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Day 43: The Recruit seems to be adjusting well to the Resistance
Some kind of Gingerrose AU: Rose coordinates a spy in the First Order. When he is compromised, Hux comes to the Resistance and Commander Tico is determined to prove he can still be valuable to them alive…
Summary: (sequel to day 6) Inuyasha was never good at finding the right words. But during misunderstandings, a man had to do what a man had to do—even if it meant fumbling like hell while talking about his feelings.
Read on AO3
Read below the cut
Kagome awoke to the sensation of her head being gently lifted off the ground. Her eyes clenched tightly before opening, and she was surprised to find that it was still nighttime. Inuyasha was there, looking down at her. He’d placed her head in his lap, supposedly to make her more comfortable, and he’d accidentally woken her up in the process. She couldn’t tell what time it was.
“Hey,” she whispered, stretching languidly before adjusting for her own comfort.
“Hey. Sorry for waking you up,” he mumbled.
She blinked up at him and gave him a soft smile. “It’s alright. Couldn’t sleep?”
He brushed her bangs out of her eyes. “No more or less than usual.”
“Hmm.” A typical Inuyasha answer.
“Go back to sleep. It’s barely past midnight.”
“Will you?”
“I’ll do my best.”
Kagome wondered passively if something had happened. She was viewing him from upside down, but she could nonetheless see something timid in his furrowed brows, something somber in his gaze. His fingers were still in her hair.
“Is everything okay?” she mumbled, eyes growing heavy again.
“Yeah,” he said after a moment, as if he’d really thought about it. He grabbed her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing her palm. “Promise.”
…
When Kagome stirred from the brightening sky, she found that Inuyasha had gone again, and her head had been returned to her sleeping bag’s cushion.
She sat up, popped her back, and found that the others were only just then stirring, too. Inuyasha was nowhere to be seen.
Sango was repacking her things when she realized Kagome was awake. She greeted her with a smile, but she could tell there was still a hint of regret underneath it. “Morning, Kagome!” she chirped. “How’d you sleep?”
Kagome stood and began to roll up her sleeping bag. “Not bad. And you?”
“Just fine.”
Miroku was fully cognizant now, and he began by emptying his money bag counting up their current funds. “Morning, everyone,” he said groggily. “Where’s Inuyasha?” he asked.
Sango turned to look at Kagome expectantly.
“Don’t look at me," she defended. “I don’t know where he went.”
Sango’s eyebrows lifted in surprise. “You don’t?”
Kagome slipped her a look of warning, indicating Miroku with her eyes. “No. Why would I know that?”
Sango mouthed an “Oh!” and covered her mouth with her hands.
Shippo, always the last to rise, moaned sleepily from under his blanket. “I wonder if he came back at all last night.”
Hmm? What does he mean by that? Kagome wondered, slipping her skirt over her sleeping shorts before sliding the latter down her legs. She had a whole system by now for changing clothes without exposing herself.
“Did he go somewhere?” asked Sango.
“I dunno,” shrugged the kit. “I got up to eat a snack a little after we all went to bed, and he was gone.”
Kagome felt a rock forming in her stomach.
Miroku, surprisingly the voice of reason, said, “He’s probably just scouting the area. I doubt he’d go far.”
“Yeah,” affirmed Sango, who was watching Kagome warily. “It’s probably nothing.”
“Right,” Kagome affirmed, proud of how her voice didn’t shake even a little bit.
With that, they kept collecting their things—until Shippo’s stomach growled so loudly all three of the others could hear it.
“What do we have for leftovers?” asked Miroku.
Kagome, who was usually in charge of storing their food, shuffled through her bag. “Hmm. Not too much, just—”
Thud.
The sound of two heavy feet planting on the ground behind her cut her short, and she staggered to turn around.
“Inuyasha!”
Such an unnecessarily dramatic entrance, she thought, shaking her head at him. He had a spear-full of fish slung over his back.
“Sorry—took me longer than I thought. You alright?”
“Am I alright?” she sputtered, blushing at his rolled up sleeves despite herself. “You’re the one who went missing. Tell someone next time, will you?”
“Keh,” he grunted, turning away from her to prop the spear against the nearest tree and start a fire. “Good morning to you, too.”
