria Hughes was waiting for her.
“What, did you get lost in the hallway?*”
“It was blocked in the other universe.*” Lilu braced for the derision and she wasn’t disappointed. Maria’s sound of contempt was something between a sigh, a groan, and a snort before she spoke.
“All right. This is the Probe Control Unit.*” She showed Lilu a handheld unit that looked like an old school Game Boy but with multiple antennas. “Most of these controls aren’t responding. I’m going to… very carefully… adjust the settings I can. There’s no way to tell what’s about to happen. Pay attention, and be ready for anything. I’ll begin by adjusting the energy feed of the electron beam array. We’re at 93 Teravolts. Calibrating to… 95. 97. 100. Nothing. Let’s try the other way. 91. 89. What the…*”
On the other side of the room, what looked like a sparkling cluster of lights appeared, pulsating and undulating. Lilu recognized it immediately. It was like the sparkling clusters she flew towards inside the Starborn temples when she was striving to complete the puzzles that stilled the rings in the center and allowed her to get new powers.
“Okay. Okay. It looks safe to approach, but… what in the world? It’s a microdistortion. Flux pattern matches the distortion in the lab. This setting is just exposing it somehow. Hmm. Step into the distortion, please.*”
Oh, now Hughes was a believer? But Lilu had taken bigger risks. One thing though…
“All right.* But, uh, my husband is waiting for me in our ship on the landing pad outside of your facility. With my stepdaughter. If I don’t come back, now or at any point during this little exercise, it would be great if someone would let him know.”
Maria’s expression registered surprise and empathy for the first time since Lilu had met her, and she nodded. Lilu took a deep breath and stepped into the sparkling lights. At first nothing happened, and then she heard Maria say something about dissonance and adjusting the feedback up to 91, and the world faded away to Rafael’s universe again.
He wasn’t there, but she could see, laying on the counter, the same Probe Control Unit that Maria had been wielding. She ran over to grab it, looked around the room for anything else useful, and then ran back to the distortion. Instantly, she was back with Maria.
“What happened? Are you all right?*” She genuinely seemed concerned now.
“It worked*” Lilu shrugged, like it was nothing. She looked down at the Probe Control Unit she had brought back with her. She had a prize now, to boot.
“So, the lower setting causes the distortions to manifest, and the higher causes you to shift. That seems promising. Keep it on the lower setting until you want to shift, and you should be able to avoid any more accidents. I’d give you my control unit, but it looks like you already have one from the other universe? Love to take a look at that when this is all over.*” Maria was smiling now.
“Oh, did I make a convert out of you after all?” Lilu couldn’t resist throwing a tiny barb after dealing with a pricklier Maria up to this point.
“Come on, you can’t have expected me not to be skeptical about something like that, but yes, when you come back with evidence in hand, it’s kind of hard to dispute.”
“All right. Time to shut this down. Just tell me what I need to do.*”
Maria focused. It’s not that a plan wasn’t devised, it was trying to explain it to someone with little familiarity with their operations at Nishina. “If you can get down to the research level, you’ll need to make your way to the High Energy Research Lab. Disengage the power interlocks, then pull the emergency shutdown to stop the probe. That should finally put an end to all this. Oh, and before you go, the Director wanted to speak with you. It really is just down the hall.*”
“Very funny,” Lilu replied, half-smiling. But she made her way down the hall without incident this time. The Director was waiting at her desk, and her expression appeared marginally brighter than when Lilu had last been in her office.
“Well, then, all set? If you need supplies, I’ve asked Dr. Barakova to take care of you. It’s the least I can do after everything we’ve put you through.*” Director Patel paused, looked gravely at Lilu, then continued. “Before you go, there is… one other thing we should discuss. If this experiment is the cause of your shifting, when you shut it down, the shifting will stop. What happens then? To you, and to us?*”
Lilu felt a cold dread grip her heart. Here she had been worried about a singular event stealing her happiness when several others could pop up and do that ahead of schedule. “Well, I don’t know, Director Patel. You tell me.*”
“Nishina is a closed system. Two potential states, held in tension. When you shut down the experiment, that tension will resolve. You are the outside observer in this system. Whichever reality you are in, at that moment. is what will become real. For you, and your universe, at least. The question is… which will you choose?*”
Lilu didn’t even have to think about this. The Director might have explained that Nishina was a closed system, meaning that her life with Sam shouldn’t be disrupted no matter her choice, but Rafael’s life over everyone else’s life at the station? It was hardly fair. She felt bad, because somewhere in his universe, he was holding out hope that she was coming back for him. But this was the way it had to be.
“I’m going to choose you. This universe.*”
“It’s not an easy decision, but… I’m grateful. Thank you.*” Director Patel seemed appropriately relieved but not celebratory. “Now, it’s time you were going. With the network offline, we can’t shut down the security system on the research level so… you can expect some resistance. Be careful.*” She flipped the switch on her intercom, instructed Ethan Hughes to unlock the lobby elevator, and bade Lilu good luck.
Lilu headed towards the lobby, and saw the sign for the clinic. The Director had assured her that a Dr. Barakova would take care of her. She needed help for this poisoning before the cramps became crippling. She was glad to see that the location was easier to find than some of the other offices, but Dr. Barakova was not glad to see her.
“This is not a public medical facility, but the Director has ordered me to assist you nonetheless,*” Dr. Barakova, a stern, dark-haired woman with a Russian accent. “If there’s anything else you need, ask.*”
“I was stung by one of those scorpion-things that come up from underground, I…” Lilu began, but Dr. Barakova cut her off.
“‘Scorpion-things?’” she jeered. “Do you mean the cataxi?”
Cataxi.. cataxi… Lilu had seen the word around on a slate or display. “Y-yes, maybe. They were large insects with black chitin, maybe four to six feet in length, with long, curved, black stingers? They came up out of the ground like they were buried there.”
“Stay out of their territory and this won’t happen to you. I’ll take care of it. Hold still.” Lilu sat quietly, wondering what she’d already done to piss off the good Doctor. An injection was jammed into her bicep with a gun and a dirty look, and that was that.
“Thanks, Doc. Hey, uh, I’ll be out of your hair, I promise, but do you have any supplies I can buy off you? I mainly want injectors for anti-venom in case I get stung again. They’re sending me down to the research level to see if I can’t get this problem straightened out. That venom really messes with you.” Lilu tried to look appealing, but it was going nowhere with Dr. Barakova.
“Six year surgical residency, and I spend my days treating paper cuts and hurt feelings for a bunch of mathematicians and physicists, and now I have to deal with some Spacer who thinks they’re jumping between universes? Spare me.*”
“Lady, can I buy the injectors or do I have to go back and tell the Director…”
“Yes, yes, here are your stupid injectors, you don’t have to give me money, just take them.” Barakova slid the packets towards Lilu and looked away.
“You know, I had a choice, save this universe and let Rafael, the engineer, die, or save Rafael and let you all die up here. I chose to save this universe. But now… I don’t know. I’ll have to think about it.” She gave Dr. Barakova an evil smirk and walked out the door.
It was a mean thing to say and Lilu knew it. But she was up to her eyeballs in being nice when others kept spitting in her face. She was always the one risking her neck and people kept acting as if she was inconveniencing them. This time, she wasn’t going to lay down and take it. Because she knew Barakova wouldn’t dare approach the Director; if she did, she’d have to admit she provoked the response by being uncooperative. Lilu smiled to herself, the wolf’s smile, as she headed to the lobby elevator and the first anomaly, her self-assigned reputation as an asshole still intact.
--------------------
LILU, NOW:
The lobby elevator was locked down, at least in the current universe, but the anomaly that was visible to her now next to its doors would, when triggered, activate the other universe, Rafael’s universe, where the elevator was not locked down and it would take Lilu down to his level. The High Energy Research Level, where she could turn off the power to the probe in the Artifact and shut down the experiment. But prior to doing that, she would have to switch back to this universe so it was the one everyone came back to (except poor Rafael). Piece of cake! It should be done by tea.
Lilu checked the frequency on the probe, and it was holding steady at 89. She stepped into the anomaly next to the elevator, and the world changed to the burnt out walls of Rafael’s universe. With no small degree of anxiety, she stepped onto the elevator and pressed the button for the lower levels. And it worked. The car began to descend smoothly down the shaft as if nothing even happened.
But upon exit, the entrance to the lab was caved in. There was another anomaly nearby, though. Lilu ran into it, and swiftly, the pristine universe returned, the lab entrance was just fine. A recording was being broadcast about a security lockdown.
So this is how it’s going to go, thought Lilu. Playing hopscotch between universes until I get to where the Artifact is. And over the course of the next hour, she went from warehouse to fabrication room to energy plant and, finally, to the particle accelerator lab. At times, she was fighting off combat bots, at times it was the cataxi, it just depended on the universe she was in, hers or Rafael’s. Miraculously, Lilu was only stung once more, and she held out on using one of her injectors as long as possible, for fear that she could run out, she wasn’t sure how long she would be underground .
There was a computer where she overrode the lockdown on the accelerator control room, and she found a passageway in Rafael’s universe that led her through a cavern and into a room that overlooked what appeared to be multiple laser beams firing on a fixed point. This had to be the probe! But she had to go in through Rafael’s universe.
And as soon as she did, the cataxi swarmed in from all sides. But there was no going back because the door would be shut to her. Lilu braced to be stung again as she took a high vantage point, shooting the cataxi as they raced towards her, streaming up a metal staircase towards the mezzanine she was crouched upon. Waiting to feel the sharp lance of a stinger at any moment, she focused and kept firing until the bodies heaped up and made a natural barrier, slowing the progress of those who were trying to get to her. And making it that much easier for her to finish the job.
She found the closest anomaly and switched back into the pristine world, and she was beset upon again, this time by turrets and combat bots. “Holy fucking hell,” she ground out as she ducked for cover. These targets, though, she could handle, and they weren’t as… mentally daunting… as the insect-like cataxi, which made her skin crawl. They didn’t skitter, or sting, or swarm. They behaved very much like non-cunning robots, and Lilu was able to get to the first switch to shut down the probe.
It was towards the rear corner of the room that she saw Rafael’s body. She felt a pang of remorse again that she was betraying him, but she couldn’t take the chance that anything could happen in the outside world despite the Director’s assurance that Nishina was a “closed loop.” Besides, one man for the lives of the entire facility? It hardly seemed right. She flipped the switch for the probe and moved on.
There were seven switches in all. Lilu moved around the large room, on three levels, and found them all, killing the rest of the robots along the way. She didn’t even hesitate at the computer that commanded the experiment be cancelled. But she did pause in front of the Artifact. It was gleaming angrily at her from the middle of ten giant electrodes. And she was alone, no one there to help her if things went wrong. But there was nothing else for it. She reached out to grab it…
She wasn’t sure how long she was out. Lilu picked herself up off the ground slowly, her face still wet with tears. The visions themselves were showing her something confusing, something that was a paradox, both tragic and beautiful, and there was no comfort to them anymore.
Dragging her hand across her eyes, she picked up the Artifact, and went to the now working elevator. The security incident had been resolved and the lockdown was lifted. The good people of Nishina were clear to clean up after the accident, and retrieve poor Rafael’s body. Lilu had accomplished the mission, and collected the last Artifact, besides whatever the Emissary, the Hunter, and the other Starborn had.
When she returned topside, Director Patel, Ethan Hughes, and Maria Hughes were all waiting for her. She wondered how they knew, then thought, ah yes, as soon as the security incident was resolved they must have known the whole thing was a success.
“Ah, there you are,*” exhorted Director Patel. “Ethan, how are we doing?*”
“Research level’s back online. Definitely some damage, but… it could be a lot worse.*” Hughes looked at Lilu and smirked. “We will have to replace a few robots.*”
“Yes, well, That’s a small price to pay, all things considered,*” Director Patel replied.
Maria couldn’t contain her astonishment. “This is a lot to take in. Artifacts. Multiple universes.*”
“Look on the bright side, dear. Just imagine the papers you’ll publish,*” Director Patel added.
