A Pianist's Musings

Life, Music, Romance, Spirituality,

[youlovetoseeit]

Unrealistic

[marshmalleaux-queen]

[a-pianist]

When I was 8 years old, my parents made a life-altering decision. They decided to homeschool me, it wouldn't be until my freshman year in high school that I would return to the outside world, as it were. I certainly wasn't alone as my brother was also homeschooling with me as was my cousin. Anyway, the details and impact of my homeschooling days aren't the point here.

Thinking back to my K through 2nd years, I only recall vague memories, some names, some faces, but it's all fragmented. On facebook, I recently stumbled on my 2nd Grade teacher's profile. Her face is recognizable, still wearing the same warm and welcoming smile I associate with her memory. I can hear the tone of her voice, and feel the safety and kindness she offered our second grade class (if I remember correctly, there were 36 of us). Other than that, I don't remember much else. I just remember her as the last school teacher I would have for awhile and how she made me feel as a member of her little 2nd grade family that year (1999).

It's a recurring theme in myself. I'm prone to forgetting many details over the years, but I vividly recall impressions - the emotional residue left in my spirit by people who fade in and out of my temporal existence. And in this case it was a positive recollection and I'd like to think she played a part in coloring my decision to work toward becoming a teacher and thriving in a school setting.

[a-pianist]

There's no such thing as good people. Only people who attempt to be good and are momentarily successful. In the final analysis, people are, have been, and will always be f*cked up.

[a-pianist]

Your views on life are niave.

And you, my friend, can't even spell "naive" correctly. What do you find to be the issue with my views?

[a-pianist]

Resisting the Urge

I gotta accept that it's not my problem to fix. Not everyone gets my values, nor do I understand everyone else's. Such is life - dark, twisted, impossible to consistently comprehend.

And that's why humanity was gifted with music and booze.

[a-pianist]

Fundamentalist religion and rigid, far-right republicanism kills brain cells and destroys souls. F**k it all! Let it die and burn in hell! (p.s. also f**k identity politics on the left and right. victim complexes get us nowhere as a country. let's stand straight and face issues head on. f**k safe spaces. Life inevitably damns us all, so let's just fight tirelessly and not hide. Let's have uncomfortable and respectful conversations and not censor ideas. Everything should be on the table.......I f**kn need another drink.)

[official-alto]

im so delirious i found this on facebook and read it as yeet and now this is the funniest thing in my life

i can’t play this,, YEET

[a-pianist]

Attachment - the single, most catastropic thing that will kill my soft, cheesy heart.

I'm hopeless, but hey...more fuel for my insane musical expression.

[a-pianist]

Melancholic Musings

Humanity is invariably disappointing. That's a given. I've grown accustomed to maintaining a healthy level of pessimism to curb my expectations in life. But I intentionally keep a lighter external persona, and I willingly exude a relatively positive outlook and hope people feel I have faith in them. It doesn't matter how true that optimism is. I sincerely want to believe. I just know that such belief is oftentimes fruitless.

All things pass. Even what seemed most constant falls. The winds of fate hold nothing sacred.

May this be just a chapter, not an end.

[rain-tea-coffee]

[a-pianist]

Life is just a collection of opportunities for suffering.

Nima Hamidi (an acquaintance)

[a-pianist]

Stay Stong.

Stay Positive.

Stay Stubborn.

Stay Persistent.

[a-pianist]

Obscure Sorrows V

Competition isn't really in my blood. But, I fear that life in my area of study might penalize me for not being competitive. Sterile perfection and an imposing technical presence seem to trump personal warmth and poetry. I feel like I might only have the latter half. Will it be enough?

[a-pianist]

This is a vulnerable and volatile period of my life, full of doubt, pain, and suffering. I am desperately seeking the feeling of "I can do it...it is within reach..." and for some unfortunate character to piss all over that process. Why?! You insensitive, heartless, cold witch. To disrespect me and my friends and the efforts we have strived to keep up....I hope you're happy. No one likes you. You have reputation of being the demon teacher who abuses students and traumatizes them to the point of suffocating their artistry. I have kept a 1 year streak of being kind to your ass. I hoped that my soft temperament would have some effect. But no. You are incorrigible. The damage is done. You pitiful shrew.

[a-pianist]

Obscure Sorrows IV

How do you tell someone you love, respect, and are grateful for…that what they do for you isn’t enough and they are not helping you reach your goals?

[a-pianist]

Desperate Hopes

Think only of where you're heading, not where you are at this moment. It can and should only get better...eventually.

[a-pianist]

Obscure Sorrows III

Wanting to punish yourself for not feeling enough.

Ironic isn’t it? You already feel bad and you want to even harder on yourself.

Hopefully, this irrepressible, persistent drive to make it somewhere leads to better things.