story of my life. @a-lonely-me - Tumblr Blog

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"Blackest Day", "God Knows I Tried"- Lana Del Rey

I swear to God, when she releases a new album at least one song from it, I feel like is written directly towards me, it’s all the shit I can’t say. I relate so much to both of them. And maybe my drunkenness is adding onto this, but when I heard the lyrics… “looking for love in all the wrong places, oh my god" I fucking lost it. I couldn’t stop crying because I literally am doing the same exact thing and it’s shameful to realize so. It’s not even just with other people, it’s with substances, it’s with money, and I feel like I’ve lost myself. Oh my god. Sometimes I think it’s fun, sometimes I think it’s freeing. Sometimes I think this is what living is all about. And other times my reality sets in, like now, and I’m like holy fuck, oh my god. What am I doing. What have I done. I’ve lived my life through a blackout since my birthday, I keep making jokes about it. But I can’t remember many things. Still, I’ve never felt more alive and happy, all the chaos in my life makes me feel alive and what comes from it makes me happy in some fucked up way. It’s so confusing. Everything is so confusing. So many things in my life are so confusing, I can’t even begin to make sense of it all. I fucking can’t. I feel like I’m in a lucid dream, some things I can control but other things, they just feel so dream like. Oh god, they feel so dreamlike.