“If anyone even believes us,*” snorted Maria, incredulously.
Director Patel extended her hand to Lilu, warmly, “I’d like to extend our gratitude, this has been a truly remarkable experience*. We sent a message to your ship. Your husband should be waiting for you outside.”
“Of course… of course. I know I came here looking for this Artifact but… your lives were at stake. Hey, uh, why don’t you coordinate with Constellation on that research, they may have more data coming soon on the whole multiple universe thing. Good luck with the cleanup.” Lilu turned to head out the door, eager to see Sam.
She caught sight of him on the landing pad, his expression unreadable as she drew closer. He didn’t say anything until she was almost next to him and then he grabbed her and yanked her to him, his arms wrapping around her into a fierce hug.
“Jesus Christ, Liluana, couldn’t you have sent me a message? I was scared shitless out here in the ship, it’s been hours and hours and nothing, and your clothes are all bloody… what the hell… you should have told them no unless they let me in with you, you know that could have been an option, right?” He started to kiss her so she didn’t even have an opportunity to answer, she was bombarded by Sam’s frantic attack of affection.
When he finally pulled back to look at her, still holding her close with one arm, the other hand caressing her head, she murmured, “I’m sorry, Sam, I didn’t know it was going to turn into something so involved. And no, I never thought to make a counter-offer to bring you in, I just followed their rules because I wanted the Artifact. Truthfully, I missed you so badly in there.” She wilted a little, tried unsuccessfully not to shed a tear, wondered how she’d gotten to the point where she couldn’t go without her wingman.
Sam kissed her again and pulled her into his chest tighter, her face nestling into his neck. “We always have each other’s backs, Sunshine, don’t you forget it.”
“You’ve turned me into such a cupcake,” Lilu complained and then giggled. “I didn’t used to need no man.”
“You don’t need me, I’m just here for moral support,” Sam laughed and kissed her again.
“Amen to that. I’m exhausted, and I need to tell you about what happened. Let’s get back to the ship.”
“Okay, you need to get cleaned up anyway, you’re a mess.”
“Oh. Well. I think I have an itch I can’t scratch, can you help me with that, Mr. Coe?”
“Gladly, Mrs. Coe.”
But Lilu made sure the ship was in orbit before any carnal hijinks happened. She could envision the cataxi coming up from under the ground and trying to invade the ship, and she wouldn’t be able to enjoy adult time with her husband with that in the back of her mind.
--------------------
LILU AND SAM, NOW:
When just burning helium-3 around through space, sometimes it’s hard to keep track of time. UTC time is the universal time clock, but no morning or nighttime really seems to register. There was no sunrise and sunset to trigger the natural diurnal clock of the eye.
Sam and Lilu slept until it felt right. The recognition that they had to go to Masada III to meet the Hunter, and the last part of their journey towards assembling the Armillary, gave them license to spend more time together, alone to talk, to enjoy solitude. And to think.
Because it was also in what wasn’t said, but experienced through touch, kisses, the entwining of their bodies, the way they looked into each other’s eyes. Lilu abandoned herself to Sam’s possession completely, letting him undo her in a way that she hadn’t allowed before. Free of inhibitions and fear, free to experience release without boundaries.
The pleasure was exquisite for both of them, and Sam reveled in his new freedom and power to take her to such heights that it made his own orgasm both breathtaking and emotional. He adored his beautiful wife from whom he never wanted to part, but yet, if they were successful, what was his true calling asking him to do?
But they recognized time was pressing on, and they regretfully rose, cleaned up, got dressed, had some coffee and toast, and went back to activate the ship from stasis as it orbited Freya.
“Well, Coe, this is it, ready to head to Masada III and this Buried Temple?”
“I guess so. Where will the Hunter be, will he meet us there?”
“That’s my assumption but I couldn’t tell you for sure. We’ll find out when we get there. I’m punching in the coordinates now. Hold on.”
There was that moment when everything had a color shift, the altered reality as they made the jump, what now they recognized from their visit to NASA as the Earth-killing folding of space. And then they were in Masada III’s orbit. But they weren’t alone. Three Starborn ships popped into sight as if they’d been waiting for them. Could they have felt when Lilu had pulled the last Artifact from Nishina?
The Emissary’s voice came over the comms. Sarah’s voice. “I haven’t come alone. We’ll stop you from exploiting the Artifacts. You and the Hunter.*”
“I’m sorry. The Hunter was just the better ally,*” Lilu explained.
“For your sake, I hope he is.*”
Lilu blipped the comms out and muttered, under her breath, “Bitch, this time I show you what’s what.”
“What was that?” Sam asked, frowning.
“Nothing, Sam.” And Lilu hit the engine boost on the Tiddytwister.
Once again, she knew where the money went when it came to building out that ship. It was as if it created its own gravity, it moved so fast. Lilu felt the pressure in her chair as she flipped the ship over and spiraled away from the Starborn ships, leading them on a merry chase before yoking the stick up and hitting the boost again, coming up between them, firing wildly and strafing them all along their flanks before spiraling gracefully out the top of the cluster and jetting away, looking to make distance before coming around for another run.
It was in the middle of this second run that another Starborn ship arrived, but it was the Hunter. At first Lilu thought a ship she hadn’t seen had somehow gotten behind her, and she was cooked. But he swooped in to strafe the Emissary and the others, following in her wake, and one of the more heavily damaged ships exploded into sparks.
“Hell yeah, for once I’m happy to see this son of a bitch,” yelled Sam.
“Same here!” Lilu yanked the Tiddytwister to the right, trying to capitalize on the damage the Hunter had done, hitting the boost to catch up with a lagging Starborn ship, she didn’t think it was the Emissary, but she was able to line up a shot with the missiles. One went wide and missed entirely, the other slammed home and the Starborn ship popped into its little bloom of sparks.
That left what appeared to be only the Emissary’s ship, and for a moment, there was an inelegant pas de deux as the Hunter and Lilu both tried to line up on their foe, occasionally getting a strafe in on the ship, occasionally just missing each other but finally converging on the Emissary to the point where even that ship disappeared into sparks.
“Not bad,*” The Hunter exulted. “The Emissary loses a few more friends. But we’ll need to face them in the Buried Temple itself.*”
“Don’t you die, or get a time out, or anything?”
The Hunter chuckled. “No, not exactly. It depends on what powers you’ve collected. And how many times you’ve been through the Unity. You can keep collecting more of the same powers, making you even stronger. You’ll see once you’ve been through a few times. Your partner will have a chance to get his own powers then, too.”
Lilu saw Sam straighten a bit but say nothing. She had never considered this. Why hadn’t Sam or anyone else tried to get powers at the temples, they’d all been left to her because she had gotten the Artifacts. But no one else thought to try?
“Let’s get on with it, then,*” Sam said.
The Hunter chuckled again. “See, there, everyone’s on board. Once we’re on the ground, you’ll be taking point. I’m looking forward to seeing more of what you can do,* Sergeant, First Class.”
“How does he… How do you know that? Hey, how do you…”
“Comms are dead, Liluana.”
“What the fuck, Sam?”
“I don’t know, but let’s land and see how this shakes out. Okay?” But there was something different about Sam now. He seemed speculative now, like he was weighing options. Lilu looked at him, hard, as if she were trying to read his mind. But she didn’t have that power, not yet anyway.
As they made sure their spacesuits were good, seals tight, and weatherproofed against Masada III’s cold, with extra heal paste in case of frostbite, they disembarked, the Hunter standing outside waiting for them.
“Hello. Again. Let’s go find the Emissary, shall we? I’m sure we’ll meet plenty of their friends along the way.* Speaking of... Aquilus? Did you take care of him?”
“He’s gone.” Flat black eyes, flat voice. Sam still couldn’t tell if she was telling the truth or not. Or rather, which truth she was telling. That she had killed Aquilus, or let him go.
The Hunter didn’t look convinced. “Are you sure? You didn’t just let him run away?”
“Does this look like my ‘mercy face?’”
The Hunters dreadful chuckle echoed around them. “No, no, it does not. You’ll be a formidable Starborn if allowed to do your worst.”
Lilu only nodded once, curtly, and looked ahead to a partially opened double gate, towering, in the distance, and what seemed like a vast facility beyond that. Unslinging her gun, she started forward with a resolute jog. The details of the facility became more clear as they drew nearer in the icy haze. It seemed like a combination of a base and a supply depot.
The Hunter must have read her mind because he explained, “I’m not sure who thought of it first, but getting those Ecliptic mercs to build a little fortress on top of the Temple was pretty inspired. Of course, we’ll still need to kill a few Starborn, too.*”
They had gotten to a place there were several elevated catwalks in a ring around and exposed, well-lit area. Lilu paused, looked around and above. She spoke, quietly, “This feels strange, like we’re not alone. Sam, be ready.”
No sooner said than black shrouded figures started to appear on the catwalk and down below in sparkling flashes. “Shit, I’m going up top!” Lilu yelled and sprinted to the metal staircase that would take her to the upper catwalk. As a sniper, she could think of no better position for her to fight multiple targets and cover Sam at the same time.
She pulled out the RK1M rifle, uttered a silent prayer to the sniper rifle gods, and started firing from reflex rather than aim. Being the professional she was, she hit four out of every six shots without using her scope, but it was a desperate struggle to keep them off of her and try to keep them off of Sam, too. Plus it was difficult to parse out which ones weren’t the Hunter.
But eventually, she could determine there was a main villain in this group. Starborn Guardian Musa. She targeted him with the RK1M and pumped round after round into him. He blinked away to another location. Lilu had to fight off two more imposters or lesser Starborn, she wasn’t sure which, before he appeared again. She finished the job with four more shots, and then they all disappeared and that area was clear.
She ran back down the metal staircase and found Sam, who was okay, just a little winded and pumped full of adrenaline. And the Hunter, who was inscrutable behind that black faceplate. No one said anything at all. Lilu didn’t know if this was a test, so she touched Sam on the shoulder, jerked her head towards the hanger at the end of the platform they were on, and started her resolute little jog, her Army basic training jog, into the hangar, and on through a tunnel towards another section of the facility. Deceased Ecliptic lay scattered all over the ground like dead leaves.
As soon as they set foot into this new vault, which had a two story mezzanine office, more warehousing, and a door that led into the mountainside, a new Starborn voice entered the fray. “Death is only the beginning,*” it said.
“Ah, Guardian Athaliah,” the Hunter murmured. Lilu looked at him, then faced forward, and just in time. Starborn appeared all around them, and to Lilu and Sam’s collective horror, the dead Ecliptic began to rise from the ground, their bodies surrounded by sparks as they were reanimated to life.
Lilu hit her own physical turbo-boost, sprinting forward towards a giant storage box and vaulting on top of it, looking for any elevation advantage she could instantly achieve on the warehouse floor. She swung her gun down and began picking off the formerly dead Ecliptic, returning them back to their prior state. It was a daunting task, there were so many, and it made it difficult to focus on the Starborn amongst them.
But eventually, reanimated Ecliptic were no match for seasoned fighters and another Starborn, and Guardian Athaliah couldn’t stand against the trio once their focus was him alone. Lilu was able to find a key for the door that led into the mountainside, and they were able to continue further in. The three of them went down a long hallway partially littered with debris until they got to a doorway with a plastic curtain. Lilu could see dancing lights inside. An anomaly.
“Well, look at this. A rift in spacetime. The Temple’s Artifact must be pulsing,*”smirked the Hunter.
“Am I supposed to… Walk into that?”
“We all are. Even you,” the Hunter said, turning to Sam.
“What will I see?” Sam asked.
“Your past, your future, a possible one, anyway, who’s to say, you have to see it for yourself and react accordingly.” The Hunter turned his attention to Lilu again. “After you.”