Kagome bit her tongue. There had to be at least a dozen nice, fat trout—maybe it was wrong to jump right into criticizing him. She came to squat next to him.
“Sorry,” she said. “Thanks for fishing for us.”
His golden eyes reflected the growing embers he was nurturing, and he leaned down further to bring his lips close to their source and give it a soft blow. “No problem,” he said, brows furrowing in focus.
Well, that settled that, she supposed. Kagome still suspected something had happened the night before, but it was a relief to know that he’d only been at the river that morning.
The team ate their generous breakfast and began their trek forward.
It was hard to know what of his behavior could be considered normal, considering they’d grown closer in a rather specific way lately… but at the very least, she knew that yesterday he’d been more amorous than sweet—and today, it seemed the other way around.
Not ten minutes after their departure, he pulled her bag off of her back and slung it over his own shoulder. Later on in the day, he momentarily halted their journey to chase the smell of blueberries, which he knew were a favorite of hers. Finally, and perhaps most alarmingly, she found that he had at some point pulled a pink flower from a bush and tucked it in her skirt’s pocket. How he had done so without her notice, she couldn’t guess.
With each kindness he offered, her mood only grew more dour. Maybe that was why he kept doing such things; perhaps he sensed that she was upset. But with each failure to lift her mood, he, too, became agitated.
The others in the group noticed the growing tension, and when they stopped to set up camp for the night, they mostly kept to themselves.
When Inuyasha attempted to unroll and flatten her sleeping bag for her with a scowl plastered to his face, Kagome finally snapped.
“What’s with you today?”
He dropped the sleeping bag onto the dirt gracelessly and stood to glare at her. "Me? What’s with you?"
Sango, who understood better than Miroku and Shippo about the nature of this argument, decided it would be smart to usher them out of the way for now.
“Miroku, Shippo—let’s go buy some herbs in that town we passed by!” Her tone was awkward and entirely forced, but the two boys didn’t need to be told twice to get out of there. Before they took off on Kirara’s back, Sango met Kagome’s angry gaze and gave her a wary smile.
And then, they were alone.
Inuyasha, hardly noticing the others’ fleeing, stormed toward her and spat, “I’ve been breaking my back all day for you, and you’re pissed off about it?”
Kagome glowered at him, not quite ready to speak.
“I thought you wanted me to be more affectionate," he snarled, the final word tangibly unnatural on his tongue.
She almost lost her resolve right then and there. He looked genuinely lost—and she knew it’d be cruel to leave him in the dark any longer.
She raised her chin. “You saw her last night, didn’t you?”
Inuyasha’s expression answered for him. His mouth snapped closed, and his eyes widened. Then, he turned his hardened face from hers. “She summoned me.”
“...And that’s why you’ve been so nice to me today,” she stated absently, as if making an obvious observation about the weather. “Because you feel guilty about it.”
That seemed to liven him, at least. “N-No—! That’s not it at all!" he cried, bringing his hands to her shoulders.
She looked away, fighting the simultaneous urges to clench her fists, to shove him away from her, and to bury her face in his chest and cry.
“Kagome, please listen to me. It was reconnaissance—nothing happened," he insisted, voice hoarse.
“Reconnaissance. Right. At midnight?"
His eyebrow twitched in frustration. “I can’t control when she calls me.”
But you can control when you answer, she wanted to say. But she knew she’d only hate herself more for feeding such bitter thoughts—and she feared that he might hate her, too.
Kagome sucked in a mouthful of air and released it slowly. “I know…” she started, still not meeting his gaze. She cleared her tight throat and tried again. “I know it’s hard for you, traveling with me. You know, since I remind you of her…”
Inuyasha’s eyes narrowed at her words, and he realized in an instant what she was doing.
She was giving him an out.
“…I can’t blame you for feeling confused.”
“Kagome…” You’re wrong, he thought. He cursed his own weakness in finding the right words to say. She turned her back to him and lowered her gaze to the ground.
…
“Inuyasha.”
The voice was cool, and calm.
His own features became solemn, as they always did when he was with her.
“Kikyo.”
She extended her hand to him, but when he came to stand in front of her, he kept his own hands at his sides.