Lilu stepped forward into the anomaly, and she was back in Tenino, Washington, arguing with Adam. It was the fight over him cheating with Candy, when she slapped him for talking shit about Norm’s death. She saw herself getting on the chopper out of Joint-Base Lewis-McChord and the strange, glowing storm with its blinding light as they hit it before everything went black and she woke up in the Jemison swamp. She saw Lin and Heller in the Argos mine, arguing about sending her down that tunnel to grab the Artifact. She saw Sam telling her about Solomon Coe’s legacy and Cheyenne. And then she was out of the anomaly.
“Ah, there you are. Enjoy your little jaunt in the multiverse? There will be a few more up ahead.*” The Hunter was gloating now.
“Was that my past? Or another universe entirely?*”
“It’s a multiverse. Both of those questions are probably true somewhere in the infinite.*” The Hunter was trying to be patient, like he was explaining something to a thickheaded child. “But if you’re worried that you just murdered someone from your past, then I think the odds are low.*”
But there wasn’t even a moment to reflect, because as soon as she started to speak, there was an enormous, howling crash. Lilu recognized the sound of it, it was like the sound when The Hunter attacked New Atlantis. But this time, it wasn’t the Hunter doing the attacking. It was Guardian Teuta.
“You will fail!*” The Starborn cried out, but the Hunter chuckled that infuriating little laugh of his.
“Ah, Teuta, come now, must it be like this?” The Hunter called out mockingly. “You were never cut out for this type of work.”
Guardian Teuta had only robots to his aid, and they proved poor assistance in what seemed to be some sort of manufacturing area. They were handily picked off, clumsy in their movements and acquisitions of targets. Teuta was easily cornered and the Hunter took care of him with some relish. Lilu wondered what Teuta had done to the Hunter in his myriad of past lives, but she didn’t ask.
Moving on through the manufacturing facility, they found a computer to open the double door in the back, but when they went through, there was another anomaly. Lilu looked despairingly at the Hunter, but he only laughed in her face.
“You can’t get through any other way. In you go.”
Lilu walked into the sparkling lights and saw her Dad and her Mami fighting. Sitting in her Mami’s apartment in East Harlem listening to the sounds of el barrio. Her Dad being angry that she dropped out of college to join the Army. Killing that kid for the CIA. Norm. Norm alive. The insurgent camp. Executions. Norm dead. Captain Walker and the rescue. PTSD so bad she couldn’t move. Strangling that man in the brothel in Amsterdam. Meeting Sam. Nothing but Sam… And then she was out again, breathless.
Lilu looked over to see Sam standing there, and she reached for him, needing the anchor when she felt adrift, but he was lost in his own thoughts, and it was as if he didn’t see her, or didn’t want to see her, and she withdrew her hand. She felt it again, the sharp fear that all of this was going to go away, the love that she had carefully cultivated.
“This Temple has a way of getting to you,*” the Hunter warned. “Don’t let it.*”
Lilu looked at him, nodded, swallowed hard, and took a deep breath. There was an elevator in front of them, one that led down into the depths of the mine? Temple? The elevator did say Argos on the floor.
Lilu and Sam stepped aboard with the Hunter. She kept trying to catch Sam’s eye, but he didn’t look at her, nor did he speak. He was wrapped up in his own thoughts, and she felt there was no way this could possibly be good for her.
As the elevator descended, they went through another cluster of sparkling lights. An anomaly in the elevator shaft. And Lilu was transported to the Eye. Vladimir was sitting on the floor with a slain Constellation member, cradling them in his arms. But when she got closer, she could see that the Constellation member was… her. Her, in her Argos jumpsuit. And Vladimir was speaking. Lilu inched closer to hear the words.
“Come on, rook. Come on, you can make it! Barely stepped on the journeyman’s road with us. Can’t see another soul off to the void so soon. No… No… I’ll pour one out to the Blackest Sea for ya, rook…*” Vladimir got to his feet, looking down at the bloodied and deceased Lilu in the other universe.
Lilu gaped, then spoke out loud, “That… that was me. This is another universe. One where I died.*”
Vladimir jumped and faced her. “What the? Kryx’s ghost! What kind of cruelty is this? This some Starborn trick? Come to mock me before you twist the blade?*”
“Vladimir. Listen to me. The Artifacts. They point to a multiverse. A place called the Unity.*”
“Multiple universes? You’re a visitor jumping through the gates of space and time?*” Vlad asked?
“It’s not worth it in the end, Vladimir. I’d give away all the Artifacts to have my friend back.*”
“We meet minds there. Never tell you the cost, do they? Well, ghost-from-the-other-side, I’ll keep what you said rolling around in my head for a spell. But for now, wouldn’t mind if you gave me a bit? I just lost a friend.*” And Vlad went to sit down and gaze at the other-universe-Lilu’s body.
Lilu couldn’t help but stare, herself, getting down on one knee, looking at her corpse, wondering if this wasn’t preferable to what was coming next, or if it was almost as good as dead. And then she was out of the anomaly again. They had gotten to the bottom of the elevator shaft.
“The Artifact awaits,*” the Hunter exulted. “It’s time to end another cycle.*” Sam was looking at him, and Lilu felt strange about the whole thing. This was not a life she wanted to lead for eternity. There was something odd in the way the Hunter kept regarding Sam, too. Lilu felt an uneasiness rising within her.
But there was no time to wait. The Hunter went on ahead, Sam behind him without even a backwards glance at her. She trotted after them to keep up, the rocky path leading to a vast cavern with pillars and rings very much like the temples they had visited when Lilu was gathering Starborn powers.
At first, they saw nothing, and then the Emissary appeared with a bang. And what appeared to be doubles of Lilu and Sam appeared on the rocks and pillars around them. At least a dozen foes all told. The Emissary stood forward.
“I know you’re not the person I lost all those universes ago, but my heart still breaks just the same.*” And then they all opened fire.
To call this anything less than a Battle Royale would have been an injustice. The copies of Lilu were exactly as she appeared in the moment. Somehow, they got lucky that the copies of Sam were as she originally met him, with a cowboy hat and brown leather jacket, so they were easy to pick out. But the Starborn and the Hunter looked almost exactly the same.
The amount of gunfire and laser beams crisscrossing and ricocheting around that cavern beggared belief. Lilu was desperate not to get shot because of how closely her duplicates appeared to be her. At one point, Sam was faced with two Lilu’s. At a loss, he yelled, “Sunshine!” When one turned their head, he shot the other one. The correct Lilu smiled and yelled, “Smart,” before running in another direction.
There seemed to be a never-ending supply of imposters, and finally Lilu learned to use the Starborn powers she had picked up in the Temples. She threw out Solar Flare to set her enemies ablaze while she shot others, and suddenly the tide seemed to turn. With the extra firepower, pun intended, the trio of fighters were able to gain the upper hand.
It came down to them versus the Emissary. The Hunter was keen to go for the kill, and Lilu thought to let him have it, he’d been at this game longer than her. But something of the killer in her woke up and said, not today, pal, you’re not the only hunter in this house. She brought the RK1M up, reloaded, slotted the sights to her eye, and unloaded into the Emissary as fast as she could. She managed to get enough damage into him that he popped into sparks, the way all the big Starborn seemed to go.
“I wanted him for myself,” the Hunter growled, sulkily.
“Why should you get all the fun?” Lilu stood and challenged him.
For a long moment, the Hunter didn’t speak. Then the laugh that emanated from behind the faceplate was satisfied. “Oh, you’ll make a fearsome Starborn. Now all you have to do is get the Artifact out of the Temple. It’s down where the rock wall ends.”
Lilu could see, down at the end of the rock, a door like the ones her and Sam had found at the Temples where she had been getting her Starborn powers. She jogged towards it, Sam bringing up the rear. The door activated the same way the others had and all three of them stepped inside.
The Artifact was waiting, hovering inside the rings instead of a power. And next to it was the Emissary. Sam finally spoke. “Damn, that has to be Sarah Morgan in there, because they just do not give up.” Lilu didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
“I’m not letting you take this Artifact,” the Emissary declared.
Lilu stepped forward. “I can’t do this. I can’t watch you die again. Just hand over the Artifacts. Please.*”
“You know I cannot do that.*”
“You could’ve attacked* New Atlantis, like the Hunter, but you didn’t. You’re not a person of violence.*” Lilu was trying to persuade the Emissary to just give up.
“I’ll do whatever I must to protect the Artifacts.*” This didn’t seem to be working.
“I’ll kill you if I must. Don’t make me choose between you and the Artifacts.*” Surely the Emissary had to know she was serious. And this time, the Emissary had nothing to say, they faltered there, so Lilu pressed the advantage. “I know I’ve sided with your enemy but I’m not here to kill you.*”
And whether it was exhaustion from fighting , or compassion, or recognition that the end result would be the same, the Emissary relented. “I want to believe that. Very well. If there is even a faint glimmer of the same person I knew, I will honor their wishes. Here. Now go.*” The Emissary handed over all their Artifacts, and vanished, leaving the Artifact in the center open for Lilu to take.
Sam, characteristically, broke the strained silence. “I don’t know how you managed to do that. You have a real future in used starship sales.*” And Lilu couldn’t help but snort with laughter. Then she turned to face the Hunter, who himself was jubilant. Or, as jubilant as he could get.
“Look at us. A great team. Now the Unity awaits.*”
“Don’t I need your Artifacts?”
“Yes, you’re right. You’ve earned these. Once all the Artifacts are together, the way to the Unity will open. Then you and I will be walking into the infinite. I’ll be making myself at home on your ship from here on out. Want to make sure I’m nearby for the big moment.*”
“Then you can carry some of this,” Lilu snorted, and handed him some of the Artifacts back. “What about my friends, in Constellation? Some of them had expressed interest in going through the Unity.”
“That depends on your perspective, honestly. But if you’re attached to the people you know from this universe, then a little goodbye chat might be in order.*”
--------------------
LILU AND SAM, NOW:
Lilu, Sam, and The Hunter climbed back on board the Tiddytwister, exhausted, muddy, unsure if they’d really done the right thing. But they’d prevailed. They’d gotten the last Artifact.
Cora met them in the armory as they pulled their gear off, hanging up their spacesuits, except the Hunter, of course, who never removed his. She was jubilant because, as far as she was concerned, the hunt for the Artifacts was over and Constellation had prevailed.
“We DID it! We have all the Artifacts!*” she cheered, triumphantly.
“Yep,” Lilu agreed. “We sure do. Now we need to go back to the Lodge, I have to see who from Constellation is interested in doing this. And I have to square a few things away.”
“You might want to stop by Pilgrim’s Rest on Indum II, there are some drawings you should look at before you go,” the Hunter suggested.
“I have them already. I took them when poor Aquilus sent us there after the attack on New Atlantis. I… I didn’t know for certain if they were significant, but I saw too many similarities to… home.”
“I knew you’d catch on. I’m glad I let you live this time.” Lilu could hear the satisfaction in the Hunter’s voice. The kind of satisfaction that came with a longshot bet that came in a winner.
“Wait a minute,” Sam said. “Am I to understand that you’ve killed us all before, even her?”
“Oh yes,” chuckled the Hunter. “And not only me. But there’s a reason I took the chance on her this time through. And they’re hanging around her neck. She’s never made it through with metal on her body before. Not metal from Old Earth. It’s very rare that someone comes through, much less like that. I did, of course. My circumstances weren’t so different from hers. But the universe when I came through with a medal still attached to my uniform, that’s when I was able to change my stars, so to speak,” the Hunter explained.
“Who are you?” Lilu whispered. “Please… if you’re someone I know, or should know…”
“Maybe one day I’ll tell you, but not yet. It doesn’t serve. But this will be your first time to pass through the Unity. Not so for the other members of Constellation. I’ve killed them all countless times before, but there are Starborn versions of them all out there in the multiverse. They just don’t realize it. Or, sometimes they do, but the feelings of what they call ‘deja vu’ are merely echoes of those universes stopping by to say hello.”
“What if I don’t want to go?” Lilu appealed to them both now. “What if I want to live out my life to a ripe old age?” She saw Sam look at her sharply and she ignored it.
“Then I’ve wasted my time. But I don’t think that’s what you want to do. I’m going to help you have a taste, just a taste of what you want. I’m going to split off a fragment of the Mars Artifact for you, and fuse one of your dog tags to it. When you go through the Unity, you’ll be given a choice. Stay entirely who you are, or split a part of your essence and power into a second Starborn that will be sent into another universe, one that should be attached to where you came from. I can’t promise the exact date, it isn’t a science. But it should be after you disappeared.”
“Wait… the Emissary is right… how can you promise that? How would that even work?” Sam asked, almost angry. Was the Hunter trying to trick Lilu into something catastrophic?
“The Unity opens and gives you an option to be Starborn, or return back to your same universe. But in becoming Starborn, your new universe is a parallel of the one you exited. Because all of the Artifacts are from this universe. But if you add an Artifact from another universe, the Unity now has options. You can add more than one, and it becomes like a hallway with many doors. You can get another Mars Artifact in the new universe. There are some Starborn who say they can return and choose another door and thus another path from the same Unity without collecting a new set of Artifacts or starting a new universe. Alas, I have not this power.” The Hunter sounded regretful about this.
“So, if you’re careful with the Mars Artifact, you can have multiples of ‘you’ go through the Unity even if another Starborn beats you to grabbing it from NASA?” Sam asked.
“Bingo. It is a source of tremendous power. The pieces should be used wisely. So be sure to put the rest of your Mars Artifacts in the Quantum Entanglement Device. And Lilu must store her dogtags. You can get another Mars Artifact in the next universe. But she only has so many dogtags. They’re the relics that tie her to her old universe. She should save her Norm’s tag for last. She’ll sense when that should be.”
“You and I haven’t even talked about this yet, Sam. What we’re going to do,” Lilu warned. And the Hunter chuckled again.
“I can already tell you what he’s going to do, the same thing he always does.”
“You don’t know him, so don’t presume to speak for him. I’m going back to the Lodge so we can all settle things. I’ll put things in the Quantum Entanglement Device just in case. But you might end up surprised.” Lilu was haughty as she started up the ladder to the main deck and the cockpit.
Sam started to get up but the Hunter’s voice stopped him cold.
“You really need to put her out of her misery. Poor thing is defending you and you know what you’re planning on doing to her.”
“What? What are you planning on doing, Dad?” Cora asked, who had been lost and a little bit scared during the conversation.
“Lilu’s right, you don’t know me, or what I plan to do. So stay out of my head, my relationships, and my life,” Sam snarled. “If I’d had my way, we’d have sided with the Emissary. Come on, Cora, get upstairs.”
Cora and Sam both retreated up the ladder to the sound of the Hunter’s laughter echoing in their ears.
--------------------
SAM AND LILU, NOW:
Sam was beside himself. How did the Hunter know? Had he betrayed Lilu in other universes? Had he made this choice every time he survived? Did this mean there were enough Starborn Sams to go around, and if he stayed with Lilu, the galaxy would be just fine.
But… He wanted to know what it was like. Him. This Sam, in the here and now. Was there definitive proof that if he went through with someone, they’d be separated? Maybe if they each took a little memento of each other’s? He would ask at the Lodge if Lilu would be willing to try. He wanted nothing more than the thought of the two of them as Starborn, running riot in the galaxy. And Cora, too, if that was possible. And if not? If not…
He heard the sound of the Tiddytwister’s engines as they set off for New Atlantis. Sam didn’t want to hurt Lilu. He knew everything she’d been through in her life. The horrific captive situation in the Middle East. The rape, the torture, witnessing executions, her fiancé committing suicide rather than shoot her at the command of their insurgent captors. If Sam wanted to go through the Unity and she didn’t… They needed to come through to some mutual understanding. One that hopefully didn’t leave her heartbroken.
--------------------
LILU AND SAM, NOW:
The Hunter stayed with the Tiddytwister, as did Cora, while Lilu and Sam went to the Lodge upon their arrival in New Atlantis. Their ride on the NAT was silent. They sat side by side, each of them looking into a distance while seeing nothing at all except a murky future of “what ifs,” but with different outcomes.
Lilu wondered what would happen if she begged Sam to change his mind, because she knew what he wanted. He was going to leave her for the Unity, and she knew she couldn’t abide to be left behind there without him. What would she do? Meet some regular guy and settle down? Live out her life in Akila City with the cute guy from Security? Her soulmate gone forever? Might as well be dead. She’d never survive the loss. Norm was bad enough. This was like if Norm had survived long enough to have been able to marry him, and then have lost him. There was just no point in going on.
Sam wondered what it would be like to be Starborn. How would Cora fare? Was she old enough to survive on her own? And Lilu? Was he signing her death warrant? Would she go on or take herself out? Suicide attempts were in her history. And if she went on, what would she become? Would he destroy the last of the goodness in her soul, where only the murderous robot remained? Could he blame her? Maybe he shouldn’t do it, for her sake. He owed her so much. But… eternity and the chance to be a legend just like Solomon were calling to him. He had to make Lilu understand. She was strong. And it might not be the end. It might not.
When they got to the doors of the Lodge, Sam stopped Lilu and said, “You know how much I love you, don’t you? That’s never going to change.”
“Yes, but is it enough? Am I not enough, Sam?”
“Of course you are, Sunshine. You always will be. Come here, baby.”
Lilu stepped forward into Sam’s embrace and folded like a house of cards. Her body was practically vibrating as she wept into the crook of his neck. “Sam, please, I can’t lose you. I’ve worked so hard to be with you.”
“Shh, shh, I know. It’s going to be okay, you’ll see. Come on now, we have to tell the others the good news and see what they say before anything else can happen.” Sam wiped the tears from Lilu’s face with his thumb, smoothed her hair, and kissed her tenderly on the lips. It crushed him to see her so devastated. But not enough to change his mind. He hated himself more than a little that this was true.
Everyone in the Lodge was predictably excited to see them, and ecstatic that the Armillary was complete and ready for the next step. That the Hunter was part and parcel to the success story was left out for the moment. That only needed to be acknowledged when they knew who would be getting on the Tiddytwister for that one last ride. All of them wondered at Lilu’s tearfulness, but she spoke little. Sam was the purveyor of most of the news.
Not surprisingly, Vladimir, Walter, and Noel decided to stay behind to run the ground operations of Constellation and process any data they were able to glean from their inter-dimensional travelers. Vladimir was set to serve in a new capacity since the Eye was no longer required to look for Artifacts. “I’ll be taking up the Chair when everyone’s gone to the Unity. Set Constellation’s course for another new beginning. Not my first time at the helm for a crew, but going to take it slow.*”
Very surprisingly, Matteo said no. He cited his aging parents, but the fact of the matter was that he wasn’t that much of a field man. That only left Barrett and Andreja. Barrett was, as one might expect, more than ready. “Look, if this is the ‘are we doing this or not’ talk, then stop right there. We’re doing this. The multiverse waits for no one.*”
Andreja, typically not a joiner, was also eager to try a new universe, for better or worse, because this one hadn’t been kind, and she felt like she could use some Starborn powers of her own. “I am not as afraid as I thought I would be. Stepping away from the world you know can lead to a better place.*”
Sam told them to prepare in whatever way they felt was necessary, and then turned to Lilu. “Let’s talk upstairs.” Lilu felt the dread return, but she managed to hold it together long enough to nod and get up the stairs to Sam’s room. He walked in behind her and shut the door.
“We’re coming up to the end of a long road. Are you ready for what happens next? We might not see each other on the other side.*”
“I don’t know what I’d do if I never saw you again, Sam.*”
“Hey, hey, it’s okay. I know we’d miss each other until the end of time, but it doesn’t mean we’d forget about our time together, you know?*”
Miss each other? Not forget about their time together? What was this, a high school break-up? “Maybe we could stay together a while longer*? You, me, and Cora?” Lilu imploringly suggested.
“That might be okay for a little while, but sooner or later, one of us is going to pull that trigger.*”
“One of us?" Lilu said ruefully. “You mean you.”
“Liluana…”
“Oh, come off it, Sam. Please don’t insult my intelligence. I should have seen this coming. But a couple nights ago, you really had me going with that whole, ‘please love, don’t let it end’ thing. Yeah. That was good. You had me believing it. Tell me, at what other points would this marriage, and the vows and all that, when else would they start to be inconvenient for you?”
“Liluana, I told you from the start that exploring is all I’ve ever wanted to do, that my truest love is the next star, the next new horizon. What part of that was unclear?”
“I didn’t know you meant to the exclusion of human beings, including the one you decided to marry. But in the next universe you’d better be damned sure I won’t make that mistake twice. As a matter of fact, I think I’ll come back here and kill you first.”
“That’s a horrible thing to say,” Sam was shocked. “You wouldn’t do that.”
“Maybe not, but it’s what you deserve before you hurt someone else like this again.” Lilu was crumbling, her emotional agony and her anger coalescing into what felt like hatred, but she knew it wasn’t. It was that impotent rage returned, hurling barbs at any target it could hit. It was the cruelties she’d experienced gathering together to point and laugh at her for daring to hope she could finally be happy.
“I’m so sorry, Sunshine.”
“No! You don’t get to call me that anymore. I’m not your Sunshine. There’s no sun where my heart lives now. And there never will be again for you, mark my words. You’ll never know another happy day again in whatever life you end up with, Sam Coe. This is the fate you’re buying yourself, and that you’re laying upon my doorstep. I hope you have to reflect on that for the rest of eternity.”
“It’s not just about me, it’s about Cora. Cora’s earned this. So… I hope you can understand why I want it for her. No matter the risks. I know people might wonder what kind of father I am for bringing her along, but would you keep your kid from a shot at eternity?*”
“If you’re going to use Cora as an excuse for something you want for yourself, that’s pretty goddamned low, Sam Coe. But today I guess I’m learning just how low of a man you really are. I’m sorry I ever met you. That I ever dreamed about you.” She bolted out of his room and back to hers, where she was building the Quantum Entanglement Device, leaving a dejected Sam alone to his maudlin thoughts.
In her own room, eyes and nose dripping as she tried to contain her grief, Lilu blindly started placing items in the box. A few clothing items that she loved, the RK1M, the photo frame that had pictures of her and Norm, and her and Sam. Her dogtags, save one. A loaded credstick. The drawings from Pilgrims Rest. The Mars Artifact, albeit missing two pieces. She downloaded the schematics to the Tiddytwister onto a slate and threw that in the device. Her best spacesuit, helmet, and boost pack. Everything she’d need to continue her journey, if she returned here.
Once she had calmed down to a point where she could breathe, she looked around, checked the box, couldn’t think of another thing to add, and then went downstairs. Sam, Andreja, and Barrett were all waiting in the foyer, presumably for her. Sam tried to catch her eye, but when he couldn’t, he merely announced, quietly, “I told them about the Hunter being on board.”
“Yes, definitely not what I would have anticipated, but hey, sometimes we have to do extraordinary things to get the sausage made. Ready, Captain?” Barrett queried, and all she could do was nod. He looked between her and Sam, sighed, and held the door for her to pass outside into the New Atlantis night.
Barrett was the only one who was chatty as they made their way to the Spaceport. The group was otherwise subdued. But over the course of the walk, Sam kept inching closer to Lilu until he was able to reach over and take her hand. She stiffened, but didn’t pull it away. And Barrett noticed that by the time they got to the Tiddytwister, Sam and Lilu’s fingers were intertwined. Lilu may have been hurting, but her love for Sam wasn’t going to fade because of anger. Even what she seemed to feel was betrayal.
Lilu went to talk to the Hunter to get any last minute instructions, but all they had to do was make sure all necessary or extra Artifacts were added to the Armillary, launch the ship, and activate the grav drive. The Armillary would take care of the rest.
“And in case you’re thinking of taking the option where you refuse the gift of the Unity, you can, and you can return later, but in your case it’s essential that you go through with it at some point, and the sooner you become Starborn at least once, the better.”