She didn’t say anything about it—only let her pale fingers fall like snow from the sky. “You’ve retrieved some shards since we last met,” she observed.
He nodded his head once. “We’re getting closer.”
“Indeed.”
A soul collector slithered a lap around her frail frame and delivered a small ball of light to her chest. It made him sick. With disgust, with sadness, with disappointment, with pity. It was almost too much—but he clenched his jaw and waited silently for her to speak again.
“Tell me…” she began, and he found that there was a seed of guilt within him that he feared she could sense. He straightened his spine.
There was no reason to feel guilty about how he was changing. If any part of her had ever truly loved any part of him, then surely— surely she would understand.
“Do you still intend…?”
She didn’t have to finish. Her eyes had grown sad, and he wondered how she’d found out, and when. Maybe she could sense it lingering on him—Kagome’s spiritual power. He wondered if it was on his clothes. On his tongue.
Or maybe, he realized, she had known for a long time already.
“I will avenge you,” he said firmly. “Don’t doubt that.”
Kikyo was becoming almost ghost-like, one day at a time. He knew she hated it, too—living only on the combined fuel of the lost life-force of the dead, a stolen shard of another soul, and a resurrected bloodlust for her own vengeance.
“I see,” she sighed. “Well, until next time, then.”
…
Kagome was there—right in front of him, unmoving—but she was slipping away.
“Kagome,” he said again, tone growing desperate. He shook her slightly with the hands that were still on her shoulders, and she finally—finally returned his gaze.
This was her biggest insecurity. They both knew that. Kagome hated it more than anything, but that didn’t make it go away. She felt tears prickling at the edges of her vision, and she dug her fingernails into her palms to dull the pain.
He was growing distressed—with her, with himself, with the whole damn situation. Still gripping her shoulders, he tugged them backwards until his back hit a tree. He pushed her down to sit with him, and he pulled her between his bent legs. She didn’t resist, but she didn’t fall into him, either. She sat there, on her knees, and kept her hands in her lap.
“It’s alright, Inuyasha,” she said. “I do understand.”
“No—you don't. Listen to me,” he urged. But he didn’t go on.
“…I am listening,” she affirmed, confused by his hesitation.
“…”
“…”
"Damn it! Why am I so bad at this?!” he swore at the sky. Then, he flashed his teeth at her before finally blurting out, “You think you remind me of her?”
Her eyes widened as she watched his face grow heated.
“You think I like you because you’re some kind of replacement?”
Well, she’d never actually use those words, but…
“You two are nothing alike! Yeah, I mistook you for her the first time we met, but I didn’t know you then. Everything about you is… ugh—! Why can’t I explain it?”
His display was growing increasingly pitiable, and she raised herself on her knees to place her soothing hands on his cheeks. “Inuyasha, calm down. Just breathe and talk to me. Don’t worry about saying the wrong thing, just—just speak.”
It felt so much better when she was looking at him. She was in reach again, and he leaned down to rest his forehead against hers. He filled his lungs with her scent, exhaled, and tried again:
“...Softer,” he grunted.
She blinked. “… Huh?”
But shockingly, Inuyasha seemed pleased with his word, and he grabbed her hands with excited fingers and held them to his chest.
“That’s it," he said, eyes twinkling in some twisted kind of relief. “Everything about you. You’re softer.”
Her color rose. “Um, Inuyasha… I don’t really know what you mean."
He shuffled his weight on his butt like an antsy child. “Kikyo, she’s—she’s always been so firm. Like a frozen lake. Beautiful, yeah—but if I touched it, I’d either break it or make it dirty. And you’re like… ah—" he growled, apparently at another impasse.
He went another direction. “You don’t even really look like her anymore, you know? Your faces are similar, but your bodies aren’t. You’re shorter. Your hair is curlier. You have more color to your skin, but in a good way. Her eyes…” he tossed some words around in his mind and continued, “…they’re like steel. Yours are…” he trailed off yet again, and his eyes flicked back and forth between hers, as if they would hold the answer. “Storm clouds.”
His hands squeezed her wrists, and Kagome’s fingers tangled into the red fabric at his chest. Her heart was pounding, and not just because of his proximity; his look had grown wild. She wanted to say something, anything, to get him to stop, but her mind was blank.