“Why is that?”
“Victor Aiza never explained where he got the calculations for the math behind the Grav Drive. Someone gave them to him. If his future self gave them to him, how did his future self get the ability to go back through space and time? How did the Mars Artifact come to be? I don’t think it’s a coincidence you were headed to Cheyenne one day. Or that it was a coincidence you had dreams about this Sam Coe, whose ancestor made a grav jump out of Cheyenne. You and he together help bring this about, you both need to get to Cheyenne. It will take more than this first jump. You must become Starborn. Humanity’s fate depends on it. Not to add too much pressure,” the Hunter chuckled.
“Great. Well, we’re leaving in a few moments.”
“Excellent. Nothing quite like the feeling of touching the infinite.” The Hunter sat back to wait.
Lilu went back up front, but Barrett stopped her and said, “Sam is waiting for you in the Captain’s quarters. I overheard the Hunter, all I have to do is kick the grav drive in and we go. So why don’t you spend some time with Sam and let me know when you’re ready, okay?”
Lilu’s eyes filled with tears, and she hugged Barrett fiercely. “Thank you, Barrett, for everything.” She ran up into the cockpit and found Andreja and gave her an awkward embrace, then went back and found Sam with Cora.
Cora started to get up, but Lilu said, “No, stay. We’re a family.”
Sam sat up on the edge of the bed, and Lilu crowded into the crook of one arm, with Cora in the crook of the other. He kissed each of them on the forehead before crushing them into a hug. Then, Cora, always being Cora, and independent like a cat, climbed into the front facing porthole because she wanted to see what it looked like to make the jump. She would be fine as a Starborn, even as a child.
Sam took that opportunity to take Lilu into his arms one last time. “I want to be kissing you when it happens. Maybe it’ll help us stay together.”
Their lips met in a kiss so passionate, so vigorous, that Sam pulled Lilu to her feet and clasped her body to him. She locked her arm around him. They were both crying.
“Now?” Lilu asked, through her tears.
“Now,” Sam said, through his.
Lilu reached up to the intercom over the bed and hit the button. “Now, Barrett.”
For a moment, nothing happened. There was just the feel of Sam’s lips on hers one last time as he held her tight. Their tongues touching. The feel of his breath across her face. The taste of him.
And then the feel of it all tearing away. A blinding white light, and stars flying by, pink and golden and purple, free flowing throughout the galaxy, her mind freed from her body, and the beings who had surrounded her with their love and presence were gone. Everything faded to black.
--------------------
LILU, NOW:
Lilu’s eyes opened and she saw a galaxies upon galaxies. And what appeared to be a black ring, circled in fire. There was an astronaut of some kind standing in front of it. She couldn’t see her own body, which was odd. She moved towards the astronaut, and as she got closer, she could see the red hair, the Constellation colors, and realized, it was her. Or at least, a version of her.
“She” turned around to face herself. “You made it,*” Other Lilu said. “I hope you’re enjoying the view. I never get tired of staring at it. Eternity.*”
“You. You’re me. I don’t sound anything like that.*”
“A thought occurs. Can anyone ever truly experience reality outside of oneself? All of time and space filters through a singular perspective. I am as much ‘you’ as you are part of everything. All points connect to here. When a star is born or dies, its existence beats through the heart of this place. The Unity. I have seen all that you are, have been, and could be. Do you feel like you’ve lived a good life? Is there anything you regret?*”
“So wait. Am I dead?*” Lilu felt fear well up inside her. Had she made a terrible mistake? Sam, too? All of them?
“Do you feel dead?*” Other Lilu replied back, sarcastically. Oh, so she was an asshole, too. “You are energy, and energy cannot be destroyed.*”
“I mean, we all have regrets, if we’re honest, anyway,*” Lilu admitted.
“Fair. I wonder what your decision will be, then. In order to become Starborn, you must give the universe one last thing. Yourself. That intangible part of you, that ‘something’ that makes you unique amongst the infinite, will explode like a supernova. A part of you will fuse with the essence of this universe, while another part leaves it behind forever. Do you understand what I mean? This one final leap will change this universe forever, even as you leave it behind.*”
Lilu balked. “The Starborn said I would be reborn. This sounds like death.*”
Other Lilu patiently explained. “Much like death of a star creating new kinds of matter, so will a part of your being become fused with the Unity itself. That part is what becomes Starborn and crosses into the multiverse. Through your eyes, it will be as if waking up from a dream. Walk into the gate of light and you will become Starborn. Everything will vanish, and you will awaken somewhere else. But that isn’t your only potential destiny. You could turn around, walk away from the Unity until the stars fade away, and you will wake up on your ship, in your universe. You could live out the life you have. I have enjoyed speaking to you once again. All of you. Every version that is here in the Unity right now. Go out into the stars.*”
Lilu was at a crossroads. What should she do here? Go through with it, or go back? She was certain Sam had gone through. But there was something in the way he kissed her, she wondered. Other Lilu must have been a mind reader.
“As you consider stepping towards infinity, I offer you a glimpse into what will happen to the universe you may be leaving, as the essence of who you are is spread throughout space and time.*” And Other Lilu went on to explain how the Hunter inspired individual will, how Constellation published works on their discoveries, how Ron Hope’s downfall restored faith in the Freestar Rangers, and the destruction of the Terrormorph species similarly restored faith in the UC.
But then it came down to Sam. Other Lilu said, “Your lover, Sam Coe, eventually chooses to be reborn himself. Your commitment to each other bolsters all relationships in the Settled Systems. Marriages blossom, and more children are born who want to be adventurers in space, braving the unknown with their families.*”
“What do you mean, ‘eventually chooses?’” Lilu asked, perplexed. “Did he go through?”
Other Lilu remained silent.
“Goddammit, did he go through or not?” but there was no reply. All she could think of was the Hunter saying that she needed to go through at least once. And the second piece of the Mars Artifact with the dog tag, would she be offered a second choice?
“What about the second Artifact, the Mars fragment?”
“You must step through the gate of light.”
Lilu gazed at the image of Sam. Everything she knew and loved about this man, she was about to destroy. No… he had destroyed it when he made this choice. He could have said no before they even got on this ship. He had wanted this, now he had left her with no choice but to follow through. She couldn’t stand the thought of staying here without him. She stepped into the gate.
In that penultimate moment, she heard the final words of Other Lilu: “Although you leave this universe behind, a new universe awaits you. Who will you be in this one? What choices will you make?*”
Before Lilu could even consider the answers to this, she felt the rushing pull of her mind being stretched in all directions, all at once. She was alone again, with only the memory of the people she left behind, and she wasn’t sure where she was going to land, if she landed at all. Did she even want to settle or just keep drifting further into the galaxy?
Part of her felt like it was splitting away and it seemed to ask a question that formed in her mind, unbidden: home? She pictured a far different skyline, a city that never sleeps. With direction, that part of her rocketed to some part not unknown to resume another life. She had used two pieces of the Mars Artifact, after all, was this the one with her dogtag? Would it be a version of her heading back to pick up old threads? It would be a marvel if she should be so lucky.
But that part of her was on its own. Something was happening here and now. The core essence and energy of who she was began to coalesce into a cohesive form, and then she felt herself slowing as her cosmic being headed down, down, down towards a new life, a new universe, and new adventures in the Starfield.
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cc: @a-cosmic-elf
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Chapter 30 Song: Visions of a Life - Wolf Alice
The skin on my bones is leather cold
Poisoned my heart beats slow
Fear of crashing and not coming back
I'm a curse to my friends, to be condemned
Mistakes I made and won't mend
Fear of crashing and not coming back
I dream of death, its violent breath
I'm caught with my maker in step
Fear of crashing and not coming back
I could bleach clean my soul, but he knows I know
I'm coming to dine in his hole
Fear of crashing and not coming back
Visions of a life
Where I was satisfied
Feed my hungry mind
Where are you when I close my eyes?
I left this world behind
For the world I'd built inside
Feed my hungry mind
Where are you when I close my eyes?
Why do I feel so strange?
A nuclear family and friends my own age
I follow the rules, do what it says on the tin
But I'm still on the outside still looking in
Why was I born with itchy feet?
And why do I hate all the people I meet?
People's ideals give me the chills to the bone
I got one thousand million friends and I feel so alone
Stay as you are
Everybody likes you
Everybody cares
There's some insight for you
I'll get my coat
I'll be the bitch
I heard that journeys end in lovers meeting
But my journey ends when my heart stops beating
I'm leaving
Stay as you are
Everybody loves you
Everybody cares
There's some insight for you
I'll get my coat
I'll be the bitch
I heard that journeys end in lovers meeting
But my journey ends when my heart stops beating
I'm leaving
Human heart in my hand
Heart in my, human heart in my hand
Taking it back, eyes straight ahead
Cut it in half, better than dead
Human heart in my hand
Heart in my, human heart in my hand
Taking it back, eyes straight ahead
Cut it in half, better than dead
Human heart in my hand
Heart in my, human heart in my hand
Taking it back, eyes straight ahead
Cut it in half, it's better than dead
COE-PILOT 2: COE-LECTRIC BOOGALOO, A STARFIELD LOVE STORY
Chapter 1: Leave A Light On For Me
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READ IT ON AO3 or CONTINUE READING BELOW
7k+ words. Please see tags. No notable TWs. MDNI. In-game quotes from Starfield noted by bold/italic typeface and asterisk. See post-chapter notes for additional Part 2/Series information.
Summary: Lilu has become Starborn, and it has broken her heart. Steeped in regrets for everything she lost by passing through the Unity, she descends upon the Settled Systems again because she doesn't know where else to go. But she does know who she feels is responsible. Nevertheless, she returns to the scene of the crime, where it all started: Constellation.
And there, Lilu finds things are... different. Difficult relationships are easier. Is this what a multiverse is really like? Not an identical copy, but a riff off what she had known before? What else might be different in how the universe plays out over time? One thing that wasn't different: her rage when she sees the one person to whom she can assign the blame for being there in the first place. And is he in for a rude awakening when she gets her hands on him. That's one cowboy heading for a showdown at the OK Corral, and he doesn't even know it's coming.
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LILU, NOW:
Lilu was deep, deep asleep. There had been a dream. Stars, pink and purple nebulae. Glimpses of her father, her mother, her friends. The view from the backs of galloping horses she remembered riding on early mornings. Running, running, running drills with soldiers, running for her life. Blood and pain. Pain and love. Love and pain. And then, it morphed into the dream she always had.
The white room, with white curtains billowing in the breeze from a window she couldn’t see. A bed next to a white wall, white bedding that was plush and deep and pillowy. And a man, asleep on the far side of the bed with his back to her.
It was Sam, her husband Sam Coe, former Freestar Ranger turned explorer with Constellation. It had to be. This vision of him had always appeared to her when she needed him, long before she met him, Somehow even before she had come to the Settled Systems.
She had taken his manifestation in her subconscious thoughts to be a talisman of comfort during some of the worst moments of her existence. Moments where she stopped caring what was taken from her body and just cared about preserving her life. War is hell but a woman taken captive by insurgents as an enemy combatant can face a different kind of hell. Just when her sanity and her world were crumbling, she had this dream for the first time.
And it became a recurring at moments when it seemed needed most. Always the white room, the white bed, and Sam would be there. He would roll over to face her, reach out, and say, “I love you.” That dream brought calm and peace after she lost the person she loved most, right in front of her eyes.
This dream now seemed like the others had gone; all was well, from what Lilu could see and feel. Why wouldn’t it be? She had just gone to sleep, that’s all. Right? Her mind was fuzzy. Or… no. Something else happened, didn’t it? Or did it? She reached out with her hand to touch the back and shoulder that she was looking at, and the man rolled over to face her.
It was Sam, all right, but he seemed exasperated. “I thought you were going to come back to us. Why did you go through with it?”
Lilu’s mouth fell open. What did he mean, “come back?” Go through with what?
Then, a hand on her shoulder from behind. She froze. Who else could be with them? She felt weight on the bed leaning into her. Slowly, tremulously, she rolled over to see who it was and looked into the handsome, square-jawed face of her dead fiancé from Old Earth, Norm Etbauer. Norm, who had died in that insurgent camp in her stead.
Norm was looking straight at Sam. “She went through with it because she has a job to do.” Then he looked down at Lilu. “Hey baby girl. I love you. You’re so brave. Everyone back home is counting on you, no pressure.” And flashed that smile with those dimples.
“Oh, my god. This isn’t a dream, this is a nightmare,” Lilu breathed to herself. And then with a gasp, her eyes snapped open.
She was standing in the long, narrow corridor of a Starborn ship. Oh, no, not them again, she thought. Let me get back on my ship. But the hatch was shut to her. She banged on it helplessly a couple of times, and realized there was no way out. Whose ship was this, the Hunter’s or the Emissary’s? Or someone else entirely?
Then Lilu stopped and looked at her hands. Whose gloves were these? She hadn’t been wearing a heavy spacesuit with plates? Dark gray… She looked down at her legs, and then reached up to touch the smooth plating of the helmet covering her head. What was all this?
She whirled to face the cockpit again, breathing hard, trying to focus. Then she bolted down the narrow passage to the cockpit, but it was all empty. A strange little holographic cube popped up behind the Captain’s chair as she walked up to it. As if it was waiting for her. No one else was on board.
And then Lilu gripped the chair as it all came back to her. She had crossed over from her old universe through the Unity. She had taken all the gathered Artifacts to build the Armillary on her ship and they had spun up the grav drive to activate it. Lilu had stepped into the Unity and left everything behind. Everything. And took whomever still surviving in Constellation with her who wanted to go. Andreja, Barrett, Cora, and… Sam.
She fell into the Captain’s chair and doubled over as the gut punch hit her. Sam. Her Sam. Going through the Unity meant that she had left him, her marriage, and Cora, her stepdaughter. She had become Starborn. And presumably, so had they. They had been with her as it made the jump.
The grief that overcame Lilu was so deep that she wanted to pull the Starborn spacesuit off right there in the chair so she could tear at her hair and scream. Why had she agreed to do it? Why had she let Sam talk her into it? Why didn’t she try harder to get him to change his mind? For her, for Cora, to see the mistake he was making?
And now what was she to do? Start again? Lilu had never been big on the megalomaniacal side of wanting to touch eternity with this whole multiverse thing. She just wanted to be happy. Happily in love with someone who would love her back, someone she could grow old with. She thought that was going to be Sam. She had never been big on the word, “soulmate,” but it fit.
Now she was lost without him. Their time together, the passion they had for one another. It was so intense… how could she go on? Where would she be able to find another Sam…
Hey, wait a minute, she thought, I’m in a new universe. This was a gut punch of a different kind.
Lilu looked at the controls of the Starborn ship. They were in different places, but she was able to find the navigational map. Pulling up the HUD, she saw she was orbiting just outside Vectera. That was… odd. She checked the date: it was May 7, 2330, the same date that she had found the Artifact there in the mines in her original universe, when Barrett had sent her from her job at Argos Extractors there on Vectera to the Lodge in New Atlantis to deliver the thing to Constellation. She was quite literally starting the cycle all over again.
What to do? She had freedom to go forth and do anything in the galaxy. She could be like the Hunter and take what she wanted. She could assume a more ethical approach like the Emissary. There must have been a wide array of philosophies between the Starborn. She was a little surprised and disappointed that there was no Starborn civilization to greet her. After all, someone put her in this strange armor and gave her one of these nifty ships. But that was it. Was she supposed to go looking for them?
Or… she could go back to what she knew. If this universe she had crossed into was potentially history repeating itself, but perhaps with some unique variations because, as she had been told ad nauseam that it was a “multiverse,” it stood to reason that Constellation was waiting for her at the Lodge. And if Constellation was waiting then… he… was waiting.
A quiet resentment bordering on rage bubbled up in her chest as she thought of Sam’s betrayal of their love in her old universe. Lilu set the navigation computer to the planet Jemison in the Alpha Centauri system. She had a few things on her mind. Things that shouldn’t go unsaid. New Sam, old Sam, it didn’t matter. New Atlantis, look out, there was an angry cosmic entity on its way into town.
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LILU, NOW, in New Atlantis:
Landing the Starborn Guardian at the New Atlantis spaceport was nothing short of a sensation. Just popping into orbit created a scene. UC SysDef patrols scrambled around the ship, trying to get a scan on it. But when Lilu obediently complied to their inspection, they let her through to land.
There were credits in the ship’s hold, not a lot, but enough to buy what she needed. There were no civilian clothing items, just a few raw resources and small items. She took the small items to sell if she needed to, and put them in a pack that she slung over her shoulder. It took a moment to figure out where the exit hatch was, and she carefully walked out down the wing. She hated this stupid ship and was ready to return to normalcy.
The Ship Services guy’s eyes were like saucers when he first saw the Starborn ship on his landing pad, then saw Lilu in her Starborn spacesuit. “Uh, that does take regular parts, your ship?” he asked.
“Oh, yeah, of course, but I’m not going to be taking it out. I’m Lilu McLovin, I’m new with Constellation. I’ll probably be heading back out soon. Can you put my ship in storage and have the Frontier brought up?”
"Sure thing, Captain… what was that name again?” asked the Ship Services guy, raising an eyebrow.
“McLovin. M-C-L-O-V-I-N. Yeah, I get it, it’s kind of funny. I’m sure I’ll be seeing you around later.” She hopped down onto the ramp that led through the spaceport, past the scanners, and towards the NAT (New Atlantis Transit), a mag-lev tram that ran in circuits around the city.
As she rode towards the M.A.S.T. (Military, Administrative, and Scientific Triumvirate) District stop, Lilu pondered how she was going to explain her entrance. As the miner from Vectera, sent by Barrett to deliver the Artifact? Except she had no Artifact. The Frontier clearly was at the New Atlantis spaceport, so someone had arrived. Was it her in her “human” form? Was it Barrett and Vasco? Was she in for a shocking surprise when she walked through the Lodge’s door?
Conversely, she could be honest with Constellation. After all, she would save lives by telling them who and what she was. Save them from a Starborn attack, namely from the Hunter. Save them time and effort by telling them what they were building and where it would lead. Save them heartache by telling them not to bother going through the Unity, there was no real benefit that she could see, it was merely an addiction to power.
Stepping off the tram and walking up the ramp out of the station, she pondered the state of herself. She certainly felt human. She could feel the solidity of flesh and bone, and she remembered seeing the Starborn bleed red blood. And plenty of it. She remembered seeing Sarah Morgan’s face in the Emissary’s faceplate, that Starborn being the kinder of the two she had met. Unlike the more ruthless and cunning Hunter.
And she knew that members of Constellation had become Starborn in other universes. Andreja, and Sam, and Barrett, if he hadn’t already been through the Unity before Lilu had made the jump with all of them on her ship. Others, perhaps, like Walter, Matteo, Noel, Vladimir… she had no way of knowing. This was only Lilu’s first time, and it was boggling to think that so many people could fight over a chance to do this yet have no organized support system for when it actually happened.
Instead of turning for the Lodge, Lilu ran to the local clothing store in the plaza just below it. She couldn’t walk in with this alien-like appearance. The stares she had received on the NAT had told her all she needed to know about the reception she might receive walking through the door, announcing herself as a “miner.”
At EIT Clothiers, the salesman seemed to agree a different look might be in order as he couldn’t ascertain if she was actually a “she” in her spacesuit. She selected a plain black dress and boots, changed out of the spacesuit, which folded into a small form to fit into her pack, and stepped out of the booth. The salesman approved, and she was on her way again.
It was just a quick jaunt up a flight of stairs and around a paved path, and she found herself on the Lodge doorstep before she knew it. She apparently didn’t need the chronograph to get in, the door just opened for her. Stepping inside, she saw the doors of the Library were closed, but she could hear the familiar voices.
Lilu could wait no longer. She threw open the Library doors and walked in, excitedly, taking in the scene. Sarah Morgan whirled around to face her, in her light jeans and red leather jacket, trim and pert as always, with icy green eyes and her light blonde hair in a sleek bob. Noel, elegant and pretty with her hair in medium twists, her dark skin smooth and radiant, eyes inquisitive and intelligent. Matteo, with his Sanctum Universum headpiece on, youthful and enthusiastic. Walter Stroud, the wealthy mogul from Stroud-Ecklund, the starship company, looking elegant in his fine, tailored suit. It was just as she remembered when she showed up another lifetime ago, clueless and clutching her Artifact her first time through.
“Excuse me, this is a private Library,*” warned Sarah, looking this newcomer up and down. Then she paused. “Wait, there’s something familiar about you. Vasco, identify.*”
“This appears to be the miner from Argos Extractors. Lost when we were carrying the Artifact from Vectera. Current whereabouts previously unknown,*” the robot intoned.
“I see. Your supervisor, Lin, had sent a file from UC SysDef about you. I read it with great interest. Needless to say I was very keen on meeting you, and I think SysDef would’ve been quite upset had we lost you. But Vasco already delivered the Artifact*, you could’ve gone anywhere with no one any the wiser. So… why are you showing up now?*” Sarah asked.
“I want to join Constellation, go on this journey with you, help collect the Artifacts,” Lilu deftly lied. Honesty could wait for another day. She needed to get her foot in the door and get them to trust her before they heard the truth about her being Starborn, about the Armillary and the Unity. “Barrett sent me because I had strange visions when I touched the Artifact. I… I passed out, I saw… things I couldn’t explain. There were lights, and this odd, harmonic music.”
“That sounds like Barrett’s experience,” Matteo said, excitedly.
“Hmm, yes, it rather does,” Sarah replied to Matteo before turning back to Lilu. “Tell me, how did you feel when you touched the Artifact, besides the lights and the music, and what else did you see?”
“I felt like I was being pulled across the entire galaxy, but stretched thin, like a veil. And I saw… images of a man, a man I’ve never met before. He was trying to… comfort me, I think.” Lilu wasn’t about to mention that the man was Sam Coe, one of their own.
“That sounds somewhat like Barrett’s experience without the embellishment, or the man,” Sarah chuckled. “Well…”
“You really want this… miner… in Constellation? After she got lost getting here?” Walter was openly scoffing now. Lilu looked over at her old friend passing judgment and remembered how she saved his bacon in their old universe. Her lips twisted into a little smirk that she quickly straightened back out again.
“Walter…” Sarah warned.
“She’s here now, isn’t she?” Matteo prompted.
“Exactly. Let’s look at what’s in front of us, shall we? So, if you’re serious… uh, what was your name again?”
“Lilu. Short for Liluana. Liluana McLovin. But I prefer Lilu.”
“Well, Lilu, if you’re serious about joining us, Noel can show you to a room for your use, and then you and I already have an errand to run, as soon as you’re ready to go.” Sarah gestured to the young Black woman who Lilu already knew, but she feigned ignorance.
“Great, it’ll give me a chance to gear up. I’ll be right back down. Oh, by the way, I’m glad to hear you read the reports, they have a lot of important information that might help you determine my utility with Constellation. You can understand why it’s classified, though, ma’am.” The way Lilu said this made Sarah nod. UC SysDef wouldn’t want Lilu’s Old Earth origins being spread around lightly.
Noel gave Lilu the tour of the Lodge just how she remembered it, and showed her to her new (old) room. She frowned briefly when she saw the Quantum Entanglement Device along the far wall, and Lilu’s smile was frozen, fixed on her face. Yes, Noel, it’s always been there, right, just let it go, Lilu thought. But with all the oddities around the Lodge, Noel did indeed seem to let it go. As soon as she was gone, Lilu hurriedly pulled out the items she stored in it before she went through the Unity and donned them or pocketed them as appropriate.