“I could never be happy with her,” he said finally, and it came off of his tongue like an epiphany, like he was learning it at the same time.
She found words, then. Even she was surprised by what they were. “When everything is over, and we’ve restored the jewel—what are you going to wish for?”
It was a terrible question; at least, it had always seemed like one. But it sounded so small now, so simple, and she was angry it took her so long to ask.
He pondered for a moment, then said, “When I was with her, I’d planned on using it to make myself fully human.”
Kagome listened with her entire heart. “Why?”
He tilted his head, as if surprised by her confusion. “I thought that was what I had to do to be with her.”
Kagome’s brows furrowed in pain, and she freed one of her hands to brush her fingers along his cheek.
He went on: “Then, after everything went to hell, I planned on using it to make myself a full demon. I wanted to be as far away from her as possible, and I thought that was the best way to do it.”
This had still been his plan when they met.
“And now?” she breathed.
His lips quirked into a half smile, and he let her question charge the air around them. “What would you want me to do?”
She tightened her grip on him, scooting closer to shout right in his face, “I’d want you to stay a half demon!”
He smiled fully with half-lidded eyes and rested his head against the tree trunk. “I know,” he said softly, pulling her into his arms. “And that is what makes you different. Not just from Kikyo—from everybody.”
Tears welled in her eyes, and she hid her face in his neck. “You promised her that you’d be together in the afterlife.”
He brought a hand to cradle the back of her head. “And the greatest gift she could give me would be to let me do that by being with you.”
Sometimes, he did find the right words.
“I’m sorry, Inuyasha,” she mumbled into his skin, trying not to blubber. “I didn’t know you felt that way.”
“Keh. Maybe because whenever you don’t have a stick up your ass, I’ve got a foot in my mouth.”
And sometimes, he didn’t.
Kagome pulled away to wack him on the shoulder. “Hey! Not nice.”
She was fully in his lap by now, and they both seemed to notice at the same time. That reminded her…
“I’ve got another bone to pick with you,” she scolded, wiping her silly tears.
He rolled his eyes, but his hands came to her hips. “What?” he drawled.
Kagome collected her hair into one hand and brought it to one side. “This,” she said, angling her head to show him where he’d bitten her. “Sango saw it.”
He closed his eyes in dismay. “That probably wasn’t fun to explain.”
“No, no it wasn’t.”
“I didn’t mean to, you know,” he defended. To punctuate his words, he brought his mouth to the spot and gave it a soft kiss. He kept his lips on her skin as he said, “It’s your own fault.”
“And how’s that?” she laughed.
Twisting to the side, he lowered them to the ground.
He let his left arm serve as her pillow and brought his right hand to her waist, beneath the fabric of her shirt, and groped at the curve there. “Like I said,” he muttered, lowering his lips to hers. “Soft.”
Her entire body felt like it was on fire. His thumb was tracing the skin of her ribs, and she sighed into his kiss. She tugged him down to lay on her fully, and she found his weight deliciously pleasant. His hand began to roam upward, and her heart was in her throat. Is he going to…
But at the last second, before his claws met her breast, he redirected his pointer finger to trace down her abdomen—
She flinched. And, simultaneously, she giggled. Their eyes met, and she saw him lift a brow. Kagome pleaded with him wordlessly, too afraid to make any sudden movements.
His fingers twitched.
“Please, don’t,” she whined.
But he had already made his decision. All too suddenly, he was tickling her sides and stomach, and she began to thrash and grab at his hands while shaking in laughter.
“S-Stop! Don’t make me say it!” she shrieked, hardly threatening, and he tore his fingers away from her skin. He braced his forearms on either side of her head and watched her catch her breath.
Inuyasha chuckled to himself. “And that’s another thing: only you let me bully you like this.”
“Oh, so you just like that I let you be mean to me, is that it?” she growled, panting.
Lowering his head, Inuyasha brought his lips to her ear. He traced his tongue along its curves before biting the lobe softly. “Does it really feel like I’m being mean to you right now?”
Though not quite calmed, Kagome’s eyes had fluttered closed, and her fingers dug into his back. “…I guess not.”
“I can bully you even harder, if that’s what you’re into.”
Inuyasha whimpered when she flicked him hard on the forehead with an unamused glare.