Her clothes, spacesuit, helmet, and boostpack, her RK1M sniper rifle, all of those went on her person. The extra clothes went in the dresser. Her AA-15 was slung on the other shoulder, and a few little bits of flotsam and jetsam went into her backpack or was left behind on the table. The digital photo frame she hid inside a drawer. She was ready to meet Sarah again, who was surprised to see how well turned out she looked.
“I say, you’re rather well kitted out,” she remarked, “That gun is really nice, that’s not standard issue.”
“No, ma’am, it’s not. I know my weapons. It’s in the report. Maybe they sent my extra gear ahead for me?”
“I don’t know how I would have missed them coming in, but perhaps.” Sarah looked confused, then let it go, much to Lilu’s relief. “So, speaking of your ‘utility’ to Constellation, why don’t we start with a little old-fashioned detective work, eh? I have a lead on another Artifact that someone might unwittingly have in their possession, but we’ll have to talk to my contact with the UC Vanguard. We’re going to put you through your paces, and see if this lifestyle is something that suits you. I think you’ll make an excellent fit, but why don’t we let you see for yourself.”
“Well, ma’am,” Lilu began, not wanting to sound too familiar yet, like she would if she were sincerely a stranger, “anything that gets me out of those mines will probably suit me just fine, but I appreciate the opportunity. I’m ready when you are.”
“Right, then let’s head to the M.A.S.T. Building. I expect you know all about that one, before you were sent to Argos.”
So, it’s going to be that easy in this universe? This Sarah actually took the time to read the reports on Lilu, as opposed to the last one who didn’t read them until mistakes and misapprehensions were already made. Maybe this would go well after all.
And so it seemed to be. Lilu and Sarah chatted glibly all the way to M.A.S.T., where they talked to Vanguard Commander John Tuala. Tuala gave them information on one Vanguard Captain Moara Otero, who was known to frequent the Broken Spear in Cydonia on Mars. He was in possession of an unusual piece of metal that he couldn’t hock and was now used as a sort of hood ornament in his cockpit.
The topic of Cydonia on Mars sparked a whole new wave of conversation with Sarah about Earth’s colonization plans for Mars at the time of Lilu’s disappearance from her homeworld. But it killed the time as the two women walked and took the NAT. They continued on to the spaceport and boarded the Frontier, setting coordinates to the Sol system and Mars.
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LILU AND SARAH, NOW, in the Sol System:
It was in Cydonia that Lilu was able to use the gift of Starborn intimidation and foreknowledge to their advantage. The Broken Spear’s bartender, Jack, tried to shake them down for money in exchange for information on Vanguard Otero, who Sarah had already said she knew was on patrol somewhere in the area. Lilu had tried to appeal to Jack’s better nature by saying that they wouldn’t leave a good soldier to die, but no, he decided to be predatory.
“You barely know where he went, we’re not paying,” Lilu dug in, expecting resistance, but Jack gave up the goods.
“Look, he said something about the ‘lady of love,’ I got what I got, okay?” Jack seemed offended but he took the 100 credits Lilu slid across the bar for his capitulation.
“Venus is hardly a patrol route, but we should go check it out,” Sarah suggested.
“I’m game.” Lilu started to head to Cydonia’s exit with Sarah, and they donned their spacesuits, helmets, and boostpacks before heading out into the hostile Mars environment.
When they got outside, Sarah exclaimed, “Look up! It’s Earthrise!”
“Shit… wow. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that before.” Lilu hadn’t landed on Mars that many times in her original universe, but the timing must’ve been off every instance. The view was incredible. How must it have looked when there had been water on the planet?
“No, how would you have?” mused Sarah, and Lilu caught the error she had made.
“You’re right, silly me, I’m still not good at astronomy but I guess I’d better learn.” Nice save, sweetie, she told herself.
Lilu sent the Frontier up and set course for Venus, and sure enough, just like the first universe, the satellite was waiting for them, as were the Va’ruun zealots. Lilu felt the urge to go after them, but she didn’t want to give away too much about her now excellent piloting skills. When Sarah suggested she kill the power behind the major ship systems and drift in dark mode to the satellite, despite the extra time it would take, she did what she was told.
The slow drift over five kilometers was going to take a moment, so Sarah decided that was a good opportunity to ask Lilu some questions about her file. And, Sarah still being Sarah at heart, she went for the toughest material first. Maybe to see if Lilu was a head case.
“I saw that you had experienced some… very serious trauma. You were lucky to have survived. I’m terribly sorry for your loss. Your fiancé. I understand the circumstances, the court-martial because he was your commanding officer. But even though it was by the book, it was still a terrible thing for them to do to you. I went through something similar after a ship I was in charge of went down, and I couldn’t save everyone. The nightmares… How are you coping now?”
Lilu couldn’t raise her eyes to meet Sarah’s. The emotion that hit her wasn’t about Norm anymore, but about Sam. In a way, though, Sam was an extension of coping with the grief of Norm. Maybe daisy-chaining relationships together wasn’t the best of ideas, but her distress had been so great, and her need to cling to someone equally desperate, maybe it had been an inevitability. But she had come to truly believe that what she had found with Sam had transcended anything she’d even had with Norm.
“I’m sorry… if it’s still too difficult to talk about…” Sarah began…
“No, no, it’s okay. I just don’t know where to start.” Lilu tried to think back to how much time had elapsed in her previous universe. How long since she had been captive in the insurgent camp where she lost Norm, trying to recover back home in New York, the PTSD treatment program at the VA hospital in Salt Lake City because her acting out had gotten her into trouble. Then time she spent in Tenino, Washington, trying to rebuild her life, riding horses at a local farm, slowly taking on military and covert assignments again. And finally the day her chopper went through the bizarre, anomalous electrical storm on the way to Naval Base Kitsap, a wormhole through space and time that landed her in the Jemison swamp on Alpha Centauri more than 300 years later. Plus her time with Constellation… and Sam. The trauma with Norm wasn’t truly recent, but new loss made the old pain feel fresh again.
“The loss was hard enough,” Lilu explained, “but it just seemed that every time I tried to pick up the pieces, everyone I reached for just put a new knife into my heart and twisted it. There was no one I could trust anymore. So, I sort of gave up.”
Sarah looked out as the satellite grew incrementally closer. “No one has come close to changing your mind?”
“There was one person I decided to believe in, who I thought truly loved me. But in the end, he saw something he wanted for himself more, and I just wasn’t enough. I’m never enough.” Lilu felt her lip tremble dangerously, and felt rather than saw Sarah looking at her. “Sorry to start my own pity party.”
“No need to apologize. I’m sorry that no one has come forward to make you feel valued like you deserve. But don’t give up. I promise you, someone is out there waiting for a person just like you.”
“Someone like me who curses and shoots and has violent tendencies? What a catch!” Sarah and Lilu both laughed together, and Lilu shook off the maudlin mood as they drew within range of the satellite and got Vanguard Moara’s message: he’d gone to the Nova Galactic Staryard. Lilu set the Frontier on its way.
The staryard was even more of a lark than Lilu’s first time through. Armed with the RK1M rifle, she cut through the Ecliptic and Spacers housed there like butter. She also knew for a fact they wouldn’t find Moara there but they had to go through the exercise. She played dumb as she “stumbled” upon the slate in the half-finished starship hull, a slate where Moara said he was heading to Neptune.
So, they went back to the Frontier, undocked from the Nova Galactic Staryard, and set course for Neptune. “You know, Sarah, in a way, this is sort of a dream. I’m actually out here sailing in a solar system I only knew from astronomy classes. None of this was possible in my time. It’s still incredible to me.”
“I’m glad you enjoy it, you certainly seem to take to it. I think this bodes well.” Sarah seemed satisfied, and Lilu felt that the whole exercise was going to end on a high note once she disabled Moara’s ship.
They cruised the space lanes to Neptune since it was within the Sol System and didn’t require a grav jump. At first Lilu didn’t see Moara’s ship. Was this going to be the first serious variation in her new universe. But no… there he was. She shot a warning, and saw Moara’s ship go weapons hot right away.
“He’s coming for us, your Vanguard. I’ll target the engines so he can’t bolt on us.”
“Smart move, do the grav drive after that,” urged Sarah.
Moara’s ship was quickly disabled. Lilu and Sarah made to board. Resistance was feeble, a couple of Ecliptic that Lilu dispatched with her sniper rifle; Sarah impressed by how neatly she placed shots through their helmets.
And then they were facing Moara Otero, who looked simultaneously relieved and scared. “You two Marines?*” he asked.
“Constellation, actually,*” Sarah countered, proudly.
“The explorers? I didn’t know you all packed such a punch.” Otero looked suitably impressed.
“We didn’t know you were parading around with an important but worthless space relic.” Lilu looked pointedly at the Artifact in the window. “How about we take it as a trade for the rescue?”
“Sounds like a fair deal to me. Any day you walk away from, right?*”
“Grab the Artifact,” Sarah prompted, and Lilu moved fast to snag it before Moara could think twice. They made sure the man was okay to get moving again, and when they got back onboard the Frontier, they radioed UC SysDef to send a boat out for Vanguard aid. And with that, they were triumphantly back on their way to New Atlantis, mission accomplished.
But Lilu tried not to think about what was next. Because if Sarah gave her the choice of missions, sooner or later one of them would lead to Akila City. And one person in particular would be leading that expedition.
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LILU AND SARAH, NOW, at the Lodge, New Atlantis:
When Sarah and Lilu got back to the Lodge, Noel looked up expectantly, and Sarah trumpeted, “We have it!” as the two women strode in, Artifact in hand.
“I’ll let you do the honors,” Sarah gestured to Lilu to place the Artifact on the pedestal with the other Artifacts that had been gathered. Then she continued, “I think that little audition went quite well. How would you like to continue traveling together? There are a few other errands we need to do here to get caught up.”
“Sure, Sarah, that might not be so bad. What did you have in mind?” Lilu braced for impact, and her greatest fear was instantly realized.
“Well, first, let’s meet with Sam Coe. He wasn’t here when you arrived but I thought I caught a glimpse of him in the atrium when we walked in just now. He’s planning an expedition into Freestar Collective territory, he knows it through and through, and there’s an Artifact at the end of that trail.”
“Sam... Coe? Sure, okay,” Lilu agreed, trying to be nonchalant, but her heart was already pounding in her chest. So soon? What would she say? What would she do? He had destroyed everything by pushing to go through the Unity. No, it wasn’t the same Sam that she left behind in the past universe. Yet, how intrinsically different could this Sam... or any Sam, for that matter... really be? Sarah ushered Lilu out to the atrium.
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LILU, NOW, the Lodge, New Atlantis:
The last Lilu remembered of Sam Coe was in her past universe. The love they had shared seemed endless, immortal in its own right. He had told Lilu that he wanted them to stay together forever. “Never let it end,” he said. But when the Unity called, Sam was the first one to want to go through. “We’ll miss each other until the end of time,” he said, but he assured her it had all been “worth it.” Huh, okay, “worth it,” really Sam?
That Sam had told her that he couldn’t deny his daughter Cora a chance at eternity, as a parent. Even though he knew the trauma Lilu had been through, the captivity and torture that both Lilu and her fiancé, Norm Etbauer suffered in that insurgent camp in Syria, how Norm turned a gun on himself rather than execute Lilu as their captors ordered. And Sam had been through every step of the strife and struggle to get his relationship with Lilu to a place of love and trust. They had only recently gotten married. And in the end, he wanted to trade it all for a chance at touching the infinite. It wasn’t just about Cora, he had thrown her in at the end to justify it. Lilu had been furious.
But, right before their ship had jumped to the Unity, not wanting to leave things on a sour note, she had sought Sam out, and they had put their arms around each other. He had told her that he believed they would stay together on the other side, all three of them, himself, her, and his daughter, Cora. And he had pressed his lips to hers as they had gone through, as if by doing that he could will it so. But in the end, he was either fooling himself or he had been lying to her. Both, maybe. It was an act of betrayal she always knew was coming.
So, when Lilu followed Sarah out into the atrium and saw him standing there with his twelve year-old daughter Cora nearby, Lilu felt conflicted for just half a heartbeat. There he was, just as he had been when she had met him in her last universe: Sam Coe. Medium height, medium build, sandy brown hair with its unruly waves, short honey-brown beard, his face with its fine, handsome features, his beautiful blue eyes. The cowboy hat, the brown leather jacket, the jeans that were cut just right. He turned and gave her the full blast of those eyes, smiled at her with those sensual lips she remembered kissing. She smiled back reflexively.
“And you must be the latest poor fool to get dragged into our dysfunctional little family,*” he said, expansively. Just like before. That first half a heartbeat where she could restrain her anger ticked by, and then she was overcome with rage.
Lilu felt her smile freeze on her face, her teeth becoming gritted, the corners of her mouth beginning to turn down as her face changed into an angry, trembling-lipped snarl. Sam’s own smile started to fade as he took in the change in her countenance.
“You son of a bitch…” Lilu growled in a low, menacing tone.
Sarah’s head whipped around to gape at her, Cora broke out into a shit-eating grin, and Sam put up his hands placatingly. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, I don’t know what’s going on but…”
“You son of a BITCH!” And Lilu lunged for him, pouncing on him in a flash, fists swinging, catching him on the jaw, then the solar plexus, then the jaw again. Rocking him, knocking the air out of him, rocking him harder. “YOU SON OF A BITCH!” One punch on the eye, in the mouth, on the ribs, and Sam barely was able to keep his feet under the determined assault.
But Lilu grabbed the front of Sam’s jacket and pulled him to her so she could punch him again. “You son of a bitch! You lied to me. You said that we wouldn’t get separated! You said we’d end up together and we didn’t! You LIED, you asshole. You lied so I would go through with it! ‘Don’t let it end, love. Let’s stay together forever,’ and you fucked up everything!”
By then, Sarah had yelled for help, and Matteo and Walter had hooked their arms under Lilu’s armpits, hauling her off of Sam, who had fallen on his ass. “You fucked it up for both of us. I’ll never forgive you!” Lilu screamed at him like a madwoman through her tears.
“What the hell did I do? I don’t even know you. Holy shit, is she crazy?!?” Sam gasped as he tried to get to his feet unsteadily, blood coming from his nose and mouth. Cora stood to one side, staring at Lilu with amazement, then at her Dad, analyzing the scene.
“My god,” Sarah gasped. “I don’t know… maybe… She experienced a trauma not that long ago.” Turning to Lilu, who had half collapsed into Walter’s and Matteo’s grasp under her armpits, tearful and unseeing, she asked, “Lilu, what happened, does Sam remind you of someone you used to know?”
Lilu hung between the two men holding her for a moment, breathing hard, her hair in her face, then she got her feet back under her again and nodded, not looking up. Through her hiccups, she choked out, “Yes, that’s it, mistaken identity. I’m so sorry, I… I’m really, really sorry, I need to go sit down in my room for a moment.”
“Let me take you,” Sarah offered, and Lilu could only allow herself to be led away. As she went, she could hear Sam say to Walter, “Who is that? What the hell happened? Jesus Christ she hits hard.”
But when Lilu got to her room and closed the door, she grabbed some tissues from the dispenser and cleaned up her face, then she sat down on the edge of her bed.
What did she always tell herself? Honesty is truly the best policy. Lying earlier had been a mistake. Lilu looked at Sarah and leveled with her. It was time to tell the truth.
“I was lying when I said I wanted to join Constellation, unravel this mystery with you*, with the Artifacts, wherever it leads. The thing is that I know where it leads. I’m not who you think. I’m Starborn. I know what the Artifacts are.* And I’ve already done all of this before, gathered all the Artifacts with Constellation in another universe. Let me explain.”
“Yes, I think you had better. At least, so we can both explain it to the others,” Sarah agreed. And they both talked for hours. By the time Sarah Morgan left Lilu alone to rest for a while, she was both incredibly excited about the prospects of Constellation’s missions, and incredibly terrified at the dangers they were facing.
--------------------
SARAH AND CONSTELLATION (minus BARRETT and ANDREJA) NOW:
“You’re taking their word for it? What if this person’s just delusional? Breathed in too many gasses in that mining operation?*” Walter scoffed.
“No, Walter, this proves that some of our theories about the Artifacts are correct,*” Sarah countered. “So, that’s what we’re looking for. The pieces to an Armillary. A path to the center of a multiverse.*”
“This is either the truth or the most elaborate practical joke I’ve ever witnessed.*” Walter was still not convinced.
“In any event, we’ll be able to see for ourselves. We know where most of the Artifacts are now, and presumably, how we get them. And if what she’s told us about the Starborn is to be believed, we’ll need all the help we can get.*” Sarah turned towards the intercom where Vladimir was listening in from the Eye, Constellation’s satellite orbiting Jemison. “Vladimir, I’m going to have Lilu check in with you, cross reference what she’s told us with what you’re picking up on the scans. She can track down the Artifacts that the Eye finds while we gather the others.* Plus we have to get Barrett and Andreja.”
Sam interrupted, “Sorry for only thinking about myself, but did she say anything about why she attacked me? I’m not sure I buy the whole ‘mistaken identity’ thing.”
“Sam, I wasn’t exaggerating or making excuses for her when I said she was highly traumatized. I did see the file the UC SysDef sent over. Starborn or not, that’s still the human being she was. I can’t get into detail because it’s classified, but what happened to her is not something you just get over. It’s far worse than what happened to me. Probably than what happened to most of us. Something triggered her here today. I don’t know if it’s about you specifically or not. It’s up to her to talk about it when she’s ready.”
“So, sleep with one eye open. Got it. Remind me to ask for a raise due to dangerous working conditions.” Sam looked sullen.
“If she’s as pretty as Matteo says she is, Sam, there are worse ways to die,” Vladimir joked over the intercom, drolly, and everyone laughed, except for Sam.
“Anyway,” sighed Sarah, back to business, “Everyone who’s heading out on their own, head out. If you’re partnering up, please make your preparations. I’ll be sending Lilu up to meet Vlad as soon as she’s awake.”
“You wouldn’t think an extra dimensional being would need to sleep,” grumbled Sam as he headed for the Lodge door, calling down to the basement for his daughter, Cora, who accompanied him everywhere.
Sarah never realized that the arrival of one person could set the whole of Constellation alight like this. If she had realized Lilu had been a catalyst in her last universe, maybe it would have all made sense. As it stood, she was satisfied to let it happen and hope that the universe was telling her that a grand mystery written in the stars was unveiling itself at last.
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LILU, NOW, at The Eye:
When Lilu awoke, Sarah told her that she had dispersed the members of Constellation to pursue Artifacts that Lilu had given the locations, and that Sarah was hoping that Lilu could track down some others that Vladimir had coordinates for, if she would be so kind to visit the Eye.
At least this was something for which Lilu needed no instruction, and she agreed to return to the Lodge as soon as she was finished. Plus, she confided in Sarah, she was excited to see her old friend Vlad, and tease him about his biceps.
Sarah found herself relaxing a bit more with this little detail. Vladimir was into lifting weights and fitness, but he didn’t advertise the fact (unless examining him physically got that point across). The fact that Lilu knew this little bit of trivia made Sarah believe that Lilu truly knew him, and all of this wasn’t some outlandish hoax.
Lilu docked the Frontier at the Eye and Vladimir scrutinized her with friendly curiosity. “If it isn’t the woman I’m supposed to know from another side. That was some meeting to listen in on. Starborn, are you? Anyone who doesn’t charge into a room swinging is a friend in my book. Well, at least not swinging at me. Poor Sam. Anyway, tried crossing all the ‘T’s’ with the information you unloaded to Sarah and the others. I’ve got good news and bad. Good news is the Eye’s found what you’re looking for. Bad news is they’re not in the places you said they’d be.*”
Lilu stopped short. “Why aren’t the Artifacts where they were last time?*”
“By ‘last time,’ you mean your ‘last time,’ right?*” Vladimir asked. “Thinking if it’s really a multiverse, then maybe the Artifacts aren’t always in the same spots.*”
“Hand me the locations, I’ll track them down.*”
“Here’s the data. Managed to find a planet that might have one of those Temples you talked about, as well. Can probably find more Temples if I have enough time to cross-reference. Come back when you’ve given the first one the thorough comb.*” Vladimir smiled warmly at Lilu. “Catch a smile out there.*”
Lilu boarded the Frontier and punched in the first set of coordinates. She had a little work to do before she could return to the Lodge, and that was fine by her. She needed some time to think. She had behaved foolishly, attacking Sam like that, but she wasn’t sure how to behave, or if she could find enough peace within herself to be calm around him. The pain of what had happened with the Sam of her prior universe was just too real, too intense.
But she had to try to get control over herself and her emotions. The Hunter had hinted that she had a bigger part to play in manipulating the Unity over time which, in turn, could influence the past, as in the exodus from Old Earth. If any of this was remotely true, and if her dream coming out of the Unity was an indication of that, she couldn’t be undone because she lacked the discipline to master her anger. This could be the most important job that fate had assigned her yet.
But what Lilu didn’t know was a new and lethal threat loomed over the Settled Systems, yet to reveal itself. One whose immediacy would override the esoteric hunt to open the doorway to the infinite. She had warned Sarah to keep her classified file quiet, but that pesky “fate” had other plans for her. Of all the universes to land in, the one where being a time traveler from Old Earth might become relevant would turn out to be the unluckiest lottery draw.
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cc: @a-cosmic-elf
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Chapter 1 Song: Afterlife - Nothing But Thieves
Afterlife
Oh, what a terrible thought
'Cause I've lived without you once before
We don't, we don't have to do this again
Please don't, please don't make me start this again
No my love
Your beauty will consume me in the end
It was only ever you
It was only ever you
My baby
It feels like a lifetime
Oh god, I don't think I could do two
Afterlife
You can tell your god he can keep his salvation
And if you like, the angels can fly into the sun
We don't, we don't have to do this again
Please don't, please don't make me start this again
Yeah
It was only ever you
It was only ever you
My baby
It feels like a lifetime
Oh god, I don't think I could do two
My soul is tortured
With love and lust and hate
My cracked lips are unkissed
For a million days
My infected heart
It's bleeding in its cage
I'm losing my dignity
But not got long left to wait
It was only ever you
It was only ever you
My baby
It feels like a lifetime
Oh god, I don't think I could do two
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Please See AO3 for Complete Chapter Notes:
Coe-Pilot: The Space Between Us, is Part 1 of these Starfield Love Stories, and in terms of video game spoilers, covers the main Constellation questlines up to the ability to go through the Unity, as well as the Freestar Ranger and UC Vanguard-Terrormorph questlines (but not the Crimson Fleet).
Coe-Pilot 2: Coe-lectric Boogaloo will make the assumption that the reader is familiar enough with those questlines or at least understands that gathering all the Artifacts creates an Armillary on one's starship that, when the grav drive is activated, allows the passengers the opportunity to pass through "the Unity," a gateway to an infinite multiverse and thus to immortality where they become the Starborn, quasi-cosmic beings. But because the Starborn are constrained to a multiverse, they often repeat the a different dimension of the same time period in which they lived. The story picks up with Lilu's emergence from the other side of the Unity, and a new universe in the Settled Systems.
Trying to serve cunt but then I walk Sam through the Tesla pylon and he gets mad while we snap, crackle, and pop
Ouch.
Shooting up the scaled citadel.
This is three different characters. A level 119/Unity VI (big Lilu), a level 75/Unity III (shits and giggles Lilu), and fanfic Lilu McLovin lvl 43/no Unity yet. Big Lilu is Lilu McLovin's stunt double for fanfic pics. I have thousands of hours in the game, between Xbox and Steam. But who knows how many of them have been spent taking photos, and decorating ships and outposts. Starfield is a cozy game (among other things) and I will die on that hill.